words in movies
[Scene: Ross's bedroom. Rachel is putting on her shoes as Ross shows up from underneath the covers.]
[Scene: The delivery room at the hospital. Monica, Chandler and Erica are there. Erica is in labor, and she is breathing heavily.]
Chandler: This is exactly the kind of social situation that I am not comfortable with!
Chandler: Hah. May not wanna mention this. So, you ever wonder which is worse, you know; going through labor or getting kicked in the nuts?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Joey is there as Phoebe enters. Joey is holding a baby duck.]
Phoebe: That is the rule, though.
Ross: Is Rachel here?
Joey: So, so is she still going to Paris?
Phoebe: Oh, this is like the best day ever. Ever! You guys might get back together, Monica and Chandler are getting their baby, there are chicks and ducks in the world again! Oh, I feel like I'm in a musical! (Singing) "Daa - raa... When the sun comes up, bright and beaming! And the moon comes..."
Ross: I know, me too. It was... You know, it was like one of those things you think is never gonna happen, and then it does, and it's everything you want it to be.
[Scene: The Hospital. Erica is moaning and about to give birth. Monica, Chandler, a nurse and a doctor are there with her.]
Chandler: Is it really that bad?
Erica: Uh-huh! I think it's time to kick you in the nuts and see which is worse!
Doctor: The baby's head is crowning.
Monica: Oh! Oh my God! That is the most beautiful top of a head I have ever seen! Chandler, you have to see this!
(Chandler is standing by Erica's head.)
Monica: Chandler, you don't wanna miss this. This is the birth of your child! It's the miracle of life!
Chandler: Alright. Wow, that is one disgusting miracle.
Erica: Is he okay?
Monica: (to her son) Oh, hey handsome! Oh, I'm gonna love you so much that no woman is ever gonna be good enough for you! (To Chandler, on the verge of tears) Oh, we are so lucky!
Monica: This is unbelievable.
Monica: Okay, what if the person who adopts the other one is horrible?
Monica: Yeah, because I hear the king is looking to adopt.
Monica: That doesn't matter! We have waited so long for this. I don't care if it's two babies. I don't care if it's three babies! I don't care if the entire cast of "Eight is Enough" comes out of there! We are taking them home, because they are our children!
Joey: You can't just give up! Is that what a dinosaur would do?
Phoebe: I'm telling you! Oh, okay! This is the part of the musical where there'd be a really good convincing song. (Singing) "Bam-bam, don't take no for an answer. Bam-bam, don't let love fly away. Bam-bam-bam-bam..."
(Ross is shocked.)
Monica: Son of a gun, it is!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Joey and Phoebe are there. There is a white crib decorated with balloons in the middle of the apartment. Also, there are boxes all over the apartment. Joey is working on something on the coffee table.]
(He holds up a white poster with huge red letters. It reads, "Welcome Home Baby." There is also a huge red stain on the left of the poster.)
Phoebe: How sweet! Oh, is that the baby?
Ross: Yeah, and she still wants to go! It's pretty clear where she is.
Phoebe: No, you don't! She's going to Paris! She is going to meet somebody. Do you know how many hot guys there are in Paris? It's... It's a city of Gunthers!
(They turn back around to see the baby Monica's carrying, but then they realise what the surprise is. Ross, Mike, Phoebe and Rachel gasp and stare at Chandler and his baby. Joey hasn't figured it out yet.)
Joey: (To Monica) Hey, so what is the big surprise?
Monica: (points at the baby she's holding) This is a boy, (points at the baby Chandler is holding) and that's a girl.
Chandler: Her name is Erica.
Joey: Maybe that's okay. You know? Maybe, maybe it is better this way? I mean, now, now you can move on. I mean, you've been trying to for so long, maybe now that you're on different continents.. (Looks at Phoebe) Right?
Joey: This is so cool!
Ross: I don't know, but I.. Look, even if she shoots me down, at least I won't spend the rest of my life wondering what would have happened. Where - where is my coat?!
[Scene: The street right in front of Central Perk. Phoebe's cab is there. Ross and Phoebe run over and jump in.]
Phoebe: My medallion number is, "Get out of the cab!"
[Scene: Phoebe's cab. Phoebe is driving very fast, and a terrified Ross has closed his eyes.]
Ross: Is the old woman on the bicycle still alive?
Phoebe: Damn, that window is clean.
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey is still looking for the birds.]
(Chandler grins, while Monica is less enthusiastic.)
(Monica turns around and is about to leave when she steps on something.)
Ross: I don't care. Whatever is the cheapest.
[Scene: The gate. Rachel is still searching for her boarding pass.]
Rachel: Oh! Shoot! Damn it! Where is it? Oh! Oh! I found it! I found it!
(Phoebe picks up her cell-phone and calls Monica. Monica is still packing in her apartment.)
(Monica is standing by the crib, and she's looking at her babies.)
Ross: That is precious! Listen! I need Rachel's flight information.
Ross: Phoebe, forget it, okay? Newark is - is like an hour away. There's no way we're gonna make it in time.
(She lets go of the steering wheel to get her cell-phone from her purse. Ross screams and reaches over in order to hold onto the wheel. Cut to the plane. Rachel is sitting in her seat when her cell-phone rings.)
Rachel: Phoebe? Is everything okay?
Phoebe: I have this feeling that something's wrong with it. Something is wrong with the left Philange.
Passenger #1: But she is sometimes.
Air stewardess: There is no Philange!
Passenger #1: We're all getting off. There is no Philange!
Rachel: This is ridiculous! I...
(She notices that everybody is leaving.)
Monica: Alright. My job here is done.
Gate attendant #2: Ma'am, I assure you, the plane is fine.
Gate attendant #2: Yes, the Philange is fixed. As a matter of fact, we put a whole lot of extra Philanges onboard, just in case.
Ross: Where is she?
Phoebe: There she is!
Ross: Okay, the thing is..
Chandler: Wow, this is weird.
Rachel: (on the answering machine) Ross, hi. It's me. I just got back on the plane. And I just feel awful. That is so not how I wanted things to end with us. It's just that I wasn't expecting to see you, and all of a sudden you're there and saying these things... And... And now I'm just sitting here and thinking of all the stuff I should have said, and I didn't. I mean, I didn't even get to tell you that I love you too. Because of course I do. I love you. I love you. I love you. What am I doing? I love you! Oh, I've gotta see you. I've gotta get off this plane.
(The message is finished. Ross jumps over to the answering machine.)
Rachel: Okay. 'Cause this is where I wanna be, okay? No more messing around. I don't wanna mess this up again.
Rachel: Okay. You and me, alright? This is it.
Ross: This is it. Unless we're on a break.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Chandler and Monica are holding the twins. Joey and Phoebe are sitting by the window, while Ross and Rachel are standing together. The apartment is completely empty. Two men are carrying a large dresser.]
Phoebe: So, I guess this is it.
Monica: (crying) This is harder than I thought it would be.
(They all leave the apartment. Joey helps Chandler with the stroller in the hallway, while Monica and Rachel have their arms around each other. Everybody walks downstairs to Central Perk. The camera goes inside the apartment again, and it pans around. We see the keys on the counter, and the final shot is of the frame around the peephole. The screen fades to black.)
Joey: Im sure its a famous watering can, okay. But, come on and what is with the really hot stick in the bathroom?
Monica: Okay, Mike and Joey, get in position. Chandler, come with me. (they walk off, Ross looks down to Chappy, who he's holding and he gets a whiff of the dog's smell. He is clearly disgusted by it.)
Ross: Space is filled with orbiting children. (pause) Look, please, just come on, you know, when you’ll see the look on Emma’s face, I swear you won’t regret it.
Joey: I know. I know. And this is so much more complicated than it was for those guys. I mean, its Rachel for God sakes.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is sitting on the couch as Joey enters strutting.]
Joey: Right!(he starts to ape her)"Oh my God, is this the men's room? Oh, I feel so foolish, have you always known you wanted to be an actor?" (he inclines his head as if to look at a man's private parts)
Chandler: Okay, but you gotta push past this because it is about to get so good!
Joey: Noo, (whispering) more like a notebook... Damn it! (next word appears: "blueprint") Oh, if I'm building an house, the plan isn't called the 'shmoo-print'... Can't say that either? Woha... hey... (the last word is "Football field" and there are 5 seconds left) In high school, I once had sex with a girl right in the middle of the...
Phoebe: Lets see. (Looking at the picture) Oh my God! Oh But no! No! You cant-you cant hire him, because thatits not professional. Umm, this is for me (The picture) yes? Thanks. (Puts it in her pocket.)
Phoebe: Rachel is one of my closest friends. (Pause) Although, being the only one who knows anything about this does makes me feel special. Okay!
Joey: Pickle? Pickles make her sick. Giving her pickles is like giving me salad.
Rachel: Well, I havent seen him since that night that he told me how he yknow I dont know, I think hes avoiding me. Why is that bagel on the floor?
Joey: No man, that's huge! Now, I know I can stand to be around her, which means I get to hang out with you, which is kinda the whole point, anyway.
(Rachel and Barry quickly split and pretend Barry is examining Rachel's mouth.)
Ross: He was unbelievable. He was like that-that-that Bugs Bunny cartoon where Bugs is playing all the positions, right, but instead of Bugs it was first base-Alan, second base-Alan, third base-...
Chandler: Well, I see you've had a very productive day. Don't you think the cowboy hat is a little much?
Ross: And if you think about it, I mean the reason he memorized all that stuff is because he thought it was important to you. You know, that's the kind of guy Joey is.
Chandler: (as Rachel is cutting up her cards) Y'know, if you listen closely, you can hear a thousand retailers scream.
[Scene: Rachel's job interview, she is waiting outside Mr. Zelner's (the interviewer) office banging her pen between her teeth.]
Phoebe: Ok, well, alright, who thinks the food is fine, the music was fine, but your evening was ruined by this incessant poll taking? (all raise their hands).
Monica: (To Chandler) How great are you, you little saver?! I mean, the-the amount you have is exactly the budget of my dream wedding!
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is there as Phoebe and Rachel enter wearing workout clothes.]
PHOEBE: I know who it is you remind me of. Evelyn Dermer. 'Course, that's before she got the lousy face lift. Now she looks like Soupy Sales.
Chandler: Hey Rach! There she is...My perfectly proportioned wife.
MONICA: Fortunately, it is me. And, they made me head of purchasing, thank you very much. Anyway, I just ran into Ross and Chandler downstairs, and they think we should go out and celebrate. You know, someplace nice.
Joey: I-I think everybodys pretending they dont hear you. Anyway, look, I dont know about you and your jackets and your separate tables, but Ross is one of my best friends, and if I save him a seat, Im telling you, he will sit in it! (Ross enters and goes over to the white table) Ross! Ross! Over here, man! I-I saved you seat.
[cut to a new scene, also in Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is sitting, Phoebe is nearby.]
Monica: All right uh, the important thing is to take your time, you want to hit em all, and you mix em up. You gotta keep them on their toes.
(She gets to Monica who has the dress balled up in one hand and is sitting on Megan who is sprawled out on the floor.)
Rachel: Yeah. Its just gonna be too hard. Yknow? I mean, its Ross. How can I watch him get married? Yknow its just, its for the best, yknow it is, its Yknow, plus, somebodys got to stay here with Phoebe! Yknow shes gonna be pretty big by then, and she needs someone to help her tie her shoes; drive her to the hospital in case she goes into labour.
[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross has used a broom to open the air vent in the ceiling. Phoebe is wearing a janitor's uniform, ready to go up in the vent.]
Ross: Save the breakthroughs for therapy, okay. The clock is ticking. We have no time, and we are losing, we are losing to girls.
Ross: All right. (Reading.) A room. A man enters, he looks suspicious. (Stops reading a flips the page to find the next one is blank.) That's it? (Joey shrugs.) Joey, you're supposed to have five pages done by now! Including an exciting incident! (Flipping through the rest of the pad.) And what is, and what is all this?! (Reading.) The official rulebook of Fireball.
Chandler: This-this Fonzie person you keep referring too, is that uh, is that another doctor?
Phoebe: (looking around) Whos cell phone is that? Its just so annoying; everywhere you go.
Ross: Right, um, but, on Hanukkah, Hanukkah is a celebration of a miracle. See, years and years ago there were these people called the Maccabees.
Chandler: Janices birthday is coming up, I want to get her something speacial. Come in here with me.
[Scene: Dr. Rhodes's Office, a rather large group of doctors has now gathered to take a look at Ross's thing. Ross is none too pleased with the developments, he has a disgusted look on his face.]
Joey: And while were down at the video store, you know what else we could rent? Die Hard! (Chandlers excited.) Oh, yknow what? I just remembered, that Everest thing is only available through mail order.
Phoebe: Gosh. Im not gonna let that man make you eat your baby. (They both sit down by the rest of the gang and Phoebe recognizes a man by the window.) Oh. Hey! Who is that guy? I think I know him.
Ross: Wow, this cologne really is every bit as good as Georgio.
Joey: Right! And when is that due?
Ross: Im telling you. Im telling you. Thats what it is. No wonder she was looking at me all funny during the wedding. She didnt say anything to you?
RACH: Ok, he's goin' to get my coat. He's goin' to get my coat. Oh my god, you guys. I can't believe this. This is unbelievable. [notices Chandler's computer screen] What's that?
Ross: This is great. Rachel's gonna keep kissing guys until she finds the one she wants and I'm gonna die alone.
Rachel: Well is it fair that all you did was put on a cape and I gotta give you free stuff?
Phoebe: Her name is Precious? Is she a purebreed or did you pick her up at the pound?
Rachel: You guys this cat is nothing like my grandmother's cat. I mean, it's not sweet, it's not cute, I even dragged that little string on the ground, and it just flipped out and scratched the hell out of me. And I swear, I know this sounds crazy, but every time this cat hisses at me I know it's saying, "Rachel!"
Ross: (jumping up) Good! A verbal contract is binding in the state of New York! (Storms out.)
Monica: They've only been going out for a few weeks and Phoebe is completely hung up on Mike! She'll say "No", David's heart will be broken, it will be too hard for them to recover from and then Phoebe will end up alone again.
Allesandro: How long is this gonna take? Cause I got another critic to go yell at.
Chandler: Right! I just think that this is happening too soon.
Joey: Hey. Uh, can I talk to you for a second? This, uh, kid in this picture. Do you, uh, know this kid? Is that like a relative or something?
Rachel: I know. Okay. (Whispering and thinking.) Okay. Okay. All right. All right, this is what were gonna do, we are gonna go to the next highest bidder, and we are just gonna let them buy it, and then youre just gonna pay the difference.
Rachel: (stopping him) Hey! You cant leave Joey! You agreed to buy that boat, all right?! That is a contract! And plus if you leave, my boss is gonna kill me!
Mona: No, no. Listen, Ross is too nice to say anything, but this is his apartment, and, and, we gotta have some boundaries, so why dont you go back to your place and give us some privacy?
Monica: You're from Yonkers! Your last name is Buffo-Martisis!
Rachel: No, no dont get mad because lookthis is what happened. So I-I started packing, then I realized, "What am I doing? I am lousy at packing!" Right? But you love packing! So, as a gift to you, on our last night, ta-da!
Rachel: (Tearfully) Ross, I'm doing everything that I can, I've got everybody looking for him, and I- (Door buzzer goes and she runs to get it) Oh! Who is it?
Ross: Hey, yknow what? This is your fault! Youre the one that didnt move his-his appointment.
Phoebe: Okay, this is inexcusable. I am shocked to my very core!
Monica: The basket is totally empty! My God, the neighbors ate all the candy!
Ross: (turning a corner) There he is!!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is paying Phoebe.]
Phoebe: No! We're gonna do it my way. (listens) Because your way is stupid! Alright I gotta go, I have another call, Reverend. (switches calls) Hello?
Rachel: Yeah, well Bettys kinda sad. Which is why I believe I can lure her away with these chocolates. (Holding up the box of chocolates.) Now, while I distract her, you get in the office.
Mike: Keep in mind, he's never used this product before, you're gonna see how easy this is to do. (to Kevin) Go ahead. ('Kevin' starts using the product, it is a spout that you jab into a paper milk carton so that you don't have to rip it open.) This works with any milk carton.
Chandler: (entering) All right! Okay! I think I am making some progress with Joey, when I went into the apartment he went straight into his bedroom but he only slammed the door once! (Ross is pleased.) I mean yeah, he gave me the finger while doing it.
Chandler: God! She is not stealing from us! Okay, will you let this go?
RACHEL: Nothing, I mean, um, it is your first time with her and, you know if the first time doesn't go well, well then that's, that's pretty darn hard to recover from.
Tag: It is the right time. (Takes her hand.)
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Phoebe is running up to meet David.]
[Scene: The desert outside of Las Vegas, Joey is arriving and we hear the song, Name. Y'know, (singing) I've been through the desert on a horse with no name! It felt good to be out of the rain. In the desert, you can't remember your name, 'cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain. La la la-la-la, la, la, la, la-la-la. You get the idea. Anyhoo, he pulls up and stops. As he gets out of the car, he spills a huge pill of fast food containers out of the foot well.]
Rachel: Well, yeah, right, yknow what? Yeah, youre right, I mean, we no, we have our fun. Yeah! But if (Grunts uncomprehensively) I mean, I mean like craaaazy! Yknow? Okay, all right. This is gonna, this is gonna sound yknow, a little umm, hasty, but uh, just go with it. Umm. Ugh. What if we got married?
Ross: Oh! And it gets worse! (Turns his side to Chandler and Monica and pulls up his shirt. There's a distinct line across his body, where his belly is very tanned and his back is very pale.)
The Acting Teacher: All right, lets start with some basics. Can anybody tell me what the difference between upstage and downstage is?
Ross: Phoebe, are you, are you mad at me, or something? 'Cause if are please, tell me what it is I did!
[Scene: Dr. Longs Office, Ross and Rachel are waiting for the doctor. Ross is drumming his fingers on the bed.]
[Scene: The Fire Escape, Joey and Ross have reached the last landing. Joey is tugging on the ladder that extends to the ground, but it wont budge.]
Bill: I know the process is frustrating, but it's so worth it. Adopting Owen was the best thing that ever happened to us.
Ross: Yeah, well missy, you better be glad that list is laminated.
Phoebe: Okay y'know what you have to choose. All right, if-if the most important thing on the planet to you is this cat poopy thing then, okay you can have Smelly Cat, but we wont be partners. So whats it gonna be?
Chandler: Thanks for trying. (grabs the ticket and starts to leave) Oh, and by the way there is no Count Rushmore!
Phoebe: Ooh, is it someone in this building? Is it that tall guy from the first floor?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is entering to find Joey, still looking like Captain Stubing, on the phone.]
Monica: Come on, okay, come on this is for all womankind. Lets kill um!
Chandler: Okay. (notices that Joey is wearing some really tight jeans) My word! Those are snug.
Chandler: Aside from adoption the only other choice is insemination, so... we're talking about sperm donors.
Phoebe: (sighs) Honey, I wish you would get over her. I hate seeing you like this. Is there anything I can do for you? Do you want to look down my top?
Hold Voice: Please, stay on the line. Your call is important to us.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, everyone is reading Joeys interview.]
[Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment. Joey stops by. Chandler is reading the paper and Eddie is fixing eggs.]
[Scene: Outside Ugly Naked Guy's apartment, Ross is knocks on the door and Ugly Naked Guy answers it. He's ugly. He's naked. And he's holding a huge jumbo soda.]
Joey: oh, I didn't know you liked French fries. Help yourself! What's mine is yours. (Sarah reaches over and takes a few fries)
Monica: (laughs) This is Chandlers chicken. This is the turkey. (Sets down a huge turkey.)
Monica: Hey, it is unreasonable to expect a child to wait for a light bulb to cook brownies! (She goes to the attic.)
Ross: Well, yeah, of-of course Im okay! What? Im just being supportive. Supportive of you and this whole trip, and-and (notices something) what-what is uh, whats this? (He holds up a rather skimpy bathing suit.)
Rachel: Oh Phoebe, listen. Well, I think we gotta go. This place is really freaking me out. I've been watching this guy over there, I don't think he came with a kid!
Joey: (there's a gunshot on TV) There's my scene, there's my scene. [Joey on tv] "Mrs. Wallace, I'm Dr. Drake Ramoray, your sister's neurosurgeon. I'm afraid the situation is much worse than we expected. Your sister is suffering from a..." (Does the smell-the-fart look.)
(Monica strides over to Ross, who is making coffee, and talks to him aside.)