words in movies
{Transcriber's Note: The credits list two characters, Tia and Samantha, who I assume are the sweaty women Joey and Chandler meet. However, I don't know which is which, so I've simply called them Woman #1 and Woman #2.}
Rachel: Okay, okay, I checked. We have: Earl Grey, English Breakfast, Cinnamon Stick, Camomile, Mint Medley, Blackberry, and.. oh, wait, there's one more, um.. Lemon Soother. You're not the guy that asked for the tea, are you? (Guy shakes his head) Okay.
Rachel: Barry who I almost.
Ross: Marcel. Bring me the rice, c'mon. Bring me the rice, c'mon. Good boy. Good boy. C'mere, gimme the rice. (Marcel brings the rice) Thank you, good boy. Well, I see he's finally mastered the difference between 'bring me the' and 'pee in the'. (Rachel ignores him) 'Bring me the' and- Rach?
Rachel: Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, this is so stupid! I mean, I gave Barry up, right? I should be happy for them! I am, I'm happy for them.
Rachel: No. Oh, oh, I guess it would be different if I were- with somebody.
Rachel: Oh, I don't know. I guess it's not about no guys, it's about the right guy, y'know? I mean, with Barry, it was safe and it was easy, but there was no heat. With Paolo, that's all there was, was heat! And it was just this raw, animal, sexual...
Ross: Wait-wait. I, I got it. I was there.
Rachel: Well, I mean, do you think you can ever have both? Y'know? Someone who's like, who's like your best friend, but then also can make your toes curl?
Ross: Yes. Yes. Yes! Yes, I really do! In fact, it's funny, very often, someone who you wouldn't think could-could curl your toes, might just be the one who...
Joey: Hey, I don't need violence to enjoy a movie. Just so long as there's a little nudity.
Joey: I meant female nudity. Alright? I don't need to see Lou Grant frolicking.
Rachel: (To Marcel) And I will see you tomorrow!
Chandler: I can't believe we are even having this discussion.
Joey: I agree. I'm, like, in disbelief.
Chandler: I mean, don't you think if things were gonna happen with Rachel, they would've happened already?
Ross: Well, I added the 'exactly like me' part... But she said she's looking for someone, and someone is gonna be there tonight.
Ross: Well, I think it's perfect. Y'know, it's just gonna be the two of us, she spent all day taking care of my monkey...
Chandler: I can't remember the last time I got a girl to take care of my monkey.
Ross: Anyway, I figured after work I'd go pick up a bottle of wine, go over there and, uh, try to woo her.
Rachel: I don't know. We were watching TV, and then he pooped in Monica's shoe-
Rachel: I don't know. The left one.
Monica: Those cute little black ones I wear all the time.
Rachel: Well, what'm I gonna do? What'm I gonna do?
Mr. Heckles: I left a Belgian waffle out here, did you take it?
Mr. Heckles: I wasn't ready for it.
Rachel: Oh, I would love some. But y'know what? Y'know what? Let's not drink it here. I'm feeling kinda crazy. You wanna go to Newark?
Ross: Uh, okay, yeah, we could do that, but before we head off to the murder capital of the North-East, I was, uh, kinda wanting to run something by you. Y'know how we were, uh, y'know, talking before about, uh, relationships and stuff? (Uncorks the wine) Well-
Rachel: Oh God, Ross, I cannot do this.
Rachel: Well, I kind of... I kind of lost him.
Ross: (Angry) I- I- I ca- I can't believe this. I mean, all I asked you to do was keep him in the apartment.
Rachel: I know, I know, I'm sorry-
Ross: No, y'know what, I guess it's partially my fault. Y'know, I shouldn't've, uh, asked you to start off with a monkey. I should've started you off with like a pen or a pencil.
Rachel: (Tearfully) Ross, I'm doing everything that I can, I've got everybody looking for him, and I- (Door buzzer goes and she runs to get it) Oh! Who is it?
Ross: That's right, I.. 'cause I didn't expect you were gonna invite them to the apartment!
Rachel: Cat! What'm I saying? Cat!
Luisa: Luisa Gianetti! Lincoln High? I sat behind you guys in home room!
Luisa: You have no idea who I am, do you.
Luisa: Well, maybe that's because you spent four years ignoring me. I mean, would it have been so hard to say 'Morning, Luisa'? Or 'Nice overalls'?
Luisa: I could... but I won't. If I find that monkey, he's mine. (Leaves)
Woman No. 1: Hi, can I help you?
Woman No. 2: Did I put too much rum in here?
Ross: Oh come on. It's cold, it's dark, he doesn't know the Village. (Kicks a sign in frustration) And now I have a broken foot. I have no monkey, and a broken foot! Thank you very much.
Rachel: Ross, I said I'm sorry like a million times. What do you want me to do? You want me to break my foot too? Okay, I'm gonna break my foot, right here. (Kicks the sign) Ow!! Oh! Oh my God, oh my God! There, are you happy now?!
Ross: Yeah, yeah. Y'know, now that you kicked the sign, hey! I don't miss Marcel any more!
Rachel: Y'know, it is not like I did this on purpose.
Ross: Oh, no no no. Nono, this is just vintage Rachel. I mean, things just sort of happen around you. I mean, you're off in Rachel-land, doing your Rachel-thing, totally oblivious to people's monkeys, or to people's feelings...
Ross: I don't even wanna hear it, you're just...
Mr. Heckles: I don't have a monkey.
Ross: Alright, I want my monkey.
Rachel: Alright. In high school I was the prom queen and I was the homecoming queen and the class president and you... were also there! But if you take this monkey, I will lose one of the most important people in my life. You can hate me if you want, but please do not punish him. C'mon, Luisa, you have a chance to be the bigger person here! Take it!
Rachel: Alright. Well then how about I call your supervisor, and I tell her that you shot my friend in the ass with a dart?
Ross: Listen, I'm- I'm sorry I was so hard on you before, it's just I...
Rachel: Oh, Ross, c'mon. It's my fault, I almost lost your...
Ross: Alright. (He goes to get the glasses. Then he hesitates and turns off the main light. Rachel looks round and he acts surprised) The, uh, the neighbours must be vacuuming. (He sits down and starts to pour the wine) Well, so long as we're here and, uh, not on the subject, I was thinking about, uh, how mad we got at each other before, and, um, I was thinking maybe it was partially because of how we, um...
Barry: I can't. I can't do it, I can't marry Mindy. I think I'm still in love with you.
Chandler: Eh. I thought that was an alp.
Joey: I dunno, I loved high school. Y'know? It was just four years of parties and dating and sex.
Chandler: Yeah, well I went to boarding school with four hundred boys. Any sex I had would've involved a major lifestyle choice.
Ross: No, no you don't understand the animal hospital is way across town he's choking I don't know what else to do.
Ross: No, because she hasnt come home yet. And she hasnt been home all night! Shes obviously staying with that other guy, and Im the stupid moron who spent the whole night outside her apartment!
Chandler: (sarcastically) Oh, I left them on my bulldozer... I don't have tools!
Rachel: Oh I know, my God, this is sothis rice is soI am so good.
Mark: All right, all right, Im coming over, and Im bringing Chinese food.
Ross: Except we're not. I mean, we haven't been a couple in like, six years. Oh my god, is that right? Has it been that long?
Chandler: Well, that's what we do. Y'know, I-I mess up and then you tell me how to fix it and then I do and then y'know you think I'm all cute again.
Chandler: But I just wa...
Chandler: It's OK. It's OK. I was always rooting for you two kids to get together.
Mindy: Oh God! You see, that's what I was afraid of!
Rachel: I don't know where the phone is.
Charlie: You know, by the way. I heard you tell her not to do anything. Thanks for sticking up for me. You are such a nice person.
Joey: That's right I am! (Opens drawer and rummages through it. Rachel enters)
Rachel: Yeah, well, it's a Mercedes if I move back home. Oh, it was horrible. He called me young lady.
Phoebe: This is madness. It's madness, I tell you, for the love of God, Monica, don't do it!! ...Thank you.
Phoebe: Thanks. Hi, um, 'kay. I'd like to start with a song that's about a man that I recently met, who's, um, come to be very important to me. (Monica gives her a look) 'Kay. (Sung:)
Monica: No I totally disagree. No I think it's fine for a guy to do something like that. Such you an actor. Not that you need to,your eyebrows are...
Phoebe: Did I miss it, did I miss it?
Ross: Oh, and she's pregnant with my baby. I always forget that part. (to Carol and Susan) Helloo!
Mrs. Geller: Oh thats all right, Im coming back later with your father.
Chandler: (to Rachel) You see what I mean.
Rachel: Joey, just-just he-hes new in town and I know he doesnt have any guy friends. Just take him to like a ball game or something. Ill really appreciate it.
Ross: I got itI'm getting it!
Rachel: I'm so sorry, you guys. I didn't mean to bring you down.
Rachel: Hi, I thought you might like some ice chips.
Carol: Am I allowed to drink anything?
Monica: I want a baby.
Chandler: I used to have that bumper sticker.
Ross: Hey I uh just picked up Ben from school
Monica: Look, I don't wanna do this test either, but I really do think it's a good idea!
Phoebe: Well, you know what Chandler? I think you've gotta face it. You're like, the guy in the big office, you know. You're the one that hires them, that fires them... They still say you're a great boss.
Monica: Why won't I be married when I'm 40?
Chandler: Oh, no, no. I just meant hypothetically.
Chandler: (pause) I dont have your boots.
Rachel: Pheebs, if I had never met him this never would have happened!
Monica: No, I haven't seen him.
Monica: Oh no, it is okay, I mean as long as you know that Chandler and I are also very hot and fiery, just as hot as you! I mean our flame, whew, is on fire!
Mrs. Tribbiani: Well don't be, because now everything's screwed up. I just want it the way it was.
Joey: Ok, look, maybe I should just go.
Rachel: I can not believe he would do that to MonWhoa! (She stops suddenly and slowly turns to point at Joey. Joey is avoiding her eyes.) Joey, do they know that we know?
Joey: Well, Ive just never seen a guy stare so hard at a piece of paper that didnt have naked chicks on it.
Ross: I got it.
Ross: I got it! Hey, you get to sleep with her, I get the cramps.
Susan: I got it.
Chandler: Which, by the way, is the real San Francisco treat. (Calls her, then hurriedly hangs up.) I got her machine.
Chandler: That was so unlikely. Well, lets get married! I guess.
Joey: Uh-huh look, the only reason I can over here was to settle things between us! Okay? Youve done a lot for me and my career, I wanted to pay you back so I took you to the premiere but you missed it! Okay, so how much do I owe you?
Susan: Yeah? Well, there's a lot of things Carol never did before I came along.
Phoebe: Don't make me do this again, I don't like my voice like this.
Chandler: (In a helium voice, holding a balloon) I'm sorry, I got a little occupied.
Monica: This is it. Yeah, this is the one. I cant believe I found it!
Rachel: (Tapping the clipboard) well, now, wait a second, who did I just put as my "In case of emergency" person?
Ross: Hi, um, Im err, (has to clear his throat) Im Ross Geller, and err ah... (pats Carols bulge) ..thats, thats my boy in there, and uh, (points) this is Carol Willick, and this... is Susan Bunch. Susan is um Carols, just, com... (embarrassment finally overwhelms the poor fellow, who becomes incoherent until) ..whos next?
Chandler: Excuse me, look, we've been here for over an hour, and a lot of people less sick than my friend have gone in. I mean, that guy with the toe thing? Who's he sleeping with? (She slides the gladd panel over and Chandler talks through it in a loud voice.) Oh, c'mon Dora, don't be mad... I know we both said some things we didn't mean, but that doesn't mean we still don't love each other. (To the waiting room.) Y'know, I feel like I've lost her.. (She slides the panel back, he turns, and it takes him by surprise.) Ba-!
Roger: Actually it's, it's quite, y'know, typical behaviour when you have this kind of dysfunctional group dynamic. Y'know, this kind of co-dependant, emotionally stunted, sitting in your stupid coffee house with your stupid big cups which, I'm sorry, might as well have nipples on them, and you're like all 'Oh, define me! Define me! Love me, I need love!'.
Ross: Hey! I just spoke to your dad, and you know what? He seems to think well be able to find a new place for the wedding.
Monica: Wait a minute. That wasnt a hard eight! Last night I rolled a hard eight.
Joey: Are you kidding me? Im great! Yeah, Im uh; Im better than great. I am good. And now that shes gone, I can uh, I can do all this stuff around here that I couldnt do before. Yknow? Like umm, I can walk around naked again. Yknow? I can uh, I can watch porn in the living room. Right? This is uh, this is good for me. Yknow? I like being on my own, Im uh, better off this way. Im uh, a lone wolf. Yknow? A loner. Alone. All alone. Forever. Whats a wolf got to do to get a huh around here?! (Chandler rushes over and hugs him.)
Joey: I'd be lying if I said I haven't thought about it myself. Chandler is my best friend, it would be wrong. Good...(He winks)...But wrong.
Ross: Hi! Im so glad youre here, but its gonna be a while. I-I wished youd called first.
Joey: I gotta tell you. You're the best in the business.
ROSS: I, I don't know, it's got all this stuff about wind and trees and there's some kind of sacred pool in it. I mean, I don't really get it but she's, she's pretty upset about it.
RACHEL: Well, the point is, maybe I should just stop waiting around for moments with Ross, you know?� I should just . . . move on with my life.
Phoebe: No! I am a positive person. You are like Santa Clause on Prozac, at Disneyland, getting laid!
Ross: C'mon, Chandler, I love your mom. I think she's a blast.
Chloe: (entering from bedroom) Hey, what kind of puppy do you think I should get?
Frank: I mean, how hard can it be? Y'know, I mean, y'know, babies, y'know who doesnt want babies right? And besides y'know, I never had a Dad around, and ah, now-now I always will, cause y'know, itll be me. Right?
CHANDLER: Because I didn't know how to tell him that I couldn't go to the Knicks game.� So, I just told him that I had to stay in Tulsa.
Ursula: Right, yeah, cause its close to where I live, and the aprons are really cute.
Rachel: I dont know Tag! How can your genitals make phone calls? Okay? Its not a perfect world! Just go please.
Alan: Yeah, well, I had a great time with you.. I just can't stand your friends.
Ross: (to Ben) I know, I know. Everybody, there's someone I'd like you to meet. Yeah. This is Ben. Ben, this is everybody.
Susan: I like Ben.
Monica: Ross, can I?
Rachel: Oh, I know. Look at him.
Chandler: I know, I still am one of these.
Monica: Okay, Ive got a question. If you had to pick one of us to date, who would it be?
Monica: I mean, that's a typical guy response.
Monica: I sure do! (She runs over to a drawer, opens it, and grabs a lollipop.) (To Rachel) And you don't get one!
Rachel: I loved the moment when you first saw the giant dog shadow all over the park.
Joey: I will, really. I'll pay you back this time.
Charlie: Actually, I'm kinda happy to be leaving... I just broke up with someeone.
Chandler: Okay, well Im gonna get Ross, get the cameras, and get them developed. (Joey laughs again.) 32 Joe. Youre 32! (Exits)
Joey: I don't know, she's, uh.... she's pretty great.
Joey: What, you think I'm gonna tell a girl I like that I'm also seeing a cup?
Chandler: I say, Drew! Are you seeing anybody right now? (Drew looks at him) Og-ee-op, Im not asking for me, Im I mean No, Im-Im not gay, Im not asking you out. Im not-Im not-Im not gay!
Phoebe: Yes, you will be very sad. All right, well I gotta go tell Rachel the good news.
RACHEL: Ok mom, you know what, fine, I'll make an appointment ok, but you know what, right now, I gotta go, I gotta go do a thing.
Ross: I know.
Phoebe: (stops) Please! Please! Please! Please! Oh please! Please! Please! Frank and Alice asked me to baby sit the triplets and Im nervous cause Ive never done that before by myself!
Chandler: I can't belive it.
Monica: I can't believe he did this.
Rachel: I mean, this is unbelievable.
Joey: Phoebe, could you do me a favour? Could you try this on? I just wanna make sure it fits.
Phoebe: I know. This is really, really huge.
Joey: No, no, no, don't you dare bail on me. The only reason she's goin' out with me is because I said I could bring a friend for her friend.
Ross: (turning towards him) Yes Mr. Lewis, how can I help you?
Rachel: I don't know. Maybe I'll know when I see him.
Rachel: (Somewhat angrily) Okay. What the hell was that? You know what? Dont answer me. (Giggling) I have a date with Danny.
Chandler: Rachel, I love you! Deal with me first! (she leaves)