words in movies
[Scene: Joey's new apartment. Everyone but Chandler is there. Joey has decorated the place with tons of tacky stuff.]
MONICA: [looking at some kind of glass sculpture thing] Wow Joey, this is, uhh...
MONICA: Art it is.
ROSS: [looking at a glass table with a panther shaped base] Look, check this out. Is it a coffee table, is it a panther? There's no need to decide.
RACHEL: [holding a pillow made out of 4 inch red fur] Hey, nice pillow. So now tell me, is this genuine Muppet skin?
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica, Chandler, and Ross are seated. Rachel is walking over with coffee and a piece of pie.]
PHOEBE: Anyway, OK, now promise you won't like, freak out and say how great this is until I'm done, OK.
[everyone is quiet, unsure if she's done or not]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica is outside the bathroom yelling at Ross who's in the bathroom.]
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler is sitting on the bar wearing huge dog-slippers]
CHANDLER: See, this is the brilliance of the show. I say always keep them running. All the time, running. Run. Run Yasmine, run like the wind.
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey is sitting between Monica and Phoebe.]
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler is sitting between Rachel and Ross.]
[Scene: Recording studio. Phoebe is getting ready to record Smelly Cat.]
PHOEBE: OK. [singing] Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat [back up singers - smelly, smelly, smelly, really bad smelly cat, it's not your fault] OK, sorry. I'm just, I'm just not getting that everyone um, gets how smelly this cat acually is. I just think that maybe if we could talk about this, 'cause I need to feel that you really care about the cat.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Ross is on the phone.]
ROSS: No, there is no way he was a velociraptor. No Tony, look at the cranial ridge, OK. If Dino was a velociraptor, he would have eaten the Flintstones. Yeah, yeah. [Monica comes out of her room] Oh, were you takin' a nap?
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler is sitting on the bar, bouncing a ball against the door. Joey walks in right as he throws the ball and catches it.]
EDDIE: Hey Chan, is that Joey guy gonna come by and pick up his moose hat or should I just toss it out?
CHANDLER: Well, uh, why don't you ask him yourself. Joey, this is my new roommate Eddie.
JOEY: Likewise. Uh, I'll take that. [grabs moose hat] It's what I came for. So, this is new. Where'd you two meet?
EDDIE: [annoying laugh] Is this guy great or what?
JOEY: Yeah, yeah he is. [leaves]
MONICA: I can't believe he has a new roommate. Who is this guy?
[The video is a very dramatic episode with an obviously dubbed voice for Phoebe. Everyone watches in disbeliefe]
PHOEBE: I sound amazing. I, I, I've never heard myself sing before. I mean, except in my own head. Oh, this is so cool, now I can hear what you hear.
[Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment. Joey stops by. Chandler is reading the paper and Eddie is fixing eggs.]
MONICA: Fun? Fun, you think this is fun?
PHOEBE: Listen. You are not going to believe this but, that is not me singing on the video.
[All by myself is playing. Chandler is sitting in front of a window while it's raining outside. We see Joey through a rainy window. The camera zooms out to show it's just his tabletop water sculpture.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe is performing Smelly Cat.]
Monica: That is the unusual activity. Look, they just wanna see if you're okay.
Ross: What is this?!
[Rachel is in the kitchen fiddling with her English truffle. Joey and Ross, anxious to leave and go to Janines party, are egging her on to hurry up.]
Chandler: All my energy is going into not asking that question. I cant believe I screwed this up!
Ross: Is that what they say on the Figure Skating Team?
Rachel: Well, let me just check that with what I got here, all right see 038 is not the number for (Ross starts making a lot of noise with a handheld pepper grinder) this store, 038 is Atlanta. And I...(stops and looks at Ross)
(Sound of dialing numbers is heard from the speaker of the machine)
Rachel: What bank is this?
Monica: Hey. It's him. (On the intercom) Who is it?
Monica: Hi. Alan, this is everybody. Everybody, this is Alan.
[Time lapse, Alan is leaving.]
Rachel: Ooh! You guys are so lucky you are here with people, you known it's such a romantic place. That's all, I just wish I could (looks at Joey who is at the check in desk) share that with a guy.
Kim: Listen to me. If you think sleeping with Ralph is going to get you my job. You are sadly mistaken.
Ross: No, Chandler, you have to find the line between stealing and taking what the hotel owes you. For example: hair drier, no, no, no, but shampoo and conditioners, yes, yes, yes. (pause) Now, the salt shaker is off-limits, but the salt (he opens the salt shaker and pours the salt into his hand) I wish I'd thought this through.
Monica: Oh, why is it unfair?
Chandler: Hey, this is so unfair!
Chandler: Out of curiosity, what is your secret ingredient?
Phoebe: What about me? I just found out that Denise is leaving town for a while, I dont have a roommate.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is entering carrying two pizzas.]
Phoebe: There it is!
Chandler: Y'know, we don't have to watch this. Weekend At Bernie's is on Showtime, HBO, and Cinemax.
[Scene Barry's office, Barry is working on patient, Robbie, as Rachel enters.]
Ross: Is there somebody else?
Phoebe: Wow! This place is incredible! (Gasps) Stings pen that he gave to Phoebe. (Puts the pen in her purse and goes over to a floor-to-ceiling bookcase) Come on! Secret passageway! (Starts pulling books at random as Trudie enters.)
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica is breaking the news to Alan.]
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there except Joey.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is walking into the living room having just gotten up in the middle of the night.]
Rachel: Ross, I am trying to help her become a better person. This is a huge breakthrough for her! She just offered to do something for another human being!!
Monica: Fair? Please dont even talk to me about fair! Fair wouldve been you wanting to marry me back then! Or fair wouldve been Chandler wanting to marry me now! Believe me, nothing about this is fair! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing!
Chandler: (looking) Oh, this is not that bad.
(Joey checks that Ross is not looking and dumps it in a plant.)
Joanne: C'mon, this is us.
Ross: Yes, yes, fine, that is my penis. Can we be grown-ups now?
RACH: And ya know what, now I've got closure. [Rachel slams the door and locks it. She sits down, visibly upset. She puts her head in her hands and begins to cry. Ross comes back and is standing outside the window. When Rachel regroups and gets back up to finish closing, she sees him. She smiles. She goes to open the door and can't get the lock undone.] ROSS: Try the bottom one. [She opens the door and they kiss.] [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler answers the door to find Monica.] CLOSING CREDITS CHAN: Monica, it's 6:30 in the morning. We're not working out, it's over. MNCA: No way, with one pound to go, c'mon. We're workin', we're movin', we're in the zone we're groovin'. CHAN: OK, I don't, I don't mind the last pound. OK, in fact I kind of like the last pound. OK, so don't make me do anything that I'll regret. MNCA: Ooh, what'cha gonna do, fat boy, huh? What? CHAN: Nothing, except tell you, uh, I think it's wonderful how much energy you have. MNCA: Well, thanks. CHAN: I mean, especially considering how tough it's been for you to find work. MNCA: Well, you know. CHAN: You know, I mean, you can't tell your parents you were fired because they'd be disappointed. MNCA: [sad] Uh-huh. CHAN: And it's not as if you have a boyfriend's shoulder to cry on. MNCA: Well no, but um. CHAN: I mean, if it were me, I think I'd have difficulty just getting out of bed at all. MNCA: Y'know, I try to stay positive. . . CHAN: So, you feel like goin' for a run? MNCA: Alright. CHAN: Because, you know, you don't have to. If you want, you could just take a nap right here. MNCA: OK. Just for a little while. CHAN: OK. [Puts an afghan over her and dances into his room]
Monica: Yeah... yeah, I think there is. -What were you gonna say?
Monica: Hey guys this stuff is just so way in the past. You-youve been through so much since then. And right now youve got so much more important stuff going on in your life. Cant you just let this go?
Joey: (entering) You know there already is a Joseph Stalin?
Trudie Styler: Im told there are two sides to this story, but all Ive heard is that Bens a bit of a poo-poo head.
(Chandler and Joey enter. Joey is counting his steps.)
Chandler: (to Richards date) And uh, you dont have a mustache which is good. (She just smiles.) Im Chandler; I make jokes when Im uncomfortable.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting at the couch. Ross is sitting at the table and answers the phone.]
Phoebe: Ninety percent of a womens pheromones come out the top of her head! Thats why, thats why women are shorter. So that men will fall in love when they hug them! (Ross is staring at her dumbfounded.) Oh come on Ross, youre a scientist.
(Phoebe is outside, taking her cell phone out of her bag and making a call. Joey is inside, and his mobile phone starts ringing).
Phoebe: There he is! There he is!
Rachel: He is so cute!
Cecilia: No thats La Guardia. (Joey nods in recognition.) This is Mexico.
Rachel: So, whaddya think George is like?
Chandler: I just want to watch a little television. What is the big deal? Geez, relax mom.
Ross: Where exactly is your zoo?
Chandler: Oh, uh, that would be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself, and then I realised I didn't need it, so I balled it up and... (sees that Monica is glaring at him) ...now I wish I was dead.
Chandler: Alright. (on phone) Yes, this is Rachel.
Phoebe: Oh my God! So was she! And! Get this, okay? Your-your name is Earl, right? Her name was Pearl, P-Earl.
Rachel: Oh, look at the little cat! (a small kitten is on the roof behind Ross)
Joey: Is it on me? I feel, I feel like it's on me! I got, hey! (He storms into his room)
Chandler: You believe that this guy is destined for someone else and youre still gonna date him?
VAN DAMME: Can't you see what's going on here, this man is dead.
[Scene: Ross's Building, Joey is trying to find the hot girl's apartment. So he's walking up the hallway counting doors. He comes to what he thinks is the right one and knocks on it. Ross opens the door, it's his apartment.]
Ross: Yeah, oh and Sarah... I'd like to introduce you to my colleague, uh, Professor Wheeler, a-and this is Joey Tribbiani.
[Scene: Ross' apartment, Chandler is over.]
Susan: Yeah, and we all know what a challenge that is!
Phoebe: This is nice. We never do anything just the two of us.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Chandler is entering with a peace offering of a Joey Special, two pizzas.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe is telling Chandler and Monica how she fought crime in her own way with the badge she found.]
Monica: I know being spit on is probably not what you need right now. Um... how long?
[Scene: Outside the Nursery, everyone but Rachel is standing and looking into the window.]
Phoebe: She is lying! And I bet I can prove it. Excuse me. (She grabs Ursulas purse and starts going through it and finds some papers.) Okay. Okay. YeahNot a prayer chain, but what looks like a detailed drawing of a bank floor plan. (Holds up her nametag.) Okay, heres the nametag from the restaurant where she works as a waitress! Not a teacher, a waitress. All right, heres her driver license, this oughta be good, she always lies about this. How old did she say she was?
Ross: Well, her thought is, and I agree, fresh new furniture, why not a fresh new apartment? Her cousin has this great place to sublet, it's got a view of the river on one side and Columbia on the other.
Phoebe: Ooh that is definitely Chandler, Joey, or Ross. (Thinks) Or-or Rachel!
Ross: The word you're looking for is 'Anyway'...
Phoebe: Sven I don't understand what you're saying! What is wrong with the flowers? Lorkins? What the hell are lorkins?
Bob: Monica, Monica is great.
Ross: Right, I'm gonna go talk to Joey. I think this is the right time. He's always in a good mood after the flight attendant says "duty free".
(Chandler is shocked and Rachel gets scared of Monica very quickly.)
The Interviewer: So it seems like you have a lot of friends, who would you say is your best friend?
[Scene: The Vending Machines, Phoebe is buying a soda and Joey is shaking the candy machine.]
Rachel: (reading the program) Ooh! Look! Look! Look! Look, there's Joey's picture! This is so exciting!
Ross: Oh my God, oh- is today the twentieth, October twentieth?
[Scene: Iridium, Monica is working as Frannie enters.]
Mr. Thompson: Our next item is the romantic trip to Paris. (Pause.) It goes to Emil Alexander high a high bid of 2,300.
Ross: Is it? Feels like two.
Ross: Oh, shhh, shh. Magic is about to happen.
Rachel: What is it?
PHOE: Ok, um, hi, hello, hi, ok, so, um, this is a song about a love triangle between three people that I made up. Um, it's called, um, "Two of Them Kissed Last Night".
Rachel: Ohh! This is so exciting! Oh God (Gasps and starts to sing) Come and knock on my door
Monica: Please... Chandler is the love of my life... (At which point a man in leather pants walks by)... oooh leather pants! Have Mercy! (Follows the man in the leather)
Ross: No, of course not! (Thinks) ...Yeah, yeah, it is.
Aurora: Mmmm... Ethan is my... boyfriend.
Emily: I uh, I got it from the gift shop. They have really lax security there. (Chandler is shocked.) Its a joke. (They all laugh.)
Joey: (says hi to his grandma) Look! Oh! (Pointing out the window.) Is that the Pope?! (Chandler and his grandma turn to look and Joey slips a tape into the VCR.)
Lady: Well, we already have one offer on it, and I think the lady upstairs is goning to make another one.
Monica: That is so unfair!
Chandler: Well, you may wanna rethink the dirty underwear. This is basically the first time she's gonna see your underwearyou want it to be dirty?
(Rachel stands up and kisses Ross. He is stunned. A moment of silence follows.)
Ross: You're right, you're right, it is...So you gonna invite us all to the big opening?
Chandler: Oh, I'm sorry, so 'we' is?
Rachel: Who is being loud?
Monica: I can't believe this! This is like the worst night ever!
Monica: What is it? Is there something fundamentally unmarriable about me?
Ross: Look Chandler, Monica is really weird about this kind stuff all right. Believe me, I lived with her for 16 years. She is going to freak out. Oh my God, she's going to sit on you.
Joey: Monica, I'm tellin' you, this guy is perfect for you.