words in movies
[Scene: A beauty parlour, Rachel is getting a manicure while Chandler, yes Chandler, is getting a petticure (Does that scare you that I know those terms? Well, it scares me.).]
Chandler: Y'know, I can't believe I'm getting my nails done! And you said it was gonna be fun! (pause) Which it kinda is. Also, you said there would be other guys here. There are no other guys here!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Joey are standing at the counter. Monica is flipping a light switch on and off next to the door.]
Joey: And there it is.
Chandler: Bye. (Finally closes the door on her.) (After its closed) I cant stand the woman! (Phoebe is shocked, Joey is relieved.)
Chandler: (standing in the door of the fridge) Well, I dont have to break up with her this time. Were not involved! Im going to do a pre-emptive strike! Im going to end it with her before it starts. My ass is like frozen! (Closes the fridge.)
Emily: No, no, no Ross! Ross, these are friends of mine from home. (Introducing them) Liam, Devon, this is Ross.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is attempting his pre-emptive strike.]
Chandler: Right! I just think that this is happening too soon.
Chandler: I hear ya. (Pause) But! Unfortunately, my company is transferring me overseas!
Monica: This switch thing has been driving me crazy. So I turned it off and checked every outlet. Now, four of them dont work. Which means, one of them has to be controlled by the switch. So, I plugged in things in all four of the outlets that-that make noise, so that way, when I turn it on I just follow the noise and find out which one it is.
Monica: Yeah, well, Im using noise. Okay. All right! So, is everybody ready? Here we go. (She flips on the switch and a hum starts.) I hear something! I hear something! Where is it? (They all start looking until Rachel realises its Joey.)
Ross: Oh, just hold on a second. Im watching this rugby thing on ESPN. I dont know what the big deal is. Im man enough to play this sport.
Janice: Ohh, well when you said all you were going to be doing between now and the time you leave is packing, you didnt really leave me much choice. Did you?
Joey: Nope. (To Ross) Man look at this! Ross, I cant believe you said youd play rugby. I mean look how brutal this is!
Ross: And is a hum, kinda like a scruddle?
[Scene: The park, everyone is warming up for the rugby game. Only Joey and Phoebe came to support Ross.]
Liam: You dont say! (We see Ross who is hopping about with the ball and spikes it in his face.)
(The scrum forms and the game is underway.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachels, Monica is going over some plans as Rachel enters.]
[Scene: The airport, the Yemen Express counter, Chandler is still trying to get rid of Janice.]
Janice: Oh please. Every moment is precious. Yknow? Besides, somebody had to ride in that other taxi with the rest of your luggage, and your friends dont really seem to care too much that youre leaving.
Chandler: Well, were really not that close. (Pause) Okay, so I guess this is uh, good-bye then.
Chandler: No. All right, yknow what, shes (Points to Janice) gonna think that Im handing you a credit card, but what Im really gonna do is hand you a library card.
Ticket Counter Attendant: Ah, sir a ticket to Yemen is $2,100 and we dont take library cards.
Janice: Whats the matter? Is something wrong? Do you have to stay?
[Scene: The rugby game, Ross is getting killed.]
Ross: Did you see me? I was pretty good, huh? That is one fun game!
Ross: No, God no! That is no place for a woman. Those guys will grab anything.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachels, Monica is reading a book as Rachel returns.]
Monica: Okay, but there is a wire back there! I mean that switch is connected to something!
(Rachel removes a paper on the floor which is covering a hole and gasps.)
Ross: Oh no! That-thatll just bring me down! This was great! I mean I-I-I was great! This is a great day! Yknow what? Im buying everyone coffee. All right? If someone would just grab my wallet, its in my pocket.
[Scene: The airport, the flight to Yemen is being called.]
Ticket Counter Attendant: (on the P.A.) This is the final boarding call for Flight 664 to Yemen.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachels, Monica has finally given up on her search to find what the light switch does and is now flicking it on and off aimlessly.]
[Cut to Chandler and Joeys, Joey and Phoebe are watching TV. The TV is turning off and on, and each time Phoebe is blinking her eyes like the Genie did. The switch obviously controls the outlet which the TV is plugged into.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching TV, and we hear Mr. Treeger in the bathroom.]
Rachel: (laughing) Ohh, that is soo sad.
Monica: Okay listen, yknow when you move in Rachels room is gonna be empty, you wanna talk about what we want to do with it?
Monica: Well, if we owe it? (She throws down her cleaning stuff and jumps into his arms.) Oh my When is Joey gonna be home?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there with her guitar.]
(Monica is drinking from the tap)
Joey: Yeah! Well, now that you brought it up, our fridge is broken. We have to get a new one. Now, I checked around and your half is $400. Thanks a lot.
Phoebe: Oo! Is it for my birthday present?
Rachel: No! No! No! No its not! No its not! Come on! Phoebe, ours is totally different! I mean we dont have the (Looks desperately for something different.) We dont have the that lamp! And-and that screen is yknow, on the other side.
Ross: Mitzi is.....
MR. GREENE: I'll never remember all of that. So uh, what's the deal? Rachel comes home, people pop out and yell stuff, is that it?
Phoebe: (looking at the clock) Oh wow, three hours and still no baby. Ugh, the miracle of birth sure is a snooze fest.
Monica: Oh, is everything in the car?
Chandler: Yes, it is, at Office Max.
[cut to the living room where Mrs. Burkart is now performing.]
[Scene: Central Perk, the whole gang is there, Ross is showing pictures of his new baby boy, Ben, to the group.]
[Scene: That same plane cabin, Ross is working on a crossword puzzle and Rachel is asleep against his shoulder. She shifts a little bit and Ross suddenly gets an idea. An evil idea when he looks at his pen. Then we have a little time lapse, the plane has landed and everyone is disembarking. The flight attendant is saying bye-bye to everyone.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel, Rachel is there, Chandler enters.]
Rachel: You guys, come on, it doesn't matter why we're late. We're all here now, please let us in so we can have some of your delicious turkey. (A slice of turkey on a piece of aluminum foil is slid under door)
(His dad nods. Cut to later. Joey is chopping mushrooms)
Joey: Okay, and ah, this one here is a Douglas Fir, now its a little more money, but you get a nicer smell.
Joey: What kind of profit is that?! And you call yourself an accountant.
Mrs. Potter: Oh really? Well, then youd better tell his other wife, cause she called three times asking where he is.
[Scene: Healing Hands, Inc., Phoebe is giving Rick a massage.]
Rachel: Y'know, it is not like I did this on purpose.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is there, Joey enters.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is reading a cereal box as Ross enters wearing the red sweater.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is sitting in the canoe as Joey runs through the door carrying an outdoor patio table.]
JOEY: That is so not my motto.
Joey: (To Chandler) Okay, this is it. Its my big fight scene coming up. (He looks over and Chandler and notices that hes asleep.)
Joey: Well. I guess you think youre pretty special huh? Sittin up here in your fancy small hall building. Makin stars jump through hoops for ya, huh? Well yknow what? (Throws the script away) This is one star whos hoop This is a star that the hoopthis hoopI was Dr. Drake Remoray!
Phoebe: What? (the guys keep laughing.) What? You guys, what is going on? You not like Robert? (the guys keep laughing.) Why are you laughing?!
MONICA: I can't believe that this whole time we thought he hated us. I mean, isn't it amazing how much you can touch someone's life, without even knowing it?...Would you look at this dump? He hated us. This is his final revenge!
Kathy: So is Joey around?
Chandler: It was working until you showed up, you big tree! I mean, this isnt fair. You had your chance with her! You had your chance and you blew it! And this is my chance and I am not going to blow it because we are meant for each other! And this is all just been one stupid mistake! (Sits down heavily.) I was gonna propose tonight.
Joey: (in a very aaaaahhhhh sweeeeeet voice) Aaahhh, look at you two... holding hands... huh is this getting serious? (Phoebe and Mike, embarrassed, start babbling and look away.) Have you not talked about it yet? (They say nothing now, but smile) Am I making you uncomfortable? (smiles are becoming forced now, and he speaks to Mike) If you were bigger you'd hit me, huh...? Aaaaaahhhhhh (he turns away to the bar)
[Scene: The conference room in Tulsa again, Chandler is trying to evade Wendy]
Chandler: Yeah, I think it is!
Phoebe: Wait, if thats his favourite area, why is he being so mean to it?
[Scene: Phoebe Sr. house, she is a real estate agent and is trying to sell a house over the phone. By the way, its still raining outside.]
Ross: (all depressed) Hi. Where is everybody?
Rachel: Now you're probably going to hire one of the people who did not ah, (She puts her hands on his desk blotter and he moves it. Rachel then doesn't know where to put her hands.) who did, who did not umm, yell at you and storm out, and I think that's a big mistake and here's why. I made a huge fool of myself and I came back, that shows courage. When I thought you wanted sex in exchange for this job, I said no. That shows integrity. And, I was not afraid to stand up for myself and that shows courage. (Suddenly realizes that she said courage twice.) Okay umm, now I know I already said courage, but y'know you gotta have courage. And umm, and finally when I thought you were making sexual advances in the workplace, I said no and I was not litigious. {By the way, litigious means to want to litigate and litigate is to make a lawsuit against. So she didn't want to sue him. Don't worry, I had to look it up too.} So there you go, you got, you got (counts them off with her fingers) courage, you got integrity, you got (Pause) courage again, and not litigious. Look Mr
[Cut to later, Kathy is cutting Chandlers hair.]
Ross: You know what the scariest part is? What if there's only one woman for everybody, y'know? I mean what if you get one woman- and that's it? Unfortunately in my case, there was only one woman- for her...
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is reading the paper and Chandler is getting ready for work.]
Ross: Correct. Rachel claims this is her favorite movie
Chandler: Oh, dont say that! Dont say that. Thats not true. Is it?
Chandler: No. Is there anyway, anyway you think hell understand this?
Chandler: Is that a real thing?
Phoebe: I just, I just have this really strong feeling that this cat is my Mother.
Ross: I dont know! I guess I just cant believe any of this is happening.
Chandler: How is that worse?!
(Chandler waits until Jill is looking, then starts to blow a bubble. But instead of blow one, he accidentally spits the gum out of his mouth and hits the wall.)
Monica: All right, Rachel, I know-I know you think I'm crazy, please, before you tell him you love him, just-just try to find one person who thinks this is a good idea. Because I bet you, you can't.
Voice: What is the name of your roommate who is very, very sorry and would do anything (Joey realizes its Chandler and hangs up the phone in anger.)
ROSS: Yeah, so uh, is it sore or can you do stuff?
[Scene: Outside the beach house, Ross is telling Joey and Chandler what happened with Rachel.]
Chandler: No-no-no! It is going to be okay, because Mrs. Braverman is gonna send away for a free one and that way we all win! The only losers are the big cheesecake conglomerate, (Reading the label) Mommas Little Bakery. (Pause) I feel terrible, Im a horrible, horrible, horrible person.
Rachel: Oh Pheebs, is that a new ankle bracelet?
Ross: (to Rachel) You see what men do! Dont tell me men are not nice! (points to Chandler) This is men!!
[Scene: It's an old home movie of the Geller's backyard, young Ross is dressed up as Bea, and pouring himself/herself some tea.]
Carol: Ok, and this is Funny Clown. Funny Clown is only for after his naps, not before his naps or he won't sleep.
[Scene: The delivery room, everyone except Rachel is there. Phoebe, Monica, and Ross are holding the babies.]
Chandler: No. No. Actually I forgot, what is the deal with that again?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is finishing up a song.]
Ross: 11, unbelievable 11 is correct. (The guys celebrate.) All right, thats 4 for the guys. Ladies, youre up.
[Scene: Rosss bedroom, Rachel getting into bed while Ross is reading and laughs.]
Frank: Yeah, if the best is like unbelievable pain!
Phoebe: This is so cool, til Monica gets back, its like Im head chef and I get to make all the decisions. (She looks at the remaining butter, and then decides to add it to the dish.)
Monica: Why is it sick?
Chandler: Tell it again. (pause, we see Rachel is not amused.) Seriously.
Rachel: Is he okay in there?
[The next flashback is from The One With The Dozen Lasagnas, Phoebe is telling everyone but Rachel about the pass Paulo made on her.]
Chandler: (He is now in the box, in their living room.) Sounds like a really bad idea to me.
Rachel: So now, what exactly is the point of the box?
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is telling Phoebe about Mark, as Gunther eavesdrops behind them.]
Kate: Happy?! Is that what Im supposed to be Vic? Happy?
Joey: Oh! Hey right! Not a problem. (He starts taking off his clothes.) I totally understand. You need to yknow make sure I dont have any horrible scars or tattoos. Dont you worry; I have nothing to hide. (He drops his pants and stands back up and looks down.) So there you go, thats me. (We cut to a camera angle looking at the casting director and movie director through Joeys legs.) One hundred percent natural! (Suddenly, theres a thud as something falls off.) (Everyone is shocked.) I tell ya, that has never happened before.
Monica: Thank you. Come meet my friends. This is uh, Phoebe.
Monica: All right everybody, this turkey is ready!
Ross: (His voice is altered to sound like a computer.) Electrifying. (He plays the sound of a ticking clock.) Emphatic time-time-time
Rachel: Would you stop?! What is the matter with you?!
Ross: (grabbing the necklace) The necklace I got you was gold, this one is silver.
Phoebe: That is so great! Oh, I... (sees that a parked car near them has caught on fire) Oh my God!
[Thus starts another series of flashbacks all dealing with the pressure the rest of the Friends have to deal with in their jobs. The first flashback is from The One With The Stoned Guy.]
Chandler: Its not just their marriage! I mean, look at yours. Look at everybodys! The only person that can make marriage work is Paul Newman! And Ive met me; I am not Paul Newman. I dont race cars! I dont make popcorn! None of my proceeds go to charity.
Fireman No. 2: Oh, sure, Valentine's is our busiest night of the year.
Kathy: Well, Im still sorry. Is he here?
[Cut to Central Perk, the entire gang is there.]
Chandler: Man, this is
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, the gang is all there watching Chandler.]
Kathy: No, but this wonder broom is amazing!
Young Ethan: You know, you read about it, you see it in the movies. Even when you practice it at home, man oh man, it is nothing like that.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is reading What to Expect When Youre Expecting as Rachel enters from her bedroom.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is getting ready to party.]
Ross: Ohh, man! Chicago, is sooo lucky!
Monica: (answering it) Who is it?
Chandler: Is everybody else seeing a troll doll nailed to a two by four?
Joey: Well, there is one way. His windows open, I say, we poke him.
[Scene: The Philly, With or Without You is playing. (Which is the same song Ross played for Rachel in TOW the List.)]