words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are getting ready for the flight to London and Monica comes running in.]
Monica: Guys, hurry up! The flight leaves in four hours! It could take time to get a taxi! There could be traffic! The plane could leave early! When we get to London, there could be a line at customs! Come on!! (She runs back to her apartment.)
Phoebe: Yeah, my mom used to put her head in the oven. Well, actually, she only did it the one time. But it was pretty weird.
Joey: Yeah, in my third drawer on my dresser. You dont want to lose that.
Monica: Okay, if you need the vacuum, its in my closet on the left-hand side. Ah, the garbage bags are next to the refrigerator
Phoebe: Oh, and great! You might as well bring me my book, its on the counter in your apartment.
Chandler: Oh. (Goes and gets Phoebes book as Rachel comes in from her room.)
(They all start out, Rachel gives each one a kiss, and says "bye." In the hall, Joey says )
[Scene: Street in front of the London Marriott, Joey and Chandler exit. Joey is carrying a video camera and is shooting Chandler.]
Joey: Okay, here! (Gives him the camera.) I wanna be the on camera guy. All right, first stop, Westminster Abbey. (Joey folds out his "pop-up" map of London. All of the major landmarks pop-up like in a pop-up book.)
Chandler: Okay, if you see a little version of me in there? Kill it!
Emily: (running in, with Ross) Oh. Oh my God. How can this be happening? What are we going to do?
Joey: All right! Westminster Abbey! Hands down, best Abbey Ive ever seen. Hey! (Pushes Chandler in front of the camera.) Okay. What do you think of the Abbey, Chandler?
Phoebe: Eh, dont be so hard on yourself. If someone I was still in love with was getting married
Rachel: (interrupting) Still in love with?!
Rachel: Im not in love with Ross!
Rachel: Phoebe, Im going to Rosss wedding because he is my ex-boyfriend and that would be really uncomfortable. Not because, Im still in love with him! I mean, hey, yknow, I like Ross as much as the next guy, yknow? Clearly I have feelings for him, but feelings dont mean love! I mean, I still have loving feelings for Ross. Yeah! But, I have, I have continuing feelings of love, but that doesnt mean that-that Im still in love with him. Yknow? I-I have sexual feelings for him, but I do love himOhh! Oh my God! Oh mywhy didnt you tell me?!!
[Scene: A park in London, Joey and Chandler walk up to a souvenir stand.]
The Vendor: So, what are you guys in the market for? Weve got uh, scarves, tulip post cards...
The Vendor: Hes just jealous. Youll fit right in; all Londoners wear them!
Chandler: All right, look, if you insist on wearing that, in public, yknow, youre gonna spend the rest of the afternoon all by yourself.
Emily: She said, "If Im not gonna be happy getting married somewhere that we find in a day, well then we should just postpone it."
Ross: Theres no or in mind. What is wrong with these pants?!!
Ross: (chasing her, trying to zip up his pants. His got them on right now.) No, wait! Emily! No, wait, stop! Emily, please(He catches something important in the zipper and howls like a little boy and falls to the floor.)
Rachel: Ooh, is this one of those things where you throw it in a bag with some graveyard dirt and hang it from a north-facing tree?
Phoebe: All right, and umm (She grabs the picture and smacks her in the head.)
[Cut to the tape Joey made in front of some famous place in London with a rather famous English-type person.]
Joey: Well, I was trying to figure out how to get to Buckingham Palace, right? So, Im in my map and-and (Ross enters) Hey!
Joey: Yeah. (Pause) Hey, I hope Ross didnt think that we just went in there because we were uncomfortable being out here!
(Phoebe has already hung up, leaving Joey in the dark. So Joey decides to watch some TV and turns on a rerun of Cheers, with the theme song playing. At first, hes happy, but as the song progresses Joey gets depressed and homesick.)
[Scene: Ross and Emilys planned wedding place, Monica is dragging Emily in.]
(At that Ross plugs in some Christmas lights to light the place up.)
Ross: But-but, if you dont love this, well do it in any other place at any other time. Really, its fine, whatever you want.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is in her bedroom.]
Phoebe: Yeah, its in the guys apartment under the sink. Why?
Phoebe: No! Because hes in love with the British chippy! Look, Rachel, if you go, youre just gonna mess with his head and ruin his wedding! Yknow, its too late! You missed youre chance! Im sorry, I know this must be really hard, its over.
Phoebe: (In a British accent) This is Phoebe Buffay. I was wondering, please, if-if its not too much trouble, please, umm, might I speak to Miss Emily Waltham, please?
[Scene: Rehearsal dinner hall. Ross and Emily are standing in the reception area. Monica arrives with her parents.]
Monica: Ha ha, a joke thats funny in all countries.
Joey: Whats in it?
Joey: (Pointing at Chandler.) Your different here too. Your mean in England. (Chandler throws his hands up to his head in frustration. They walk away from each other.)
[Scene: An airport in New York.]
Ticket Agent: (looking at her computer terminal) Theres one leaving in thirty minutes.
Ross: I go back there with lawn ornaments, hes going to laugh in my face.
[Scene: The Girls apartment. Phoebe is dialing the phone and Rachel runs in the door.]
Chandler: Id like to toast, Ross and Emily. Of course, my big toast will be tomorrow at the wedding, so this is kind of my little toast or Melba toast, if you will. (No one in the room laughs. He starts to get flustered.) Okay. I known Ross for a long time. In fact, I knew him when he was going out with his first girlfriend. (Ross looks embarrassed.) And I thought things were going to work out for him..Until the day he over inflated her. (He laughs. Jack looks at Judy and no one in the room laughs.) Ohh, Dear God.. (A cellular phone rings.)
Chandler: (Continuing his toast.) And Im sure were all very excited that Ross and Emily are getting married at Montgomery Hall. I mean to think, my friend getting married in Monty Hall. (No reaction from the people.) Ohh, come on!! Monty Hall!! Lets make a Deal!! Come on, you people!! All right, forget it!! Congratulations, Ross and Emily. (He sits down.)
Joey: Hey, best man number two, Joey Tribbiani. Now Im not good with the jokes like Chandler here. Boy...but ahh, I just want to say congratulation to the happy couple. I first met Ross in this coffee house back home...Home...New York City...Where everybody knows my name. Well anyway, I love you guys. (pointing at everyone.) But not as much as I love America. (Looking at Chandler.) Could we please..go home now?
[Scene: Later that evening at the rehearsal dinner. Chandler and Monica are sitting on a sofa. Chandler is covering his face in embarrassment because of the toast.]
Mr. Geller: Theres no way in hell, Im paying for it.
Chandler: Because hes crazy. Okay? He came up to me earlier and thanked me for my very moving performance in Titanic.
[Scene: Chandlers hotel room. Chandler and Monica are lying in the bed together talking. Theres an awkward air between them. They are both clutching the covers in from of them.]
Monica: (In am uneasy voice.) Nope. (She chuckles uneasily.)
(The guys hotel room. Joeys there. Chandler comes out of the bathroom in a robe.)
Chandler: No!! Okay!! Whats with the third degree?! Why dont you just shine a light in my eyes?! (Joey looks totally confused.)
[Scene: Joeys in the front entrance watching for Rachel. The bridesmaid he met at the rehearsal dinner come in.)
Felicity: (In a sexy voice.)Hello Joey.
Joey: (In a New York accent.) Fuggetaboutit. (She giggles.) How you doin?
(Back in the chapel. The parents are still fighting over the bill. Ross is refereeing.)
Mr. Waltham: (Pleading.) You-you have to meet me in the middle here.
Ross: Dad!! (Emily comes running in.)
Ross: (Stepping in between them.)Okay! Okay! Thats it!! Parents!! Parents!! Back away!! All right, this is our wedding day! From now on everyone gets along, and if I hear one more word. NO GRANDCHILDREN! (Pointing at his mother.) Thats right!!
Ross: (Sighing.) It was...This disagreement over...(She sighs. Ross notices her in her wedding dress.) My god. You...you look beautiful.
Emily: (Giggles.) Ohh...(She realizes that shes in her gown.) Oh! You were not meant to see me before the wedding. Its bad luck.
(The front entrance. Joey and the bridesmaid are up against the wall kissing. Rachel comes in the door and walks by Joey unnoticed. She walks into the chapel and sees Ross and Emily kissing. She looks as though she wants to cry. Emily walks away and Ross turns and sees Rachel standing there.)
Rachel: Well I just came...(She touches him near his heart. Shes almost in tears.) I just needed to tell you...(Looking into his eyes. She takes a deep breath.) Congratulations. (He hugs her. She can barely hold back the tears.)
Mrs. Waltham: (Throws her head back in disgust.) Why?!
Joey: No, but its okay. She just came in and gave him a hug, that it.
Minster: As my lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, till death parts us.
Emily: As my lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, until death parts us.
(Rachel looks all around as if all the eyes in the chapel were looking at her as the picture fades to black.)
Ross: And-and I, and I saw that Joey was about to go in, so I ran in ahead of him to-to surprise him and, and then I pretended I didnt know he was in there. (They all kinda look at him.)
Rachel: I believe you. So, it was right in the middle of a staff meeting so of course no one else wants to correct her so everyone else is calling me Raquel! By the end of the day, the mailroom guys were calling me Rocky!
Joey: Okay, heres a good one for ya. Who do think would win in a fight between Ross and Chandler.
Monica: He is the man in the black dress.
ROSS: Oh, hey, if I make you laugh, here's an idea, why don't you invite Paulo over and have a little romp in the sack and I'll just stand in the corner and tell knock-knock jokes.
Mr. Zelner: Please, come in. Have a seat. (She does so.)
Chandler: In the James Taylor case.
Phoebe: Oh, you didnt have to come in with me.
Joey: Somebody opened the door to the coffee house and a raccoon came running in, went straight for your muffin and I said "Hey don't eat that-that's Phoebe's" and he said.. <pause> He said.. "Joey you stink at lying." What am I going to do?
(For the first time we see that the woman Ross is talking too is in fact the hot girl that Joey is looking for. She just kinda stares at him.)
Chandler: Wow, Ralph Lauren is really going out of there way to show theyre not in the baby buying business.
Chandler: Ill be in there. (Goes into the bedroom.)
(Chandler nods along and they enter the whirlpool room and remove their robes. Only Chandler is lacking a certain item of clothing. You see this is a coed whirlpool, which means swimsuits, and in fact there are two women already there and Chandler didnt seem to wear his. Needless to say, everyone is shocked, including Chandler.)
Chandler: Yeah, oh, but I just keep picturing you rolling around with him with your cowboy boots in the air...
Ross: You think?! God, I, ah, Im in hell. I mean what, what am I gonna do? Rachels all like, I love you and, and lets work on this. And all I can think about is, What is she gonna do? What is she gonna say? when I tell her what I did.
Chandler: Oh, I dont know man. I havent talked to her in like ten years.
Monica: Its out on the island. Its in Massapequa.
[Scene: Chandlers bedroom, he is sleeping with Marjorie. All of the sudden, Marjorie starts talking in her sleep, awakening Chandler. After a little bit, she quiets back down, and Chandler tries to get back to sleep. Theres a short pause until she starts screaming, causing Chandler to scream with her. She quickly calms down. This all wakes up Joey, who comes over wearing the mouth guard, opens the top half of Chandlers door, and starts to complain about the noise.]
JADE: Oh, you know, the usual, teaching aerobics, partying way too much. Oh, and in case you were wondering, those are my legs on the new James Bond poster.
Ross: Im so we werent in the car! Did he ever let up?
[Phoebe runs over the curb. Joey gets in the back seat, Chandler in the front]
Rachel: Im so glad, Im so glad you shared. (Feeling his shoulder.) And Im glad that youre done. What do you say we umm (Nods in the direction of the bedroom.)
Rachel: So did they call you to tell you your names gonna be in this?
Joey: No, no, no, I'm telling ya. Imagine yourself living in a supermarket and you will understand okay? So the question is, what do we do?
Phoebe: Oh. Finally! Oh. (Sits back in relief.)
Ross: Okay, well be right in. (to Chandler) So ah, did your boss try to slap you again today?
[The next one is from Episode 507: The One Where Ross Moves In.]
Chandler: Thats still in there?!
Joey: It was so stupid, I said some stuff in an interview that I shouldnt have said. But believe me, thats not gonna happen today.
(Ross continues to talk to her as the camera pans to show Rachel standing in the doorway.)
Gunther: Your muffins. (Sets down a huge plate of muffins in front of Joey.)
Ross: Yeah, well what about you? You weren't you know, so hot in college either. After everything he said, he'd go "ba dum bum chessh"
Joey: (in his head) 2,000 bucks is a lot of money. Oh, I wish I had a twin. Where could I find someone who looks exactly like me? (The camera widens its shot to reveal a room full of Joey look-a-likes. Joey looks at the guy next to him and then back at his script.)
Rachel: Oh Amy, don't cry Amy. Um.. Ross, could I talk to you in private?
Chandler: Okay, a little problem. The key broke in the lock and I cant get in!
<Ross and Rachel go in the kitchen>
Joey: Look, Ross, really its-its no big deal. Yknow you wear a white coat, I wear a blue blazer, if that means we cant be friends at work, then so be it. Yknow, hey I understand. Yknow? Hey, when Im in a play and youre in the audience, I dont talk to you, right? So its yknow, its uh, its cool. Ill see you tomorrow. (Leaves)
Phoebe: That’s right, I've prepared a song for Emma. From my heart to hers. For there’s no greater gift, than the gift of music. (she starts singing) Emma! Your name poses a dilemma. 'Cause not much else rhymes with Emma! Maybe the actor Richard Crenna, he played the commanding officer in Rambo. Happy birthday Emma!
(Rachel joins Monica who is in the kitchen area, opening the wine bottle. Rachel checks that the doctors aren't listening, then lowers her voice anyway.)
Joey: You were amazing, could you just do me this huge favor, you see there's this one other audition that I really, really want, and Estelle couldn't get me in.
The Interviewer: Okay, how about when youre not working. What do you do in your spare time?
PRODUCER: Honey, uh we, we can talk about this. It's just that it's costing about a hundred dollars a minute to be in here.
Mr. Kaplan: Ill bet your thinking, Whats an intelligent girl who wants to be in fashion, doing making coffee? Eh?
Joey: But youre still moving in together, right? Because my ad came out today. (Shows him the paper.)
Monica: I dont believe in soul mates either.
Phoebe: Well, if you dont want your mother to move in with you, just tell her.
[Flashback to when Chandler was introduced to Monica in The One With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks.]
Monica: Okay, you stay here, and just wait by the phone. Spray Lysol in my shoe, and wait for Ross to kill you.
(Monicas entrance makes Phoebe try to hide the ring by putting it in her mouth.)
Joey: Yes! Yes, youre back in the lead!
[Flashback to the gang in Central Perk in The One Where Nana Dies Twice, theyre all going through an old photo album.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is poking his head in.]
JOEY: Listen, uh, I don't know when I'm gonna see you again. CHANDLER: Well, I'm guessing uh, tonight at the coffee house. JOEY: Right, yeah. OK. Um, take care. CHANDLER: Yeah. [Joey walks out and after a few seconds comes back in and gives Chandler a big hug. He then leaves for good and Chandler is left alone in his apartment.] CLOSING CREDITS
Rachel: Oh, please, Ross it was so obvious! It was like you were marking your territory. I mean you might have well have just come in and peed all around my desk!
[Scene: Joeys Audition, Joey is being shown in.]
Ross: Ugh. Well, were just gonna have to jump. (Joey looks at him.) Yeah. Now, were gonna have to make sure to land to the right of that patch of ice, okay? Not hit the dumpster on the other side and uh, and try to avoid that-that weird brownish red stuff in the middle. So, when you get down there you go up to the roof and you let me in.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Monica are standing in the kitchen.]
[The next one is from Episode 204: The One With Phoebes Husband, when everyone including Julie is watching Joey in his porno.]
Chandler: Well, wait there's, there's more. See the contact paper is to go into your brand new drawer. (gives her a drawer) See, the drawer actually goes in my dresser.
Phoebe: Well, it helps the bee look tough in front of his bee friends. The bee is happy and I am definitely not.
Rachel: My due date is in one week!
Ross: Yeah! I-I teach it in my class.
Rachel: Here is a book of poetry that I know Monica loves. And-and ohh God this is funny, look, this is a picture of one Halloween where she dressed up as a bride. (Shows Phoebe the picture.) And look, she made me carry her train, which was weird because I was Wonder Woman. Oh and heres a little purse that I found. (Hands her the purse) Yknow I just thought that maybe they could hold the rings in there.
Joey: Either eat it, or be in it.
Ross: Ah, mustve been fairly obvious since it was the only thing left in your store.
Rachel: Uh, put your elbow in it.
Monica: Ok people, we are back in business! (Gets her headset out of her purse) Oh God, we've missed you soo much! (takes all the notes from Phoebe) Ok, go and get your hair and make-up done, and I'll take care of everything.
Ross: Hello! Can I get you anything? Huh? Lens cleaner? Your battery okay? (Rachel bursts in carrying two boxes and Ross jumps up.) Rachel!
Eric: And we were both in the Peace Corps.
(Robert walks away and the guys all start laughing in front of Phoebe.)
Ross: Of course! Uh yeah, she and I would talk all the time in-in (Rachel pokes her head in and starts to look around) the laundry room. (Pushes Rachel out of the way.)
Phoebe: I know. Its just yknow usually when youre, when youre done with the pregnant thing, yknow, then you get to do the mom thing. Im gonna be yknow, sitting around in my leather pants, drinking Tequila.
Ross: (grabbing the car) Okay! Okay! Okay! (He gets in, but into the back seat.)
Rachel: Well thats gross, why dont you just take it outside and throw it in a dumpster?
Monica: Star in a movie.
Monica: Oh look, the pool tables free. Rack em up. Ill be back in just a minute. Get ready for me to whip your butt.
Rachel: (thinking) Youre going to have a baby, and you need to be prepared. Now, youre going to make yourself watch the whole thing. Just do it! (Rachel puts the tape in the VCR)
Monica: Shes in the bathroom.
Rachel: In a minute!!!
Ross: Yknow what? The doctor will be in soon, why dont we not speak until then.
Joey: Nothing! Well, I-I got this blinding pain in my stomach when I was lifting weights before, then I uh passed out and uh, havent been able to stand up since. But um, I dont think its anything serious.
Ross: Actually that-thats not true, in The Incredible Hulk uh, No. 72, Dr. Bruce Banner found (Sees everyone staring at him and stops.) Yknow, ugh, nevermind, my girlfriends a lesbian. (Leaves.)
Ross: Always a great way to get in a mans pants.
Ross: All right! (Checking his watch) Yes!! From home to the hospital in under seven minutes! We did it!!
(Phoebe and Monica walk in from getting some coffee.)
<Joey nods in agreement>
[Scene: In a TV commercial that the gang is watching at Monica and Rachel's.]
Phoebe: Oh wait, one sec. One sec. (Goes to the mirror) Hey you! Behind the glass! Who are you looking at! I've always wanted to say that when I was in one of these rooms, (sees the look on his face) which was never!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, it is later in the party. The Spin the Bottle game is over and Chandler is making a sandwich as Phoebe watches.]
Rachel: Oh, thank you so much for coming. Ross, get in here!
Chandler: Yeah, can I get a 3-piece, some cole slaw, some beans, and a Coke(Yelps in pain as Monica grabs him underwater)Diet Coke.
Phoebe: Why, I must have been in missile training the day they taught that.
[Scene: The Hallway Outside Rosss Apartment, Ross is walking towards his apartment and sees Rachel sitting in front of the door.]
(They run off in search of a bed.)
[Cut to later in that episode. Monica and Chandler are confronting Joey in his apartment about Phoebes knowledge.]
Chandler: (in a serious, businesslike tone) Rachel, could I see you for a moment?
Ross: The nurse said theyre bringing in another woman.
Ross: Look, our table is down in front, okay, my boss is gonna be there, everyone will see if we arrive after it starts.
Phoebe: Oh yay! Great! Okay, what room number is he in?
JOEY: What are you . ..� (He sees her in her negligee.)� Why are you dressed like that?