words in movies
[Scene: A beauty parlour, Rachel is getting a manicure while Chandler, yes Chandler, is getting a petticure (Does that scare you that I know those terms? Well, it scares me.).]
Chandler: Y'know, I can't believe I'm getting my nails done! And you said it was gonna be fun! (pause) Which it kinda is. Also, you said there would be other guys here. There are no other guys here!
Woman: OH MY GAWD!! (Yep, you guessed it. Its Janice.)
Monica: Didnt it drive you crazy to have a switch and not know what it did?
Joey: I know what it did! Nothing.
Monica: They wouldnt have put it there if it didnt do something! How can you not care?
Joey: Sure! It flushes it.
Rachel: Okay, good. Now that since you know, when you come over would you mind actually using it?
Joey: And there it is.
Chandler: Bye. (Finally closes the door on her.) (After its closed) I cant stand the woman! (Phoebe is shocked, Joey is relieved.)
Chandler: Dont worry about it. Im taking care of it tonight. (Chandler opens the fridge and grabs something to drink.)
Chandler: (standing in the door of the fridge) Well, I dont have to break up with her this time. Were not involved! Im going to do a pre-emptive strike! Im going to end it with her before it starts. My ass is like frozen! (Closes the fridge.)
Joey: Yeah, try sticking it in the freezer for 20 minutes. (They all look around and then back at Joey.) Im tellin ya!
Ross: No, its really not that bad. I mean, I-I for one, feel perfectly safe.
Ross: Oh, Liam. So uh, what, were you guys playing soccer or somethingor should I call it (In an English accent) football?
Janice: Oh, too soon, too schmoon. Face it honey, I am not letting you get away this time.
Chandler: But I do know that its some time tomorrow.
Monica: This switch thing has been driving me crazy. So I turned it off and checked every outlet. Now, four of them dont work. Which means, one of them has to be controlled by the switch. So, I plugged in things in all four of the outlets that-that make noise, so that way, when I turn it on I just follow the noise and find out which one it is.
Monica: Yeah, well, Im using noise. Okay. All right! So, is everybody ready? Here we go. (She flips on the switch and a hum starts.) I hear something! I hear something! Where is it? (They all start looking until Rachel realises its Joey.)
Rachel: Its coming from Joey!
Phoebe: Ooh, hey, could we put on the news? I think it might be raining.
Chandler: Im only going to pretend Im moving to Yemen, its the only way I can get rid off her.
Janice: (leaning in from the bedroom) Chandler! Come on, Im gonna show how to roll up your underwear and stuff it in your shoes. Its a real space saver.
Phoebe: Yeah, I know, I do that cause it makes me look taller.
Ross: Hey, I can handle it! All right?
Joey: (pointing to the TV) Okay, Ross, look-look-look-look, look right here. Thats called a scrum, okay? Its kinda like a huddle.
Joey: All right, come on look, Ross can take care of himself! Its not like hes Chandler!
Phoebe: Whoa! (The player leaves and to Joey) I kinda liked it.
Ross: Come on! The time we were all waiting in line for Dances With Wolves and that one guy cut in line in front of us and I just lost it?! Screamed at him! Turned all red! Red Ross!!
Emily: Liam, do me a favour. Tell the lads to go easy on Ross, its his first time.
Liam: You dont say! (We see Ross who is hopping about with the ball and spikes it in his face.)
Rachel: You are not going to believe it! Joshua came into work today, and guess what happened?
Janice: On no! No! Its not good-bye, Im not leaving until you get on that plane.
Chandler: Okay. Then I guess its just, wait here then. (Hands her the sign that says, Wait Here.") (To the ticket agent) Hi. I need one fake ticket to Yemen.
Phoebe: No offence but, yknow sometimes its hard to understand you, yknow with the accent, so
Ross: All right, bad ankle, got it!
(Rachel rips off another one, revealing another hole. Rachel then moves onto a third one, but this one doesnt have a hole underneath it.)
(Rachel looks at it and then throws it away. She then removes a fourth one, revealing a third hole.)
Monica: I just thought that if I could follow the wire I could find out what it did.
Monica: No. It disappears back there behind that baseboard. For a minute there, I thought it went downstairs.
Monica: But it didnt. Say hello to Mrs. Chatracus.
Ross: Oh no! That-thatll just bring me down! This was great! I mean I-I-I was great! This is a great day! Yknow what? Im buying everyone coffee. All right? If someone would just grab my wallet, its in my pocket.
Ross: No, not you. (Emily gets it.)
Ross: Please! Are you kidding? I-I hurt three huge men, I gave a guy a bloody noseI mean I-Im not proud of it but, I really am. And its all because of you, wonderful, amazing you.
Ross: Its worth the pain. (She goes to hug him again.) Yknow what, you know what? Its not.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachels, Monica has finally given up on her search to find what the light switch does and is now flicking it on and off aimlessly.]
Monica: All right. The super couldnt figure out what it did. A $200 an hour electrician couldnt figure out what it did. Ive had seven pretty serious shocks. I officially give up.
Monica: I guess Joey was right, it does nothing.
Phoebe: See? Im doing it. I am totally doing it. (Suddenly it stops working.) I lost it.
Alice: Oh no-no, never say that. If we cant get it out then we can cut around the stain, add a little lace, you make a stylish throw.
Ross: Oh, you like it? You wanna know where I got it?
Monica: Noo!! The point is that is was you that was there that night! It is you that I am marrying! It is you that I feel in love with!
(She does so and it makes her look pregnant.)
Chandler: (starts crying) I-I cant believe Jills gone. (They all look at him.) I cant help it, I opened a gate.
Chandler: So Dan, nurse not a doctor huh? Kinda girlie isn't it?
Chandler: No! No! I support you 100%! I just didn't, I didn't get it right away. Y'know now I'm caught up! Identical hand twins! It's a million-dollar idea!
Joey: And it is a love that is based on having and giving and receiv(Shuts up on Monicas glare.)
Joey: Look, Ross, really its-its no big deal. Yknow you wear a white coat, I wear a blue blazer, if that means we cant be friends at work, then so be it. Yknow, hey I understand. Yknow? Hey, when Im in a play and youre in the audience, I dont talk to you, right? So its yknow, its uh, its cool. Ill see you tomorrow. (Leaves)
Phoebe: No it's just that I got this new pager and I have it on vibrate. See ya!
Rachel: Yeah, yknow what? Dont look at it. (Realizes the display is their living room) Seriously, dont look at it. (Tries to pull Phoebe away.)
Rachel: (gets it) Oh. Yes! I would so move out!
Ross: I got it at Pottery Barn!! Okay?!
(He goes to the bathroom and Phoebe puts some pepper and salt on her food. With the salt she takes a bit and throws it over her left shoulder as she faces us.)
Monica: Dont worry about it.
Rachel: Oh, you guys are gonna have so much fun! She's at such a cute age. Oh, a couple things. Now that she's eating solid food, she poops around the clock. And watch out for your hair, 'cause she likes to grab it. And oh, she's also in this phase where if you leave the room, she screams bloody murder, but ah... Thanks, you guys. Have fun!
[Cut to Central Perk, to the theme from The Dick Van Dyke show Joey runs into Central Perk carrying a stack of Soap Opera Digests and falls on the step. He does bounce right back up making it all that much funnier.]
Joey: Well, when its not right, you know it.
Rachel: It was like months ago. We were walking by this antique store, and I saw this pin in the window, and I told him that it was just like one my grandmother had when I was a little girl. Oh! I can't believe he remembered!
Chandler: Oh yeah, that�s what she says. But maybe you�re not ovulating at all, maybe it�s just a clever ruse to get me into bed.
Monica: That didnt work on mom, its not going to work on us.
Ross: (showing them the page) Here, check it out. Its the first one, too.
Monica: (Obviously enjoying this setback) Ugh, I guess it got sent to the billing address as opposed to the shipping address. (by now she can barely keep herself from smiling) Uh! What a pickle.
Monica: Oh, I know. I know. Hey, you know, you can take it if you want! The lease is still in Nana's name.
Chandler: Okay! (Stands up) This is it! (Claps his hands) We're gonna get married!
Monica: Oh, its so beautiful. Ohh! Yknow, I-I dont know if I feel right about this.
Ross: No, its my joke, its mine. You can call them, theyll tell you.
Ross: Its my joke.
Ross: Look, it was accident! Okay? I-I feel bad that it happened, but I swear, I didnt even watch it! Anyway, here. (He takes the tape out of his coat pocket.) I thought you might be more comfortable destroying it yourself. (Tosses her the tape.)
Chandler: Its my joke.
Joey: Lets go watch it at your place.
Monica: (relieved) Its only you.
Ross: Oh my God its just like I dreamed it!
Rachel: All right, fine, but dont get mad at me. Its-its just a little hard to believe.
Estelle: (Looks confused) Let me start over. I just got a call about an audition. I think you can still make it. It's down at the Astor Theatre and you need to have a monologue prepared.
MONICA: No forget it, I'm not gonna tell you now.
Phoebe: Yeah, its in the guys apartment under the sink. Why?
Monica: Its wrong. You know what else is wrong? Phoebe picking Rachel.
Monica: Its coming from the living room.
Phoebe: I guess it was kinda funny.
The Casting Director: (entering) Okay uh, we have narrowed it down to Raymond, Ben, Kyle, and Joey. The rest of you, thank you very much.
Rachel: All right, thats it, you guys! What happened out there?
Phoebe: Yes. Once. Yeah, a little. He kinda did it to himself. It's not really a good story.
Joey: You got it.
ROSS: Ok, well then get some sense. I mean it took you what, 10 years to get that job, who knows how long it's gonna be till you get another.
Chandler: There it is! So what're you gonna do?
[Scene: Richards bedroom, Monica has covered it in rose pedals and candles. We hear Richard come in to the apartment, and Monica frantically throws the rest of the pedals on the bed, and jumps onto the bed and puts a rose in her mouth, and bites a thorn.]
Joey: See, now its weird again.
Ross: Its my joke.
Monica: All right Rach, for what its worth, I think that youre doing great. I mean yknow lets face it, no one handles this well.
Ross and Chandler: Its my joke.
Mr. Treeger:: Ahh, forget it! Ill never be any good at this, my mom was right, Im just a big potato with arms, and legs, and a head.
Monica: Wait Chandler come on, letsits not a big deal!
Ross: Its your joke.
Tim: I I-I dont know, but I would say its pretty good-o. (Phoebe laughs too hard.)
Rachel: Yeah! Its an apothecary table. Does anyone even know what an apothecary is?
Phoebe: (singing) "Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap. Asked him to bring my friends all kind of crap. Said all you need is to write them a song. They haven't heard it, so don't try and sing along. No, don't sing along.
Monica: Oh my God, it was the best funeral ever! I mean, everyone loved the food, and guess what? I even got another funeral for tomorrowthe dead-guy-from-today's best friend. I mean, it is like I am the official caterer for that accident!
Ross: Hey uh, well, todays my first lecture and I kinda wanted to try it out on you guys, do you, do you mind?
Ross: (I can't make it out.) The uh, your hair, before, your hair, you said you thought your looks like an 8-year-old's, and I'm just saying I like it. The hair.
Dr. Green: (interrupting him) I know!! Its a museum! What, youre the only one around here who can make a joke! At least mine was funny. Ah, waiter, we will have two lobsters and a menu. (nods at Ross, and mouths I dont know to the waiter.)
Chandler: Quick! What time is it?! (Holds his watch in front of her face.)
Joey: I can't write! Y'know I mean I-I-I'm an actor, I don't have the discipline that takes, y'know? I can't do it.
Phoebe: Never mind, I got it.
Ross: What, you didnt get it? The doctor is a monkey.
Chandler: Phoebe if it helps Alexandra has only been massaging Monica for like three years. (Phoebe rolls her eyes and walks away and Monica glares at him.) If! I said, "If it helps!" (Goes to the bedroom.)
Rachel: I don't know. I don't know... I thought about it all the way there, and I thought about it all the way back... and, uh, oh, you guys, y'know, it's Ross. Y'know what I mean? I mean, it's Ross.
Fireman #2: No, there was an appliance left on in the bathroom. Its looks like a curling iron.
Joey: Oh yeah! For every dollar Shutter Speed makes, one penny of it goes right in Joey's pocket.
Monica: Yknow, no point in dragging it out. Dragging out the long process of you moving out and us not living together anymore.
Joey: Yeah, yeah. Its like my chance to give something back to the acting community.
Rachel: Its a truffle. Its got all of these layers. First theres a layer of ladyfingers, then a layer of jam, then custard, which I made from scratch, [Joey and Ross make impressed faces] then raspberries, more ladyfingers, then beef sauteed with peas and onions, [Joey and Ross look like somethings wrong.] then a little more custard, and then bananas, and then I just put some whipped cream on top!
Phoebe: Is it okay if I leave this stuff here 'til Rachel's birthday party?
Phoebe: Yeah I mean its probably nothing, but I just wanted to warn you that there might be something there.
Joey: Its been a while, huh? Wow, its funny these halls look smaller then they used to.
Joey: Yeah, not it here it isnt.
Monica: Look it is not my fault that your chairs are incredibly ugly!
Ross: Yknow what? Maybe, Mrs. Green, its not absolutely vital that you live with us.
Jill: Well okay, if it means that much to you, then Ill ask him out.
Joey: But it really
Joey: What? No-no its her birthday!
Janine: I was just coming over here to apologize for my behavior! Id really like it if we could be friends.
Chandler: So youre just, kinda rubbing it on yourself?
Chandler: Its nice.
Monica: Fine, Ill rub it on myself.
Rachel: Well, I-I dont like it.
Rachel: Its kinda slutty.
Jill: Its yours!
Rachel: Oh yes, its me! Sorry!
Monica: Oh my God! We love that show! I mean Ross and I have been watching it since I can remember!
Joey: Check it out, Giants-Cowboys. (He has a pocket TV)
Joey: You wanna make it 6?!
Ross: Uhh, it was okay. Yeah, it was fun.
Joey: Oh, it's easy. Yeah, I-I can do it with anything. Watch uh, (snaps his fingers and in a sexy voice) Grandma's chicken salad
Monica: I am going I'm going--Turn it over! (Rachel rolled onto her stomach and Monica rolls her back.) I'm I am going to get these drops in your eyes. (She is holding Rachel down with both hands and has the eyedropper in her mouth.)
Ross: O is for "oh, wow!" The V is for this very surprising turn of events, which I'm still fine with by the way. E is for how extremely normal I find it. That you two are together. And now one day you might get married and have children of your own.
Rachel: Yeah do it now, call right now.
(She grabs his arm and drags him over to a table where three beautiful women are sitting. Now, Im going to go out on a limb and say that their names are Stephanie, Karin, and Meg. Okay, so I looked at the credits. Of course, only Meg is named later on, so Ill have to guess who is Stephanie and who is Karin. But, well cross that bridge when we come to it.)
Phoebe: Come on. It doesn't taste bad.
Joey: No! Its not okay! Its not okay at all!! Youre dead inside!!