words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is there except for Rachel and Ross, who both come storming in. Rachel is still going off about Rosss secret marriage.]
Chandler: Okay, let me just jump in and ask, at what point did you think this was a successful marriage?
Monica: Joey, why dont you put them in the lost and found?
Phoebe: (coming in from the bathroom) Oh, good, good, you guys are here! Listen, how would like to spend tomorrow taking care of three incredibly cute little puppies?!
Joey: (checks in the window to make sure it has them) Its got em!
Chandler: I just think that things would go a lot smoother if we each have our own zone. Phoebe, you can be in charge of wiping. And yknow Mon, you can be in charge of diapering and I can be in charge of looking how cute they are when they put their hands around (He degrades into baby talk, but he means when they grab his finger.)
Phoebe: That sounds really great, but maybe you should be in charge of wiping.
Chandler: Okay, Im a rookie. I should not be in the end zone.
Monica: I know. But umm, one time there was this really dirty car in front of the building, so I washed it.
Joey: And thats just in the city. I get her up to 160 when I take her upstate.
(The guy gets in and drives off.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the triplets are all in their crib as Monica and Phoebe watch them.]
Phoebe: Oh, look at little Leslie stretching in her sleep.
Chandler: Well, I was trying to prove that I was right. Yknow? And it turns out I was wrong. And now its lodged in my throat. (Mimics a cat trying to cough up a hairball.) (He does it again.)
Judge: Now if you were two involved in a serious relationship, that really creates a problem.
Judge: Is there, anything in this record that is actually true?
Rachel: Well, yes, we got married in Vegas and uh, and the names I think.
Ross: And what(notices the stenographer is still typing)What are you typing that for? Did you hear what she said? We dont get the annulment. Dont type that! What?! Stop typing! (He goes over to where the stenographer is typing and in the process pushes Rachel out of his way.) Hey! Stop typing! (Hes still typing.) Stop typing! Stop typing!!
Judge: Would you like to spend the night in jail?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is still doing the hairball thing as Monica and Phoebe are watching the babies. I cant describe it, youll have to see it when it comes on in your area.]
Joey: Come on! What are you doing?! Im in character! Would you talk to her! (Storms out.)
Monica: Hes got something plastic lodged in his throat, weve got to go to the hospital.
Phoebe: But no, because a doctor wont be able to help him, its just gonna yknow naturally pass through his system in like seven years.
Phoebe: Me taking care of you is no problem, huh? You guys feel safe. Right? Okay, Im gonna take that spit bubble as, "Yeah, I do!" Okay, after I get rid of this dirty diaper Leslie, Ill set you up with a clean one. (She throws it at the garbage without looking, misses, and knocks over a vase and flowers, which fall to the floor and break.) Okay, Im sorry. I didnt mean to scare you. I just have to clean that up. Okay? Cause lets face it, were at Monicas. (She crawls over, disposes of the diaper, picks up the flowers, and the vase.) I broke it. All right. Well, thats just the way that goes. (She throws out both the flowers and the vase.) Okay, good. (She turns around and only counts two babies.) Why are there only two of you? Where is Leslie? Well, you cant answer. (She starts looking for her) Leslie? Where are you Leslie? Leslie, now would be a good time for your first words! (She turns around and finds that Leslie has managed to crawl into the bottom drawer of the TV cabinet.) Well, look at you! Hey! You are a little bit mischievous! My gosh! (She picks her up and notices a surprise is waiting in the drawer.) Oh, youre a lot mischievous! Well, itll dry. (Closes the drawer with her foot.) (To Leslie) Okay, you sit with your brother and sister nowwho arent there! (They both have disappeared as well.)
Chandler: Well, lets just say that Krog will be fully equipped to destroy the universe again in twelve to fourteen hours.
(Monica enters and her jaw drops in horror.)
Rachel: Hey! Wait a minute! That was different! I did those things because I was in love with you!
Rachel: And uh, yeah, I didnt really, I didnt want to say anything, but it kinda it just, it kinda kept coming back to me, and umm, remember we were in the casino and for some reason thought it would be funny to eat a lot of grapes. And uh, and I thought it would be funnier if we got married. So as a, as a compromise we decided first to get married, and then (Ross joins in) to eat a lot of grapes. So umm, sorry I got us into this mess.
Ross: That may be the most depressing thing Ive heard in my life. I should probably get these to my lawyers office.
Joey: Id love to show ya, but I just tucked her in. Shes sleeping. (The women both laugh) Hey uh, would you two girls like to go for a drink? (Just then the same guy with the football dives to make a catch, lands on the car cover, and collapses it. It turns out that Joey set up a bunch of boxes to make it look like a Porsche.)
Ross: Look, would you guys grow up? That is the most natural beautiful thing in the world.
[They rush to put the cream and sugar in their cups and gulp down a few drinks]
Phoebe: Monica, she will kill you. She will kill you like a dog in the street.
Dr. Franzblau: It really was. There was this great little pastry shop right by my hotel. (Carol sits up in pain, Rachel and Dr. Franzblau casually lay her back down) There you go, dear.
Rachel: Even when we were having sex in that chair?
Phoebe: Hey!! Get your ass back here, Tribbiani!! (Joey walks back in, scared.)
[Scene: The hospital, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are in the waiting room, waiting for Carol and Susan to arrive.]
(Monica and Phoebe get up and start celebrating in the kitchen, pouring wine and singing. Rachel, shocked, goes to join them.)
Rachel: Oh, so you just sort of happened to leave it in here?
Rachel: And sorta just put the receipt back in your pocket?
JULIE: You know, in some cultures having a third nipple is actually a sign of virility. You get the best huts and women dance naked around you.
Janice: Oh! Someone's a little cranky today cuz they have to do it in a cup! (laughs) Oh! They gave you the kiddy size (looking at the cup in his hand).
Joey: Leetch spots Messier in the crease- there's the pass! (He kicks it to Ross, but Ross is staring into a shop window.)
Mrs. Waltham: (Throws her head back in disgust.) Why?!
[Scene: Carol's Room, she is ready to give birth. Everyone is there except for Phoebe, Ross, and Susan, who are in the broom closet.]
Mike: Oh, sorry. (He digs in again and finally finds what he's been looking for. A key.)
Phoebe: Monica, I really appreciate you checking in on me, but I'm actually feeling a lot better. Yeah, I just kinda want to be alone right now.
ROSS: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What, you don't, uh, you don't believe in evolution?
ROSS: You don't believe in evolution?
[Scene: The beach house, Joey and Chandler are sitting at the dinner table, Monica is looking in the fridge.]
Monica: Here. Ben, do you wanna play the airplane game, do you wanna show Rachel? Come here. (takes Ben) Were gonna do something fun. Okay. (throws Ben up in the air a little bit and catches him) Weee!! (moves into the living room and does it again) Weee!! (starts to walk back into the kitchen as she does it again, and hits Bens head on that wooden beam across the ceiling.)
(Joey turns around and sees his face on a poster in the subway. The poster says: What Mario isn't telling you...V.D., you never know who might have it. A variety of scenes are shown with the poster displayed all over New York City.)
PHOEBE: Look, can't we just say that you believe in something, and I don't.
Phoebe: I gotta call him. Just to talk to him, there's no harm in that.
Ross: Well maybe it's cold in there. Or maybe I screwed up the first date I had in 9 years.
Chandler: I got a good one, I got a good one! I once walked in on both my parents making love to the same guy.
CHANDLER: In a bad way?
[Scene: Bloomingdales, Rachel is sitting at her desk as Mr. Waltham comes in.]
[They go into the apartment. Inside the apartment it looks like a sewage dump exploded and landed in her living room. There are clothes and food and junk covering every square inch of space. I mean pigs have nicer pens. Ross is completely shocked.]
Chandler: Oh, you do? Because she said you guys havent talked in like years.
Mona: Joey cracks me up! Its like, Yeah, why dont you have your ex-wife move in with you? That wouldnt be awkward at all! (she laughs again)
[Scene: A counter at a government building. Phoebe's waiting in line.]
Chandler: So what the hell happened to you in China? I mean, when last we left you, you were totally in love with, you know.
CHANDLER: Joey was in a porno movie.
Joey: You can come in, but your filter-tipped little buddy has to stay outside!
[Rachel is still cleaning, Ross is laying on the couch. Ross kicks Rachel in the butt.]
Joey: Hey Gunther, dont let that guy in here anymore! He just said Phoebes a porn star!
RACHEL: Oh yeah. In fact you know what I'd do?
RACHEL: No, no, no, no I don't think it's weird, I think, I think umm, in fact, in fact you know what I think?
Rachel: Really? Just casually strewn about in that reckless haphazard manner?
ROSS: Pop it in.
CHANDLER: What's this in my pocket? Why it's Joey's porno movie.
Rachel: Phoebe, Im going to Rosss wedding because he is my ex-boyfriend and that would be really uncomfortable. Not because, Im still in love with him! I mean, hey, yknow, I like Ross as much as the next guy, yknow? Clearly I have feelings for him, but feelings dont mean love! I mean, I still have loving feelings for Ross. Yeah! But, I have, I have continuing feelings of love, but that doesnt mean that-that Im still in love with him. Yknow? I-I have sexual feelings for him, but I do love himOhh! Oh my God! Oh mywhy didnt you tell me?!!
...My mother's ashes Even her eyelashes Are resting in a little yellow jar, And sometimes when it's breezy...
Joey: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! So, I walk in the door and make the right (and he bends his arm to the left. Ross then bends Joey's arm to the right and Joey nods)
MONICA: You know, it still smells like monkey in there.
Ross: No! No, you know what? (closes the door) You [can�t get in there] (?), the baby�s fine, now squam (?). Yeah, [I told you a|Tell your] story walking. (?)
Lizzie: What? (She opens the envelope Phoebe has given her.) Oh my God, there's really money in here.
Rachel: I mean, we are way past the fling thing, I mean, I am feeling things that I've only read about in Danielle Steele books, you know? I mean, when I'm with him, I'm totally, totally...
Phoebe: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!! So I-I mean so in a few months Im going to have three full grown babies just walkin around inside me?! Oh! Oh! And its gonna be one of those log rides where they just come shooting out!
Lecturer: ....oversized bracelets, oversized earrings, oversizing of accessories in general are very popular now.
JULIE: Well, in a nutshell. . .
Chandler: Well, I'm gonna go home and bask in the triumph of my Central Park idea. (Gets up to leave.)
Ross: (in his head) Shes your cousin. Shes your cousin! If she knew what was going on in your head shed think you were sick! (She grabs some popcorn.) Or would she? Lets back up a second. She was the one who suggested opening a bottle of wine. She was the one who turned down the lights. She was the one that wanted to rent Logans Run, the sexiest movie ever. (She grabs the blanket from behind him and looks at him.) Oh, I know that look. Forget it. I want it. She wants it. Im going in.
[Outside in the hallway, Chandler, Joey, and Monica exit]
DR. BURKE: No no. Henry's almost two and he's talking and everyting. Here. You know, the other day he told me he liked me better than his other grandpa. Now in all fairness his other grandpa's a drunk but still. . .
Joey: In a carriage!
Ross: Hey-hey have you ever locked yourself in a TV cabinet VD boy?!
[The next one is from Episode 417: The One With The Free Porn, Chandler and Joey are lamenting the fact that every beautiful woman they see doesnt want to have sex right then and there like in porn.]
Monica: Im with you Chandler! I mean I cant have sex with a sick person either, thats disgusting! But Im not sick! Let me prove it to you. We are two healthy people in the pribe of libe.
Phoebe: you know maybe this is a wake up call, about your whole dating attitude. Your in your thirty's and you've never had a serious relationship and you have never been in a long term relationship, here you go from woman to woman, meaningless experience to meaningless experience never even worrying that it doesn't tern into anything serious.
Rachel: Oh-oh-oh, symbolism! And uh, the-the uh, wildness of the mores, which I think is-is mirrored in the wildness of Heathcliff's character.
Phoebe: Wait, wait, wait, wait! (Runs over and joins in on the hug again.)
RACH: Well. [looks at watch] Woah, look at that! I gotta go, I gotta date. With a man. Um, OK, you guys have a really, uh, have a really good night and you two have a, uh, have a, uh, really good cat. [she leaves carrying her tray then comes back in] OK, we're not supposed to take these when we leave.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's Apartment, Monica is cleaning up, Chandler is sitting on the couch, checking the Job offers in a Newspaper.]
Monica: Do you realize this is probably the last time well all be here in the coffee house as six single people?
Joey: What's he doin' in my section?
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there. Ross working on crossword puzzle, starts humming theme from The Odd Couple. Chandler joins in, followed by Monica and Phoebe, then the whole gang. Ross starts humming theme from I Dream Of Jeannie.]
Rachel: Dont say that I have no sentiment! (Starts to show Ross whats in the box.) This is a movie stub from our first date! This is an eggshell from the first time you made me breakfast in bed! (Holds up a bone) This is from the museum from the first time we were together. Okay, maybe I exchange gifts sometimes, but I keep the things that matter!
Phoebe: Well, yeah! Fun is good, but y'know I also wanted to learn. Y'know, people are always talking about what they learned in high school and I never went to high school.
Phoebe: Hey, you should really read that book you wrote. (To Larry) Wow! You saw the hat in the kitchen and knew that she'd have to go in there hatless to get it. You can have your own health inspector detective show!
Joey: Don't you remember when we were jogging in the park and we saw that really pretty bird and wanted to take a pictureI didn't have my camera!
MONICA: Hey, Rache. You know what we haven't played in a while?
Mike's dad: (leans in towards Mike) I crushed a pill and put it in her drink... (to his wife) Come on, sweetheart.
Phoebe: Okay thats even sadder. Look, I know, I know what I got myself into, its just that now that theyre in me its like, its like I know them yknow, I mean-I mean, its just not gonna be easy when these little babies have to go away.
Phoebe: Well, yknow I may have relatives in France who would know. My grandmother said she got the recipe from her grandmother, Nesele Tolouse.
Ross: All right, all right, it's just that you left a red sock in with all your whites, and now, everything's kinda pink.
JOEY: Oh, what about that thing he did when he tipped the guy who showed us to our seats. You never even saw the money, it was like this. [With money in his palm] Hey Chandler, thanks for showing us to our seats [shakes his had and passes the dollar].
Ross: Wha? No no! Ah! (Ross scarfs all of his trifle down in about a second. He looks like hes going to throw up.) (Lying) All gone! So good! Maybe Chandler has some left.
Rachel: Ok. (Phoebe starts to walk in the opposite direction though. Rachel sees and follows her) Wha...? where? Where are you going?
MNCA: [to Chandler] Yo, Bing. Racquetball in 15 minutes.
Ross: Hey, youre not going to believe this. I made up a joke and sent it in to Playboy. They printed it!
Chandler: 99...100! Ready or not, here I come! (He opens his eyes and sees that the chick and the duck are still sitting in front of him) All right, let's go over the concept one more time.
Rachel: (as Monica) And by the way, have I mentioned that back in high school, I was a cow?
Phoebe: There you go! (She continues to work him over with her elbows and he continues to yell in pain.)
Mr. Douglas: Ohh, its been better. The Annual Net Usage Statistics are in.
Mr. Tribbiani: Oh! ...Hello, dear. (She whips the curtain shut in horror)
Ross: Ah, well, in here, anyone who... stands erect... So what's new? Still, uh...
RACHEL: Yeah, I mean, you know it, I mean, if it were me I, I, you know, I'd want you to, I don't know, like catch me off guard, you know, with like a really good kiss, you know really, sort of um, soft at first, then maybe um brush the hair away from my face, and look far into my eyes in a way that let's me know that something amazing is about to happen.
Mr. Tribbiani: Joe, your dad's in love big time. And the worst part of it is, it's with two different women.
Chandler: Eight and a half hours of aptitude tests, intelligence tests, personality tests... and what do I learn? (he taps the results and reads them) "You are ideally suited for a career in data processing for a large multinational corporation."
Rachel: (running from the guy's apartment with Joey in tow) Hey, what's-what's going on?!
(Angela, a beautiful woman in a tight dress, enters.)
Joey: Oh comelook, when I was a kid my dads company gave season tickets to the number one salesman every year, all right? My dad never won! Of course, he wasnt in the sales division, but still, I never ever, ever forgot that!
Ross: I cannot sleep in a public place.
(Chandler and Joey burst in, with Marcel)
(Rachel, Monica, Ross and Chandler whip around for a second time, in formation.)
Rachel: Okay. Okay fine, yknow what? We will let Ross and Joey decide. (Ross enters.) (In a sexy voice.) Hiiiii, Ross! Sweetie.
Phoebe: No, you don't! She's going to Paris! She is going to meet somebody. Do you know how many hot guys there are in Paris? It's... It's a city of Gunthers!
RACH: No, actually first they started on my waist. And then, they slid up, and then, they were in my hair.