words in movies
Monica: Okay, the reason why I asked you guys out to brunch today is because I have been doing some thinking about who should be my maid of honor.
Rachel: Oh my God! This is it! (She and Phoebe hold hands.) (To Phoebe) I really hope its you!
Rachel: Okay, bla-bla-bla-bla!! Who is it?!
Phoebe: Wh-why is that the best part?
Chandler: (looking at the tape) Joey, this is Die Hard 1 again.
Ross: Dude, you didnt say Die Hard. Is everything okay?
Chandler: No, see the thing is I want to get out of here before Joey gets all worked up and starts calling everybody bitch.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is bringing Rachel some coffee.]
Phoebe: Because this one is now! And-and its two of our best friends! Who knows what youre gonna marry!
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Die Hard has ended, only I dont think Joey and Ross know that yet. As you see, they are both asleep. And theyre on the same couch. Which means theyre sleeping together. Not like Joey is at one end and Ross is on the other, they both happen to be lying down and sleeping together. Well, there hasnt been any clothes removed so not that kind of sleeping together. Not that theres anything wrong with that. That is unless youre a Republican in which that kind of thing will bring about the downfall of Western society, especially if they should happen to want to get married. Anyway, let me recap. No, there is too much, let me sum up. Ross and Joey are taking a nap together on top of each other and both wake-up at the same time, realize what they just did, scream, and jump up.]
Ross: We fell asleep! That is all.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica has just gotten back from brunch and is telling Chandler about it.]
Chandler: Well, is there any chance you were looking into a bright, shiny thing called a mirror?
Chandler: Well, lets see (Finding the picture he wants.) Okay uh, is that her? (Pointing to the picture.)
Monica: Oh my God yes! Who is she?
Chandler: Well, you know what they say, elephants never forget. (Monica is not amused by that statement.) Seriously, good luck marrying me.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is entering, Rachel and Phoebe are already there.]
Rachel: Phoebe is gonna be Monicas maid of honor!
Phoebe: See? This is exactly why you shouldnt lie!
Rachel: Oh, come on! This is crazy! Cant we just flip a coin?!
Ross: Wow, this cologne really is every bit as good as Georgio.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is approaching the bathroom door behind which Chandler is using the facility.]
Chandler: Okay, I will do it. But I have to warn you; this may make me a better person and that is not the man you feel in love with!
Joey: Okay, all right, this is how its going to work. Were gonna give you hypothetical maid of honor situations and you will be scored on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the highest.
Ross: No, 10 is the highest.
Joey: Why is 10 the highest?
Ross: Because its the highest. (Joey shrugs his shoulders) Okay, Rachel youre up first. (Rachel stands up and gets ready.) Situation No. 1: Youre with Monica, the wedding is about to start when Monica gets cold feet. Go! (Joey is playing the part of Monica.)
Rachel: Look Monica, getting cold feet is very common. Yknow, its-its just because of all the anticipation and you just have to remember that you love Chandler. And also, I ran out on a wedding. You dont get to keep the gifts.
Joey: Were now in the ceremony, Monica is about to say, "I do" when her drunk uncle starts yelling. What do you do? Go!
Ross: It is time for you to give your maid of honor speech.
Rachel: Thank you. Thank you very much. Umm, Ive known them separately and Ive known them together and-and to know them as a couple is to know that you are truly in the presence of love. So I would like to raise my glass (Grabs a glass and holds it up) to Monica and Chandler and the beautiful adventure they are about to embark upon together. I can think of no two people better prepared for the journey.
Chandler: You-you-you didnt know that. (Pause as she nods no.) Well, I guess my work here is done!
Chandler: Look you have to realize I dont think of you as a thin, beautiful woman. (Monica glares at him.) See this is one of things that I can apologize for later! Look, what I mean is youre Monica! Okay? And I am in love with Monica.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there as Rachel enters carrying a shopping bag.]
Rachel: Here is a book of poetry that I know Monica loves. And-and ohh God this is funny, look, this is a picture of one Halloween where she dressed up as a bride. (Shows Phoebe the picture.) And look, she made me carry her train, which was weird because I was Wonder Woman. Oh and heres a little purse that I found. (Hands her the purse) Yknow I just thought that maybe they could hold the rings in there.
Phoebe: This stuff is great!
Phoebe: Its fine. I mean, this is something that youve been thinking about since you were what, 14? (Shes referring to the Halloween picture.)
Phoebe: Well, we just decided that Rachel is gonna be your maid of honor.
Joey: Look, Chandler I dont think us getting our asses kicked is a solution. Okay? Just go and find Monica!
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.]
Monica: Y'know what really bothers me? Isit's how-how different you act around them! I mean y'know the throwing the tennis games, the fake laugh, the "I'll see you around, Bing!" "Not if I see you first, Doug!" (Mocks the fake laugh.) I gotta tell you, I don't like Work Chandler. Okay? The guy's a suck-up.
[Scene: Filming a scene from the movie. Joey is dying on a gurney, Van Damme is looking over him.]
Joey: Is there anything we should know about the apartment?
Monica: Joey, I left my watch on the counter last night. (Goes to the counter) It was right here, where is it?
Monica: What is that?
Helena: (To Monica) And who is your friend?
Chandler: Yeah, listen, how cold is it going to be there? Do I need a coat or will all these sweater vests be enough? (Holds up 3 of them in different colors.)
Rachel: Well of course that is what Im here for!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is writing letters as Rachel enters.]
Ross: Is uh, is Monica here?
Rachel: Yeah! (She puts on her coat and turns around and sees Ross is expecting her to help.) (Laughing.) Are you kiddin'?
Rachel: Okay. Phoebe, I-I think Ross is right. What are we gonna do?
Rachel: That would be great! Wait, how long is Denise gone for?
Richard: Well yeah, Im sorry. I know this is the wrong time and the wrong place but I had to tell ya! I wanna spend my life with you. I wanna marry you. I wanna have kids with you.
Monica: Ross! That is so sweet of you to get Phoebe that bike! When I heard the story, I almost cried.
Phoebe: Yeah. (Looks.) Oh, thats gone too. This is Monicas bathroom right?!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is coming in from the bedroom]
Phoebe: Then yes that is what Im having. (Takes another puff of the cigarette.)
Phoebe: Hey, do you think this is why Chandler took off?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Ross is just hanging up the phone as Rachel and Phoebe enter.]
Carol: Is it a good sign that they asked us to hang around after the audition?
Rachel: Yeah, it's kinda like a 'good luck on your first day' sort of thing. (to Phoebe) Is this actually a lunchbox?
Ross: So this is your office?
Ross: That is an old, Chinese woman!
Phoebe: Oh my God! Is that him? (She points at someone.)
Ursula: Oh. No, no, he is so smart. He'll figure it out. (Offering to share her food) Do you want some chicken?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel is still trying to stall Monica.]
Catherine: Actually, he is buying a much bigger place. It's got a great view of Central Pa.....
Emily: (on answering machine) Hello Ross? It's Emily. (Rachel runs back into the room with the tequila.) I know this is out of the blue but uh, I'm getting married tomorrow. Well, maybe I am. I keep thinking about you and I'm wondering if-if we made a mistake giving up so fast. Are you thinking about me? Of course you're not, but if you are, call me tonight. Okay, bye.
Rachel: Well, wait a minute! The puss is good! It means it's healing! (Runs after him.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is eating breakfast as Rachel enters having just woken up.]
Rachel: Joey! The wedding is in less than an hour!
Rachel: Someone? I brought people. Mr. Thompson, this is Phoebe. Phoebe, this is Mr. Thompson. (She introduces them.) Hes the head of my department.
Phoebe: Oh! Here it is! (Noticing it next to the door.) Ooh, Joey! Why did you sign it, "Son of a bitch?" (Son of a bitch is written across the entire picture.)
[Scene: Lamaze class. Susan is there. Each couple has a doll, for they have just finished learning how to change a diaper. As Ross rushes in, stepping on the Rostins pretend baby, squashing its head flat. It bleats, in protest. He performs emergency surgery, then hands the doll back to J.C.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is entering and arguing baseball with Erin. Phoebe and Rachel are already there.]
Monica: Hey, the point is that he was at everyone of your swim meets and he was there cheering you on! Okay? Thats a, thats a pretty great dad.
Joey: Ooh! A tape with a girls name on it. It's probably a sex tape... (realises) Wait a minute... This says Monica... (looks around) And this is Richard's apartment... (realises some more)
Richard: Is that my ass? (Hes looking at Joeys.)
[Scene: Mr. Geller's birthday party. Monica is in the bathroom and Richard comes in.]
Mr. Bing: Our little boy is getting married.
Ross: Huh. This is nice.
Chandler: You look beautiful. Is this new? (Her dress.)
Monica: (To Chandler) Who is this?
[Scene: Rosss apartment, Phoebe has moved in and has a massage client on her table shes set up in the living room. Ross enters and is shocked to see a naked man lying on the table.]
Ross: (grabbing a notepad and sitting down) All right, we'll start off slow. The only thing you have to do tonight is come up with the name of your main character.
MONICA: Rachel, it's a world where Joey is a neuro-surgeon.
Joey: This is crazy! Hey look, I wanna switch to Rachel!
Transcribers Note: This is stuff we never saw from all of the seasons, so for all of the scene settings I will be using the current arrangements. Even though some of the out takes take place when Chandler was living with Joey and Rachel was living with Monica, when Joey and Chandler were living in Monica and Rachels, and the current arrangements.
[Scene: The Days of Our Lives producers office, Joey is entering to find Terry there.]
Ross: Okay, Im sorry, this is insane! I-I-Im not addicted to heroin, Im not gay, and there is no problem with my ability to consummate anything! Look, Ill consummate this marriage right here, right now!
Rachel: No, its not gonna be okay Ross, tomorrow is my last day, and I dont have a lead. Okay, y'know what, Im just gonna, Im just gonna call Gunther and Im gonna tell him, Im not quitting.
Courtney: It is one of those days!
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe is talking. It looks like when Rachel and Monica lived in this apartment.]
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Joey is talking to Monica and Chandler.]
[Cut to Central Perk, first season Monica is talking.]
Joey: Hey and, this is a little extra something for yknow, always being there for me.
Joey: Okay, the next situation is for Rachel. The wedding is about to start you walk into the back room and you find Monica taking a nap with Ross. (Ross lies on the floor.) Ill be Monica. Go! (He jumps down and cuddles up with Ross.)
Joey: (To Phoebe) Oh and uh the guy who got the Paris trip is at table four.
Monica: Emily has probably been planning it since she was five! Ever since the first time she took a pillowcase and hung it off the back of her head. Thats what we did! We dreamed about the perfect wedding, and the perfect place, with the perfect four-tiered wedding cake (Starting to cry), with the little people on top. (Ross gets thrown a box of Kleenex from the bathroom and he gives her one.) Thanks. But the most important part is that we had the perfect guy who understood just how important all that other stuff was.
[Cut to Central Perk, same as before Joey is entering.]
Mike: Mom, dad, this is Phoebe. Phoebe, these are my parents: Theodore and Bitsy.
Rachel: Oh come(Stutters)Of course I know that. I mean of course you never leave a baby alone! I mean who wouldshe wouldnt be safe as she would be with me, the baby dummy. Oh God, okay. Yknow what? I think opening the presents right now is a little overwhelming right now. So I think umm, Im just gonna maybe open them a little bit later, but thank you all for coming. And for these beautiful gifts, and this basket is beautiful.
Dr. Green: Stay calm?!! How do you expect me to stay calm?! This is unacceptable Rachel! And I wanna know why?!! Is it because that punk Ross wont marry you?! Thats it! Is that it?!
[Cut to that same kitchen, only this is The One With The Proposal, Richard is telling Monica something.]
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, The One Where The Monkey Gets Away, Rachel is watching a soap opera with Marcel.]
Phoebe: And you... Your home is lovely.
[Reset, Joey is about to pour more booze on.]
Rachel: Okay. NowWhat is my first line?
[Cut to Carol and Susans apartment, from next weeks episode Rachel is talking to Ben.]
Rachel: Okay, now what was that all about? Is it-does it not taste good? Let me try it.
Mr. Zelner: Its kind of a risky joke Tag, and what is-what is this drawing I cant figure out what this is?
(There is a knock at the door. Someone turns the music off, then the whole party runs and hides, except for Monica and Rachel who answer their door. Ross stands in the doorway, holding a box, but everyone is too keyed up to notice that it's him.)
(She runs to the bathroom, while Chandler starts acting like a chicken in front of Emma. Emma is silent, however.)
Joey: All right, I have one question. What is the deal with this? (Imitates Ross's 'quiet down' maneuver, but does move his hands up and down he just flaps his hands as if he's waving good-bye.)
Ross: (shocked) You dont have a valid drivers licenseOkay that is it! Pull over right now!
PHOEBE: OK, no. For your information I'm going to see him so I can put all those feeling behind me. OK, and the reason I'm dressed like this is because I think it's nice to look nice for your gay husband.
(David is laughing.)
Ross: Yes, yes it is. In prison! Whatsa matter with you?
David: That is too much!
Joey: Oh my God! Is that why you guys had to get married?!
Message: (Phoebe's voice) "Hello. Th-this is the pigeon from the balcony calling to apologise" (they all turns to look at Phoebe) "I sh.. I shouldn't have knocked the tickets out of the pretty lady's hand. It-it was all my fault. Not hers. Bye. Coo."
Ross: Look, face it, my father is not going to pay for the build-in barbecue and believe me you can kiss you gazebo goodbye. Now I might be able to get you the new lawn.
Rachel: (To Joey) Do you even know who Kip is?
[Scene: The Movie Set, Joey is walking up to the director, pleading with him to let him go.]
Phoebe: It is.
[Scene: Another street, somewhere along the River Themes, Ross, Emily, and Monica are walking to where theyre gonna get married. Emily is relating the troubles with the caterer.]
Rachel: Oh! (They smile and the picture is taken.) Oh by the way?
Monica: Oh that is so sweet!
Phoebe: Is it Ross? Its Ross isnt itOh my God, its Joey!
Phoebe: Yeah. Thats fine. Thats fair. Is it Tag?
Rachel: Yeah! Guess who walks into my office is the end of my story. (To Monica and Phoebe) It was Ralph Lauren! (Monica and Phoebe gasp) Ralph Lauren walked into my office!
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers bathroom, the scene is continued from earlier.]
Rachel: Yeah, yknow what? Dont look at it. (Realizes the display is their living room) Seriously, dont look at it. (Tries to pull Phoebe away.)
[Time lapse. The band is finishing another song.]
Monica: It was soo amazing, he is so sexy, and smart, which makes him even sexier. Oh gosh, I gotta so you this. Last night, we were fooling around and he stops to write a poem.
Monica: This is so huge.
Monica: Of course not nothing is. Between me and you