words in movies
[Scene: The Wedding Hall, Monica and Chandler have just said "I do," and the photographer is taking the required pictures. First of Monica, Chandler, Ross and Joey.]
Ross: (To Monica) Okay, I know Im not supposed to know, but I do. And Im so excited for you!
Monica: Guys! Im not pregnant.
Monica: You didnt tell anybody I was did you?!
Ross: No! (Pause) Ill be right back. (Exits.)
Joey: I cant! I-I dont have any other clothes here.
Monica: Because Im not.
Phoebe: We found your test in the trash, if youre not pregnant(She sees Rachel shaking her head)Its because I am.
Phoebe: Yes, I I am with child. (Flash) And I didnt want to say anything because its your day; I didnt want to steal your thunder.
Monica: Wait a minute! So you told people I was pregnant?! (Flash) Does this look like a conversation that I want to remember?!
Phoebe: I cant say.
Phoebe: I cant say because hes famous.
Chandler: Yknow I am the groom right? I was told it was kinda big deal.
Rachel: Oh, thank you for doing that. I just cant deal with this just quite yet.
Rachel: You said that she was, I just didnt disagree with you.
Phoebe: Oh, I know. I could only think of two names, him and Ed Begley Jr. and then I remembered hes gay.
Chandler: Before we go out there Ive got a present for ya.
Monica: Honey, Im going to put my hand in your pocket!
Chandler: Ive been taking dancing lessons.
Chandler: Yeah, the last six weeks. I wanted this to be a moment you will never forget.
Chandler: I dont know, its these new shoes, theyre all slippery.
Monica: Well, the good news is, I dont think anyones looking at us.
Rachel: Ugh! Look honey yknow what? I havent told him yet, so until I do I dont think I should tell anybody else.
Phoebe: Okay, Im sorry. Ill stop.
Rachel: Honey, stop it! I am not going to tell you until I tell him.
Joey: Im sorry! Okay? I went down to the gift shop and its either this or a bathrobe! Look, whats more important, the way Im dressed or me being with you on your special day?
Monica: Honey, Im not even going to pretend I was listening. (Sees someone else.) Hey! Hey! (Goes over to that person.)
Ross: Hi. Im uh, Im Ross. I dont, I dont believe weve met. Im Monicas older brother.
Woman: Oh hi, Im, Im Mona from her restaurant.
Mona: You think so? Ive always kinda hated it.
Mona: Really?! Well see? I never knew about her.
Ross: (sexily) Yes there will. (Mona leaves and Ross tries to find the same table.) Oh guess what, Molly Gilbert youve just been bumped up to table one. And if its all right with you Im gonna take your place at table sixMartin Clickclocken.
Joey: Thats better, now just bend your arms a little more. There you go. Okay, look straight ahead. Now this time I want you to really put your ass into it. (They do a practice swing and she really puts her ass into it.)
Mrs. Bing: Chandler darling! Look, my date has finally arrived. Id like you to meet Dennis Phillips.
Dennis Phillips: Oh, Im so sorry I missed the ceremony, I was stuck at auditions.
Joey: I dont believe weve met, Joey Tribbiani.
Joey: Wow, Ive admired your work for years. You-youve done some really amazing stuff.
Dennis Phillips: Oh, thank you. Well if youll excuse me, Im gonna go get myself a drink. Be back in a moment. (Walks away.)
Ross: Hey! Uh, I thought, I thought you were at table six.
Ross: Oh see, before you uh, when you showed it to me you-you held it that way (he turns her hand upside down) which uh, which was misleading. Well Im (He goes at sits down at his new table and the kids stare at him.) Hello.
Joey: Chandler. Will you see if your mom can give my resume to Dennis Phillips? Cause if I can get in a Broadway show then I wouldve done it all, film, television, and theater. The only think left would be radio, and thats just for ugly people.
Chandler: Great, because my shoes are giving me a little problem on the dance floor, can I borrow the boots from your costume?
Joey: Uh, I dont even really know where I left those. Sorry.
Joey: Okay fine! Im a seven! All right, I have surprisingly small feet. But the rest of me is good, Ill show ya!
Rachel: I dont know! Maybe they have tools.
Monica: Maybe. I just hope she realizes how hard its gonna be.
Monica: Well, theres a lot to think about. I mean, how is she, how is she going to handle this financially? How is she going to juggle work? Does she realize shes not going to have a date again for the next eighteen years?
Rachel: (starting to cry) I dont know.
Rachel: Uh-hmm. Im just thinking about Phoebe; poor knocked up Phoebe.
Phoebe: Well, I just got off the phone with my lover, James Brolin
Phoebe: Yes, and apparently he is married to some singer, but he said he would leave her for me. And I said, "James, James Brolin, are you sure?" James Brolin said
Rachel: I dont know. I dont know how I feel. This is all happening so fast. I have to make all these decisions that I dont want to make. (Takes another sip of champagne and spits it back out) Somebody just take this away from me!!
Phoebe: When I got pregnant with the triplets, I took that test like three times just to make sure.
Phoebe: Im-Im just saying, dont freak out until youre a hundred percent sure.
Rachel: All right, Ill-Ill take it again when I get home.
Phoebe: Ill run out and get you one.
Rachel: WhHey, I just gave you peeing on a stick.
Ross: It was the chair again! Okay? Im not doing it! It whatlook, I dontyknow whateh-eh (He walks away and goes over to Mona.) Hi.
Ross: I wasnt farting! (To Mona) Uh, a little game from our table. (To the little girl) Yes?
Ross: Oh umm, well uh, maybe-maybe later. Right now, Im about to dance with this lady.
Mona: Id be happy to. (To Ross) You are very sweet.
Chandler: Yes, I told him how talented you were. I told him all about Days Of Our Lives.
Joey: No-no! No! No! You dont tell a Broadway guy that! Now he just thinks Im a soap actor.
Second Girl: Can I go next?
Mona: Okay, but I get to hop on after her. (Ross bites the air in response.)
Ross: I am so gonna score.
Ross: I like your bow.
Joey: (clinks his glass) Id like to propose a toast. To Monica and Chandler, the greatest couple in the world. And my best friends. Now, my when I first found out they were getting married I was, I was a little angry. I was like, (overly angry) "Why God? Why? How can you take them away from me?!" But then I thought back over all our memories together, some happy memories. (Does a fake laugh.) And-and there was some sad memories. (Starts to break down and cry.) Im sorry. And-and some scared memoriesWhoa! (He jumps back, startled.) Eh? And then, and then I realized Ill always be their friend, their friend who can speak in many dialects and has training in stage combat and is willing to do partial nudity. (Starts to walk away, but realizes something.) Oh! To the happy couple!
Fat Girl: Im next!
Ross: Im trying. (He strains to move his feet.)
Ross: Maybe I should stand on your feet! (Gerts shocked and Ross realizes what he said and tries to brush it off.)
Joey: Well, Id like to think there was something for everyone. Look, I know youre casting for this new show
Joey: Oh, see thats where youre wrong. Whatever it is I can do it. And if didnt see it up there, just-just try me.
Joey: Well Im not proud of this, but (He turns around and starts to mess with his eyelids.)
Monica: Ohh come on, I love this song! Come on, youll be fine. (She starts to walk towards the floor.)
Chandler: (sliding up behind her) No. No, I wont. Do you know why I took all those lessons? See, for the first time I didnt want you to be embarrassed to be seen on the dance floor with some clumsy idiot.
Monica: Oh sweetie, you can never embarrass me. (Chandler grunts.) Okay, you can easily embarrass me. But come on, it doesnt matter. All right? I married you! So I want to dance on my wedding night with my husband. Come on. (They go onto the floor.) Just try not to move your feet at all. (Chandler starts to get into the groove and bust a move.) There you go.
Mr. Geller: Chandler, Im gonna have you arrested.
Monica: (entering) Did I miss it? (Phoebe nods no.) Rachel, I-I want you to know that, if its positive, were gonna
Rachel: Oh I know. I know. (They hug.)
Rachel: Oh wait! Yknow what? I cant, I cant look at it. I cant. Somebody else tell me, somebody tell me.
Rachel: Thanks. (Crying) God this is so stupid! (Pause) How could I be upset over something I never had? Its negative?
Phoebe: Well yeah, I lied before.
Rachel: Yeah. Im gonna have a baby. Im gonna have a baby. Im gonna have a baby! (They all hug.)
Ross: I just didnt see the fast song coming.
Mona: No, I mean it. There are so few genuinely nice guys out there.
Joey: Tell me about it, I feel like Im holding down the fort all by myself.
Ross: Wait a minute! No! Im the nice one! Im the one who danced with the kids all night! How How small are your feet?! (They all look down.)
RICHARD: Look I want you, now.
Joey: Yeah, of course. I can control myself. (laughs uneasily and Sarah leaves the room)
CHANDLER: I'm afraid I might just be.
CHANDLER: I can't believe she's married.
Ross: (entering) Okay, that's it. I cannot make this decision! It is too difficult, so I'm just gonna leave it entirely to the gods of fate. (He holds up and starts shaking a )
RICHARD: Neither am I.
JOEY: OK, uh.... listen, there's something I want to talk to you about. The network casting lady...
Rachel: All right look lady here is the deal, I came here for an annulment and I am not leaving here until I get one!
Phoebe: Hey! Umm, well, only okay because I just got back from, from the hospital.
RACHEL: God I know, you're right.
Rachel: Oh, I don't know. I guess it's not about no guys, it's about the right guy, y'know? I mean, with Barry, it was safe and it was easy, but there was no heat. With Paolo, that's all there was, was heat! And it was just this raw, animal, sexual...
PHOEBE: I know. Oh, like you would drink her coffee after what you did to her with Van Damme.
Rachel: Um, ok, uh, oh god, um, when you and uh Ross first started going out, it was really hard for me, um, for many reasons, which I'm not gonna bore you with now, but um, I just, I see how happy he is, you know, and how good you guys are together, and um, Monica's always saying how nice you are, and god I hate it when she's right.
RACHEL: I know.
ROSS: Rach, hey look, I remember that, it wasn't so bad.
Emily: (Yelling from inside the bathroom) Youve spoiled everything! Its like a nightmare! My friends and family are out there! How can I face them?! How can you do this to me?!
MR. WINEBURG: I tell ya a lot things!
JOEY: Ah, it's career stuff. I don't know if you heard but they killed off my character on the show.
RACHEL: No! They didn't even talk to each other. God, how was I supposed to know they were having problems?
Chandler: Y'know what? You should go to my guy, because when I went in there with my third nipple. He just lopped it right off. Y'know? So I guess I'm lucky. I mean not as lucky as people who were born with two nipples.
Chandler: I couldn't find anything at Joey--Hey-hey, oh hey!
MONICA: Sandra, I am so sorry, I thought you were Rachel and we just weren't ready for you yet.
SUSIE: I hate actors.
Monica: Monica and I just crashed an embassy party.
CHANDLER: OK, but uh, I hope you realize this means we're gonna miss hearing about the specials.
Rachel: Okay fine! Ill-Ill just tell her its an antique apothecary table, she doesnt have to know where it came from. Oh! Look at this little drawers! Oh look-look it says that it holds 300 CDs.
JOEY: (entering) Man, I got this close to him (holds up his fingers) and Monica kneed me in the back. What's going on?
Phoebe: Alright, here's my $7.50. (Hands them the money) But I think you should know that this money is cursed.
Ross: Alright, alright. We're all adults here, there's only one way to resolve this. Since you saw her boobies, I think, uh, you're gonna have to show her your peepee.
RICHARD: Ooh, duct tape. Was I supposed to bring something too?
Ross: Order a pizza like, I forgive you?
ROSS: (standing up) Uh, I like to, uh, to add something to that...
Rachel: Im thinking, Im gonna order a pizza.
JOEY: Yep, this kiss thing is defiantly a problem, Mr. Beatty wants to see it again on Monday. Man, I gotta figure out what I'm doing wrong. Oh, okay, one of you girls come over here and kiss me.
MONICA: Really? Wow, well then come on, I wanna show you how to fold the toilet paper into a point.
Ross: Hello. (He throws his jacket towards the coat rack and misses.) Im sorry Im a little late. Ah(Checks his watch)Whoa! A lot late. Let me start by uh, by introducing myself, I am Professor Geller. (The bell rings.) So to sum up, Im Professor Geller. Good job today.
Ross: All right I've been feeling incredibly guilty about this, because I wanna be a good friend, and damnit I am a good friend. So just, just shut up and close your eyes (kisses Joey).
Dr. Miller: Okay. You've got a small, minor infection in that left eye. I want you to take these drops three times a day and you'll be as good as new.
Joey: Oh, it was great! I mean we walked all around the village. We went to this ice cream place, split a milkshake, 70/30 but still And guess what, Im thinking about taking her upstate to one of those bed and breakfasts.
RICHARD: If kids is what I takes to be with you then kids it is.
Chandler: Why not? We could give each of them half a medallion, and then years later, they'll find each other and be reunited. I mean, that's a great day for everybody.
MONICA: I know you do. Me too. (pause) So what now?
RICHARD: God. I love you.
RICHARD: I guess we just keep dancing.
Joey: I know. (Joey is sitting in this tall chair that is made up of balls on polls. Youll have to see it to know what I mean.) Yeah, his name is Pat.
Ross: Hey, can I, can I get in on that? Because Im kinda hungry myself.
Monica: This isn't easy for me either. I wish things were different, I... If you were a few years older, or if I was a few years younger, or if we lived in biblical times, I would really...
ROSS: I talked to Rachel's sisters, neither of them can come.
FRIEND: Oh. Speaking of whom, I hear he's got some 20-year-old twinkie in the city. [Monica sprays whipped cream all over the place]
Joey: This is where I keep the pizza. (Its the same location as before.) AndHey! Where did the napkin go?! (The napkin is not in its spot.)
Ross: Maybe this wouldve happened if Id been more nurturing, or Id paid more attention, or I... had a uterus. I cant believe this!
Janice: (laughs) I-I-I gotta go, I gotta go. Okay, not without a kiss.
Chandler: Yeah, I know. She makes me happy.
Monica: I need to get some Richard.
Chandler: I know, I know, but youre gonna have plenty of chances. There are literally thousands of women out there just waiting to screw me over.
Rachel: Well, like anything can be sexy. Like umm, oh-oh, like this dishtowel! (She grabs it and starts rubbing it on her cheek.) Ooh, ooh, this feels sooo good against my cheek! And-and if I feel a little hot, I can just dab myself with it. Or I can bring it down to my side and bring it through my fingers while I talk to him.
CHAN: I'll take one. Sometimes I like to hold stuff like this and pretend I'm a giant.
ROSS: Then you should have said something before I met her.
Rachel: (she leans over and kisses him on the cheek) Honey, I was wondering....
Chandler: Well, I can't believe I've been here almost seven seconds and you haven't asked me how my date went.
Charlie: Ross, we can solve this. I just heard your speech. We can recreate it! We've got all night!
Ross: Nooo, I had to return it to the costume place.
Rachel: ...if you tell me, I might do it.
Chandler: Oh, because his penis was too big. (he notices that David is not amused) Oh, I'm sorry, that's the kind of thing I do. (pause) They broke up because Mike didn't want to get married. Hey, what if you just let Phoebe know you'd be open to marriage?
Chandler: Last time I do that, I promise.
Monica: I know I do.
Ross: Thats okay, Ill just pick em off.
JOEY: Na, na I'm ok. Oh and uh, just so you know, I'm not movin' back in 'cause I have to. Well, I mean, I do have to. It's just that that place wasn't really, I mean, this is...
Rachel: Well, let's see... uh... I know that she has a meeting with her lawyer and then she has to make a very big poop. Why?
CHANDLER: Well yeah, in that it's not being used and I... have it to spare.
Chandler: I want you to say that you like her!
Joey: Look, I don't hate Janice, she's-she's just a lot to take, you know.
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, I will do it. Honey, you have to learn to sit down and relax and let your husband take care of things once and awhile. (Tries the door.) Its locked, you have to help me. Why is it locked?
Ross: Dont you realise none of this wouldve ever happened if I didnt think at that same moment you werent having sex with Mark?
Mindy: I hope you can find some way to be happy for me. And I hope you'll still be my maid of honor...?
Ross: I know, but it's still worth mentioning, I think.
Rachel: He didnt turn me down! Hes at the game isnt he? I got the date, Im just not on it!
Rachel: Oh please, theyve been going out a week. They havent even slept together yet, I mean, thats not serious.
Monica: Okay, this isn't working. I'm still awake and now I have to pee.
Joey: FINE, ok, if you love this house so much, then you should just live here, okay? I just hope you get used to that weird humming sound. (He turns his back to them and starts humming) Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
Joey: Yeah, I know, I sleep in the next room.
Janice: So, I hear, you hate me!
Rachel: Oh, I know. Hey, yknow what we never did? (Ross looks at her.) Oh no, not that. (Ross nods okay.) We uh, we never had bonus night!
Joey: I, ah, I never said hate, I was very careful about that.
Rachel: Well, I should think so. You slept with someone.
Joey: Ah! I'm an actor! I can memorize anything! Last week on "Days" I had to say "Frontal temporal zygomatic craniotomy".
PHOEBE: Hey Rach, wanna hear the new song I'm thinkin' of singing this afternoon? I wrote it this morning in the shower.
Chandler: I know!
Sarah: Well, I kinda wanted to sell the cookies. The girl who sells the most wins a trip to Spacecamp, and gets to sit in a real space shuttle.
RACHEL: Ya know, I just, so weird. I mean I was in there just listening to them bitch about each other and all I kept thinking about was the fourth of July.
Chandler: No, I just always see guys doing this when they get handcuffs taken off them. (He runs over to where his pants are hanging) Hello sweet pants!
Joey: All right, I'll give you this, Mr. Peanut is a better dresser. I mean he's got the monocle, he's got the top hat...
Pete: Well ah, Ive been doing a lot of thinking, and I look at my life
Joey: I dont know. I guess theres just always been this distance yknowI mean we both try to pretend its not there, but it is.
VAN DAMME: You can tell her I think her friend is cute.
Joey: I'm sorry man, I tired, I really did.
Chandler: Well, I guess that's something.
Joey: Oh yeah, I always picture your Mom when I'm having sex.
ROSS: I uh can't believe I'm gonna say this, but I think Susan's right.
Monica: No, I really, really do.