words in movies
Rachel: Well, Im really sick of your smoking, so I brought something that is going to help you quit. (hands him an audio cassette)
Chandler: Oh. (takes the cassette and puts it on his arm like the stop smoking patch, and it falls off.) Nope, that patch is no good. (Joey and Monica both do their fake laughs.)
Ross: Nothing, its just that hypnosis is beyond crap.
Phoebe: All right, y'know forget hypnosis. The way to quit smoking is you have to dance naked in a field of heather, and then bath in the sweat of six healthy young men.
[Scene: Central Perk, continued from earlier, Ross is handing Rachel a cup of coffee.]
Frank: (entering with his fianc�e Alice, who is obviously much, much older than he is) Hey! Hey! This is ah, my fianc�e, Mrs. Knight. (he points out Phoebe to her)
[Scene: Chandlers bedroom, Chandler is listening to the hypnosis tape.]
[Scene: The Moondance Diner, Monica is working, Rachel is having lunch.]
Phoebe: No, I know, I know, that this is Franks life, (walks behind them, they turn around in the leather chairs to face her) y'know. Y'know, I dont want to be all judgmental, y'know, but this is sick, its sick and wrong!
Ross: Pheebs, what, is it the age thing?
Phoebe: But, I mean, do you think hes gonna enjoy it when hes up to his elbows in the diapers from all the babies they have to have right away?! This is not fair to Frank, (she walks behind them again, and hey again turn to follow her) and it-its not fair to the babies, and y'know what, its not good home economics.
Chandler: Good! I havent smoked yet today, I feel great, and-and-and confident, that is a stunning blouse.
Monica: As a joke, this customer at work who has a crush on me gave me a $20,000 tip. His number is on the check, he just did so Id call him.
Chandler: (reading the check) Pete Becker. Pete (quickly grabs a magazine and opens it up to show her a picture) (pointing to the picture) Is this him?
Monica: Oh my God! Thats Pete! But why is Bill huggin Pete?
Rachel: Oh my God, I cant believe this is a real $20,000 check, oh this is just so exciting.
(Chandler is putting on the Chap Stick the same way that women put on lipstick, including the bit with the piece of tissue.)
Ross: All were saying is dont rush into anything.
Joey: Look, the point is, theres a lot of women out there you havent even had sex with yet!
Ross: Yeah, he-hes right, hes right. This is your time y'know, yeah, youre young, youre-youre weird, chicks dig that.
Frank: Okay, so what you used to have with Rachel, is what Ive got with Alice.
Joey: Now, wh-what, what is that like?
Frank: Its so cool man, its so, its just cause being with her is so much better than like not being with her.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, its after Ross and Joeys talk with Frank, and Phoebes is finding out what happened.]
Joey: I couldnt help it, there love is so pure.
[Scene: Phoebes, Phoebe is opening the door.]
[Scene: Petes office, he is participating in a conference call with three other employees, each of whom are on a different TV screen that he controls with a remote.]
Monica: What the hell is this? (holding up the check)
Monica: Seriously, what is this supposed to mean?
Monica: Youre supposed to double the tax. Not double the tax of Romania. I mean, whats-whats the deal? Are you, are you trying to buy me? Is this the way you get girls to go out with you?
Pete: Come on, you gotta admit that our relationship is ah, is hitting a new level now. Cause you used to be like the chef, and I was the customer, and now were like this-this couple that fights.
[Scene: Phoebes, she is coming home. She turns on the lights, and sits down on the couch.]
Frank: Oh well, um, your, your laundry just smelled so good, that I thought Id curl up in it. Is that all right?
Frank: Yeah, if the best is like unbelievable pain!
Frank: Wait a minute, wait, this is because of you?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is getting Monica ready for her date. The guys are also there. The door buzzes.]
[Scene: A restaurant in Rome, Monica is paying for the pizza.]
Monica: Oh come on, its only fair, you paid for the flight. Now is, is that enough lire?
Monica: Why, how much is that?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, its the middle of the night. Joey is walking into the living room, and runs into the entertainment centre.]
[Scene: Phoebes, Frank is watching TV, and hes very depressed as Phoebe enters.]
Alice: Phoebes right Frank. I know its hard to hear, but it wouldve been wrong to go through with it. I-I-I was being selfish, even though we, we want the same things now, in the future we may not. (to Phoebe) Is that it, is that what it is?
Phoebe: Thats right, exactly. (sees them) All right, its a good bye kiss, thats good. (Frank picks Alice up and they move to the couch) Bye-bye. (They both lie down on the couch and start to make out.) Okay, no, the important thing is that you see what Im saying, y'know, just y'know, this is clearly wrong. (They ignore her) Okay, Ive decided Im gonna let this happen! Okay, can I just get my purse? (She reaches in and Alice moans) Okay, all right, good. (leaves).
[The gang is walking to a newsstand late at night. Joey is anxiously in the lead.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Monica is getting the door.]
Ross: Eh, either way Ill pass. (Quietly to Chandler) I still cant eat those. (Monica is getting something out of the fridge and starts laughing.) Whats so funny?!
[Scene: City street. Whole gang is there seeing off Marcel.]
[Scene: Rachels Office, Joey is knocking on the door holding a hand over a spot on his shirt.]
Chandler: Nina? Nina. (He goes around his desk to where she is sitting.) Nina. (In pain) Nina.
Ross: Hi. (He is wearing a piece of steel bandaged to his nose. He tosses some forms onto reception desk.)
INTERVIEWER: Uh-huh. Is it dirty?
PHOEBE: What is that sparkly thing?
Monica: Ha,ha, ha, oh my life is just so amusing. Could we drop it now?
MONICA: Wow, that is a surprise. Just one little question, uh, why not Ross's room?
Chandler: (standing in the door of the fridge) Well, I dont have to break up with her this time. Were not involved! Im going to do a pre-emptive strike! Im going to end it with her before it starts. My ass is like frozen! (Closes the fridge.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, and Chandler are there. Monica is entering from her room.]
RACHEL: Ross, there is no us, OK.
Rachel: (entering with Paolo, arm in arm) Everybody, this is Paolo. Paolo, I want you to meet my friends. This is Monica.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is prying at the Magic 8 Ball with a screwdriver as there's a knock on his door which he goes to answer.]
(Cassie enters from the guest room, with her hair up. The extremely beautiful and sexy Denise Richards is playing Cassie. Woo hoo! For those of you who dont know who she is, rent Wild Things and she was also the last Bond girl in The World Is Not Enough.)
Rachel: (entering) Well, if anyone is keeping score, I no longer eat tuna.
[Marcel is driven off in a limo]
Ross: So, your ex-boyfriend is gonna determine if your new boyfriend gets this grant? Wow, your new boyfriend is screwed!
JOEY: What is with your nose?
JANITOR: So, what is this information worth to you, my friend?
Rachel: Monica, what is with you? Who'd you have lunch with?
RACHEL: Oh, Phoebe, that really cute guy is here again.
MONICA: Dad, it is not. What's with the red light?
MR. GELLER: It is off.
Ross: Okay! Okay! But if she doesnt call, it is definitely over! No, wait. Wait. Unless, eventually, I call her, yknow just to she whats going on, and, and she says shell call me back, but then she doesnt. Then its over.
Rachel: Oh Ross, come on! This is not, this is not a marriage!! This is the worlds worst hangover! Ross, listen, if you do not get this annulment, I will!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica is watching the rest of the tape]
JOEY: Uh, excuse me. Jerry is the director, which one's he?
CHANDLER: Sweet mother of all that is good and pure.
CHANDLER: So uh, which one is mine?
ERICA: Ohh, and I see you're having a little party too. Is she here, huh, huh?
RACHEL: It is our first official date. Our first date.
[Scene: Outside of Elizabeths dormitory, Ross is exiting after breaking up with her and we can hear his thoughts.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Ross are there, Phoebe is entering with her date Robert.]
Joey: Oh well, theyre killing off one of the characters on the show, and when she dies her brain is being transplanted into my body.
CHANDLER: Well, I don't know what Big Leon told ya but it's an even thousand if you want me for the whole night. What is this for?
Monica: (On the phone) Hello? No, he's not here. Yeah, this is his wife. Yeah, well, it came as quite a shock to me too. I guess I should have known. Yeah, I mean, he just kept making me watch Moulin Rouge.
SECURITY GUARD: Uh, excuse me folks this is a uhh...
ROSS: Oh, mine too. Isn't that neat, scotch neat. Would you excuse me? [walks out in the hallway, Mr. Greene is walking out of Chandler and Joey's apartment] Hey, hey, where you uh, sneakin off to mister?
DIRECTOR'S ASSISTANT: Is it bad?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is seated, and the apartment is filled with baskets of fruit. Joey enters, check in hand.]
Rachel: And I mean, you know, you guys... This is a big deal. I mean, how can we have her first birthday party without her aunt and her uncle!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica is preparing for the party with Ross questioning her.]
JOEY: It certainly is a miracle.
Monica: I'm sorry, why is this girl going to call me?
Rachel: Joey! Come on! I dont wanna make any mistakes, alright? This is the only dessert and if I screw it up everybody's gonna be like Oh, remember that Thanksgiving when Rachel screwed up the trifle?
MONICA: God, this is so hard. I can't decide between lamb or duck.
MONICA: Wow, is that Michelle?
Carol: You know that thing you put over here with the pin in it? It's time to take the pin out. You'll find someone, I know you will. The right woman is just waiting for you.
Joey: (grabs the window from the outside and sticks his head in) (whispering) When is she leaving?
Ross: (picking up the slip of paper) Hello! What's this? Oh right its that girl's phone number. (Rachel ignores him) Yeah-yeah, there it is, just a phone number a really hot girl gave me. (He holds it so that Rachel can see it, she continues to ignore him) It's no big deal, I mean it is her home phone number, but...(Rachel still ignores him) Whoa! (Throws it in her lap) Whoa-whoops, I almost lost this baby! Yeah, the lovely Amanda gives me her number and I-I go and drop it. (He waves it in front of Rachel's face. Then suddenly Phoebe has to sneeze and Rachel quickly grabs the slip of paper and gives it to Phoebe for her to sneeze into.)
RACHEL: What is this? What are we doing?
[Flashback to 710 - TOW The Holiday Armadillo] [Scene: Monica, Chandler and Phoebe's, Ross is costumed as an Armadillo.]
MRS GREEN: The only man I've ever been with is your father.
CHANDLER: Oooh, Rich is goin' to the party too, huh?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment, Joey is trying to turn the sofabed back into a sofa. Someone knocks on the door and it rears up at him.]
Carol: Oh great! Is it vegetarian, 'cause Susan doesn't eat meat.
MR A: Well, I don't know what to tell you dear. The only thing I can think of is that she always used to say that before she died, she wanted to see everything.
CHANDLER: I know, this is a great apartment.
Ross: No-no-no, Im saying we-we buy more of this (disposable cameras) at the gift shop, throw our tuxes back on, and take a few pictures. All we have to do is make sure not to get anybody elses faces.
FRIEND: Yeah, is she really 20.
RICHARD: Guys. Seriously, it is not like that.
ROSS: Well uh, you see that, that little cluster of stars next to the big one? That is Ursa Major.
RACHEL: Yes I do, it's just that Ross is. . .
PHOEBE: What? Is it - is this 'cause of what Ross said?
MONICA: Oh, this is so hard.
PHOEBE: OK, who is the boss of you?!!
PHOEBE: OK, hey, HEY. Is your boyfriend the boss of you?
EDDIE: Oh, this is, this is unbelievable. I mean, first you sleep with my ex-girlfriend then you insult my inteligenct by lying about it and then you kill my fish, my Buddy?
Joey: Well okay, so then youre fine. The rule is when two actors are actually doing it off-stage all the sexual tension between them is gone. Okay? So as long as its hot onstage you got nothing to worry about. Its when the heat goes away, thats when youre in trouble.
Richard: Forget the platoon! The platoon is gone! (He is spitting on the hard Ps and Ts.)
Ross: Good evening, sir. My name is Ross Geller. I'm one of the people who applied for the apartment. And I-I realize that the competition is fierce butI'm sorry. I, I can't help but notice you're naked and (He claps his hands.) I applaud you. Man, I wish I was naked. I mean, this-this looks so great. That is how God intended it.
RACHEL: Ok, Ross, Ross, ok listen, what we have is amazing.
MRS. GELLER: Richard. Richard. Your son isn't seeing anyone is he?
RICHARD: It is Judy.
Ross: Yeah, uh, except for the red sock, which is still red. I'm sorry, please don't be upset, it could happen to anyone.
Chandler: Now, do I get to look at this book or is it just for people who are actually involved in the wedding?
(Joey starts to leave to embark on his genius moneymaking scheme, but is freaked out slightly when as he goes to open the door, there's a mysterious knock. He calms himself down and opens the door to reveal Phoebe.)
RACHEL: Is Ross here?
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is drinking some Alka-Seltzer. The rest of the gang, minus Rachel is there as well.]
MONICA: Well yeah, but, you know, uh, 27 is a dangerous eye age.
JOEY: Yes! And the table is mine.
Ross: Well, not really. I mean technically its-its not against the rules or anything, but it is frowned upon. Especially by that professor we ran into last night, Judgey von Holierthanthou.
JOEY: So, I guess this is it.
Rachel: Oh God, come on you guys, is this really necessary? I mean, I can stop charging anytime I want.
MONICA: Art it is.
MONICA: [looking at some kind of glass sculpture thing] Wow Joey, this is, uhh...
CHAN: [to Phoebe] Listen, Phoebs, this is gonna be OK. [introducing Russ and Ross] Ross, Russ. Russ, Ross.
Ross: Oh, that's great, that is great! (Hugs and kisses Carol. Then picks up a picture frame)
Joey: (sleepily) Yeah, she is. Wow! (Falls back asleep, loudly) How you doin?
RACHEL: Yeah well, you know what, so is uh, Sorentino's.
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey is sitting between Monica and Phoebe.]
MICH: Is this guy, uhh, an old boyfriend?
Rachel: Hi, Pheebs? Okay, so just spoke to the nurse and the reason that your doctor is late is because uh, she's not coming.
[Time lapse. Ross is now clearly drunk. He is holding up a shot glass to his eye like a jeweller's eye.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Ross is on the phone.]
Rachel: Well, is Ross home? Maybe Ill just call him to see if hes actually seen her.
Chandler: Which, by the way, is the real San Francisco treat. (Calls her, then hurriedly hangs up.) I got her machine.