words in movies
(Chandler lets her into the apartment and reveals that Monica is getting a massage from another woman.)
[Scene: Joeys Bedroom, Joey is having a dream about Rachel giving birth with him as the father.]
(Finally, the baby is delivered and starts crying.)
Doctor: Oh, here is your beautiful baby. Congratulations!
Rachel: Joey! The baby is kicking for the first time! Will you please come feel this?!
Rachel: Aw, its unbelievable! Wow! She is kicking so much! Oh, shes like umm oh whos that kind of annoying girl soccer player?
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, I will do it. Honey, you have to learn to sit down and relax and let your husband take care of things once and awhile. (Tries the door.) Its locked, you have to help me. Why is it locked?
Chandler: Oh yknow, Ive been living here a while and Ive never seen whats inside that closet. What is, what is in there?
Monica: Chandler, there is nothing in there that concerns you! If you love me you-youll let it go.
Ross: What?! It is?! (He tries to quickly remove his gloves, but runs into trouble and finally throws them off of his hands like a hockey player in a fight and grabs Rachels belly.)
Ross: Look, I-I dont want to miss anymore baby stuff. So Here. Heres my new pager number, okay? Anytime anything pregnancy related happens use it! Ill be there! Okay? I dont care if its three in the morning and all you want is ice cream.
[Scene: Phoebe's Apartment, Monica is lying on the massage table waiting for Phoebe.]
Phoebe: Stating the obvious, but thank you. And its not weird is it.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler has a box of keys and is trying them on the secret closet when someone enters.]
[Scene: The Hospital, Joey is in the waiting room as Rachel comes back out with the doctor.]
Joey: So but everything is normal.
Rachel: But IBut everything is okay. Im fine!
Ross: (rushes in) Is everything okay?
Joey: Uh, really good. Really good. Yeah, I should be ready to kill myself any day now. (Chandler returns with a bobby pin and hands it to Joey.) Wow, you sure found that quick. (He tries the pin in the lock.) I justI wish I didnt feel this way about Rachel anymore, yknow? I wish things could go back to normal. I mean, I love living with her and God, helping out with the baby is just amazing, but now I think I think Ross feels left out. Yknow? When I had to take Rachel to the hospital, the doctor thought I was the father. God You shouldve seen the look on Rosss face. (Pause) By the way, I have no idea what Im doing here. For all I know Im just locking it more. Oh hey, did you try opening it with a credit card?
Chandler: Okay. (They switch places and Chandler gets out a credit card.) So uh, Ross is kinda bummed huh?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is on the couch as Monica enters.]
Phoebe: Really? Theres nothing sexual about this? (Sexily) Oooh. Oo God! Ohh. Ohhhh. Ohh. (Some cute guy is watching closely.) (To him) What are you looking at?! (Pause) I mean hi.
Monica: Oh myThis is so embarrassing. Oh my God, Im never gonna get massaged again!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is balancing an aluminum can on her stomach as Ross enters.]
Joey: Pickle? Pickles make her sick. Giving her pickles is like giving me salad.
Rachel: Yeah, Ill be fine. But could someone please make sure that sandwich is gone when I get out there?
Rachel: (entering) Well, if anyone is keeping score, I no longer eat tuna.
Joey: The thing is cause I live with Rachel Im here for a lot of the stuff, okay? (To Rachel) And Ross Ross is missing everything. So
Ross: So? Sure! But it-it wouldnt be anything romantic. And Im-Im dating MonaDamnit Mona! I was supposed to meet her like an hour ago! What is wrong with me?!
Rachel: I dont know. Is it crazy?
Ross: No! No its not. Joey, this is a smart idea.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is pounding out the hinge pins on the closet door to get it open.]
Chandler: Not to shabby, I got this all off myself using my wifes tools. (He takes the door off the frame and we finally get to see whats behind the green door! It is stacked, floor to ceiling, with junk.) Oh my God!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is drinking a gallon of orange juice as Chandler enters.]
Joey: Are you kidding me? Im great! Yeah, Im uh; Im better than great. I am good. And now that shes gone, I can uh, I can do all this stuff around here that I couldnt do before. Yknow? Like umm, I can walk around naked again. Yknow? I can uh, I can watch porn in the living room. Right? This is uh, this is good for me. Yknow? I like being on my own, Im uh, better off this way. Im uh, a lone wolf. Yknow? A loner. Alone. All alone. Forever. Whats a wolf got to do to get a huh around here?! (Chandler rushes over and hugs him.)
[Scene: Phoebe's Apartment, Phoebe is giving Monica another massage.]
[The gang is walking to a newsstand late at night. Joey is anxiously in the lead.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Monica is getting the door.]
Ross: Eh, either way Ill pass. (Quietly to Chandler) I still cant eat those. (Monica is getting something out of the fridge and starts laughing.) Whats so funny?!
[Scene: City street. Whole gang is there seeing off Marcel.]
[Scene: Rachels Office, Joey is knocking on the door holding a hand over a spot on his shirt.]
Chandler: Nina? Nina. (He goes around his desk to where she is sitting.) Nina. (In pain) Nina.
Ross: Hi. (He is wearing a piece of steel bandaged to his nose. He tosses some forms onto reception desk.)
INTERVIEWER: Uh-huh. Is it dirty?
PHOEBE: What is that sparkly thing?
Monica: Ha,ha, ha, oh my life is just so amusing. Could we drop it now?
MONICA: Wow, that is a surprise. Just one little question, uh, why not Ross's room?
Chandler: (standing in the door of the fridge) Well, I dont have to break up with her this time. Were not involved! Im going to do a pre-emptive strike! Im going to end it with her before it starts. My ass is like frozen! (Closes the fridge.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, and Chandler are there. Monica is entering from her room.]
RACHEL: Ross, there is no us, OK.
Rachel: (entering with Paolo, arm in arm) Everybody, this is Paolo. Paolo, I want you to meet my friends. This is Monica.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is prying at the Magic 8 Ball with a screwdriver as there's a knock on his door which he goes to answer.]
(Cassie enters from the guest room, with her hair up. The extremely beautiful and sexy Denise Richards is playing Cassie. Woo hoo! For those of you who dont know who she is, rent Wild Things and she was also the last Bond girl in The World Is Not Enough.)
[Marcel is driven off in a limo]
Ross: So, your ex-boyfriend is gonna determine if your new boyfriend gets this grant? Wow, your new boyfriend is screwed!
JOEY: What is with your nose?
JANITOR: So, what is this information worth to you, my friend?
Rachel: Monica, what is with you? Who'd you have lunch with?
RACHEL: Oh, Phoebe, that really cute guy is here again.
MONICA: Dad, it is not. What's with the red light?
MR. GELLER: It is off.
Ross: Okay! Okay! But if she doesnt call, it is definitely over! No, wait. Wait. Unless, eventually, I call her, yknow just to she whats going on, and, and she says shell call me back, but then she doesnt. Then its over.
Rachel: Oh Ross, come on! This is not, this is not a marriage!! This is the worlds worst hangover! Ross, listen, if you do not get this annulment, I will!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica is watching the rest of the tape]
JOEY: Uh, excuse me. Jerry is the director, which one's he?
CHANDLER: Sweet mother of all that is good and pure.
CHANDLER: So uh, which one is mine?
ERICA: Ohh, and I see you're having a little party too. Is she here, huh, huh?
RACHEL: It is our first official date. Our first date.
[Scene: Outside of Elizabeths dormitory, Ross is exiting after breaking up with her and we can hear his thoughts.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Ross are there, Phoebe is entering with her date Robert.]
Joey: Oh well, theyre killing off one of the characters on the show, and when she dies her brain is being transplanted into my body.
CHANDLER: Well, I don't know what Big Leon told ya but it's an even thousand if you want me for the whole night. What is this for?
Monica: (On the phone) Hello? No, he's not here. Yeah, this is his wife. Yeah, well, it came as quite a shock to me too. I guess I should have known. Yeah, I mean, he just kept making me watch Moulin Rouge.
SECURITY GUARD: Uh, excuse me folks this is a uhh...
ROSS: Oh, mine too. Isn't that neat, scotch neat. Would you excuse me? [walks out in the hallway, Mr. Greene is walking out of Chandler and Joey's apartment] Hey, hey, where you uh, sneakin off to mister?
DIRECTOR'S ASSISTANT: Is it bad?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is seated, and the apartment is filled with baskets of fruit. Joey enters, check in hand.]
Rachel: And I mean, you know, you guys... This is a big deal. I mean, how can we have her first birthday party without her aunt and her uncle!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica is preparing for the party with Ross questioning her.]
JOEY: It certainly is a miracle.
Monica: I'm sorry, why is this girl going to call me?
Rachel: Joey! Come on! I dont wanna make any mistakes, alright? This is the only dessert and if I screw it up everybody's gonna be like Oh, remember that Thanksgiving when Rachel screwed up the trifle?
MONICA: God, this is so hard. I can't decide between lamb or duck.
MONICA: Wow, is that Michelle?
Carol: You know that thing you put over here with the pin in it? It's time to take the pin out. You'll find someone, I know you will. The right woman is just waiting for you.
Joey: (grabs the window from the outside and sticks his head in) (whispering) When is she leaving?
Ross: (picking up the slip of paper) Hello! What's this? Oh right its that girl's phone number. (Rachel ignores him) Yeah-yeah, there it is, just a phone number a really hot girl gave me. (He holds it so that Rachel can see it, she continues to ignore him) It's no big deal, I mean it is her home phone number, but...(Rachel still ignores him) Whoa! (Throws it in her lap) Whoa-whoops, I almost lost this baby! Yeah, the lovely Amanda gives me her number and I-I go and drop it. (He waves it in front of Rachel's face. Then suddenly Phoebe has to sneeze and Rachel quickly grabs the slip of paper and gives it to Phoebe for her to sneeze into.)
RACHEL: What is this? What are we doing?
[Flashback to 710 - TOW The Holiday Armadillo] [Scene: Monica, Chandler and Phoebe's, Ross is costumed as an Armadillo.]
MRS GREEN: The only man I've ever been with is your father.
CHANDLER: Oooh, Rich is goin' to the party too, huh?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment, Joey is trying to turn the sofabed back into a sofa. Someone knocks on the door and it rears up at him.]
Carol: Oh great! Is it vegetarian, 'cause Susan doesn't eat meat.
MR A: Well, I don't know what to tell you dear. The only thing I can think of is that she always used to say that before she died, she wanted to see everything.
CHANDLER: I know, this is a great apartment.
Ross: No-no-no, Im saying we-we buy more of this (disposable cameras) at the gift shop, throw our tuxes back on, and take a few pictures. All we have to do is make sure not to get anybody elses faces.
FRIEND: Yeah, is she really 20.
RICHARD: Guys. Seriously, it is not like that.
ROSS: Well uh, you see that, that little cluster of stars next to the big one? That is Ursa Major.
RACHEL: Yes I do, it's just that Ross is. . .
PHOEBE: What? Is it - is this 'cause of what Ross said?
MONICA: Oh, this is so hard.
PHOEBE: OK, who is the boss of you?!!
PHOEBE: OK, hey, HEY. Is your boyfriend the boss of you?
EDDIE: Oh, this is, this is unbelievable. I mean, first you sleep with my ex-girlfriend then you insult my inteligenct by lying about it and then you kill my fish, my Buddy?
Joey: Well okay, so then youre fine. The rule is when two actors are actually doing it off-stage all the sexual tension between them is gone. Okay? So as long as its hot onstage you got nothing to worry about. Its when the heat goes away, thats when youre in trouble.
Richard: Forget the platoon! The platoon is gone! (He is spitting on the hard Ps and Ts.)
Ross: Good evening, sir. My name is Ross Geller. I'm one of the people who applied for the apartment. And I-I realize that the competition is fierce butI'm sorry. I, I can't help but notice you're naked and (He claps his hands.) I applaud you. Man, I wish I was naked. I mean, this-this looks so great. That is how God intended it.
RACHEL: Ok, Ross, Ross, ok listen, what we have is amazing.
MRS. GELLER: Richard. Richard. Your son isn't seeing anyone is he?
RICHARD: It is Judy.
Ross: Yeah, uh, except for the red sock, which is still red. I'm sorry, please don't be upset, it could happen to anyone.
Chandler: Now, do I get to look at this book or is it just for people who are actually involved in the wedding?
(Joey starts to leave to embark on his genius moneymaking scheme, but is freaked out slightly when as he goes to open the door, there's a mysterious knock. He calms himself down and opens the door to reveal Phoebe.)
RACHEL: Is Ross here?
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is drinking some Alka-Seltzer. The rest of the gang, minus Rachel is there as well.]
MONICA: Well yeah, but, you know, uh, 27 is a dangerous eye age.
JOEY: Yes! And the table is mine.
Ross: Well, not really. I mean technically its-its not against the rules or anything, but it is frowned upon. Especially by that professor we ran into last night, Judgey von Holierthanthou.
JOEY: So, I guess this is it.
Rachel: Oh God, come on you guys, is this really necessary? I mean, I can stop charging anytime I want.
MONICA: Art it is.
MONICA: [looking at some kind of glass sculpture thing] Wow Joey, this is, uhh...
CHAN: [to Phoebe] Listen, Phoebs, this is gonna be OK. [introducing Russ and Ross] Ross, Russ. Russ, Ross.
Ross: Oh, that's great, that is great! (Hugs and kisses Carol. Then picks up a picture frame)
Joey: (sleepily) Yeah, she is. Wow! (Falls back asleep, loudly) How you doin?
RACHEL: Yeah well, you know what, so is uh, Sorentino's.
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey is sitting between Monica and Phoebe.]
MICH: Is this guy, uhh, an old boyfriend?
Rachel: Hi, Pheebs? Okay, so just spoke to the nurse and the reason that your doctor is late is because uh, she's not coming.
[Time lapse. Ross is now clearly drunk. He is holding up a shot glass to his eye like a jeweller's eye.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Ross is on the phone.]
Rachel: Well, is Ross home? Maybe Ill just call him to see if hes actually seen her.
Chandler: Which, by the way, is the real San Francisco treat. (Calls her, then hurriedly hangs up.) I got her machine.
Ross: (to Joey) It's ok, because they have to get it out of their system, okay (back to Mon and Chan), but you're going to realize, this is the only place, you wanna be.