words in movies
Part I Written by: Scott Silveri Part II Written by: David Crane & Marta Kauffman Parts I & II Transcribed by: Eric Aasen
Ross: No, but come on, were off to a great start arent we? I knew Id get you here fast, but this has got to be some kind of a record!
Ross: N No! We took a cab too, but I did test runs!
Rachel: Ross, you stay here and talk, Im gonna go have a baby.
Ross: Okay. Okay. (To the nurse behind the desk.) Umm hi, this is Rachel Green. Im Ross Geller. We-we called from the car.
Rachel: (interrupting her) Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! Im sorry, semi-private? We (Laughs), we asked for a private room.
Nurse: Yes, I see that here. Unfortunately we cant guarantee a private room and currently theyre all unavailable.
Nurse: Im sorry. Semi-private rooms are all we have.
Ross: I really think theyre out of rooms.
Rachel: Theyre not!! Ross, theyre just saving them for the important people!! Okay?! What-what if I was the president?!
Rachel: (standing up) Okay. Yknow what? Id have to say I really dont care for your tone. And this is not the only hospital in this city and we have no problem toWhoa! (She starts a contraction) Oh gosh! Whoa!
Dr. Long: Ill be back in an hour to check you again.
Rachel: Thank you. (Dr. Long exits.) Well, I guess we have some time to kill.
Ross: Hi! Hi, Im uh Ross. Im here to ruin this magical day for you.
Julie: Yeah, we are going to share every moment of this with you. And I think were gonna have some fun.
Rachel: Oh no, I really dont want any(He takes the picture)Oh! Thank you. Oh. Oh Ross
Julie: Oh honey, I think Im having one too!
Monica: Listen uh, I-Ive been doing some thinking, and I dont know whether its because were here or Rachels giving birth but umm, I think we should try to have a baby.
Chandler: Okay. Ive been thinking about it too, and I, I think were ready.
Monica: Yeah but I was just screwing with you to try to get your voice all high and weird like mine is now!
Monica: Okay, just back off mister! Whoa. (Pause) Cause I am ready to have a baby. I just want Joey to be the father.
Monica: Thats it! Right there! Is all I wanted!
Marc: I am so sorry. The doctor insisted on closing the curtain for the exam.
Rachel: (simultaneously as Ross) No, I dont think well be doing that.
Mrs. Geller: (entering) Am I interrupting?
Ross: Oh uh, Im sorry. (Runs out.)
Ross: Hi! Im so glad youre here, but its gonna be a while. I-I wished youd called first.
Mrs. Geller: Oh thats all right, Im coming back later with your father.
Mrs. Geller: I actually needed to talk to you before the birth.
Mrs. Geller: I brought something that I want to give you, assuming of course that you want it. (She holds up an engagement ring.)
Mrs. Geller: This is your grandmothers engagement ring, I want you to give it to Rachel.
Ross: Mom, yknow what? I-I cant deal with this right now. Im sorry
Mrs. Geller: Just think about it. If you dont, Ill talk more about humping.
Ross: she came and dragged me out of the labor room to ask me why Im not with Rachel.
Ross: Okay, stop it! I cant deal with this right now. I have to go have a baby.
Phoebe: I know!
Joey: I mean seriously, shes like the perfect woman. I mean I know she turned me down, but if she hadnt and wanted to be with me, I would take her in my arms and (Realizes everyone is staring.) I havent bummed you guys out like this in a while have I?
Sick Bastard: Honey I swear! I wasnt looking at her!
Ross: Umm. Umm, Im-Im just gonna(Closes the privacy screen.)
Ross: No-no, Im Im sure no one was looking. Just want some privacy. (He closes the screen and stares wide-eyed at Rachel.)
Chandler: Im not crazy about babies. Im crazy about us.
Chandler: Look, weve always talked about having babies someday. Im not saying it has to be right now, but Im starting to think that we can handle it. Were good. Were really good.
Monica: Well maybe Im ready now. I mean, its a little scary, but maybe its right.
Chandler: Im kidding. This is going to be fun.
Monica: So were gonna try? I mean, are we trying?
Chandler: Were trying to get pregnant. (They start kissing, but Chandler stops it.) Yknow Im not really comfortable doing this in front of the babies. So, when do you want to start trying?
Phoebe: All right, Ill see you downstairs then.
Joey: Hey I got one! I got one!
Phoebe: Oh down please. (The guy tries to reach the button, but cant.) I-I hate to be a ball buster can I just do it? (She pushes the button.)
Phoebe: Sure! I feel so bad for you; I broke my leg once too.
Man: Yeah. Me. (The elevator door opens.) Oh hey, thats me. (Rolls onto the elevator.) Hey uh, I take it youre just visiting someone.
Man: Im in the middle (The elevator door closes, cutting him off.)
Rachel: Ugh, is she pregnant yet? She doesnt need to be; shell still have the baby before I do. Oh Ross, another contraction! (Leans back on Ross for some support.)
Phoebe: (to the nurse) Excuse me? Could you help me with something? The patient Im looking for has a broken leg and is in a wheelchair. And umm, hes like early to mid-thirties, very attractive.
Nurse: I think I know who youre talking about.
Nurse: Im sorry, that information is restricted to hospital staff
Joey: Remoray. Its Portuguese. We need that information; Im a doctor.
Joey: Hands! It is absolutely essential that you tell me what room the man my assistant described is staying in. Hes a patient of mine, Ive been treating him for years!
Monica: I think we found a place.
Phoebe: But lately all the guys I meet seem really nice at first, then they turn out to be the biggest jerks.
Rachel: Dr. Long, Ive been at this for seventeen hours! Three women have come and gone with their babies, you gotta give me some good news! How many centimeters am I dilated? Eight? Nine?
Ross: Just three?! Im dilated three!
Dr. Long: We are moving along, just slowly. (Rachel lies back and sighs.) Dont worry, youre doing great. Ill be back soon. (Exits.)
Rachel: Hey, yknow what? Im not waiting! Im gonna push this baby out! Im doing it! I mean its what? Three centimeters? Thats gotta be like this! (Holds her hands a couple inches apart.)
Joey: Hi! Im Dr. Drake Remoray and I have a few routine questions I need to ask you.
Man: Really? Ive been dealing with Dr. Wells.
Joey: I know, but Im a neurologist. And just to be on the safe side, Dr. Wells wanted a more comprehensive overview of you status so he sent me.
Joey: Im a doctor Cliff, not a mathematician.
Cliff: Im 33.
Cliff: Well uh if you must know Im a widower.
Joey: Oh thats terrible. Im-Im really sorry.
Rachel: Okay! Okay wait! You listen to me! You listen to me! Since I have been waiting four women, thats four, one higher than the number of centimeters that I am dilated, have come and gone with their babies! Im next! Its my turn! Its only fair! And if you bring in one woman and she has her baby before me Im going to sue you! Not this hospital, Im going to sue you! And my husband (Points at Ross) hes a lawyer!
Nurse: I dont think the next patient is very far along.
Janice: I .cant .believe this!
Janice: I mean this is so great! Were gonna be baby buddies! (Does the laugh.)
Janice: Hi! Hi sweetheart! This is my husband Sid, I dont think youve met him. Ross, Rachel, this is Sid. I nabbed him a year ago at the dermatologists office. Thank God for adult acne huh? (Does the laugh.)
Sid: I still cant believe it! Im the luckiest guy in the world!
Rachel: I get it!
Janice: So? Congratulations you two, I didnt even know you got married.
Janice: Uh-oh, I feel another one coming. (She makes a sound like a goose during the contraction.)
Chandler: Well let me think about that, while I remove my pants!
Monica: I cant believe this is taking so long. How are you doing?
Chandler: Weirdest thing. Did I hear(A nurse opens the privacy screen and Chandler sees Janice)Mother of God its true!
Janice: Oh, this should be easy. I have a very wide pelvis. You remember Chandler.
Chandler: Janice I didnt even know you were pregnant! Whos the unwitting human whos essence youve stolen?
Phoebe: Okay Ive got one for you, if you had too which one would you rather eat, a seeing eye dog or a talking gorilla?
Cliff: Id have to say the talking gorilla, because at least I can explain to him that youre making me eat him.
Phoebe: Somebody went to college. Wow. (Cliff gets uncomfortable) What is it? Im sorry. (She moves her arm, which was resting on the same pillow his leg is.)
Cliff: No, Im sorry. Its just my foot itches like crazy.
Phoebe: Oh, Ill get it. (She gets up and grabs a spoon.)
Cliff: Wow! I usually get to know a girl a little better before I let her spoon me.
Rachel: Oh thats five Ross. Five women have had five babies! And I have had no babies! Why doesnt she want to come out?
Ross: Yknow what I think it is? I think youve made such a nice home for her over the last nine months that she just doesnt want to leave.
Rachel: Doctor you gotta do something! I think you gotta give me drugs or you gotta light a fire up in there and just smoke it out.
Dr. Long: Actually, I think youre ready to go to the delivery room.
Cliff: Im telling you! The guy from that show was here in my room, asking me all these weird questions!
Joey: (entering) Rachels having her baby!! (Phoebe turns and looks at him.) Which is of no interest to me, Im a neurologist.
Phoebe: Okay. Okay. IOkay umm this I-I sent my friend Joey in here to find out stuff about you. Umm yknow, if it helps you came off great. A lot better than Im coming off right now.
Cliff: I dont believe this. You got him to pretend he was some fake doctor?
Cliff: And then you tried to make me think that I was crazy.
Phoebe: Youre right, that was wrong. Im sorry. Im so sorry. Its just that I liked you so much. Can we just, can we just start over?
Cliff: I dont think so.
Joey: Uh, if I may? Umm-umm look, Cliff, you told me a lot of personal stuff about you, right? And maybe-maybe it would if-if would help if-if you knew some personal stuff about her. Uh, she was married to a gay ice dancer. Uh, she gave birth to her brothers triplets. Oh! Oh! Her-her twin sister used to do porn!
Phoebe: Umm, look we dont, we dont really know each other so it would be really easy to just forget about this, but there seems to be something between us. And I dont know about you but that doesnt happen to me a lot.
Rachel: I cant. I cant push anymore, I cant.
Dr. Long: Here we go! Okay, keep pushing! Wait! I see something.
Ross: Oh thank God, I thought she had two heads.
Rachel: Im sorry, I cant!
Rachel: I cant!
Ross: Hey! Hey! Come on! You can! I know you can do this! Lets go!
Rachel: I cant. Please, you do it for me.
Rachel: Oh hey you. Thanks for coming out of me. (The baby cries.) I know. Oh. Yeah. Oh, shes looking at me. Hi! I know you.
Monica: Oh my God! Shes amazing. Oh, oh Im so glad you guys got drunk and had sex!
Chandler: Its incredible, I mean one minute shes inside you and then 47 hours later here she is.
Joey: (taking the baby) She looks so real! (The gang looks at him.) Yknow what I mean! Shes this whole tiny little person. She already has eyelashes and knees and uh-oh.
Joey: Oh no-no, no for I second there I counted six fingers, but one was from the other hand so were good.
Phoebe: Okay, my turn. My turn. (Joey hands her to Phoebe.) Oh! Youre so cute! Oh, I could squeeze your little head! (Pause) I wont.
Rachel: Oh nothing I Sorry, I just cant stop crying.
Rachel: So? You guys are all sleep deprived. I dont see you weeping because you put your slippers on the wrong feet. Oh God. (Starts to cry harder.)
Rachel: I was reliving it.
Phoebe: Oh, wait a minute its not gonna be Baby Girl? I thought that was so original!
Rachel: Yeah, and yknow what? I love them both, so why dont you just pick one and thatll be it.
Rachel: Thats not her name! Im sorry, she just doesnt feel like an Isabella.
Chandler: So then I guess Ferdinad is out.
Ross: So I guess were back to uh, Baby Girl.
Monica: Yeah, Ive had them picked out since I was fourteen.
Monica: I dont want to say.
Rachel: (gasps) Emma! (Looks at the baby and starts to cry.) See? I dont want it.
Monica: Yeah, but I love you more. Besides yknow, nothing goes with Bing. So Im screwed. I mean (Rachel hands Emma to Monica.) Oh, hi Emma. Yeah, thats you. Youre our little Em. Oh whats that honey? What? Oh, you want a little cousin? (To Chandler) You want a cousin right now?!
Monica: I know. Hey, do you realize we may have just changed our lives forever? We may have just started a family. Nine months from now we can be here, having our own baby.
Rachel: Oh, Im fine. (Gasps in pain as she sits down.)
Janice: Can I just say, I really admire what youre doing. Just raising her all alone.
Rachel: Oh, Im not doing it alone. I have Ross.
Janice: Im telling you Rachel, listen to Janice. They all say theyre gonna be there until they start their real family.
Rachel: Well IThats never gonna happen with Ross.
Janice: Oh well thats what I thought about my first husband, now Im lucky if my kid gets to spend the weekend with her father and the twins and little Ms. New Boobs.
Janice: I hate to be the one to say it, but honey you two (Her and Emma) are on your own.
Rachel: Well Thats yknowThatsWeve been alone for the last twenty minutes were doing okay. Besides yknow what? I-IMaybe we wont be alone, cause lately I-Ithings have been happening between me and Ross, yknow? Right before I went into labor, we-we had this kiss. Yknow? So it might be the the beginning of something.
Janice: Im gonna leave the three of you alone.
Rachel: Uh-huh. (Ross takes off his coat and sets in on a chair.) Yknow what I was, I was thinking about?
Ross: I mean we dont want to go down that road do we?
Rachel: No! No, of course not. No. Thats why I brought it up. (Pause) They didnt have any sodas?
Ross: Oh my God! Im sorry, I was talking to this nurse, completely forgot.
Phoebe: I just cant decide who she looks more alike, you or Rachel?
Phoebe: Im sorry, for the last time, why arent you two together again? (Silence from Ross.) No, I know. I know, because youre not in that place. Which would be fine, except you totally are.
Ross: Look, weve been together. Okay? And then apart, and then together, and then apart, and now we have a baby. (Pause) Its just if-if we got together again and it didnt work out I could never do that to Emma. I mean she-she thinking everything(Starts to cry.) Oh thats now me. What do they put something in the water in this place? Since Rachel and I were doing really, were doing really well right now.
Phoebe: I know. I know. I know. I know, and if you try to make it more you might wreck it.
Joey: Hey. I just saw a woman breast feeding both of her twins at the same time; it is like a freak show up here. (Notices shes wiping her eyes.) Whats the matter?
Rachel: Really its nothing. Im just
Rachel: Ive just been thinking about how my baby and I are gonna be all alone.
Joey: Okay, how long was I watching that woman?
Rachel: Im just saying that yknow, someday Ross is gonna meet somebody and hes gonna have his own life. Right?
Joey: Yeah, I guess so.
Rachel: I just never thought I would raise this baby all by myself. Pretty dumb huh?
Joey: Hey, listen to me, listen to me you are never ever gonna be alone. Okay? I promise thats not gonna happen.
Rachel: Joey. Honey what would I do without you?
JOEY: I don't know.
Joey: (joins him) I gotta get one, too.
ROSS: Wha--? Whoa, hey, I don't want my birthday to be the source of any kind of negative--there's gonna be a hoopla?
Chandler: I'm still on my first. I just think you're nice.
Rachel: Yeah, I forget which ones.
Ross: I told you it wasn�t long, but there is an amazing connection between us.
Ross: (in his head) Shes your cousin. Shes your cousin! If she knew what was going on in your head shed think you were sick! (She grabs some popcorn.) Or would she? Lets back up a second. She was the one who suggested opening a bottle of wine. She was the one who turned down the lights. She was the one that wanted to rent Logans Run, the sexiest movie ever. (She grabs the blanket from behind him and looks at him.) Oh, I know that look. Forget it. I want it. She wants it. Im going in.
JOEY: Likewise. Uh, I'll take that. [grabs moose hat] It's what I came for. So, this is new. Where'd you two meet?
Young Ethan: Yeah. You do know I was talking about you, right?
Ross: Pa-haa!! I would love to go with you.
Ross: I know, I know I was, but there was always this little voice inside that kept saying it's never gonna happen, move on. You know whose voice that was?
Phoebe: Oh, all right. What did I have?
Phoebe: Oh, no wonder I don't feel full.
Rachel: No, I-I live with Phoebe. I mean youre [pity-tone] alone, alone. And I just-its just not the time for us. Im sorry.
Ross: And Im sure youre gonna make a big impression. Hi! Im Rachel Green. Its nice to meet you. (He lifts his leg and imitates shaking hands with it, just like how Rachel was trying to pick up the aspirin with her feet.) Come on, you probably have a broken rib!
Annabelle: Oh, actually I sorta have plans.
Susan: Oh, I got that for him.
Phoebe: I know, I know. So sweet... and so complicated. And for a shrink, he's not too shrinky, y'know?
Phoebe: I licked my arm, what?
Monica: First, I need a boyfriend, then I can have a list.
Ross: I did not freak out.
Joey: Look, I can sense when women are depressed and vulnerable. It's one of my gifts.
Ross: Helen Geller? I don't think so.
Chandler: Okay. (Starts running for the bedroom) Im gonna get the ring! Im gonna get the ring! (Does so) Im gonna go find her and (starts running for the door) Im just going to propose!
Joey: Yeah I guess you're right.
Chandler: Well I just, thought maybe you'd wanna book some time with the best you'd ever had.
Monica: Honey, Im not even going to pretend I was listening. (Sees someone else.) Hey! Hey! (Goes over to that person.)
Monica: I don't know what else to say.
Chandler: Joey if you wanna punch me, go ahead, I deserve it. But I just want you to know that I would never soberly hurt you or your family, youre my best friend. I would never do anything like this ever again.
Monica: I feel terrible, I really do.
Rachel: I love you too. (They hug.)
Monica: You invite my brother, you invite my whole family, and not me?! Why?! WhatWhy wouldnt you want me at your wedding? What could I have possibly done?! (Frannies husband walks up.) Stuart!
Monica: Oh, hi, Ross. Yeah. There's someone I want you to say hi to. (to Chandler) He just happened to call.
Phoebe: Yeah! So--ooh, I gotta ask you though. How did you know where to find me?
Rachel: So. I just thought the two of us should hang out for a bit. I mean, you know, we've never really talked. I guess you'd know that, being one of the two of us, though, right?
Rachel: Okay. Ah, well well just see about that, okay. I will read The Shining, (she tries to take the book away from him but he doesnt want to let it go) and you will read Little Women.
Chandler: Nothing! I said, I said "You're so great" and then I just, I just stopped talking!
Julie: I'd love it too. Shoot, I gotta go. So, I'll talk to you later.
Michelle: Thank you so much for letting me do this. Public bathrooms freak me out, I can't even pee, let alone doanything else.
Ross: It's, it's, it's, uh, a totally diferent situation! It's, it's apples and oranges, it's, it's orthodontists and lesbi- I gotta go.
CHANDLER: I broke up with her.
JOEY: That was a good one. For a second there, I was like, "whoa."
Chandler: You know, I can't believe you. Linda is so great! Why won't you go out with her again?
PHOEBE: I miss Janice though. "Hello, Chandler Bing."
Chandler: I dont think the flash went off.
Rachel: Oh. Oh yeah, dont get to worked up over it. I mean it-it sounds like hes a doctor, but hes not.
Joey: Yeah! And also, a little like a French guy. (They both squint at each other.) I never noticed that before.
JOEY: Check this out. Can I have this?
Ross: Right, I'm gonna go talk to Joey. I think this is the right time. He's always in a good mood after the flight attendant says "duty free".
PHOEBE: See, I didn't know that.
Dr. Franzblau: All right, Carol, I need you to keep pushing. I need(reaches for an instrument, Rachel's hand is on it) Excuse me, could I have this?
Ross: Rain? Hi. Hi, my name is Rain. I have my own kiln, and my dress is made out of wheat.
RACHEL: Yeah, I love that story. Um, I got a question for you guys. Why do people keep is saying that is good to see me up and about?
Chandler: No, no, I keep trying, yknow? I can get out, "Joey, I have too " but then I lose my nerve and I always finish with, " go to the bathroom." He may think Im sick.
PHOEBE: Look, can't we just say that you believe in something, and I don't.
Rachel: Anyway, um, (Gets the ring out of her purse.) I guess this belongs to you. And thank you for giving it to me.
Joey: Oh, hey listen! The Soapies called today and I also get to present an award.
Chandler: Yeah, I thought so to until I paper mached one of my eyes shut.
Woman: Oh, I'm sorry, is that your basket? It's really pretty. Unfortunately, I don't see suds.
Rachel: Okay, listen, I'm thinking, why don't we just tell them who we really are? I mean, it'll be fine, I really think it'll be fine.
Rachel: I don't know. We were watching TV, and then he pooped in Monica's shoe-
Ross: (sigh)....I have to go to China.
Ross: Well, I added the 'exactly like me' part... But she said she's looking for someone, and someone is gonna be there tonight.
JOEY: I don't know, I'm just tryin' to help you out.
Monica: Guys. I thought you were taking Ross to the game?
MONICA: So what, he's a little older, big deal, I mean he's important to me. Ya know if you ask him, he might take you on his Jag. [walks off]
CHANDLER: Yeah, I understand.
Joey: Not from where I was standin.
JANICE: Yes, I am.
Chandler: And you're thinking of taking it? (Pause) So before you said being me with me was more important than any job, but I guess now it's old job, (Raises his hand) me, (Raises his hand) new job.
Rachel: Well, I sorta did a stupid thing last night.
Phoebe: Yes, 'cause now I have to go down there, and deal with them.
Woman: It's okay, it's okay, I'm here, I'm here. Sorry I'm late, okay, here I am. Who's the new tense girl?
Chandler: I got a good one, I got a good one! I once walked in on both my parents making love to the same guy.
RACHEL: I am. Let me just get my coat.
Joey: Oh hey but, before you guys do that (To Rachel) I need to talk to you, and Ross, I need to talk to you.
Monica: No, you were right. I don't have a plan. (There's a knock on the door.)
Mr.Heckles: I could have cats.
Monica: I know, after you left the store, I chose different ones.
MONICA: No. Um, I know you like this, and I want you to have it. I think it'll look good in our apartment.
Joey: Mornin'. (The Hombre man ignores him) I said, mornin'.
Joey: Oh, Im sorry. You wanna bite? (Holds his piece out for him.)
Joey: Aw, come on! It'll be years before I forget you!
Phoebe: Well no, when I get to the point where... you know... I'm ready to hear cruel mocking jokes about Mike... I'm gonna come to you.
GUY: [to Phoebe] I hear you can get people out of here.
Rachel: See, there's always one guy. (Mocking) "If I had a wish, I'd wish for three more wishes." (Joey enters.)
Ross: Oh. Listen, do you think- and try not to let my intense vulnerability become any kind of a factor herebut do you think it would be okay if I asked you out? Sometime? Maybe?
Monica: (Tiny laugh) I am really an idiot. (Tiny laugh) you see, I was filling out my friend's form, and instead of putting her information, (tiny laugh) I put mine.
Rachel: Ill be right there! (to Ross) Okay, Ross, please come on! I thought we have moved on! I thought weve gotten to a place where we could be happy for each other! I mean was that just me?
Ross: Dad, before I was born, did you freak out at all?
MONICA: I can't believe you didn't tell me.
Monica: Carol called me to thank me for the lasagna, I asked, she told me.
PHOEBE: I might have.
Phoebe: Oh, I tasted Ben's milk, and Ross freaked out.
Phoebe: I'm sooo sorry!! I just... I keep thinking about Mike! I'm crazy about David, and we're having so much fun together. Why-Why do I miss Mike? That's-that's gonna go away, right?
MONICA: What have I not told you?
Carol: It's not true. I never called your mother a wolverine.
CHANDLER: I didn't know it was a big secret.
Chandler: Joey! Joe! (Sees that hes not here and starts investigating. He picks up the bag of chips.) Full bag. (He picks up the beer.) Beers still cold. Something terrible mustve happened here! (He decides its not that important; sits down on Rosita, and the back falls off causing him to flip over.) Oh no-no-no-no-no-no! (Runs over to Stevie.) Stevie, I was never here! (Runs out.)
Chandler: So what the hell happened to you in China? I mean, when last we left you, you were totally in love with, you know.