words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, everyone except Phoebe is there as Rachel enters carrying a magazine.]
Rachel: So, Im in my apartment doing the Soap Opera Digest crossword puzzle, and guess who the clue is for three down. (She hands the magazine to Joey.)
Monica: How cool is this?! We know three down! Im touching three down! (She has her hand on his shoulder.)
Chandler: Is that gal pal spelled L-O-S-E-R?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is there for his interview and everyone but Phoebe are hiding on the couch.]
The Interviewer: (To Joey) Yknow I think its great you wanted to meet here. Yknow when most people hear the magazine is paying for it they want to go to a big fancy restaurant.
[This starts a series of flashbacks; the first one is from Episode 106: The One With The Butt, Joey is in a play called Freud!.]
All you want is a dingle, What you envy's a schwang, A thing through which you can tinkle, Or play with, or simply let hang...
[The next one is from Episode 304: The One With The Metaphorical Tunnel, Joey is on Amazing Discoveries.]
Host: Folks, has this ever happened to you. You go to the refrigerator to get a nice glass of milk, (Joey is in the background struggling to open a cartoon of milk) and these darn cartons are so flingin'-flangin' hard to open.
Mike: And there is Kevin.
Mike: This is the first time hes ever used this product, he's never used this product before, you're gonna see how easy this is to do. (To Kevin) Go ahead. ('Kevin' starts using the product, it is a spout that you jab into a paper milk carton so that you don't have to rip it open.) This works with any milk carton.
Joey: (finishing installing the Milk Master 2000) Wow, it is easy. (Starts to poor the milk) Now, I can have milk everyday.
[The next one is from Episode 322: The One With The Screamer, its the end of Joeys play.]
Lauren: So this is it? Victor?
Joey: Yeah, I guess it is. And so Im gonna get on this spaceship, (Smoke starts pouring in from the ceiling, and a ladder comes down, with flashing, colored lights on the side of it) and Im gonna go to Blargon 7 in search of alternative fuels. But when I return, 200 years from now, youll be long gone. But I wont have aged at all. (Gets on the ladder) So you tell your great-great-granddaughter to look me up, because Adrienne baby Im gonna want to meet her.
[The next one is from Episode 204: The One With Phoebes Husband, when everyone including Julie is watching Joey in his porno.]
[This starts another series of flashbacks about Joeys hobbies. The first one is from Episode 703: The One With Phoebes Cookies, Rachel is teaching Joey how to sail his boat, the Mr. Bowmont.]
Rachel: That is the Coast Guard.
[The next one is from Episode 603: The One With Rosss Denial, Joey is amazing Phoebe and Monica by holding his breath.]
Phoebe: Hey! Check it out! This is unbelievable! Joey has been holding his breath for almost four minutes!
[The next one is from Episode 507: The One Where Ross Moves In.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's and Ross's, Chandler is entering and when he closes the door Joey pops his head out of the fort like before, but this time he's wearing a cowboy hat.]
Chandler: Well, I see you've had a very productive day. Don't you think the cowboy hat is a little much?
[The next one is from Episode 417: The One With The Free Porn, Chandler and Joey are lamenting the fact that every beautiful woman they see doesnt want to have sex right then and there like in porn.]
The Interviewer: Well umm, another thing our readers always want to know is how our soap stars stay in such great shape. Do you have some kind of fitness regime?
[The next one is from Episode 604: The One Where Joey Loses His Insurance.]
[The next one is from Episode 609: The One Where Ross Got High, Rachel is describing her desert to Joey and Ross.]
[The next one is from Episode 619: The One With Joeys Fridge.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Chandler is entering to find Joey bingeing on the food from the fridge. Joey isnt doing all that well.]
[The next one is from Episode 711: The One With All the Cheesecakes.]
Joey: You guys, this is Shelley, shes interviewing me for Soap Opera Digest, and Shelley, this are my friends
Rachel: (interrupting him) Hi! Im gal pal Rachel Green, and if you want the dirt, Im the one you come too. This might be Joeys baby (rubbing her stomach), who knows? Im just kiddingSeriously, (leans into the cassette recorder Shelley is using) gal pal Rachel Green.
The Interviewer: (returning) So, as Joeys friends, is there anything that you guys think our readers ought to know?
Ross: Uh no, no just-just that he is a great guy.
The Interviewer: So it seems like you have a lot of friends, who would you say is your best friend?
[They gang all lean back to listen better, and this starts another series of flashbacks. The first one is from Episode 214: The One With The Prom Video, Rachel has just found the bracelet that Joey gave Chandler, which is after he bought one to replace it.]
Joey: How come you have two? Chandler: Well this one's for you. Joey: Get out. Chandler: No, I can't. No-no, listen, I, I know how much this means to you and I also know that this is about more than just jewelry, (Puts bracelet on Joey) it's about you and me and the fact that we're (Reading bracelet) best buds. Joey: Wow, is this friendship? I think so. Check it out, we're bracelet buddies. Chandler: That's what they'll call us. [The next one is from Episode 618: The One Where Ross Dates A Student.]
[The next one is from Episode 224: The One With Barry And Mindys Wedding, Joey has to kiss a guy in an audition and has been trying to find one to practice with.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is reading a script as Ross enters]
Joey: Wow, you are a good friend, 'course the audition was this morning, and I didn't get it. But that was a hell of a kiss. Rachel is a very lucky girl.
[The next one is from Episode 512: The One With Chandlers Work Laugh, Joey and Phoebe are betting on who will reach the treat the fastest, the chick or the duck.]
[The next one is from Episode 401: The One With The Jellyfish, where Monica, Joey, and Chandler are relating that tragic day they spent on the beach.]
[Another group of flashbacks begin with Episode 513: The One With Joeys Bag. Joey is carrying the bag and has entered Central Perk to the amusement of Ross and Chandler.]
[The next one is from Episode 712: The One Where Theyre Up All Night, Joey and Ross are deciding how to climb down the final part of the fire escape.]
[The next one is from Episode 722: The One With Chandlers Dad.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is sitting on the couch as Joey enters strutting.]
[The next one is from Episode 608: The One With Rosss Teeth, Chandler is accusing Joey of becoming less of a man.]
[The next one is from Episode 706: The One With The Nap Partners.]
[Another series of flashbacks begins with Episode 413: The One With Rachels Crush, Joey is telling Rachel and Phoebe how he picks up women.]
Joey: Oh-oh-oh-oh, how I do it is, I look a woman up and down and say, "Hey, how you doin?"
[The next one is from Episode 605: The One With Joey's Porsche.]
[Scene: The street, Joey is messing with a car cover and still wearing the Porsche stuff. This guy playing street football catches a pass next to the car cover Joey is fooling around with.]
[The next one is from Episode 613: The One With Rachels Sister, Chandler has just opened the door to reveal a woman standing there.]
Woman: Hi, is Rachel here? Im her sister.
Rachel: This is Chandler. (Points at him.)
[The final one is from Episode 607: The One Where Phoebe Runs, Joey has been trying to repel Janice and sees its not working to his liking so hes confronting her about the sexual tension.]
(The gang is confused.)
(The gang is disappointed.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, everyone is reading Joeys interview.]
Ross: Wow! This picture of you sure is steamy.
(Ross turns around and sees Rachel sitting by the window. She is just glaring at him.)
Chandler: I didnt mean that. I just meant that the apartment is worth so much more.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching Yasmein Bleeth running on TV, and the duck starts quacking.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are there. Monica is holding the wrapping paper from one of Rachel's gifts.]
Ross: Uh, everyone, this is Chandler! My roommate and lead singer of our band!
(There is a knock on Rachel and Phoebes door.)
Chandler: Uh, Joey is gonna be right back. Right back! (Tries to pantomime it for her.) Meanwhile, let's-let's-let's talk about you. (Pause.) So, you're old and small.
Emily: I tell you, this wedding is not going to happen.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Joey are standing at the counter. Monica is flipping a light switch on and off next to the door.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is in her bedroom.]
Ross: Oh, this is Monica.
Phoebe: Oh...yes..is this..umm..Emilys Parents house.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Continued from earlier, Rachel is now telling everyone of her experience in the garbage room.]
[Scene: the bar, Ross is entering, Phoebe is at the bar, they are the only two in the place.]
[Scene: The Midfield Day School, its after school and Ben is taking a drink of water as Phoebe enters.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is entering, Monica and Rachel are talking on the couch.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, its continued from earlier. Joey is now waking Chandler and telling him the news.]
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Phoebe is walking up and notices a car that is parked half on the curb and right in front of the door, making it difficult for people to enter Central Perk.]
Monica: Because I know that you think the lottery is "boohaki" but we're all here and gonna watch the numbers and have fun. And you're my brother, and I want you to be a part of this.
Rachel: Wow, y'know if Joey and Chandler walked in right now, we could make a fortune! (Monica is straddling Rachel and holding her arms down. In a rather risqu� pose, at least for primetime TV.)
Phoebe: Well, umm, my Moms friend, Phoebe, is actually my birth Mom.
Mrs. Waltham: Who is this?
Ross: Correct! What is Chandler Bings job?
[Scene: Barry's Office, Barry is preparing his tools alone as Rachel enters.]
(As she is drinking, Monica laughs and Chandler's joke and Diet Coke comes out of her nose.)
Drunk Man: I just want to say that Ross is a wonderful young man.
Ross: Oh! You are gonna love it! (The girl is looking in the other direction as Ross is taking off his own coat, revealing the pink and white ladies shirt) and I'm so glad, we're finally doing this.
Chandler: Ahh, you know what? That is....Who wouldnt want you?
[Scene: The porch, Bonnie is coming back from swimming, Rachel is reading.]
Jill: Oh please, I memorized those numbers when I was 15. But look at all the cool make-it-on-my-own stuff I got! (Holds up a red sweater) This is my "Please, hire me" sweater. (Holds up a pair of black pants) And these are my, "Dont you want to rent me this apartment?" pants.
[Cut back to the present, Ross is still looking at Rachel's invitation. Finally, he makes up his mind and mails it.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachels, Joey is at the counter eating a bowl of Frosted Flakes.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is trying to prevent Gunther from spilling the beans.]
[Scene: Joey enters his hotel room. The phone is ringing.]
(Ross points out Rachel to Chandler and goes over to talk to her. Rachel is checking out her nose in her compact mirror.)
[Scene: Central Perk. Everyone exept Phoebe and Chandler is there. Ross's beeper goes off and everyone exept him react.]
Monica: Hey, did you get the turkey bastedOh my God! Oh my God! (She sees someone is stuck in the turkey.) Who is that?
Joey: All rightoh! Listen, I know this is your party, but Id really like to the number of museum geeks that are gonna be there.
Ross: No! No, no, no, no, okay, it wasn't the swing's fault. It was my fault and kind of that (point to the kid that kicked him) kids fault. Who is still laughing. Nice.
Monica: Ok. Hold on. (her mobile phone rings) Geller here! No! I said it has to be there by 4 o'clock. Goodbye. (she hangs up) Oh, how hard it is to make an ice sculpture?
[The next clip is the second famous fight in The One Where Ross and Rachel Take A Break.]
ROSS: I don't know what to do. What am I gonna do? I mean, this, this is like a complete nightmare.
Eric: Im an idiot. Uh, is your mother here? Maybe I can give her a little slap on the butt.
Carol: This is impossible. Its just impossible.
[The next clip is from The One The Morning After.]
[Scene: The hallway, Ross is sitting on the step drinking a beer as Rachel comes out of the guys apartment.]
Chandler: I gotta check out this hot girl! (He heads to the window but realizes something, stops, turns and points at Monica.) There she is! (He dances over to her and kisses her.)
Phoebe: Oh okay. Umm, all right. (Picks up the phone and starts reading from the script.) Hi, this is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies, can I speak to your supply manager please?
All you want is a dingle, What you envy's a schwang, A thing through which you can tinkle, Or play with, or simply let hang...
Monica: (starting to cry) Im a good person. And Im a good chef, and I dont deserve to have marinara sauce all over me! Yknow what, if you want me to quit this bad, then all you have to do is
[The next flashback is from The One Where No One's Ready. Joey is retaliating against Chandler hiding his underwear by wearing a whole bunch of clothes.]
[Scene: The Virgin Atlantic flight to London that Rachel is on.]
Mrs. Geller: (To Mr. Geller) This is worse than when he married the lesbian.
[Scene: Moving Shot towards The Waltham House. A phone is ringing.]
Joey: Over the line?! You-youre-youre so far past the line, that you-you cant even see the line! The line is a dot to you!
Phoebe: Well, I heard youre having a problem with one of the boys in your class. And so I thought I would just come down here and sit you both down, have a little talk and make it all okay. Now umm, the boys name is Stings son.
Monica: That doesn't matter! We have waited so long for this. I don't care if it's two babies. I don't care if it's three babies! I don't care if the entire cast of "Eight is Enough" comes out of there! We are taking them home, because they are our children!
Joey: Emily is kinda taking a long time, huh?
LITTLE BULLY: I just took your hat. See, I can be funny too. My, my joke is that I, I took your hat.
[Time lapse, dinner has finished and Chandler is sitting on the couch eating some pie. Monica sits down beside him, and he gets pushed up a little by the wave she makes in the couch.]
Phoebe: (on machine) "Hi, it's me, I'm coming over now. Hey, what if I'm already there when your playing this message?" (to the guys) Is that too spooky?
Monica: You really think this is okay?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, it's Rachel birthday party and Chandler is about to spill the beans.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is on the couch as Rachel returns carrying a bunch of shopping bags.]
Ross: Wait, well wh-wh-wh-where is she?
Ross: Well, then, I think, I think the guy is scum. I hate him. I mean I actuallyI-I physically hate him. I always have. You are way too good to be with a guy like that.
Phoebe Sr: No, no, thats just Chuck Magioni, I-I sold him a house last year! And Im very sorry, but I dont know where your Father is, and thats the truth.
Phoebe: This pregnancy is throwing me all off.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is trying to move off of the couch as Rachel enters.]
Phoebe: (To Joey) You ate meat! (Joey is shocked) (To Chandler and Monica) You had sex! (Theyre shocked.)
Phoebe: Yea. Can I please, please, please talk to one of the best men? This is going to be the last time I promise.
Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, can I ask? So, hes going out with her. I mean, is it really so terrible?
Rachel: 'Kay. (Pause.) Congratulations on your new job. (She goes and hugs Monica and is almost in tears.)
Monica: Absolutely! (He goes to kiss her, but she stops him and rubs his head and says...) Now get out of here you!! (Pete leaves) (to the gang) Okay, Im running out of places I can touch him! Look, is there something wrong with me? I mean why am I only attracted to guys where theres no future? Either theyre too old, or theyre too young, and then theres Pete whos-whos crazy about me, and whos absolutely perfect for me, and theres like zip going on! I mean, seriously, does it sound like somethings wrong with me?!
Ross: No, I cant. I would, I really would, but my son is here; I cant leave him. Isntyou dont think theres any way?
Rachel: No, I know, I know, and I'm sure your little boy is not going to grow up to be one.
Monica: Oh honey, is that cause your Mom died around Christmas?
[The next flashback is from The One Where Eddie Moves In. It's the sequence where Joey and Chandler are both saddened that they're not living together anymore. All By Myself is playing in the background.]
Joey: Now-now, listen this is just a first draft so (Starts to read the piece of paper he brought.) "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share." (Monica and Chandler like it so far.) Eh? (He continues reading.) "It is a love based on giving and receiving. As well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving." (Phoebe nods her approval.) "We too can share and love and have and receive."
Joey: I know it sounds crazy, but Chandler this is (Goes and picks up the sandwich) the greatest sandwich in the world!
Chandler: (asking a man leaning against the wall) What is going on?
Phoebe: London is stupid! Stupid!
Phoebe: Nothing! I swear to God I didnt know you guys would be here! And the good news is you didnt believe in soul mates. So
Rachel: Yes it is! It is true! I went, I went after Ross in stupid London.
Mr. Waltham: You want a piece of me, sir? Is that what your saying? (Pointing at Jack and poking him) You want a piece of me?
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting on couches. A beautiful woman is looking at Chandler.]
Phoebe: Hey. Guess what! My landlord just called and my apartment is gonna get ready soon, so I guess I'll be moving out.
Monica: (Awkwardly.) Why would I care where Chandler is? You know uhh...You know sometimes I dont even like Chandler.
(Ursula Buffay, Phoebes identical twin sister, is waiting on tables in her inimitable manner.)
Rachel: Okay, well this is all very impressive Hilda, um I just have one last question for you. Uh, how did I do? Was this okay?
(Joey is intrigued.)
Monica: What is the matter with you?! Do you want to fall into the trap? Do you want to fall into the trap?!
Ross: Hey everybody, Pheebs is here!
Joey: Which, is the new plan!
[Scene: Central Perk, Gunther is pouring Rachel coffee.]
(Ross is stunned.)
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. The table is set, and there's food on the tables again. They're all there, toasting.]
Rachel: The thing is y'know, that you're married to Emily.
[Cut to the bathroom, Joey is taking a shower and Phoebe knocks on the door.]
Ross: That is what the thing is.