words in movies
Charlie: If you have the time, I'd really appreciate the help.
Doctor Connelly: And, of course, if you feel that neither of those is right for you, you can always adopt.
Ross: Wait a minute, you guys. Oh, I wanna ask you something. I-I I may get to speak at this paleontology convention and if I do, I'd love for you guys to come and hear me.
Chandler: Not as much fun as last time. Apparently you only get porn if you're giving a sperm sample.
Ross: (reading from a notepad) I mean, we've been accepting Leakey's dates as a given, but if they're off by even a hundred thousand years or so then you can - you can just throw most of our assumptions, you know, right in the trash. (he throws the notepad in the waste bin) So-so what I am saying is - is is that (he picks the notepad back from the waste bin) is that the repercussions could be huge! I mean, not just in palaeontology, but if-if you think about it, in evolutionary biology, uh, genetics, geology, uh, I mean, truly the mind boggles!
Chandler: No, I invited him to dinner so you could get a chance to get to know him! I mean, if we go through a sperm bank you never meet the guy, get to check him out.
Chandler: I'm telling you, he's great! I mean, even if my sperm worked fine, I'd think he'd be the way to go!
Rachel: Oh, God, do you think she heard? It would be so bad if she heard!
Phoebe: Well, maybe she didn't hear! Ok I'm gonna go into that dressing room, you stay in here and I'll talk and see if you can hear me.
Ross: I can't! If he realizes that I'm the one that put him to sleep, I won't get the job!
Rachel: Alright! Let's just do it. Let's just go over there and see if she heard.
Phoebe: Mike knows I'm coming, and if I don't show up he'll think it's because of him! And I don't want to lose face! That's a very serious thing in my culture.
Monica: No, that's not it. It's just that when we were asking him all those questions before, I just... I just realized I don't care if he's the most perfect guy in the world... he's not you.
Monica: No, he's not. And if I can't get pregnant with you, then I don't want to get pregnant by... him or anyone else.
Chandler: Wait, if we're lucky, and we're really really really quiet, we may be able to hear the sound of a condom breaking!
Chandler: You wouldn't know if Jeanette's planning on keeping her baby, would ya?
Chandler: Oh, uh, well, I haven't seem it but if I do I'll let you know.
Ross: Why...Why should I? I mean if she wants to move on, that's fine!
Monica: Only if I don't have to get up and sing.
Phoebe: Cause youre still into Monica. So you told her there was somebody else so she would agree to work with you, so cause you figure oh if you spent a lot of time together, maybe something might happen, and...
Phoebe: OK, fine, if it means that much to you I'll get rid of Bob.
Gavin: So what if it was? I thought there was nothing going on between you two...
Mr. Geller: But pleasure is important, (To Chandler) and it helps if the woman has an orgasm. You up to the task sailor?
Chandler: Okay, hear me out. Okay? You give the best bad massages. If anybody was looking for the best bad massage and they were thinking to themselves, "Who's the best of that?" They'd have to go to you.
Ross: You know, if it�s meant to be, I�ll guess it. Bye, bye.
Monica: If you're not going then I don't want to go either.
Ross: Yeah, sure, why not? In fact, if you know anyone that would be good for me...
Chandler: It's okay. Go take the test and see if we're okay.
Ross: Well, if I'm still here in an hour, buy him a drink on me.
Chandler: Well, she's aware when we leave the room. She may notice if we start... canoodling in it.
(Steve makes a face as if his mouth is too dry.)
Ross: Eh, if it was meant to be, it's meant to be.
Monica: (to the restuarant customers) Excuse me, excuse me, hi, I'm Monica Geller..I'm the head chef here.. (pauses as if waiting for something).. Ok, I was actually expecting a little applause there, but whatever! Ok, quick question: by a show of hands, how many of you were bothered by this woman's singing outside? (a few people raise their hands)
Chandler: Bob? Ooh, working here with us? Everyday? Yeah, I dont know if he has what it takes.
(Joey frowns...then looks as if he understands)
Chandler: Okay! (He joins her on one knee) Okay! Okay! I'll do it! Oh God, I thought (Starting to cry, pauses) Wait a minute, I-I can do this. (Pause) I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, (Pause) you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. (Starting to cry again.) And if youll let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. (Pause as he gets out the ring.) Monica, will you marry me?
Monica: Oh really? Okay? Well what would you say if I told you that, yknow, Ross or Chandler could beat you up?
Mike: I'm sorry. Are you ok with that? Cause if not...maybe us moving in together isn't the best idea.
Phoebe: Ooh, if you take the northern route there's a man in Illinois with a beard of bees. {Okay, I must protest this, I've lived in Illinois all my life and know of no man with a beard of bees! Wisconsin, on the other hand, might be a different story.}
Rachel: Terry, I, I, I know that I haven't worked here very long, but I was wondering, do you think it would be possible if I got a $100 advance in my salary?
Mike: But if you wanna get married why didn't you say something before?
Phoebe: Oh my god, Rachel asked me if I knew anyone for her too.
Monica: Really? If that's what you want...
Monica: Okay if Mike were here what would the two of you be doing?
Mike: Look, if I wanna see Phoebe and she wants to see...
Chandler: Right, I mean, come on, I'm sure that if you had a funeral or a memorial service, tons of people would come.
Joey: Ok, wait wait wait wait a minute wait a minute, I mean Rach, I mean if if... . If Hugsy means that much to Emma then... well she can have him.
Monica: Didn't you hear that speech? If you don't kiss him then I will!
Manny: I've heard the speech: (in a mocking voice) "if he knew it was gonna be the last time he saw her... "
Rachel: Well sure, if you say youre gonna take care of everything I have no reason to doubt you. Give me those forms! (Grabs them from him.) All right, now Im gonna do this my way and I dont want to hear a peep out of you!
Chandler: Yeah, because if I was at my old job we'd say 300 million? No thank you!
Ross: (mockingly)Yeah if only it were a sure thing like your 24 state lottery!
Ross: Yeah, I uh, totally forgot about that. You mind if I take a rain check? I'm waiting for a call from Emily.
Chandler: Ok, so now that you're in, what are you gonna do if we win?
Ross: Although if we're gonna do that, we should probably call me "Daddy" too.
Rachel: I'm hoping that if she hears it enough it will be her first word.
Rachel: All right, believe me.If you win the lottery, it's the last you're gonna hear from us!
Monica: Man, this sucks! Yknow if Mom and Dad dont see us on TV after we made them so jealous, I mean, whos gonna be the losers then?
Rachel: Oh, if she jumps, I get her tickets.
Second Message: "Listen, oh... it turns I got the last spot. I'm really sorry man, it was a lot of fun working with you. Give me a call if you want."
Phoebe: Yeah! Now, how would you feel if we gave all the wedding money to charity and we just got married at City Hall?
Ross: I'm having a baby in here! Ok, everyone stand back. (Walks backwards as if he is going to break down the door, but steps in a bucket and falls) Ow.
Ross: I guess if everybody else is...
Monica: How dirty do you think I am? Im telling you, if you had some candles and some bubbles and some music, you would love it! It would take all of your stress away.
Joey: Ah, well, if I want the girl to kiss me, first thing I do is make my lips look irresistible.
Matire'd: (motioning to the empty table next to Monica and Chandlers) Or if you prefer, this table is available.
(they make as if to go, but Ross notices something)
JOEY: Ok, uh, hey Richard, if you had an extra ticket to the Knicks game and you had to choose between a friend who smells and one who bruises you who would you pick?
Ross: Well I have to. Okay? If I dont, theyll take the class away from me. And I already put it in my family newsletter.
Rachel: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I wish my date hadn't shown up.
Ross: Oh, no, it's no big deal, I mean, if I weren't doing this I'd just, you know, be at the gym working out.
Monica: Oh man! If I had known I was coming to this party I never would have gotten married!
Chandler: Which I bought for ya. Taught ya how to use it. You thought it was a copier. Look, if there was anything I could do, I would do it. Okay? But everybodys allowed one mistake, right?
Chandler: I might have checked to see if I was ovulating a couple times.
Joey's Co-Star: Not if we extract tissue from the original host body, synthesize antibodies, and introduce them into your system, which could stop it from rejecting the brain.
Ross: Look, if you don't know what the word "acrimonious" means, just don't use it!
Rachel: Damn! I wish I knew if that was right!
Joey: (shaking his head as if to say: of course not!) No, no, my mouth says the words, my brain is thinking monster trucks!
Janine: (entering from her room) Monica! Chandler! Im really-really sorry about tonight. I dont know if Joey told you; I just couldnt get out of going to this play. Im sorry. Have a great time.
Chandler: (on machine) Youve reached Monica and Chandlers, if youre listening to this message, were probably screening. (to himself) Yeah we are.
Joey: Come on Ross be realistic, y'know? If I did write something, what are the chances I could get those guys to star in it?
Monica: We should get over there and see if she's okay. (switching places with Ross) Just one...second! Score! (Monica scores, high-fives with Ross) Game! Come on. (Monica and Phoebe leave)
Ross: If you want to check your email, just ask! (Chandler tries to look offended)
Joey: Well I got stuff going on in here (Rubbing his belly) if you wanna feel.
Rachel: Well, first of all, Paulo and I are not back together. It was just a stupid thing I did, and if I could go back in time and do it again, well, I wouldn't. Um, second of all (Ross is laughing), what?
Rachel: If you like looking at butts so much why don't you just go look at a mirror?
Joey: Chandler, I can't be playing games, Ross is gonna be home soon. And I have to write five whole pages if I'm gonna stick to his schedule.
Charlie: I will if you will.
Joey: Oh no-no, no-no I love living with you. It just seems that if youre gonna have a roommate, yknow it might as well be the father.
Ross: No, of course, Um Um, everybody? Um, I-I just wanted to say on behalf of my new bride, Rachel (She turns around and smiles), and myself. Umm, that if if in 35 years, were half as happy as you guys are, well count ourselves the luckiest people in the world.
Mona's Date: Oh umm, I-I dont know if I want to wear a womans shirt.
PHOEBE: Chandler, you gotta stop staring at the door. It's like a watched pot, you know if you keep looking at it then the door is to, never gonna boil. I think what you have to do is try not to...
Phoebe: No! Because hes in love with the British chippy! Look, Rachel, if you go, youre just gonna mess with his head and ruin his wedding! Yknow, its too late! You missed youre chance! Im sorry, I know this must be really hard, its over.
Ross: Wait a minute! I saw that! On The Discovery Channel, yeah! About jellyfish and how if you... (Stops suddenly and turns to look at Monica) Ewwww!! You peed on yourself?!
Mike: Look, if Phoebe wants to marry David, she should, I'm not gonna stand in the way of that and neither should you.
Chandler: Oh, listen. If this is about those prank memos, I had nothing to do with them. Really. Nothing at all. Really. (Chandler tries to hide a rubber chicken from the woman.) Nothing.
Phoebe: All right, all right... I'll play if we don't keep score!
PHOEBE: [handing him the papers] Here you go. You know what, I just have one more question, um, if you had figured this out sooner and um, I had been around, do you think that I would have been the one who. . . no, um, I'm sorry, don't tell me, I don't th ink either answer would make me feel better.
Ross: Uh Dad, Emmas in the nursery. Ill take you now. If you want, but (To Rachel) I really want to talk to you.
Chandler: Shes moving on! Okay, if its not this guy, its gonna be somebody else! And unless youre thinking about subletting my peep hole, you are going to have to get used to the fact that the relationship is over! Okay, man? Its over.
Joey: I hate my friends. (They shake on it as if they just made a pact) Alright, look. There's gotta be a way that we can stop this from happening.
Joey: Look at me! I'm Chandler! Could I be wearing any more clothes? Maybe if I wasn't going commando...
Monica: Good! Now I need you to be careful and efficient. And remember, if I am harsh with you, it is only because you are doing it wrong.
Ross: Well, if you see him could you please tell him I'm looking for him?
Mike: Is it ok if I hug you now?
Phoebe: Okay, oh and you know, if she gets upset, just scratch her tummy and give her a liver snout. (laughs and hangs up the phone)
Monica: Honey, if you know it through a wall, you know it too well!
Rachel: Yeah, sure... (looks outside into the corridor if Joey is there)
Ross: Dad dad, please! As I was saying umm, Im Dr. Ross Geller. Uhh, and Im the best man. And uh, this marriage is doubly special for me umm, because not only is the groom my best friend but uh, the bride is my little sister. And, shes the greatest sister a guy could ask for. So if youd all please join me in raising a glass to the, the couple were here to celebrate. (Everyone does so.) To the Bings.
Chandler: Oh hey. Id shake your hand but uh; Im really into the game. Plus, I think itd be better for my ego if we didnt stand right next to each other.
Ross: Uh, do you wanna go change first? The doctors keeping the office open late for us, but if you hurry
Joey: Ok! All right, well... I'm gonna see if I can get a room for the night and I'll... I'll see you later!
Bandleader: Thank you, thank you very much. If everyone will please take your seats, dinner will be served.
Mrs. Geller: Were sorry honey, but we just assumed if you got married after you turned 30 youd pay for it yourself.
Monica: (gets up) Okay, y'know what, Im not fine, Im not. I mean how can I be fine, hearing you come in with her, she wants to see your bedroom.... (pause) Y'know what, what if were friends who dont see other people?
Joey: (stopping the waiter) Hey hey hey! Don't mind if I do!