words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Rachel, Chandler, and Monica are there. Rachel is reading everyones horoscope.]
Rachel: And your horoscope says, "On the fifth a special someone is going to give you a gift."
[Scene: Central Perk, time lapse. Phoebe is now looking at the covers of two different books.]
[Scene: Pier 59 Studios, its the set of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. The producer is showing Joey around the set.]
The Producer: Joey Tribbiani, this is
The Producer: This is Wayne, the man who created and operates C.H.E.E.S.E.
Wayne: C.H.E.E.S.E. is right here. (He puts on his headset, picks up the controller, and wheels C.H.E.E.S.E. in. C.H.E.E.S.E. is just a plain old robot on tracks; he kinda looks like No. 5 in the movie Short Circuit.)
Joey: (laughs) This is like the temporary robot, right?
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is at the counter drinking coffee as Elizabeth enters with her dad, Paul. Elizabeth goes to kiss Ross, but he just kisses her on the forehead. By the way Paul is played by Bruce Willis. Yes, that Bruce Willis from Moonlighting, Die Hard, and Armageddon.]
Elizabeth: This is my father, Paul Stevens. Dad, this is Ross Geller.
Ross: This isyou(Ross starts laughing.)
Ross: Okay, umm I want you to know that I have never done anything like this before. I mean, I mean Ive been in um, relationships in general, uh but I have never done it with a studentI mean I notnot it! I mean, I mean I dontWe havent done it. Uh, I mean, I mean, weve-weve-weve done stuff. (Paul is not amused.) Okay, okay, a joke, a jokelighten the mood. Umm, two guys go into a bar. One of them is Irish.
Ross: Oh God, thank you! (Runs and gives all of them a group hug.) Umm, uh, Mr. Stevens Id like you to meet my friends uh, this is Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler.
Monica: Yknow, it is so strange seeing Ross here this time of day, cause usually hes got the childrens hospital.
Elizabeth: So uh, Monica is Rosss sister.
Chandler: But uh Ross, Ross is a great guy! I was roommates with him in college. Uh, funny story (He starts laughing then notices that Paul isnt happy.) Youre roommate in college died didnt he?
Rachel: Oh! Ross is sooo great!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Phoebe is working on her book at the kitchen table, Monica is on the couch, and Chandler is entering from the bathroom carrying a package of toilet paper.]
Chandler: This is going in your book?
Phoebe: Yeah, its about relationships. Yknow? The traps, the pitfalls, what not to do, keep going. This stuff is great!
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is there alone as Paul enters.]
Rachel: Paul. Umm, I just wanted you to know that Ross really is a great guy.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Phoebe is still writing in her book, Chandler and Monica are in the kitchen as Joey enters.]
Estelle: The thing is its kinda on the Q.T. The actor who has the part doesnt know he might be fired. Its the lead in a series, Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Ross is entering looking for Joey, but instead he finds Paul and Rachel making out on the couch.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, scene is continued from earlier.]
Rachel: Ross, Joey is not here.
Ross: He is my girlfriends father, okay? Its-its, its weird!
Ross: This is weird for me!
Rachel: Ross look, look this is good for you. Okay? Lets face it, so far the guys not lovin ya! But I can turn that around! I got the inside track! We can all go out to dinner, yknow? And I can talk you up! Ross, the guy is a very, very successful lawyer!
Ross: How is that important?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Joey is telling everyone about his impending termination at Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.]
Monica: (writing on a piece of paper) Phyllis is sitting in a chair.
Phoebe: Ooh, I have tasted my own medicine and it is bitter!
[Scene: Pier 59 Studios, Joey is walking up to C.H.E.E.S.E. and Wayne.]
Joey: Okay! (He yanks his hand away.) All right. Umm, all right Wayne, level with me. Okay? I-I keep hearing all these rumors that I might get fired. Okay, they even have actors coming in to read for my part! Come on man, you-you got to give me a second chance! I mean, I love-I love this little guy! (He grabs C.H.E.E.S.E.s arm and pulls it off at the elbow.) Ah-ah!! (Wayne is shocked.) Okay, thats why you didnt want me to touch him right? Here you go! Okay? (Hands Wayne the arm and he goes to fix it. Meanwhile Joey starts to berate himself.) Stupid! I cant believe it! God! (A very beautiful woman walks by.) (To her) Hey, how you doin? (He and her go over to talk and Wayne looks on with envy.)
[Scene: A Restaurant, Ross and Rachel are on their double date. Rachel is busy talking Ross up.]
Chandler: Oh Im so sorry man! Is there anything I can do?
[Scene: A Restaurant, Rachel is still trying to talk up Ross, not to much success.]
Paul: Well, this is fun. So Ross, did you kill any of these wives?
Rachel: (returning) Wait-wait-wait, I just thought of another story about how nice Ross is!
[Scene: Macs Office, Mac is talking to C.H.E.E.S.E. about their case.]
[The gang is walking to a newsstand late at night. Joey is anxiously in the lead.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Monica is getting the door.]
Ross: Eh, either way Ill pass. (Quietly to Chandler) I still cant eat those. (Monica is getting something out of the fridge and starts laughing.) Whats so funny?!
[Scene: City street. Whole gang is there seeing off Marcel.]
[Scene: Rachels Office, Joey is knocking on the door holding a hand over a spot on his shirt.]
Chandler: Nina? Nina. (He goes around his desk to where she is sitting.) Nina. (In pain) Nina.
Ross: Hi. (He is wearing a piece of steel bandaged to his nose. He tosses some forms onto reception desk.)
INTERVIEWER: Uh-huh. Is it dirty?
PHOEBE: What is that sparkly thing?
Monica: Ha,ha, ha, oh my life is just so amusing. Could we drop it now?
MONICA: Wow, that is a surprise. Just one little question, uh, why not Ross's room?
Chandler: (standing in the door of the fridge) Well, I dont have to break up with her this time. Were not involved! Im going to do a pre-emptive strike! Im going to end it with her before it starts. My ass is like frozen! (Closes the fridge.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, and Chandler are there. Monica is entering from her room.]
RACHEL: Ross, there is no us, OK.
Rachel: (entering with Paolo, arm in arm) Everybody, this is Paolo. Paolo, I want you to meet my friends. This is Monica.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is prying at the Magic 8 Ball with a screwdriver as there's a knock on his door which he goes to answer.]
(Cassie enters from the guest room, with her hair up. The extremely beautiful and sexy Denise Richards is playing Cassie. Woo hoo! For those of you who dont know who she is, rent Wild Things and she was also the last Bond girl in The World Is Not Enough.)
Rachel: (entering) Well, if anyone is keeping score, I no longer eat tuna.
[Marcel is driven off in a limo]
Ross: So, your ex-boyfriend is gonna determine if your new boyfriend gets this grant? Wow, your new boyfriend is screwed!
JOEY: What is with your nose?
JANITOR: So, what is this information worth to you, my friend?
Rachel: Monica, what is with you? Who'd you have lunch with?
RACHEL: Oh, Phoebe, that really cute guy is here again.
MONICA: Dad, it is not. What's with the red light?
MR. GELLER: It is off.
Ross: Okay! Okay! But if she doesnt call, it is definitely over! No, wait. Wait. Unless, eventually, I call her, yknow just to she whats going on, and, and she says shell call me back, but then she doesnt. Then its over.
Rachel: Oh Ross, come on! This is not, this is not a marriage!! This is the worlds worst hangover! Ross, listen, if you do not get this annulment, I will!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica is watching the rest of the tape]
JOEY: Uh, excuse me. Jerry is the director, which one's he?
CHANDLER: Sweet mother of all that is good and pure.
CHANDLER: So uh, which one is mine?
ERICA: Ohh, and I see you're having a little party too. Is she here, huh, huh?
RACHEL: It is our first official date. Our first date.
[Scene: Outside of Elizabeths dormitory, Ross is exiting after breaking up with her and we can hear his thoughts.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Ross are there, Phoebe is entering with her date Robert.]
Joey: Oh well, theyre killing off one of the characters on the show, and when she dies her brain is being transplanted into my body.
CHANDLER: Well, I don't know what Big Leon told ya but it's an even thousand if you want me for the whole night. What is this for?
Monica: (On the phone) Hello? No, he's not here. Yeah, this is his wife. Yeah, well, it came as quite a shock to me too. I guess I should have known. Yeah, I mean, he just kept making me watch Moulin Rouge.
SECURITY GUARD: Uh, excuse me folks this is a uhh...
ROSS: Oh, mine too. Isn't that neat, scotch neat. Would you excuse me? [walks out in the hallway, Mr. Greene is walking out of Chandler and Joey's apartment] Hey, hey, where you uh, sneakin off to mister?
DIRECTOR'S ASSISTANT: Is it bad?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is seated, and the apartment is filled with baskets of fruit. Joey enters, check in hand.]
Rachel: And I mean, you know, you guys... This is a big deal. I mean, how can we have her first birthday party without her aunt and her uncle!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica is preparing for the party with Ross questioning her.]
JOEY: It certainly is a miracle.
Monica: I'm sorry, why is this girl going to call me?
Rachel: Joey! Come on! I dont wanna make any mistakes, alright? This is the only dessert and if I screw it up everybody's gonna be like Oh, remember that Thanksgiving when Rachel screwed up the trifle?
MONICA: God, this is so hard. I can't decide between lamb or duck.
MONICA: Wow, is that Michelle?
Carol: You know that thing you put over here with the pin in it? It's time to take the pin out. You'll find someone, I know you will. The right woman is just waiting for you.
Joey: (grabs the window from the outside and sticks his head in) (whispering) When is she leaving?
Ross: (picking up the slip of paper) Hello! What's this? Oh right its that girl's phone number. (Rachel ignores him) Yeah-yeah, there it is, just a phone number a really hot girl gave me. (He holds it so that Rachel can see it, she continues to ignore him) It's no big deal, I mean it is her home phone number, but...(Rachel still ignores him) Whoa! (Throws it in her lap) Whoa-whoops, I almost lost this baby! Yeah, the lovely Amanda gives me her number and I-I go and drop it. (He waves it in front of Rachel's face. Then suddenly Phoebe has to sneeze and Rachel quickly grabs the slip of paper and gives it to Phoebe for her to sneeze into.)
RACHEL: What is this? What are we doing?
[Flashback to 710 - TOW The Holiday Armadillo] [Scene: Monica, Chandler and Phoebe's, Ross is costumed as an Armadillo.]
MRS GREEN: The only man I've ever been with is your father.
CHANDLER: Oooh, Rich is goin' to the party too, huh?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment, Joey is trying to turn the sofabed back into a sofa. Someone knocks on the door and it rears up at him.]
Carol: Oh great! Is it vegetarian, 'cause Susan doesn't eat meat.
MR A: Well, I don't know what to tell you dear. The only thing I can think of is that she always used to say that before she died, she wanted to see everything.
CHANDLER: I know, this is a great apartment.
Ross: No-no-no, Im saying we-we buy more of this (disposable cameras) at the gift shop, throw our tuxes back on, and take a few pictures. All we have to do is make sure not to get anybody elses faces.
FRIEND: Yeah, is she really 20.
RICHARD: Guys. Seriously, it is not like that.
ROSS: Well uh, you see that, that little cluster of stars next to the big one? That is Ursa Major.
RACHEL: Yes I do, it's just that Ross is. . .
PHOEBE: What? Is it - is this 'cause of what Ross said?
MONICA: Oh, this is so hard.
PHOEBE: OK, who is the boss of you?!!
PHOEBE: OK, hey, HEY. Is your boyfriend the boss of you?
EDDIE: Oh, this is, this is unbelievable. I mean, first you sleep with my ex-girlfriend then you insult my inteligenct by lying about it and then you kill my fish, my Buddy?
Joey: Well okay, so then youre fine. The rule is when two actors are actually doing it off-stage all the sexual tension between them is gone. Okay? So as long as its hot onstage you got nothing to worry about. Its when the heat goes away, thats when youre in trouble.
Richard: Forget the platoon! The platoon is gone! (He is spitting on the hard Ps and Ts.)
Ross: Good evening, sir. My name is Ross Geller. I'm one of the people who applied for the apartment. And I-I realize that the competition is fierce butI'm sorry. I, I can't help but notice you're naked and (He claps his hands.) I applaud you. Man, I wish I was naked. I mean, this-this looks so great. That is how God intended it.
RACHEL: Ok, Ross, Ross, ok listen, what we have is amazing.
MRS. GELLER: Richard. Richard. Your son isn't seeing anyone is he?
RICHARD: It is Judy.
Ross: Yeah, uh, except for the red sock, which is still red. I'm sorry, please don't be upset, it could happen to anyone.
Chandler: Now, do I get to look at this book or is it just for people who are actually involved in the wedding?
(Joey starts to leave to embark on his genius moneymaking scheme, but is freaked out slightly when as he goes to open the door, there's a mysterious knock. He calms himself down and opens the door to reveal Phoebe.)
RACHEL: Is Ross here?
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is drinking some Alka-Seltzer. The rest of the gang, minus Rachel is there as well.]
MONICA: Well yeah, but, you know, uh, 27 is a dangerous eye age.
JOEY: Yes! And the table is mine.
Ross: Well, not really. I mean technically its-its not against the rules or anything, but it is frowned upon. Especially by that professor we ran into last night, Judgey von Holierthanthou.
JOEY: So, I guess this is it.
Rachel: Oh God, come on you guys, is this really necessary? I mean, I can stop charging anytime I want.
MONICA: Art it is.
MONICA: [looking at some kind of glass sculpture thing] Wow Joey, this is, uhh...
CHAN: [to Phoebe] Listen, Phoebs, this is gonna be OK. [introducing Russ and Ross] Ross, Russ. Russ, Ross.
Ross: Oh, that's great, that is great! (Hugs and kisses Carol. Then picks up a picture frame)
Joey: (sleepily) Yeah, she is. Wow! (Falls back asleep, loudly) How you doin?
RACHEL: Yeah well, you know what, so is uh, Sorentino's.
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey is sitting between Monica and Phoebe.]
MICH: Is this guy, uhh, an old boyfriend?
Rachel: Hi, Pheebs? Okay, so just spoke to the nurse and the reason that your doctor is late is because uh, she's not coming.
[Time lapse. Ross is now clearly drunk. He is holding up a shot glass to his eye like a jeweller's eye.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Ross is on the phone.]
Rachel: Well, is Ross home? Maybe Ill just call him to see if hes actually seen her.
Chandler: Which, by the way, is the real San Francisco treat. (Calls her, then hurriedly hangs up.) I got her machine.