words in movies
Joey: Im sorry, do I know you?
Joey: Nothing, Im just practicing blowing you off because Im gonna be a big movie star!
Estelle: Joey! Its Estelle! I just talked to the casting people; they loved you!
Joey: Are you kidding me? I never rent a movie without it! (Listens) Oh. (Listens) Uh, okay uh let me call you back. (Hangs up.)
Joey: I know! My grandmothers gonna see this!
Monica: Yeah. But a part of me also cant wait til its over. Chandler and I have this pact not to have sex again until the wedding.
Ross: A no sex pact huh? I actually have one of those going on with every woman in America.
Monica: I gotta make up the guest bedroom. (To Ross) Hey, Cousin Cassie is coming to stay with us a few days.
Ross: Wow, I havent seen her for like forever. I wonder if she still carries that Barbie everywhere she goes.
Ross: So what! I still haveNo youre probably right.
Rachel: Hey Pheebs, can I talk to you over here for a second?
Monica: I know youre planning my surprise bridal shower.
Joey: I dont know! Its not like its porn! This is a serious, legitimate movie. Yknow? And the nudity is really important to the story.
Joey: Youre right. Maybe I shouldnt even go on the call back.
Monica: No! No you should! A lot of major actors do nude scenes! I mean the chance to star in a movie? Come on!
Joey: Well thats true. And I am only naked in one scene. Plus it sounds really great. My characters catholic and he falls in love with this Jewish girl. Who run away together and they get caught in this big rainstorm. So we go into this barn and undress each other and hold each other. Its really sweet and-and tender.
Rachel: (calmly) Okay. Im sorry. Youre right, youre right.
Rachel: Phoebe, I already, I already did.
Phoebe: Oh okay. All right, then I need to calm down a little.
Rachel: Okay. Okay. (They sit down.) I think we can do this if we just get organized. All right? We have two days to plan this party. We just need to make fast decisions! Okay? All right, where are we gonna have it?
Phoebe: I dont know. (Timidly) A cowboy theme?
Chandler: Yknow Im-Im really glad we decided not to sleep together before the wedding.
Chandler: Yknow I was thinking if we had a a big fight and uh we broke up for a few hours
Cassie: I thought I heard voices. You must be Chandler.
Chandler: Ill be right with you.
Chandler: I was not staring at her. Okay? I was just listening intently. Its called being a good conversationalist. Watch. (Stares at Monicas eyes.) Say something.
Joey: Hey, Im back!
Joey: Uh so, will-will I be reading the same scene again?
The Casting Director: Actually, I tried to call to you. You didnt need to come down here today.
Joey: Oh great! Yknow I wouldve been perfect for this part, but whatever! Yknow, thanks for making a bad decision and ruining your movie! Good day! (Starts to leave.)
The Casting Director: So uh well the director is insisting that whoever play that part be authentically, anatomically not Jewish. Do you know what Im saying?
Joey: I dont know! I really want this part! And they tell you no matter what you get asked at an audition you say yes. Like if-if they want you to ride a horse, you tell em you can! And just figure out how to do it later.
Joey: I kn-I know! I know! Okay? And apparently tomorrow when I go in to meet the director I have to take off my clothes so that they can see what my body looks like.
Joey: I just have to call my agent and tell her I cant do the part. (Gets up for the phone.)
Monica: Well Im not sure yet, but umm of the top of my head Im thinking double sided tape and some sort of luncheon meat.
Phoebe: Hey! Ive got a great idea for party favors for the shower. Okay, we get some uh mahogany boxes and carve everyones names in them and inside is everyones individual birth stone.
Monica: Well uh, Im trying to make something for Joey. Do you mind if I raid your fridge?
Monica: Okay. (Opens the fridge.) All right, turkey. Eh, that wont work. Cheese? (Picks it up) That wont work. Olive loaf? (Picks it up) I hope that wont work.
Monica: No its umm, more like a wrap. Okay so uh, Im gonna go guys.
Monica: I guess you can get back to deciding on what to get me for a present! (Runs out.)
Phoebe: Okay but look! Look at what I got! Its her address book! (Holds it up.) We have a guest list!
Cassie: (hugs him) Its been so long! Last time I saw you, you were setting up your tent in line to see Return of the Jedi.
Cassie: Thanks for letting me stay here! I mean Monicas place was nice, but her fiancee sure stares a lot.
(She sets down her bag and we travel back to slow motion world. She once again whips her hair around in slow motion with the love doctor Barry White singing in the background. And Id also like to take this opportunity to mention that she can also be seen in Starship Troopers and that she was born in Downers Grove, Illinois which just happens to be a few miles from where I live. Anyway Cousin Ross is now staring.)
Cassie: Im all done.
Cassie: I guess the last time we really hung out was when our parents rented that beach house together.
Ross: Oh right. Right. Ooh, remember the time I uh, I pinned you down and tickled you til you cried? (She laughs) Were probably too old to do that now.
Cassie: Ill always remember that summer, because its when I got all of these freckles. (She pulls her blouse open to show him her shoulder and bra strap.)
Ross: (looking then moving away quickly) Uh-huh! Uh-huh! And-and-and Ill always remember that summer because thats when I realized that we are related.
Ross: Well Im, Im a little slow. (To himself) Just as our children would be.
Rachel: Well, I dont know. I called all the people in Monicas phone book and these are the only ones who could show up on 24 hours notice.
Rachel: (to her) Hi! Im Rachel. This is Phoebe. Im the maid of honor. How do you know Monica?
Woman: I was her accountant four years ago.
Woman: Im very interested to find out whos been doing her taxes these last four years.
Phoebe and Rachel: (to each other) I dont know.
Rachel: No I wasnt! You were supposed to tell her to come and I was supposed to bring the cake!
Phoebe: Fine, Ill go call her.
Monica: I also, did a little something in fur. But umm, thats really just for me. (Rubs it against her cheek.) Okay. So, why dont you go into your room and try these on and well seeget a better idea of whats gonna work.
Ross: (in his head) Shes your cousin. Shes your cousin! If she knew what was going on in your head shed think you were sick! (She grabs some popcorn.) Or would she? Lets back up a second. She was the one who suggested opening a bottle of wine. She was the one who turned down the lights. She was the one that wanted to rent Logans Run, the sexiest movie ever. (She grabs the blanket from behind him and looks at him.) Oh, I know that look. Forget it. I want it. She wants it. Im going in.
Ross: (in his head) Say something clever! (Pause.) Okay, doesnt have to be clever, it just has to be words. Say some words. (Pause) Any words will do. (Pause) Oh my God! This is the longest that anyone has not talked ever! (Pause) There is nothing you can say to make this worse!! So just say something!! (Pause.) (To her) I-I, I uh havent had sex in a very long time. (She leaves.) (In his head) Yeah, you really shouldnt have said anything.
Monica: Phoebe! Rachel! Its Monica! I wonder what you could possibly need me for on such short notice! (She bursts into the apartment to find only Phoebe and Rachel sitting on the couch.) Oh.
Monica: Well now, I get to spend my shower with the only people I really love! I mean, I get all those presents (Motions to the pile in the corner) without having to talk to people I dont even like!
The Director: Oh thats great! Okay, well Ive heard everything I need to hear. I just need to uh, Leslie
Joey: Oh! Hey right! Not a problem. (He starts taking off his clothes.) I totally understand. You need to yknow make sure I dont have any horrible scars or tattoos. Dont you worry; I have nothing to hide. (He drops his pants and stands back up and looks down.) So there you go, thats me. (We cut to a camera angle looking at the casting director and movie director through Joeys legs.) One hundred percent natural! (Suddenly, theres a thud as something falls off.) (Everyone is shocked.) I tell ya, that has never happened before.
Phoebe: Oh! No problem! I (Cassie emerges from the bathroom and we once again visit slow motion Barry White background music land with the sexy hair-flipping thing going on, only this time Phoebe is entranced. For more information on Denise Richards you can visit your local library or look her up on the Internet at her official website at www.deniserichards.com.)
Rachel: Im just saying that yknow, someday Ross is gonna meet somebody and hes gonna have his own life. Right?
Monica: All right baby, come on! (Rolls the dice) Yes! Yes! I am on fire!
Joey: (looks perplexed and opens up his robe) Ok... I mean...
Monica: (Yells after him) I love you!
Ross: Oh, no, it's no big deal, I mean, if I weren't doing this I'd just, you know, be at the gym working out.
Monica: Well, nows a good time. Im on my way to have my ears cut off.
Monica: Oh man! If I had known I was coming to this party I never would have gotten married!
Chandler: I'm sorry buddy, but I don't think I'm gonna be able to make it.
Sonia: We'll get to the wax in a minute. First I want to tweeze some of the strays, ok? This may sting just a little bit...
Joey: Yeah, I want my tickets too (takes the bowl from Rachel)! And I'm buying the Knicks! And Steffi Graff, ah ah!
Rachel: I always loved that!!
Rachel: Come on! I think this is funny! (Ross leaves)
Maitre D�: I sincerely hope the rest of your party is returning.
Chandler: I... I don't know... you seem lovely.
Joey: (browsing the tissues) Let me see if I approve any of these clowns. This guy wears a rug (discards one). This guy's Canadian (discards another). And this guy is in a cult, ok, and it costs you 5,000$ to get to level three and I don't feel any different.
Chandler: Well, second prettiest that year; I mean, of *all* the girls in Oklahoma, she's probably...
Ross: Oh, well no, but I mean, she only goes out with really, really smart guys.
Rachel: (drunken voice) I think I am.
RACHEL: Oh God, Ross.� Ross is going to pick up the phone.� Oh, I have to get my number back.� (She turns to find Bill, but they have gone.)� Oh my God.� He's gone.
Phoebe: I am one of Bens mothers. Im a lesbian. It was, it was difficult coming out to my parents.
Monica: Don't worry Joe, I won't come next year!
Rachel: Oh! Screw it, I didn't get it! (they high-five)
Monica: So I got it when I was 13...
Molly: I think it's sweet. (goes to leave)
Rachel: I just wanted to let you know I've changed my mind: I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna kiss Joey.
Tag: No! It was marked confidential I just sent it down to Human Resources.
Monica: No! But because he thought I was to faaaaa . (Chandler emerges, without flushing by the way.) And every time I think about it, it makes me feel as bad as I did in fifth grade! Yknow, I-I really think that you should apologize to Julie.
Rachel: I could, I could but I don't want to! I want to kiss Joey!
Phoebe: Wow, a year and a half ago I didnt even know I had a brother, and now I have a sister too. (They all hug, and Frank and Alice start kissing.) Okay. Okay. Stop it, dont. So, I gotta get you a gift now. Is there anything you need?
Monica: That's different! I was drunk and stupid!
Monica: And I can't stop you.
Ross: Hey, I thought I'd end up kissing Charlie too ok? But SURPRISE!
Monica: It's so weird, how did Joey end up kissing Charlie last night? I thought you'd end up kissing Charlie.
Ross: Yes, she is this new professor of my department that I did not kiss.
Rachel: And umm, vintage handkerchiefs yknow cause, people cry at weddings. (Starting to cry.) Im just gonna grab a couple of these.
Phoebe: I may play the fool at times, but Im a little more than a pretty blond girl with an ass that wont quit. (She takes the sweater out of her purse.) I believe this belongs to the father of your baby.
Rachel: All right, so... Ross, you're ok with all this? I mean...
Rachel: I wanna sleep, I wanna eat, I wanna take a shower, I mean before she wakes up and we gotta do this all over again.
Ross: Yeah, it's no big deal. I mean, I just met her and I'm fine with it...
Phoebe: But, I mean, do you think hes gonna enjoy it when hes up to his elbows in the diapers from all the babies they have to have right away?! This is not fair to Frank, (she walks behind them again, and hey again turn to follow her) and it-its not fair to the babies, and y'know what, its not good home economics.
Phoebe: I ordered Chinese food.
Ross: Yeah, I know the type.
Mrs. Bing: Chandler darling! Look, my date has finally arrived. Id like you to meet Dennis Phillips.
Ross: Uhm no! Think less of you! No, I don't think less of you. I mean, you saw someone you liked and you kissed them. I mean, those people who like someone and don't kiss them... those-those people are stupid, I hate those people.
Rachel: No, its Ross. Its Ross. You like Ross. (He just shakes his head.) Oh daddy, I hope youre okay with all of this. I mean think about it, this is a good thing. Youre gonnaThis is your first grandchild! Youre gonna be a poppy!
Joey: Ross, you should know that my pants are startin to come down and Im not wearing any underwear!
Ross: Oh, God. I forgot how hot she was!
Joey: Nothing! Well, I-I got this blinding pain in my stomach when I was lifting weights before, then I uh passed out and uh, havent been able to stand up since. But um, I dont think its anything serious.
Rachel: Oh, OH! Wow, I love those! Where did you get them?
Ross: You? You! Want to watch Ben? (in the background Monica mouths Dont worry, Ill be here the whole time. to Ross.) Yes! Thatd be great, no, I just wanted to ask Monica, because I know how empty her life is. (Monica sarcastically mouths Yeah! and holds up her thumb.)
Gunther: I dropped a cup.
Rachel: Well, I would like to have the option!!
Rachel: I promise.
Monica: (entering) Hey honey! I missed you today!
Rachel: But I am going hunting!!
Rachel: Oh, not as a friend, Phoebe!! Fine, I won't use it!
Joey: Oh thats right. Theres a lot going on here and I think I ate some bad fruit earlier.
Chandler: But I don't wanna do it in a cup!
Monica: Olivia? I thought she was marrying Connor! (pause) Oh right, real life more important.
Joey: Can I offer you a drink?
Phoebe: I had to bring them! We killed their mother, they're our responsibility now. You know, they require constant care. You should know that, Rachel, you're a mother.
Chandler: I also got this great salt and pepper shaker from the restaurant.
Joey: I know, yeah!
Charlie: And first, I have to see the MET!
Joey: (looking puzzled) I don't think so.
Receptionist: Well, I think this is a great place to work!
Conan: For example, I dont have to memorize lines. You guys actually have to remember what to say and you probably forget from time to time. Yes?
Joey: I need to talk to you about Charlie.
Joey/Drake: Yes, you do.Yes...you do. I'm the one who doesn't have a choice because I...because I can't stop loving you.
Ross: You know, I really don't want to get involved in you guy's relationship.
Joey: Please, c'mon, you're the smartest person I know and I really like this girl, ok, I don't wanna lose her.
Chandler: (emotional) It's a baby! A beautiful little baby! And some other stuff I'm gonna pretend I don't see.
Monica: I swear I didnt know she was a hooker! I mean whDid you let her smoke in here?
Phoebe: Im just saying that only a man completely secure with his masculinity could walk around in womens underwear! I dont think you could ever do that.
Monica: Because, honey, I mean this in the sweetest way possible, nobody is gonna wanna watch that.
Phoebe: Umm Wow, all right. (Checks the book.) Wow! Yay! Ooh, Im gonna meet a guy! And really soon! And hes gonna be the man of my dreams. Probably not the guy I had a dream about last night. (Points at Chandler.)
Chandler: Yeah, I guess!
Chandler: (disgusted) I think it just fell off. (Leaves)
Phoebe: Hell, Im drunk right now! (They all turn and look at her.) What? I cant have a mimosa with breakfast?! Im on vacation!
Chandler: I'd love to stay, but I have eh... (points at the cup) got a hot date... (starts to leave)
Rachel: You know I... (lifts her head and tries to look in Phoebe's direction)
Rachel: Damn! I wish I knew if that was right!
Ross: Ok, but you know what? I gotta say, I'm really impressed that you were able to memorize all this so quickly!
Phoebe: (interrupting) Uh-huh, me too. Ross, maybe I should've specified that I'd be needing a grown up doctor.
Ross: Oh thank God, I thought she had two heads.
Janice: Oh! Sid is still in his room. I don't allow porn at home so this is like a vacation for him. So did you do it? Did you make your deposit?
Chandler: Well maybe you're going about this the wrong way. You know I mean think about it. Single white male, divorced three times,two illegitimate children. The personal ad writes itself....
Phoebe: I would, but I get my morning sickness in the evening.
Monica: Thats it. Im done. I dont care when the baby comes, no more betting.
Phoebe: I don't have to tell you everything!
Rachel: Yeah, I cant live with Joey once the baby comes. I dont want my childs first words to be, (in a babys voice) "How you doin?"
Phoebe: You know what? You are right. I am gonna quit. It's time I took my life back!
Ross: Well I had a great time! Umm, Chancy on the other hand
Rachel: We have to have a surprise Bon Voyage party for Emily. But its actually for Joshua. (Starts handing out party hats.) Look, he said hes not ready to date, so I had to invite him to a party if I wanted to see him outside of work, and now I have the perfect opportunity to seduce him! (Hands Ross a party hat.)
Charlie: Yeah, I guess that's true.
Ross: What, I mean, a little, but no, what, go on.
Janice: Well, Sid and I are trying again and we had trouble last time because apparently we...
Rachel: I know, but I was just thinking about how huge this is for me. I didnt even go to how huge this was going to be for the father.
Charlie: Well... I'm just thinking that maybe he's not the right guy to be with right now, maybe I should be with someone... I have more in common with. You know what I mean?
Rachel: (moves away again) I-I-I-Im just Im just a good kisser!