words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone except Phoebe is there. Bonnie is telling them of her sex-capades.]
Chandler: Tell it again. (pause, we see Rachel is not amused.) Seriously.
Rachel: (to Monica) I mean is that woman capable of talking about anything else but sex?
Rachel: That is so cool.
Phoebe: I know! So this woman probably could like have all kinds of stories about my parents, and she might even know like where my Dad is. So I looked her up, and she lives out by the beach. So maybe this weekend we could go to the beach?
Chandler: Why is that so funny?
(She is wearing this giant straw hat, the brim on it must be at least, least foot wide.)
Monica: Whats with all this sand? (picking a handful of sand off of the floor, which is covered in sand)
[Scene: Phoebe Sr. house, she is a real estate agent and is trying to sell a house over the phone. By the way, its still raining outside.]
Phoebe Sr: Well, yes, its kindve an unusual house. It has umm, three beautiful bedrooms and ah, no baths. But y'know, the ocean is right there.
[Scene: The beach house, its still raining. Chandler is building a sand castle, Rachel is doing Monicas nails, and theyre all drinking margaritas, obviously bored.]
Joey: (getting an idea) Hey, y'know what a really good rainy day game is?
Joey: Hey, you know what naked card game is never boring?
Phoebe: Ohh, I think she knows where my Dad is.
Monica: Oh well, where is he?!
Ross: Okay, come on! (blows on the dice) Daddy needs a new pair of electromagnetic microscopes for the Prehistoric Forensics Department! (They all look at him, and he shuts up and rolls the dice.) (he moves his piece) Okay. (reading a card) Take Pinky Tuscadero up to Inspiration Point, collect three cool points!! Yeah! Which gives me five, and lets see who is gonna lose their clothes. Ummmm, I think I pick our strip poker sponsor Mr. Joey Tribianni.
Rachel: (reading a card) Okay, your band is playing at Arnolds, collect three cool points. Which means, I have five, and that means I get Joeys boxers!
Monica: I think Ill help her out. (She gets up to go over and help Rachel, and reveals she has no pants.) (to Rachel) What is going on here?
Rachel: (pause) He is, isnt he? I dont know, I dont know, I mean maybe its just being here at the beach together or, I dont know. But its like something... (shes interrupted by the sound of Bonnie entering)
Ross: Hey! (Rachel is shocked) Hi Bonnie!
Rachel: (entering) Well! Is everybody else having just the best time?!
(Joey is sleeping on the floor and is buried in sand that has been carved into a mermaid complete with breasts.)
[Scene: The porch, Bonnie is coming back from swimming, Rachel is reading.]
[Scene: The beach house, at night. Phoebe is hangs up the phone, and gently pushes one of the stools over.]
Phoebe: Yeah, she clamed she had to go out of town suddenly. Shes avoiding me, she doesnt want to tell me where my Father is. She knows, and she wont tell me.
Phoebe: Well, shes out of town so, theres gotta be something in her house that tells me where my Father is.
[Scene: Outside the beach house, Ross is coming out to talk to Rachel.]
[Scene: Phoebe Sr.s house, Phoebe is breaking in through a window.]
Phoebe: Umm, okay, okay, look. I took this picture from your fridge. Okay, because I know that this is my Father. Yeah, this is Frank Buffay and you are standing right there next to him. Now, look I deserve to know where I came from. All right? So if you can help me find my Father then you should! Otherwise, youre just mean! (pause) So, just tell me the truth!
Phoebe Sr: All right, the man in the picture is Chuck Magioni.
Phoebe: My Father is Chuck Magioni?
Phoebe Sr: No, no, thats just Chuck Magioni, I-I sold him a house last year! And Im very sorry, but I dont know where your Father is, and thats the truth.
Phoebe Sr: But umm, youre right. I think that a person should know where they come from. Wh-which is why I ah, (pause) ahh, (pause) okay. Im your mother.
[Scene: Outside the beach house, Ross is telling Joey and Chandler what happened with Rachel.]
Chandler: There is not one hair on that head.
[Scene: The hallway between the bedrooms. Ross is coming upstairs and stops between two doors. He looks at the one on the right, then he looks at the one on his left, thinks about it, and goes in the one on his right.]
[Scene: The beach house, Chandler is simulating hes coming to pick up Monica for a date. Chandler knocks on the door, and Monica answers it.]
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Ross is still going on about his first night with Carol.]
PHOEBE: We were just wondering if Chandler's girlfriend is a girl.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Cassie is eating dinner and Ross is pacing behind her because of what shes eating.]
Joey: Okay, uh Pheebs, quick. Look! This (His video camera) is for the babies to look at someday, so is-is there anything you want to say? Y'know before it all starts?
[Ross looks up as if saying that Joey was weird. He begins flipping through the pages, only to find that they are sticky. So one page is overlapping another, making two recipes look like one.]
Rachel: All right look lady here is the deal, I came here for an annulment and I am not leaving here until I get one!
Joey: (to himself) Man, this is a long drive! Are my eyes open? No! (He opens his eyes and sees a hitchhiker.)
RACHEL: Okay, now that is the third time someone has said something like that to me today.
Rachel: Look, If I dont get to London!! He is going to marry that other girl!!!
RACHEL: Oh my God this is sooo humiliating. I think the only thing that tops that was, was, was when I was in the eight grade and I had to sing the Copa Cabana in front of the entire school. I think I got about two lines into it before I ran and freaked out. Oh my God, my entire life is flashing before my eyes.
CHANDLER: Yeah, this more than anything else, is the staging area.
Joey: Hey! Uh, this is just to give you an idea. Okay well, we can put screens here, (In front of the crib.) so that the baby has privacy, and-and-and maybe a mobile over the crib. And uhOh look! Heres a baby monitor (Holds it up), which until the baby comes we can use as walkie-talkies. Huh?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey are there, Joey is on the phone.]
CHANDLER: Alright, that's it. Look Joey, I'm sorry, I realize this is the role of a lifetime for ya, and if I could just fire Joseph, I would, but unfortunately that's not possible so I'm gonna have to let both of you go.
Joey: I thought I did! Oh hey guess what? The premiere is next week and youre all invited! (They all gasp.)
RACHEL: No, see this isn't about the movie theatre, this is about you stealing my wind.
JOEY: Yep, this kiss thing is defiantly a problem, Mr. Beatty wants to see it again on Monday. Man, I gotta figure out what I'm doing wrong. Oh, okay, one of you girls come over here and kiss me.
PHOEBE: Everything you've heard is true.
RICHARD: If kids is what I takes to be with you then kids it is.
Phoebe: You guys make a very attractive couple. (The camera cuts to a shot of the picture and we see that Monica is posing with Joey instead of Chandler.)
Joey: Why wouldnt ya? Erin is great! Then-then theres you guys.
Phoebe: Good. It's just so hard, it's hard for me to ... let them go. I guess it just brings back memories, you know, from ... when I gave birth to my brother's triplets and I had to give them up. (Mike is shocked) I haven't told you about that yet, have I?
[Scene Central Perk, the whole gang is entering]
Rachel: Nooo Way! The most romantic song ever is The Way We Were.
Phoebe: Well my guy is spectacular. Okay? Hes a massage client and one time umm, when he was on the table, I looked at it. And I mean all of it.
Joey: This is Janice.
[Scene: Rachel and Monica's, Monica is entering from the bathroom.]
Monica: God, what is wrong with me.
Monica: Ross this is the only thing left that has a shot at working.
Joey: Cute! This is Janice! You remember Janice?
Joey: Listen, the next time you talk to him, can you ask him which one the strongest Power Ranger is?
JOEY: But this is a two line part, it's like takin' a step backwards. I'm not gonna do this.
Rachel: Ohh! (walking away from the window) Phoebe, this is all your fault! Now he loves her, hes gonna marry her, and this is all your fault.
LITTLE BULLY: Is that supposed to be funny?
Ross: She is a kook.
Ross: Joey, you are gonna love this guy. Gandolf is like the party wizard!
[Scene: A Hallway, Chandler is following Joey.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is talking to a man at the counter. Ross and Phoebe are sitting at the couches.]
[Scene: Monica's bedroom, Phoebe is trying to relax her.]
Ross: That's all right, Rach, we got the bags. Hi, hello. Julie, this is my sister Monica. This is Chandler. Phoebe. Joey, what up?
RACH: Oh God, even his knock is boring.
The Casting Director: So uh well the director is insisting that whoever play that part be authentically, anatomically not Jewish. Do you know what Im saying?
[Joey is looking at Rachel, smiling, and gesturing his head towards Ross.]
Ross: Your Mom, your telling me, your telling me, about your Mom, what is the matter with you?
VAN DAMME: You can tell her I think her friend is cute.
Ross: Ok, ok! I'm gonna go hide! Oh, this is so exciting, my first mourner! (he hides in the bedroom and closes the door)
Ross: No, no it's, um, it's not you, um, it's um, it's (turns and sees his Mom standing where Rachel is)
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. The whole gang is helping Joey pack.]
[Scene: Silvercup Studios, Joey is getting pointers on how to play Jessica Lockhart.]
JOEY: Man this is weird. You ever realize Captain Crunch's eyebrows are actually on his hat?
RACHEL: Now, what exactly is in a cobb salad?
Ross: You see this, this is a person who is ready to go. Phoebe you, oh, you are my star.
Rachel: Well, why do yknow go in that room (points to the room Ross is in) and do your homework?
Joey: How is this your seat?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is sitting at the kitchen counter and Ross enters from Rachel and Emma's room.]
Chandler: The big deal is I was sitting there last, so, that's my seat.
Ross: (sets out a bunch of shot glasses and starts to poor himself a drink, many drinks) Im an idiot. I mean shoulda seen it, I mean Carol and Id be out and shed, shed see some beautiful woman, and, and shed be Ross y'know look at her, and Id think, God, my wife is cool!
Joey: I know. (Joey is sitting in this tall chair that is made up of balls on polls. Youll have to see it to know what I mean.) Yeah, his name is Pat.
Mr. Geller: No, the man is a mess.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Fat Monica, and her boyfriend are sitting on the couch. Monicas boyfriend is getting up to get something. For future reference, for the rest of this episode Monicas fat, I wont be calling her Fat Monica throughout.]
Doug: Oh, is it the swearing? I mean is it the constant swearing? Because I gotta tell ya, if it is, you can just... kiss my ass!
BARRY: And once again she is out of here. Okay who had 9:45? Um?
Ross: Okay, Mon, I really don't think this is the... Okay, you're dialing, you are dialing.
ROSS: That doesn't matter. She wanted to call Bob. Hey, for all we know, Bob is who she was meant to be with. You may be destroying two people's chance for happiness.
Chandler: Well, as old as he is in dog years, do you think Snoopy should still be allowed to fly this thing?
Courtney: Its amazing like all week long weve-weve been saying the same lines and then the audience is here and we will mess up, and if you mess up once, then youll get nervous because youllyou know youll probably mess up again.
Phoebe: Well, what I really want is for my mom to be alive and enjoy it with me.
Joey: Hey, opposite, is opposite! (leaves)
[Later, in the living room, Rachel is sitting on the couch, Ross is on the chair.]
Charlie: And there is a collection of Walt Whitman letters on display at the public library.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's balcony, Ross is about to be attacked by Paulo's cat.]
RACHEL: Wow. Is it, is it 'cause she's so cold in bed. Or, or is it 'cause she's like, kinda bossy, makes it feel like school?
MR. GELLER: A woman in my office is a lesiban. I'm just saying.
Ross: My way?! You-you think this is my way? Believe me, of all the ways I ever imagined this moment in my life being, this is not my way- y'know what? Uh, um, this is too hard. I'm not, I can't do-
Phoebe: Ok, somebody is on their way to ruin wedding okay. And I have to warn somebody, alright. So if you dont give me that number then Im going to come over there and kick your snooty ass all the way to New Glocken..shire.
Chandler: What? No, I want to watch this. (He turns on the television and the screen is completely covered in snow). Did your cable go out?
Joey: What is this? Fruit?
Monica: Honey, having a heart attack is natures way of telling you to slow it down.
[Scene: Rachel and Monica's, Monica is watching the Civil War videos]
Phoebe: Oooh. Oh, well this is awkward.
[This starts a series of flashbacks; the first one is from Episode 106: The One With The Butt, Joey is in a play called Freud!.]
Joey: (entering, with Dina) Here she is! Future fashion superstar!
Ross: There it is.
Rachel: Everything you need to know is in that first kiss.
Chandler: Well, you know what they say, elephants never forget. (Monica is not amused by that statement.) Seriously, good luck marrying me.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, everyone but Rachel is seated around his table. The Lion Sleep Tonight plays in the background.]
PHOEBE: But, but this is my gig. This is where I play. My, my name is written out there in chalk. You know, you can't just erase chalk.
Ross: Aww, is it broken?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is reading a script as Ross enters]
[Scene: Ross and Rachels. Rachel is standing in front of the TV holding a video.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is eating jam straight out of the jar, and Chandler is staring at him in amazement. Joey offers him some.]
Monica: Joey, this is you!
Joey: I dont know. I guess theres just always been this distance yknowI mean we both try to pretend its not there, but it is.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is entering]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, its later that morning, everybody has gotten up and Ross and Phoebe has joined them for breakfast. Rachel is returning from shopping.]
Joey: What is the big deal? (Tastes the breast milk.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is finishing off the last of the jam]
Monica: You dont think that umm, (reading) "The chefs Mahi Mahi was awful awful," is bad press?
Mike: And there is Kevin.
[Scene: The ATM vestibule of a bank, Chandler is inside. The lights go out, and he realizes he is trapped inside.]