words in movies
Part I Written by: Shana Goldberg-Meehan & Scott Silveri Part II Written by: Andrew Reich & Ted Cohen Parts I and II Transcribed by: Eric Aasen
Chandler: It is going to be perfect. I am taking her to her favorite restaurant. Im going to get her a bottle of the champagne that she really loves; therefore knows how expensive it is. Then when the glasses are full, instead of proposing a toast Im just gonna propose.
Chandler: Im not gonna mess it up.
Phoebe: If she says no, can I have the ring?
Rachel: Are any of you guys free tonight? My boss is hosting this charity event for underprivileged kids and the more people I bring, the better I look. So, Monica? Chandler?
Rachel: Oh my God, Im so sorry.
Chandler: I just get mad when Rachel doesnt remember where were going.
Rachel: I think so.
Phoebe: I can do that for the kids.
Joey: Hey, yknow what? Ill come too. Im making money now; its about time I give something back.
Ross: Oh no, I have plans with Elizabeth.
Ross: Im sorry, its just one of my last nights together before she leaves for campto be a counselor!
Chandler: Wait a minute, all jokes aside? I didnt agree to that!
Ross: I dont know.
All: Yeah! Yeah, sort of. Im sorry.
Ross: Uh-uhWow! Uh, I thought you guys were just like making jokes, I had no idea. What you know what? You guys are wrong. Uh yes, there is a chronological age difference but I never notice it. You know why? Because she is very mature. Besides, it doesnt really matter to me what you guys think. I mean, Im the one dating Elizabeth, not you!
Chandler: Okay, now will you guys get out of here? I want this is to be a surprise and shes gonna know.
Phoebe: No, I know what a silent is I meant, whats going on with your hair?
Rachel: Someone? I brought people. Mr. Thompson, this is Phoebe. Phoebe, this is Mr. Thompson. (She introduces them.) Hes the head of my department.
Rachel: And I also brought my friend Joey
Mr. Thompson: Well, I hope youre gonna bid on some things Rachel.
Rachel: Well, yknow what? Actually, I was about to bid on this lovely trip to Paris.
{Transcribers Note: Elizabeth has two friends in the room with her who are named in the credits, but not in this scene. So Im just gonna guess since it doesnt matter one way or the other. (The last part is to discourage e-mails, who cares if I got it right or not?)}
Ross: Oh, you have to call the police! Thats what I did to the kids in my building!
Ross: Oh! (Does a laugh/groan.) Listen umm, I, I just stopped by to see if you wanted to see this play tonight. Umm, its supposed to be excellent. The director is the same
Ross: No! Okay! Okay! (Stops her.) Okay, look, can I, can I just-just talk to you for a second?
Phoebe: I got me some drinks!
Joey: I won! That was my guess!
Joey: I guessed 20,000!
Joey: What?! I dont have 20,000!
Chandler: (trying to cover up why his hand is over his heart) One nation, under God. Indivisible with liberty and justice for all. (Laughs.) I remembered it. (Its a butchered version of the Pledge of Allegiance of the United States for our foreign friends.) The champagne is here. (The waiter is delivering it and pouring two glasses.)
Chandler: Yes! Yes! Im good! Are you good? Are you good? Is everythingare youare you perrr-perfect?!
Monica: Yeah. Im okay. Im actuallyIm a little cold, can I have your jacket?
Chandler: Oh, yeah. (Starts to take it off and then realizes) Uh, no you cant have my jacket! Because then I would be cold! If you thought that you were going to be cold, you shouldve brought your own jacket. But uh, other than that, are you okay? Are you okay?
Chandler: Yes! Im fine. In fact Ive been fine for a long time now and I think, the reason is you.
Chandler: Okay umm, before I meant you I had really little life and I couldnt imagine growing old with
(As hes talking Monica notices someone familiar has just entered the restaurant. Lets see; I seem to remember him driving a Ferrari in Hawaii solving crimes as a private investigator and as a certain eye doctor in more recent times.)
Chandler: (not knowing the true meaning of her exclamation) I know, but just let me say it.
Chandler: What?! Im Chandler! (She nods towards the doorway, Chandler turns and looks) Oh, thats Richard!
Chandler: Hey-hey, hey! (Gets up and hugs him.) I dont know why I did that!
Monica: YeahOh thats right. You, you always wanted me too. Hey, I see you got your mustache back.
Chandler: (to Richards date) And uh, you dont have a mustache which is good. (She just smiles.) Im Chandler; I make jokes when Im uncomfortable.
Richards Date: Hi, Im Lisa.
Richard: Oh, Im sorry. (Introduces them.) Lisa, (nodding at each) Monica, Chandler. We used to date.
Chandler: Richard! No one supposed to know about us! (Richard just smiles at him.) See I, did it again.
Chandler: Yeah, Ill sit down. (He slides back into his chair.)
Joey: I didnt know it was an auction!
Joey: I figured, take a guess, help a charity, free boat!
Joey: I dont know! Charity?
Phoebe: Im just helping the kids!
Phoebe: Because the more I drink, the less there is for the kids to drink.
Mr. Thompson: I think it was valued at 19,000
Joey: (To Rachel) Hey, I was pretty close. (She just glares at him.) Uhh, so bad news. Umm, I cant buy the boat, I dont have any money.
Joey: So uh listen, I think Im gonna take off now. (Starts to get up.)
Joey: Well, what am I gonna do Rach?! I dont have that kind of money!
Rachel: I know. Okay. (Whispering and thinking.) Okay. Okay. All right. All right, this is what were gonna do, we are gonna go to the next highest bidder, and we are just gonna let them buy it, and then youre just gonna pay the difference.
Joey: Look, I dont know why the kids need a youth center anyway! Yknow? They should just watch TV after school like I did and I turned out fine!
Richard: And-and then I sneak out and before Monica can her parents come in.
Monica: So I hide in the shower and the next thing you know theyre going at it right on the bathroom floor.
Chandler: I got a good one, I got a good one! I once walked in on both my parents making love to the same guy.
Richard: Its so great seeing you guys again. Id like to make a toast. (Everyone raises their glasses) Uh, as a poet once said, "In the sweetness of friendship, let there be laughter and sharing of pleasures for in the due of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed."
Monica: I thought you were going out with Elizabeth.
Ross: Yeah, I was but uh, she was a little busy with a water balloon fight.
Ross: Yknow, maybe she is too young for me. Yknow, when I was over there and she was running around with her friends, I felt like I was a baby-sitter. I finally started to see what you guys were talking about. I dont know what to do.
Monica: Why dont you just weigh out the good stuff about the relationship against the bad stuff. I mean thats what I did when I first (looks at Chandler and pauses) weighing stuff.
Ross: Okay umm, bad stuff. Well, Im-Im 12 years older than she is.
Monica: Look Ross, the only question you need to ask is, "Do you see a future?" I mean like do you see yourself marrying her? (Ross pauses in consideration.) Oh my God! You did it already! You married her, didnt you?!
Ross: No! No! I didnt do that. Its just Okay, honestly no. I dont, I dont see a big future with her.
Monica: Okay well I think thats your answer.
Ross: Ive got to talk to her. Ugh, I hate this part.
Chandler: Hey, you have to forget about Elizabeth. I mean if youre not careful you may not get married at all this year!
Rachel: Oh well, hello. This is your lucky day Mr. Bowmont, the uh gentleman day sailer as just become available again and I believe that you made a bid of $18,000.
Mr. Bowmont: I was actually relieved uh I didnt win the boat. My wife wouldve killed me.
Mr. Bowmont: I dont think shed like that.
Mr. Bowmont: I dont think so dear.
Joey: All that stuff you just said? I want that!
Joey: Who cares?! I-Ill make payments, whatever it takes, I want the Mr. Bowmont!!
Phoebe: I wanna see whats in your hand. I wanna see the trash.
Chandler: Richard was there so I couldnt do it!
Chandler: Im gonna do it tomorrow yknow, and-and surprise her, but now youve ruined it!
Chandler: This is terrible. What am I going to do?
Chandler: Thats right, I can throw her off. I can make her think marriage is the last thing on my mind.
Chandler: I can do that, Ive had 30 years of practice.
Monica: (entering) I had to go all the way to the basement because some idiot keeps stuffing the trash chute with pizza boxes!
Ross: (in his head) Wow! I have never had such a healthy break-up! She was such a grown-up about it! She didnt seem too immature for me! Did I just make a huge mistake?
Ross: Elizabeth, thank God! I was just thinking about
Chandler: Okay, okay, here she comes! (Sits on the couch next to him.) How do I look? Do I look like a guy who doesnt want to get married?
Joey: Yeah! And also, a little like a French guy. (They both squint at each other.) I never noticed that before.
Monica: Well thats a little crazy. Although I am yknow glad to hear that youre branching out on what you look at on the Internet.
Waitress: Hey Monica, theres a customer who wants to complement the chef, should I let him in?
Monica: Sure, I love this part! (Starts to look busy.)
Richard: Actually, Im not here to complement the chef.
Monica: Ohh Oh, thats okay I hate when people come back to complement the chef. Like I have nothing better to do! So whats up?
Richard: No! I came here to tell you something else. (Pause) I came here (Pause) to tell you I still love you.
Richard: I still love you. And I know I probably shouldnt even be here telling you this, I mean youre with Chandler a guy I really like, and if you say hes straight Ill believe you! After seeing ya the other night I knew if I didnt tell ya Id regret it for the rest of my life. Letting you go was the stupidest thing I ever did.
Richard: Well yeah, Im sorry. I know this is the wrong time and the wrong place but I had to tell ya! I wanna spend my life with you. I wanna marry you. I wanna have kids with you.
Richard: I know this is crazy but am I too late?
Richard: Well I know I was an idiot! And I tried to forget you, I really did! Yknow after we had lunch last year I spent six months in Africa trying to get you out of my head!
Monica: Ohhh! What are you doing to me?! Oh look, I-I Im sorry but umm, this-this-this-this is not going to happen.
Richard: Okay thats fine, Ill walk away. And Ill never bother you again, but only if you tell me Chandlers willing to give you everything I am.
Monica: Well he is! Yeah, I mean marriage is all he talks about! My goodness, in fact, Im the one thats making him wait!
Phoebe: I know, theyre gonna be so happy together.
Rachel: Ohh I mean two best friends falling in love, how often does that happen?
Rachel: No! Im so happy for them!
Rachel: Im so happy and not at all jealous.
Rachel: I mean Im probably 98% happy, maybe 2% jealous. And I mean whats 2%? Thats nothing.
Phoebe: Totally. Im like 90/10.
Chandler: Sure I do. In fact, I think the whole concept of marriage is unnatural. I mean look at pigs. Lets take a second here and look at pigs. Okay pigs dont mate for life. I mean a pig can have like a hundred sexual partners in a lifetime, and thats just an ordinary pig not even a pig thats good at sports!
Chandler: If marriage worked, Id be all for it. But do you know what the divorce rate in this country is? 97%.
Monica: Yknow what?! I gotta go! Ugh!
Chandler: (to them) Its okay, I got a plan.
Rachel: Yeah, Im pretty confident about that. Thats what makes it so easy for me to be 80% happy for Monica and Chandler! It would be nice to have a little guarantee though.
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah I got that.
Phoebe: Yeah, I locked him years ago!
Phoebe: Ohh, yeah. I think his exact words were (She makes two clicking sounds with her tongue and purrs.)
Monica: Im just having one of those days where you realize youre in a dead-end relationship!
Monica: Its not like I want to get married tomorrow! Its just that I-Id like to believe that Im in a relationship thats actually going somewhere, that Im not just wasting my time!
Monica: No I dont know Chandler! Not anymore! Its like its like somethings changed.
Monica: I didnt change!
Joey: I dont know! (All excited) I havent totally decided how to talk on my boat yet.
Monica: What does he think? Does he think Im just gonna wait around for nothing?
Joey: You got that from what I said?!
Rachel: Oh thank you. Hey yknow, Im so sorry to hear about you and Elizabeth.
Ross: Oh, thanks. Yeah, I really thought wed be able to make it work, but uh, I guess it just wasnt meant to be.
Ross: I guess so.
Rachel: So what do you say we make a pact? If you and I are both single by the time were 40, we get married. I mean, we know each other, we like each other, and weve-weve already slept together so yknow therell be no surprises there! You know what I mean? No like, "Whats that?!"
Ross: Ohh, yeah I already have one.
Ross: Ohh, I dont think so.
Rachel: Ross! I just had a conversation with her, and she said that she and Joey made a deal!
Ross: Thats impossible! I mean we have had a deal for years! We-we-we shook on it, although believe me she wanted to do a lot more than that.
Chandler: I was making a coconut phone with the professor.
Joey: Yeah! Yeah, Ive been trying to find ya to tell to stop messing with her and maybe I would have if these (lifts a leg) damn boat shoes wouldnt keep flying off!
Joey: I know! They suck!!
Chandler: Hes not supposed to ask my girlfriend to marry him! Im supposed to do that!
Joey: I know!
Chandler: Well what Yknow what Im gonna do? Im gonna go over there; Im gonna kick his ass! (Pause) Will you help me?!
Joey: Look, Chandler I dont think us getting our asses kicked is a solution. Okay? Just go and find Monica!
Chandler: Okay. (Starts running for the bedroom) Im gonna get the ring! Im gonna get the ring! (Does so) Im gonna go find her and (starts running for the door) Im just going to propose!
Monica: I dont know why Im here.
Richard: I didnt ask. You wanna come in?
Monica: I dont know.
Richard: Oh, okay. Well, Ill just leave the door open and go sit on the couch. (Does so.)
Monica: Yeah, Ill have a scotch
Richard: on the rocks with a twist? I remember. (Goes to make her drink.)
Richard: Uh, no! No! Thats art! If it bothers you I can put my art out.
Monica: Uh yeah, I-I actually I thought about you a couple months ago.
Monica: Yeah but it was because I-I had an eye exam and I dont like my new eye doctor.
Monica: But getting over was the hardest thing that Ive ever had to do. And I never let myself think about you.
Phoebe: Of course I can! Its just good sense to backup your backup! Look, Ive already lost Chandler!
Phoebe: I dontLook I dont know what youre complaining about now? You were both aware of the situation!
Ross: I was not!
Ross: No! Pick me! I dont want to end up an old maid!
Joey: This is crazy! Hey look, I wanna switch to Rachel!
Ross: Ooh, I wanna switch to Rachel too!
Phoebe: (To Rachel) Im talking about massages.
(She turns her head away and when shes not looking, Phoebe shakes her head and mouths, "No, Im not." Both Joey and Ross smile, look at each other, and then stop smiling.)
Rachel: Okay, yknow what?! I know-I know how to settle this! All right here, this is what were gonna do! Im gonna write Joey on one napkin (does so) and Im gonna right Ross on the other napkin (does so) and we are going to pick one! And that person is going to be our backup! Okay?
Monica: (to the mask) I missed you-you ugly, flat faced old freak!
Monica: I missed this apartment! Now, this is a grown-ups apartment! Yknow, I-I should be with a grown-up, do you know what I mean?!
Monica: Yknow, lets face it, Im not a kid anymore! I-I need to be with someone who-who wants the same things that I do! I mean coming to my place of work and telling me that you love me, I want that! Talking about pig sex over lunch, I dont want that!
Richard: I think thats fair.
Monica: Nothing. (She backs away a little bit but is still in his arms and looks up at his eyes.) I dont knUmm. I dont know. Umm
Richard: I know. (Backs away.)
Monica: Yknow, I-I I have to figure some stYknow, some stuff before I can
Richard: Yeah, I understand. Take as much time as you want. (Pause) Ten, even twenty minutes if you need it. Ill be here. Not smoking. (Monica leaves.)
Chandler: Where is she? Im not scared of you! (Averts his eyes and walks in.)
Chandler: Oh my God, I cant believe this! Yknow, I thought I thought you were a good guy.
Chandler: Yknow what? I cant believe this! Do you know what you did? My girlfriend is out there thinking things over! You made my girlfriend think!!
Richard: Well Im sorry.
Chandler: And what does she have to think about? I love her!
Richard: Well, apparently Im willing to offer her things that you are not.
Chandler: But I am willing to offer her all those things. This was just a plan, yknow? A way to throw her off course so that when I offered her all these things, shed be surprised!
Chandler: It was working until you showed up, you big tree! I mean, this isnt fair. You had your chance with her! You had your chance and you blew it! And this is my chance and I am not going to blow it because we are meant for each other! And this is all just been one stupid mistake! (Sits down heavily.) I was gonna propose tonight.
Chandler: Yeah I even (pause) got a ring. (Puts in on the center cushion.) Did you get a ring?
Richard: No I dont have a ring! (Pause) You go get her Chandler. (Pause) And can I give you a piece of advice? If you do get her, dont let her go. Trust me.
Richard: I know. (Pause) I hate that!
Chandler: I cant talk to you now, I gotta find Monica!
Joey: I-I did! I told her everything, Chandler! But she wouldnt believe me.
Joey: To her parents I think and she said you shouldnt call her. But if I were you I would.
Chandler: I cant believe I ruined this.
Joey: I am so sorry man.
Monica: Chandler In all my life I never thought I would be so lucky. (Starting to cry.) As to fall in love with my best my best Theres a reason why girls dont do this!
Chandler: Okay! (He joins her on one knee) Okay! Okay! Oh God, I thought (Starting to cry, pauses) Wait a minute, I-I can do this. (Pause) I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, (Pause) you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. (Starting to cry again.) And if youll let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. (Pause as he gets out the ring.) Monica, will you marry me?
Monica: I knew you were likely to take a wife!
Rachel: Ohhh, this is the least jealous Ive ever been!
Ross: I play squash...! Anyway, uhm... I uhm... I always get the feeling he thought I was too sensitive.
Chandler: Oh, I think this is the episode of Three's Company where there's some kind of misunderstanding.
Rachel: (screams and grabs a potato masher to defend herself) Sorry. Im sorry.
Joey: Come in. Thanks for comin back, umm, okay there have been a lot of people interested in the room, but I have narrowed it down and you are one of the finalists!
Rachel: (looks interested) Oh my God! Wow! That was fantastic, I almost leaned in. I really almost did!
Phoebe: Yeah. (BEAT) Oh, I know what we can do. We could set Ross and Rachel up on horrible dates, so that they'll realise how good they are together.
Chandler: Yeah, well, I guess you don�t need my help Victor Victoria!
Chandler: Finally, I figure I'd better answer it, and it turns out it's my mother, which is very-very weird, because- she never calls me!
CHANDLER: Heckles played clarinet in band, and I played clarinet. And he was in the scale modeler's club, and I was, well, there was no club, but I sure thought they were cool.
Helena: Before we go on with the show, I just want to say to the bride and groom how lucky they are to have found each other. In every life, a little rain must fall. Fortunately, in my life (Four guys wearing rubber boots, shorts, hats, and nothing else carrying umbrellas run onto the stage.) (Singing) Its raining men!
Rachel: No, I know, but Ihe just went on. He's right there, he's got the blue jacket on, I... can I j-just...
Phoebe: Hey, Joey! Hey! Ooh! Ooh! I just say someone on thethat looks just like you on the subway. And I was gonna go over and say hi! but then I figured, he doesnt care if he looks like you.
Monica: Yknow, I only know of two surefire ways to shut a man up. And one of them is sex.
CHANDLER: Well, I don't know what Big Leon told ya but it's an even thousand if you want me for the whole night. What is this for?
Phoebe: So, we realize thatOh no (She resets herself) Im telling it! Im telling it (She loses it.)
JOEY: Uhhh, I was an impulse buyer, near the register.
Joey: Oh, yeah, well I already did that! They said theyre gonna look into it right after they solved all the murders.
Rachel: Yeah, seriously coz this is really heavy. (She suddenly lets go) I mean not for me because i'm only pretending to hold this, but for these guys.
Phoebe: All right, I will. No, I will. But umm, yknow just remember that its still really early, okay so, if it says that Im not pregnant, that doesnt mean that Im not gonna get pregnant, okay and, and just please, just so I dont go completely nuts, just try not put all your hopes on this.
Ross: I knew all I had to do was let the material speak for itself. Everyones all, "Ross you have to be funny and sexy." Well, I proved them wrong! And now, Im gonna pass the news onto Joey and Chandler.
Chandler: Good! I havent smoked yet today, I feel great, and-and-and confident, that is a stunning blouse.
Chandler: Does that room have a closet I can lock him in? (pause) We'll take it.
Monica: Then youd be going back and forth all the time, I mean it doesnt make any sense.
Joey: Hey! Now, Ive been watching some tapes, hows this? (In a British accent.) "Jessica Lockhart will never step foot in this place again! Ever!!"
Rachel: Really?! Arent you sweet! I gotta tell you though, I am, I am having the hardest time placing you. Oh-oh hang on! Did we umm, did we fool around at Lance Davis graduation party?
Rachel: Oh, hi! I would check your hand but... I'm sure you don't want to get my chicken disease!
Rachel: But I dont, hmm... (on phone) Oh, who approved that order?! (listens) Well there is no Mark Robbinson in this office. (to Sophie) Get me Mark on the phone!
CHANDLER: Well, doesn't the fact that I wore the bracelet even though I hated it say something about our friendship and how much it means to me?
Monica: I am not 'so'! OK, I was a teensy bit weird at first, but... I'll be good. I promise.
Chandler: Will power? I�ve watch home movies of you eating ding-dongs (?) without taking the tin foil off.
Sarah: A ten speed bike. But, Id rather have something my Dad couldnt sell.
ROSS: Yeah, it was, but...I get home, ok, and I see Julie's saline solution on my night table. And I'm thinking to myself, oh my god, what the hell am I doing? I mean, here I am, I am with Julie, this incredible, great woman, who I care about and who cares about me, and I'm like, what, am I just gonna throw all that away?
Monica: Okay, so I'm responsible, I'm organised. But hey, I can be a kook.
CHANDLER: [being left behind] Oh that's all right fellas, I saw a kitchen this morning - on TV. Stop talking. OK.
Ross: Yeah! And! And, it was the easiest 400 bucks Ive ever made.
Monica: (sliding into Joeys place on the couch to try and talk to Phoebe) Huh? Whatd ya say Joe? Ill be right there. (gets up and joins Joey)
Ross: I can't believe I'm about to meet Benjamin Hobart. I've always thought of him as one of the people I'd invite to my fantasy dinner party. Do you think there's any chance he'll bring Christie Brinkley or C3PO?
PHOEBE: Uh-huh, let's go. (they move in to kiss) Oh, wait I have gum. Okay. (they kiss rather passionately) Good, very good, firm but tender. I'd recommend you to a friend.
CHANDLER: Well, I relied on a carefully regimented program of denial and, and wetting the bed.
Ross: Thanks. (he takes the card) Hey, I know where this place is! It used to be an X-rated video... (pauses when he realizes what he is saying) florist. (he goes away)
Ross: Well I, thats the thing, I dont know! I mean, whenever I brought it up with her she said, (In a British accent.) "This is so fantastic! Why do we have to talk about the future? Lets just enjoy "
Phoebe: Oh Chandler! Thank God you're alive. Monica, can I talk to you outside for a minute?
Joey: I know, she may be the hottest girl I've ever hated.
Phoebe: Okay, let's discuss Rachel's birthday. I say we throw a surprise party this weekend.
Joey: What? Are you referring to my man's bag? At first, I thought it just looked good, but it's practical too. Check it out! It's got compartments for all your stuff! Your wallet! Your keys! Your address book!
MONICA: Hey, have you guys eaten, because uh, Richard and I just finished and we've got leftovers... Chicken and potatoes... What am I wearing?...Actually, nothing but rubber gloves.
Monica: Unless... Maybe we do it here. I mean, how much can she even be aware of at this age?
Joey: U-U-Um, I think there's been an oversight.
Monica: You bet your ass Im gonna fire you! Get out of my kitchen! Get out!! (Joey leaves) All right! Anybody else got a problem? How bout you Chuckles? You think this is funny now?
Ross: Oh come on. It's cold, it's dark, he doesn't know the Village. (Kicks a sign in frustration) And now I have a broken foot. I have no monkey, and a broken foot! Thank you very much.
Monica: Oh, and I can also speak a little French. Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir? (Mischa laughs) Why? What did I say?
Ross: No, I get to teach one of his advanced classes! (Pause) Why didnt I get head of the department? (Goes and gets some coffee.)
Ross: Look I-I dont know whats going on with you and your husband and what is hopefully an adult dog walker, look can I just say not all men are like that.
Mrs. Bing: As I recall when we got married, I saw the groom in the wedding dress.
Rachel: Well, I usually go... play Tetris on somebody else's computer.
MONICA: This is for the scratchy twins out there. I taped oven mits to their hands.
Chandler: Okay, so weve established my name, and hit me. But theoretically y'know, I mean say we werent friends, say its a blind date. I show up at your door, and Im like (in a fake voice) Hey, nice to meet, ya. Hey, oh-hey.
Phoebe: Hi Phoebe Abott, Im your best friends daughter!
Rachel: That is right and traditionally the daddy is supposed to give the mummy a present but I am prepared to let that go.
Ross: Okay, remember, we were young. Hey, Spring break, sophomore year, I got high in my bedroom and my parents walked in and smelled it and so I told them that you had gotten stoned and jumped out the window.
PHOEBE: I love you goddesses. I don't ever want to suck your wind again.
Rachel: Well, Joey probably thinks Ill just embarrass him. Yknow, he thinks Im some kind of a soap opera nutWhich Im not! Im not. Although I do know that your uh, your favorite ice cream flavor is butter pecan. (Starts stroking his arm) And uh, and that your-your dogs name is Wally. Well look at that, Im just stroking your arm.
PHOEBE: And you hate fish. Oh. That's so sweet, alright. Ok, alright, you can see. This is me... [she unveils herself right as a huge lightning bolt crashes outside. Ryan screams in terror.] Oh, I am scary.
Monica: Limited seating?! (Screechingly) I am just one tiny person!
Monica: I need a few more things to make the margaritas. Uhh, I need some salt, some margarita mix, and tequila.
Phoebe: No, no, no, no, no... It's not... it's not... i'ts not as bad as it looks... really. I was just saying goodbye to an old friend.
Monica: Come on Chandler, come on, I can handle Ross. (They go to the door. Ross is trying to stick his hand through and undo the chain; Monica pushes his hand back.) (To Ross) Hold on! (She opens the door.) Hey Ross. What's up bro?
Chandler: Oh yeah, it's so cool. (He opens his coat and has it pinned to the lining.) Now I gotta go, Officer Bing has gotta, 10-100. (Pause, softly) That's pee-pee. (Heads for the bathroom.)
Frank Sr.: Y'know what, I gotta go. And thank you so much for coming. (Hands back his glasses and hurries out.)
Whitfield: (sits down) Well, I have to tell you, I was quite impressed with your paper on Pre-Cretaceous fossils. Yeah, it confirmed everything that I have written.
Ross: Right that's why I came over to talk about. Hum...I saw Rachel kissing some guy on your balcony,even though there were NO LIGHTS !
Will: I actually know what youre talking about. Im here to tell you something my friend, you can eat and eat and eat but nothing will ever fill that void.
BEST MAN: (standing up) Yo! Can I have your attention, please, Best Man, making a toast here. Thank you. (clears throat, and starts reading his toast) I remember when Barry got home from his first date with Rachel...
Chandler: Yeah, you got me. (picks up a 2x4 and puts it through the handles so that the doors wont open) Im out five big ones! (puts the money in the crack between the door and frame) Here you go.
Danielle: Well, I've been calling you, but it turns out I had your number wrong. And when I finally got the right one from Information, there was no answer. So I thought I'd just come down here, and make sure you were okay.
Chandler: Yes, well, I expect this from her. Okay? She's always been a Freudian nightmare.
Chandler: (sighs) Just one more thing. I was so pissed at you that night that I wanted to get back at you. So I thought, who does Ross like the more than anybody?
Phoebe: I�m starving. I know we were coming here tonight, I ate nothing all day.
Chandler: Y'know what this is like? This is like when my parents got divorced. Man, I hope Ross doesnt try to kidnap me after Cub Scouts.
Monica: Yknow what? He will forgive you. And I like to bring a pad with me when I go answer the phone just in case (Chandler gets that disgusted look back.) Okay
PHOEBE: Oh OK. [pulls over her shirt and shows a bare shoulder] Oh no, oh it's gone, that's so weird, I don't know how-where it went.
Ross: Sure. Sure. Look I dont, I dont know if your plans are finalized yet, but umm, hey I-I know another great way to blow off steam.
Ross: See, Rach, uh, see, I don't think that swearing off guys altogether is the answer. I really don't. I think that what you need is to develop a more sophisticated screening process.
Monica: As a joke, this customer at work who has a crush on me gave me a $20,000 tip. His number is on the check, he just did so Id call him.
Rachel: I forgot... I am supposed to pick up a friend at the airport. I am so sorry! I'm so... if you want to stay, and finish your drinks, please do.... (gives him her drink) I meanI'm sorry. I-I-I gotta go. I'm sorry.
Joey: Yeah. I realized it about a half-hour ago but I didn't want to say anything 'cause I didn't want to jinx it.
Ross: I know, I know! When I was here for Holidays on Ice (Joey looks around worried hoping no one heard that) I was sitting so far away Michelle Kwan couldn't read my banner!
CHANDLER: Oh, right, well yeah, I graduated fourth grade and realized I wasn't a pimp.
Rachel: Well, apparently she caught him cheating on her with someone else. Isnt that sad? (Giggles.) God, could you imagine if I actually married him?! I mean how different would my life be?
Charlie: No, no, we ended up in great terms. I mean, if anything, I think this could help you. You know what? Why don't we all go out to dinner together, and I can introduce you.
Chandler: Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.
Rachel: Yeah, Joey kinda disabled it when I moved in.
Ross: He's unconscious, I think we'll be just fine!
Rachel: Oh, Joey, it's so great to be back here. I gotta tell you, you're making it so easy on me and Emma.
MONICA: Yeah, ours pretty much sucked, oh, but, I did run into little Stevie Fisher. Remember him?
Ross: Great! Because people kept showing up, I think its like uh-a thing!
Sarah: Yeah. My Dad says if I spend as much time helping him clean apartments, as I do daydreaming about outer space, hed be able to afford a trip to the Taj Mahal.
RACHEL: Oh, no, no no. I meant that he's gonna be paying that other woman beause she's a professional.
Joey: Okay, the ring fell on the floor and I went down to pick it up and you thought I was proposing.
Rachel: What, no, no, no, mine are deceptively small I mean, I-I-I actually sometimes, st-stuff my bra.