words in movies
[Scene: Chandler's bedroom. Chandler is sleeping and Eddie is there watching him.]
RACHEL: Woah, woah, woah, what book is this?
MONICA: It is nothing like the Hobbit. It's like reading about every relationship I've ever had, except for Richard.
PHOEBE: Ok, this is a typical lightning-bearer thing. Right there, it's like, um, 'Hello, who wants one of my fallic shaped man cakes?'
[Scene: Estelle Leonard Talent Agency.Joey is there.]
JOEY: But this is a two line part, it's like takin' a step backwards. I'm not gonna do this.
RACHEL: Uhh, I mean this is like reading about my own life. I mean this book could have been called 'Be Your Own Windkeeper Rachel'.
RACHEL: No, see this isn't about the movie theatre, this is about you stealing my wind.
JOEY: What is it?
JOEY: See, this is why I don't date women who read. Uh-oh.
ROSS: But I don't know it. What I do know is that you owe $2300 at Isn't it Chromantic.
EDDIE: Ah-ah-ah, you know what that is?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler is sleeping on the couch. Monica walks by and starts watching him.]
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler is returning from Monica and Rachel's with his bedding. Eddie is standing at the bar with his dehydrator and loads of fruit.]
CHANDLER: This is not out of the blue, this is smack dab in the middle of the blue.
[Scene: Joey is at the cab driver interview.]
JOEY: Ohh, you know what it is? It's smudgy 'cause they're fax pages. Now when I was on Days of Our Lives as Dr. Drake Remoray, they'd send over the whole script on real paper and everything.
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey is watching movers take all his stuff away.]
JOEY: Oh hey uh, be careful with that 3-D last supper, Judas is a little loose.
ROSS: No look I wasn''t right, that's what I came here to tell you. I was totally hung up on, on my own stuff. Listen, I'm someone who needs the whole security thing, ya know. To know exactly where my next paycheck is coming from buy you, you don't need that and that's amazing to me. I could never do what you do Joey.
RACHEL: No, I know, they're from me. Look you guys this is not good. I mean we have enough trouble with guys stealing our wind without taking it from each other.
CHANDLER: Yes, yes I actually saw him leave. I mean that guy is standing in the window holding a human head. He is STANDING IN THE WINDOW HOLDING A HUMAN HEAD!
MONICA: There is no alley behind Macy's.
PHOEBE: Is anyone else starting to really like him?
JOEY: Na, na I'm ok. Oh and uh, just so you know, I'm not movin' back in 'cause I have to. Well, I mean, I do have to. It's just that that place wasn't really, I mean, this is...
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They are hauling out the porcelain dog from Joey's room. Chandler is holding the dog by the rear in a rather interesting position.]
CHANDLER: So is he housetrained or is he gonna leave little bathroom tiles all over the place? Stay. Good, STAY! Good fake dog.
Phoebe: (on phone) Hi, this Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies, can I speak to your supply manager please? (Listens) Earl, thanks. (Listens) Hi Earl, this is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies Id like to talk to you about your toner needs. (Shes reading from the script.)
Rachel: Ok, great, because I gotta get out of here, the smell of beets is killing me!
Ross: Filming Rachel is not something I planned. Okay look, heres what happened, and Joey you-you can back me up on this. All right, about-about a month and a half ago I came to you with a problem? Umm, a personal thing.
[Scene: Recording studio. Phoebe is getting ready to record Smelly Cat.]
Phoebe: Ooh, my first birthday present... (delightedly examining the cardigan in her lap) ..oh, this is really...
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is watching TV, but turns it off, and Rachel is sleeping on the couch. Ross puts a blanket over her.]
Monica: I've gotta tell you, Bob is terrific.
RACHEL: Oh that's so cute:� Ross and Mike's first date.� Is that going to be awkward?� I mean, what are you guys going to talk about?
Gary: Listen Chandler, the way I see it is that I was lucky enough to find someone that I really love. I justI wanna be around her as much as I can.
Helena: Im not very fond of New York. Queens I like. (Noticing Monicas ring.) Ooh, what is this sparkle something! (Shows the audience who woos.) Honey! Huh?
Rachel: (entering, with a guy) Hi guys! This is Josh. Josh, these are my friends, and that's Ross.
JOEY: Well, we're, we're just goin' over here so that we can get away from the horrible flesh eating virus, for the love of God woman, listen to me. Is he lookin', is he lookin'?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier, everyone is still eating breakfast.]
CAROL: Mommy is so proud of you. Hi. Hi.
Rachel: Well Chandler, what is this very weird, metal A Z thing?
CHANDLER: That, that is funny. Can I have it back?
CHANDLER: Ok, there is one more way to say it, who knows it?
[Scene: A couch store, Ross is trying to decide on a new couch for his place. He has dragged Rachel along for the trip, and she's not too happy about it. Ross is sitting on it in different ways to see how it feels. He tries to just sit on it normally, and then he tries flopping on it. One thing about this couch, it's huge. It's like twice the size of a normal full size couch. Whoever designed this thing, needs help and fast.]
Chandler: Dinner is at four, we'll never gonna make it back.
Monica: Rachel, (they go back inside) say that I'm friends with her, we spend some time together. Is that so terrible?
RACHEL: Ohh, what is in that?
ROSS: You know, you are so amazing, is there anything you, you don't know?
Ross: No, no, Carol. There's nothing wrong with it. I just, I just don't think breast milk is for adults.
Ross: Excuse me, is there a woman waiting at the bar? Someone average height, dark hair, perhaps doing a puzzle?
RACHEL: Time is money my friend?
VAN DAMME: Can't you see what's going on here, this man is dying.
RACHEL: Alright, I feel that this is totally unjustified. [Monica starts making faces behind her back] She gave me the green light, I did nothing but-. Do you think I can't see you in the TV set?
Rachel: I'm not! This is what I'm doing now. I've got this job-
Rachel: (reading a card) Okay, your band is playing at Arnolds, collect three cool points. Which means, I have five, and that means I get Joeys boxers!
Monica: (on phone) Uh, Michelle. Yeah, that was me, I-I dialed your number by mistake. (listens) Oh, you're so sweet. Yeah, we were a great couple. I know I really miss him. Well, you know how it is, it's that....
ROSS: Either that or my mouth is getting smaller.
Chandler: (pointing out a gift) OK, this one right here is from me.
[Scene: Outside Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is returning.]
[Scene: Tattoo parlor. Rachel is showing Phoebe her tattoo.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica, Rachel, Ross, and Phoebe are there. Phoebe is looking out the window.]
Rachel: (to Monica) I still can't believe you invited Gavin. Allright, he is the last person I want to see.
PA: This is the final boarding call for flight 67 to San Diego, boarding at gate 42A.
PHOEBE: Sure, oh, is, is Frank home.
Monica: Well you know it's just like living with a girl. Only they don't steal your makeup. Unless they're playing "This is what my sister would look like" (Looks at Chandler)
[Scene: Joey's apartment. The next script is being delivered.]
Young Ethan: Well, think about it. It's always on the news. 'A man is being held up, at gunpoint.' 'Tourists are being terrorised, at gunpoint.' And I just kept thinking: why does people continue to go there? (He checks his watch.) Oh, ah. I should go.
Phoebe: Oh no, it is forbidden! No-no, Mrs. Potter fires people for fooling around with clients. And its against my oath as a masseuse.
Emily: I uh, Ive been to his apartment and he wasnt there, and uh. I need to talk to him, so do you have any idea where he is?
Emily: I still cant believe theyre tearing it down. It really is the most lovely building youll ever see. I mean its over (She stops suddenly, when she sees that demolition has already started.) Oh my God!
Phoebe: Okay, this is where you and I part ways. (She drops the blanket into the chute.) Noisy bitch!
[Joey is staring at Monica's breasts]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. They're done and come out of their bedroom. Emma is still gone.]
Phoebe: A-ha! And... what is bluffing? Is it not another word for... lying?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica and Chandler are returning to find Ross is there waiting for them.]
CHANDLER: This isn't your first surprise party, is it sir?
MR. TREEGER: [to Rachel who is standing under mistletoe] So, uh, is this, uh, mistletoe?
JOEY: Right this is staging.
Chandler: That is funny. It was also funny when I made it up.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, one week later. Monica is seated, Rachel comes out of her bedroom.]
[Scene: Museum of Natural History. Ross enters the display where Rachel is waiting.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers new apartment, Chandler is putting something away under the sink.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is putting jam on his muffin, lots of jam]
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, time lapse, Chandler is fully dressed and slowly walking out of the bedroom with a distressed look on his face.]
Phoebe: (Monica is yanking on her bra strap) Bras! We bought bras! We bought bras.
Erica: Uh-huh! I think it's time to kick you in the nuts and see which is worse!
MR. GREENE: Thank you. Is that one of my cigarettes?
MONICA: Money is so impersonal. Cookies says someone really cares. . . Alright, we're broke, but cookies do say that.
Chandler: Wow, this is serious. Ive never known you to pay money for any kind of capade.
[Scene: The hallway after the party. Rachel is sitting there.]
Carol: I cant speak for Emily, but Susan is in a loving, committed relationship.
[Scene: Monica's party. She is seeing off the last of the guests.]
Rachel: Oh, that is so sweet. I think Im falling in love with you all over again.
[Cut to a hospital room set on the Days of Our Lives stage. Two nurses are standing next to a bed with a man whose face is completely covered in bandages and reading his chart.]
(Helens buzzer is heard on the intercom, so Chandler presses his button, too.)
[Chandler is visibly upset]
MONICA: Wow, all you need now is The Killing Fields and some guacamole and you've got yourself a part-ay.
GRANDMOTHER: Anyway, that's all I know. That, and this. [pulls apart a frame and pulls a picture out] This is the real him.
Monica: I might've said that. (Chandler laughs.) Why is that funny?
Monica: Okay? (To a different group) Over here we have pink suede, which is nice. But umm, if it gets wet then you know its gonna shrink.
Cop: (following her) Hey by the way, I'm sure Sipowicz is gonna be all right. I heard that kid from Silver Spoons is really good. (Phoebe's stunned) And where did you find my badge?
Mackenzie: This is what my mom was talking about. Whiners are wieners. (Joey glares at her angrily) Look, you want your friends to be happy, right?
[Scene: Chandler's office. Joey is there.]
[Ad break. Time lapse. Still at party at Chandler and Joey's. Rachel is talking to Chandler and Ross.]
[The next one is from Episode 712: The One Where Theyre Up All Night, Joey and Ross are deciding how to climb down the final part of the fire escape.]
PHOEBE: No. This is what I do for luck, ok.
[Scene: Hotel's bar. Ross is running to Charlie trying not to be seen with two cocktails in his hands. She's hidden behind a huge plant]
Chandler: (slides the juice across the counter which Joey catches) What do you care? You're an actor. This is your day job. This isn't supposed to mean anything to you.
Phoebe: Well, yeah, because I have to break up with someone, and Okay so Jason is sensitive, (holds up one finger) but now sos Vince (holds up one finger on her other hand) Plus, Vince has the body y'know? (holds up two more fingers on the Vince side) So Its really just about the math.
RICHARD: If it's not a right angle, it is a wrong angle.
RICHARD: No that's not true. That is not true.
Molly: There is a man behind your curtain. I have a mace in my purse.
Ross: This is perfect! She'll have to come back here with your pizza, and when she does, I'll turn on the Charm-O-Ross. Oh I'm so glad you don't eat meat.
Rachel: Your fly is open, Geller. (he checks it, and zips up)
JOEY: Hey. Mr. Douglas is looking for you.
ROSS: Doctor Burke is sexy?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey is debriefing Rachel on her rejection earlier that day and telling her what she shouldve done. Ross and Phoebe are watching.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Joey is making marinara sauce and filling every container in sight. Chandler enters.]
ROSS: Is this what you had in mind?
Ross: (He notices something through the window.) No! No! Wh What are you doing?!! (Dr. Ledbetter is slowly backing away.) GET OFF MY SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are there; Chandler is showing everyone his new computer.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ryan is walks up to the door and knocks.]
JOEY: You see this, this is a friend.
JOEY: Then I don't know what it is. What's the problem?
Chandler: Nothing, just a little extra air in my mouth. Pffft. Pffffffft. (walks over to where Joey is seated)
(She exits, and after the door is closed, Chandler turns to Joey and )