words in movies
Rachel: Listen yknow what sir? For the last time, I dont care what the computer says, we did not take a bag of Mashuga nuts from the mini-bar and we did not watch Dr. Do-Me-A-Little!
Joey: No. (Phoebe grabs the receipt and shows it to Joey who gets mad.) I was told the name of the movie would not appear on the bill!
Monica: (depressed) Thats right. Im no longer a bride. Ill never be a bride again. Now, Im just someones wife!
Chandler: And Im the happiest guy in the world! (Monica goes and sits down in a huff.) Oh honey, come on dont be upset. We still have so much to look forward to!
Monica: Thats true! (Happily) I knew I married you for a reason!
Chandler: Ill tell you what, I will go get them developed and you can go home.
Chandler: Okay, well Im gonna get Ross, get the cameras, and get them developed. (Joey laughs again.) 32 Joe. Youre 32! (Exits)
Monica: Oh thanks. (Reading the bill) Champagne, strawberries Oh my God! I cant believe Chandler ordered porn on our wedding night!
Chandler: The cameras? Remember last night I told you to take them?
Chandler: Yes! Remember? Right before we cut the cake, I went up to you and I said
Ross: Oh-oh yeah, you-you came up to me and asked if I could do you a favor, and my Uncle Murray came up to you and handed you a check. And then you said, "Why do they call it a check? Why not a Yugoslavian?" (Chandler laughs.) Yeah, then you did that.
Ross: Well, Im sure theyre still somewhere here in the hotel. Ill-Ill help you look for them.
Monica: No! (Pause) But, theyre callin out to me! I mean this little guy (Holds up a small one) even crawled up into my lap. Oh come on, Chandler wouldnt mind if I opened just one present! What do you think it is?
Monica: Good. Okay, Im just gonna wait for Chandler to open the rest of them.
Monica: Whew. Although yknow, this is part of a salt and pepper set. I mean I guess yknow it may just count as a half a present. What do you think?
Phoebe: Well I guess its okay to open one more if its part of a set. Yknow, its probably this one. (Grabs another small one.)
Phoebe: Yeah thats right Chandler does still think Im pregnant. He hasnt asked me how Im feeling or offered to carry my bags. Boy, I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him. (Monica looks at her.) After you of course.
Rachel: Dont worry I promise that you will only have to be pregnant for a few more hours, cause Im going to tell the father today.
Phoebe: What?! I think hes cute.
Phoebe: Believe me Im trying.
Monica: Wow. Yknow it is so weird. I mean, youre gonna tell this guy today and he has no idea whats gonna happen.
Rachel: Yeah. Uh-huh, I guess it is pretty big news.
Phoebe: Pretty big? Its huge! God, this guy doesnt have a clue! Hes just walking down the street thinking, I had sex with Rachel Green. I rock! then bam! Hes a father and everythings different.
Rachel: Well its only different if he wants it to be. I mean, Im not gonna ask him for anything.
Phoebe: Okay. Then he still has this huge decision to make. Now hes walking around thinking, Do I want to be a dad? and then bam!
Phoebe: I dont. He got he-he-he-hes hit by a bus.
Joey: (warily) Who called here? Did she sound blond? Huh? Did-did-did she have an accent? I gotta make a call! (Starts to leave) I shoulda never walked into that Sunglass Hut!
Phoebe: Yes. Yes I am. Oh my God, Im gonna have a baby! (Joey and Phoebe hug.)
Joey: Well who is this guy?! Huh? Who is he? Cause I will track him down and kick his ass!
Chandler: Yes! And thats why Im under the table. Celebrating.
Ross: Well I checked in the uh, lost and found, I talked to the manager, no-ones turned them.
Chandler: All my energy is going into not asking that question. I cant believe I screwed this up!
Ross: Im sorry man. (Formally dressed people start to enter.) Heres a thought. This is the same ballroom. Theres a band. Theres gonna be plenty of dressed up people.
Ross: No-no-no, Im saying we-we buy more of this (disposable cameras) at the gift shop, throw our tuxes back on, and take a few pictures. All we have to do is make sure not to get anybody elses faces.
Ross: Im just thinking about your new bride at home. Okay? Do-do you really want to start your life together by letting her down?
Ross: Im telling you, this looks exactly like your wedding! Arent these the same flowers?
Chandler: I dont know, Monica picked out the flowers.
Chandler: I was in charge of the cameras! Gift shop?
Rachel: Phoebe the father is not here okay? I havent told him yet and I dont think I can tell him at all now!
Rachel: I dont know, let me think. I was walking down the street thinking, Im gonna tell the father today and then bam!
Rachel: I know, but I was just thinking about how huge this is for me. I didnt even go to how huge this was going to be for the father.
Monica: No! No! I shouldnt have even opened these! I mean IJoey I am out of control!! Joey, you have to do me a favor. No matter what I say, no matter what I do, please do not let me open another present! Okay?
Joey: Oh good, uh youre here. Uh Pheebs? Listen uh sit down. I-I got something I want to say.
Joey: Umm, now uh Its a scary world out there, especially for a single mom. Yknow, now I always thought you and I had a special bond so (He goes to one knee and pulls out a ring.) Phoebe Buffay, will you marry me?
Phoebe: Hell yeah! Ill marry you! (She grabs the ring and puts it on.)
Phoebe: I can and I will! (Kisses him.)
Monica: Phoebe I think he would notice if you didnt have a baby in nine months!
Phoebe: Its Joey! (Joey turns and looks at her and she mouths I love you to him.)
Joey: (smiles then stops) Now I cant believe it! What? Rachels pregnant? (The girls nod yes.) Whos the father?
Joey: Ohh I wonder if that dude.
Joey: About a month ago this guy spent the night with Rachel, I didnt see who it was but (He walks out and closes the door.)
Phoebe: (gasps) Oh my God! I know who the father is (She walks into Monica and Chandlers.)
Ross: I heard it. I heard it.
Chandler: Oh yeah. Ill take, Ill take your picture. (He takes the picture with his finger over the lens.)
Phoebe: Look, I feel really bad about how I freaked you out before, so I called the father and asked him to meet you here so you can tell him. Go!
Phoebe: I may play the fool at times, but Im a little more than a pretty blond girl with an ass that wont quit. (She takes the sweater out of her purse.) I believe this belongs to the father of your baby.
Chandler: Why dont you go up on stage. Ill get a picture of you doing the speech.
Ross: Im sorry, I meant a blue LeSabre.
Phoebe: Rachel has something that she wants to tell you and umm, I believe that this is your red sweater.
Phoebe: Oh no. Could I get anyone a coffee or poison? No? Just for me? Okay. (Walks away.)
Tag: Yknow, Im actually glad Phoebe called. (He pulls out a stool and Rachel sits down.) I know we broke up because you thought I wasnt mature enough, but Ive really grown up and think we should get back together.
Tag: Im ready for more.
Rachel: Im having a baby.
Monica: (throwing up the last present) I dont know how any of these got opened?!
Monica: I know! I know! I am a terrible person! I mean, Chandler is never going to trust me with anything ever again!
Joey: Well, I dont know. I think it does something to salami.
Joey: I do Rach. I do, and I so happy for you. (They hug.)
Rachel: No, I will. Im just not up for it tonight.
Joey: Hey Rach listen, no matter what this guy says I want you to know youre not gonna be alone in this.
Rachel: Im not?
Joey: Listen I uh (He takes her hand.) Its a scary world out there especially if youre a single mom. Yknow, I always felt like you and I have this-this special bond. Yknow? So, (gets down on one knee again) Rachel Green will you marry me?
Rachel: No! Joey, oh youre so sweet. Youre so-so sweet, honey. But Im not, Im not looking for a husband.
Joey: (heartbroken) I understand.
Rachel: Now, if you will excuse me I am going to go and lie down. (Exits.)
Phoebe: I cant say that didnt hurt. But Ill take you back Joey Tribbiani.
Joey: Uh yeah. Pheebs, listen about that. I only offered
Monica: Yeah! Oh and interesting because I found the cameras in one of our bags! (Throws them into his chest.)
Chandler: Okay, so this isnt a picture of our first, but it is a picture of my first kiss with with this lady. Which by the look on your face Im sure youll remember. So we dont need(Rips the picture)Theres no need to have this picture. How about I take the real pictures and get them developed right now.
Chandler: Okay. (Sees the living room.) You opened all the presents without me?! I thought we were supposed to do that together!
Ross: Well, Im gonna go get these (the floral bouquet he walked in with) in some water.
Ross: No-no, I took them from the hotel lobby. Yeah, they think they can charge me for some dirty movie and a bag of Mashuga nuts, they got another think coming. (Starts to leave.) Hey! My sweater! Ive been looking for this for like a month!
Ross: (shows Tag his sweater tag) Umm, I dont some Italian guy. Come on, read your own label. See you later.
MRS. GREENE: You thought I was Rachel?
Ross: Look, Im not trying to get out of anything, okay. I thought our relationship was dead!
Chandler: Oh. Oh right! Right! Because youre still seeing him and uh, hes a good guy. I mean, I remember a time when (He fakes falling asleep.)
Erica: Reverend, can I ask? Does the bible say anything about adoption?
PHOEBE: Ok, so I guess we don't invite her parents.
Joey: (in a gravely, painful voice) Okay. "Hey, Timmy, Ive got a surprise for you."
RACHEL: Wow you, you. I had no idea.
RACHEL: Now I love you even more.
MONICA: I don't know, maybe. I mean I'm dating a man who's pool I once peed in.
RACHEL: No, I knew.
RACHEL: I do.
Phoebe: No he wont. And thats not even the point! Monica, I made a whole speech about you do not cancel plans with friends! And now yknow what? Just because, potentially, the love of my life comes back from Russia just for one night, I-I should change my beliefs?! I should change beliefs! No! No! No, if I dont have my principles, I dont have anything!
Joey: Y'know what, I dont think we should listen to this anymore. (Goes to open the door)
Rachel: Ross! I think she is trying to make something happen with you to get back at me!
JANITOR: Your monkey found a new career, in the entertainment field. That's all I know.
Rachel: Go to the post office! I'm sure her picture's up! ...Okay, Monica, y'know what, honey, you're kinda losing it here! I mean, this is really becoming like a weird obsession thing.
PHOEBE: Alright, I can get you out.
GUNTHER: I um, was sorta thinking about maybe...
ROSS: I know.
Ross: Hi Rachel! Here's your sister Amy! She thinks I need pec implants!
Chandler: With the balled-up socks? I figured you taught him that.
Joey: Hey don't worry about that! I mean, Ross needs you! And Rachel and I will stay and help anyway we can.
Phoebe: Umm, Rachel and I were just discussing it and she had some very interesting insights.
Jane: (from the answering machine) Hi Joey it's Jane Rogers, can't wait for your party tonight. Listen, I forgot your address, can you give me a call? Thanks, bye.
Bobby: Well I really have high hopes for my band.
Ross: Oh, (he goes towards Mike in order to shake hands but Mike hugs him) hey, oh... I... I was-I was going for a hand shake.
MONICA: I can't believe you're dressing up for him. I mean, you're just, you're setting yourself up all over again.
MONICA: Ok, thanks for coming, I hope you guys had fun.
MONICA: You heard the woman. Peel, chop, devil! I can't believe I lost 2 minutes.
MRS. GREENE: I think I saw Rachel out in the hall.
CHANDLER: I, I know. [Hugs her. Ross walks out and Chandler puts her in his arms.]
Fun Bobby: Hey, sorry I'm late. But my, uh, grandfather, he- died about two hours ago. But I-I-I couldn't get a flight out 'til tomorrow, so here I am!
MONICA: Oh, I ordered mine first.
Phoebe: It's okay, I mean she had a really incredible life. And it's not like I'm never gonna see her again, y'know she's gonna visit.
PHOEBE: Oh all right, then I guess we're going back into the hallway.
Paul: I know, I know, I'm such an idiot. I guess I should have caught on when she started going to the dentist four and five times a week. I mean, how clean can teeth get?
Phoebe: Monica, I really appreciate you checking in on me, but I'm actually feeling a lot better. Yeah, I just kinda want to be alone right now.
PHOEBE: Oh ok, Ryan, that guy I went out with, who's in the Navy.
MONICA: Honey, you made the bed again. I told you, you don't have to do that. This isn't camp.
ROSS: Well because I have to work on Monday, I have a big presentation.
MONICA: If I tell you, you'll think I'm crazy.
CHANDLER: I just think it's weird, you know? Heckles and me, Heckles, and me, me and Heckles...Would you knock it off?
RICHARD: Actually, if it's possible, I love you more.
Monica: All right thats it, I give up! Whatever you want you can have it! You wanna sing a song? You wanna do a dance? You want your mom stand at the Alter and scream racial slurs? I dont care!
Joey: I dunno. Some fat guy's sleeping with the store manager. He's not even jolly, it's all political.
Chandler: Y'know what, I think we can go out there. I mean they have more important things to worry about.
Ross: That may be the most depressing thing Ive heard in my life. I should probably get these to my lawyers office.
JOEY: Oh yeah yeah. I process. People want the processing, I'm the one they call.
PHOEBE: I, I, I'm hideous.
RYAN: Can I please see your face?
PHOEBE: Well, no no, you have to stay back. I, I have the pox.
PHOEBE: Yeah, or you know, you could just wish that I didn't have them now.
Ross: Look Rachel, I wanted to tell you, I thought I should, I-I did, and then Chandler and Joey convinced me not to.
Frank: Oh come on we went, we went to Time Square, we found ninja stars, I almost got arm broken by a hooker...
PHOEBE: No. This is what I do for luck, ok.
Lydia: Hey, Knick fan, am I interested in your views on fatherhood? Uh, no.
Monica: Congratulations, I think youve found the worlds thinnest argument.
Rachel: I know. (Pause) Ross still sees his pediatrician!!! (To Ross) I don't care!
Monica: What?! I didn't take care of everything, there's-there's plenty of things for you to do!
JOEY: This company was not built on rough numbers. Am I right Mr. Douglas.
Joey: Home sweet home, huh? Nice to, uh, get back to reality. Plus we know how the New Years gonna go off. I guess theres no reason for all that Y2K panic, yknow? Anyway, gnight!
RICHARD: Well, I'm confused. I thought we shared time.
Chandler: Hey, you know what you can do? I remember reading about this director, I think it was Orson Wells, who at the beginning of the movie would hire somebody, just so he could fire them in front of everybody. Then they would all know, whos boss.
Doug: No-no, I heard what you said, funny. I like funny. (Chandler starts to leave) This team is about hard work, but its also about having fun. Good to have you aboard Bing! (smacks him on the butt, and Chandler leaves shocked.)
RICHARD: Boy I would just uh, I would freak out.
MONICA: You would not. I can't believe this. I hate this, you're too normal. I can't believe my boyfriend doesn't have a thing. My boyfriend doesn't have a thing.
Phoebe: Well, they said that I had to think about it first, but what is there to think about? Im gonna be giving them the greatest gift you can possibly give.
FBOB: Well, anyway, I hope we can be friends.
PHOEBE: Can I please take these off? I swear I won't scratch.
Chandler: Aww, we were worried about you! Hm. I guess I better get used to things crapping in my hand, huh?
RYAN: Oh, I spilled some.
PHOEBE: I got it. [Wipes it up with her mits.]
JOEY: I don't feel like talkin.
RICHARD: I thought of a thing.
RYAN: [Puts his hands over Phoebe's ears.] I must tell you, you look beautiful tonight.
RACHEL: Hey, it's not that big a deal, I was just curious.
Rachel: On Melanie Griffith in "Working girl". I think what you want is over here.
RICHARD: Or so I would have you believe.
RICHARD: Yeah. I have to sleep, have to, on this side of the bed.
Phoebe: Oh, this is terrible. Oh, theyve made so many changes I cant even feel my grandmothers presence anymoreOoh! New sconces!
RYAN: I can't say.
RYAN: I really can't say.
JOEY: Nice, nice. Hey I got somethin' for you. [hands Chandler an envelope.
RYAN: I'm sorry, but I can't say.
MONICA: Cause I already invited her.
Chandler: Can I come a little bit closer, valuable things are getting squished...
Joey: Well. I guess you think youre pretty special huh? Sittin up here in your fancy small hall building. Makin stars jump through hoops for ya, huh? Well yknow what? (Throws the script away) This is one star whos hoop This is a star that the hoopthis hoopI was Dr. Drake Remoray!
Rachel: All right, you know what? I am not leaving here, until you call that plane back!! (She pounds her hand on the counter twice. The ticket agent counters by placing the closed sign on the counter and tapping it twice.)
Chandler: I walk into a room and he wont even talk to me, he just mumbles something in Italian. And I know he only knows the bad words.
Ross: (speaking without pause, agitated) Oh yeah? Yeah? I wonder why? What could that smarmy letch possibly want?
JOEY: Come on, I need your help here.
RICHARD: Well, I mean what can I say? I, I was married to Barbara for 30 years. She was my high school sweetheart, now you, that's two.
JOEY: Then I don't know what it is. What's the problem?
Joey: The ones that got me the Porsche! Will you keep up! (Chandler wipes his forehead with a baby wipe, that might have been used. He drops it disgustedly.) But I figured, if-if people keep seeing me just standing there, theyre gonna start to think that I dont own it. So I figured Ill wash it. Right? Monica, you got a bucket and some soap I can borrow?
Ross: (pause) Yes I would.
Phoebe: I can't believe you... (holding up Joey's cardigan) ..did this.
Monica: (as Rachel) Yeah... (joining the others) ..see, I was supposed to get married, but, um, I left the guy at the altar.
CHANDLER: I may have.
[They go into the apartment. Inside the apartment it looks like a sewage dump exploded and landed in her living room. There are clothes and food and junk covering every square inch of space. I mean pigs have nicer pens. Ross is completely shocked.]
RICHARD: I love you, too.