words in movies
Phoebe: Oh no, I know! I know! It's the one where Joey got Monica's turkey stuck on his head!
Rachel: What?! Joey got a turkey stuck on his head?!
Joey: Look. (He walks out of the bathroom with his head stuck in a huge turkey.)
(They hear Monica trying to unlock the door. So Phoebe quickly pushes his head down onto the table to make it look like the turkey is just sitting on a platter and not stuck on Joey's head.)
(They all start thinking. Joey starts rubbing his chin, of course his chin is currently inside the turkey so he ends up rubbing the turkey. And I didn't do that joke one bit of justice. It's one of those you have to see it to get it jokes.)
Big Nosed Rachel: Okay, Monica, can you just call it sex?! It really creeps me out when you call it that! Okay, and by the way, while we're at it, a guy's thing is not called his tenderness. Believe me! (Walks into the living room and greets Monica's parents.) Hi!
Fat Monica: I think his begging days are over now that he's going out with Nancy Branson.
Ross: Hey. (To his parents) Happy Thanksgiving!
The Paramedic: Twenty year old has got a severed toe on his right foot.
Ross: Can you please not do that feet first? You know where his injury is! Severed toe, you just said it!
[Cut to the hallway, Chandler is standing in front of his door.]
Chandler: Yeah, just leave me alone for a while. (He goes into his apartment.)
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Ross is still going on about his first night with Carol.]
Ross: (with his mouth full) Just a second! (he fake laughs, but turns his head and starts to break down)
Chandler: Joey? Got you a Joey Special, two pizzas! Joe? (The phone rings and he answers it) (On phone) Hello? (Takes the phone away from his mouth when he realizes what he just did and yells.) Damnit! (Back on phone.) Hello? (Listens.) No, Joeys not here right now, but I can take a message I think. (Listens) Hes still got a chance for the part?! Oh, thats great news! (Listens) Well no obviously not for the actor who was mauled by his dog. (Listens) Oh well, thats great. I will give Joey the message. Thank you! (Hangs up and goes to write the message on the Magna-Doodle.) Yes! (Reading what hes writing) Okay, Mac audition at 2:00. Allergy actor attacked. (Pause) By dog not flowers.
Phoebe: Hey, that’s not fair! A person’s wedding is important! And especially to me! Ok? I didn’t have a graduation party! And I didn’t go to Prom. And I spent my sweet sixteen being chased round a tire yard by an escaped mental patient who is his own words wanted to “kill me” or whatever. So I deserve a real celebration and I am not gonna let some sweaty little man make me feel badly about it.( She storms out)
Joey: Okay, uh Pheebs, quick. Look! This (His video camera) is for the babies to look at someday, so is-is there anything you want to say? Y'know before it all starts?
Joey: I know. (Joey is sitting in this tall chair that is made up of balls on polls. Youll have to see it to know what I mean.) Yeah, his name is Pat.
Rachel: Ok, Paulo, why don't you just go get dressed, and then you be on your way, ok, bye-bye. (Paulo goes into his room.)
PHOE: Ok, so, ok, was he holding you? Or was his hand like on your back?
Joey: (under his breath) Kiss her! Kiss her!
Chandler: Oh, because his penis was too big. (he notices that David is not amused) Oh, I'm sorry, that's the kind of thing I do. (pause) They broke up because Mike didn't want to get married. Hey, what if you just let Phoebe know you'd be open to marriage?
(They wait for Joey to go into his room and close the door and then start making out again.)
[Joey is looking at Rachel, smiling, and gesturing his head towards Ross.]
Rachel: Well, you more then me, but he cant stay to mad at me. I mean, I just had his baby.
Ross: No, no it's, um, it's not you, um, it's um, it's (turns and sees his Mom standing where Rachel is)
Chandler: Kathy! Kathy! Hi!! Kathy! Kathy! (She doesn't hear him and keeps running, Chandler starts chasing her as the theme to The Mod Squad starts to play. First, a car almost hits him and then gets mustard splashed on him as he runs by a hot dog vendor.) Kathy! (He keeps running and gets tangled up in the leashes of five dogs, in desperation he throws his paper.) Fetch! Fetch it! (He frees himself and resumes the chase) Kathy! Kathy! Kathy! (He now trips and falls into a pile of garbage, he tries to get up and scream her name again but he has a piece of spinach in his mouth. He gets out of the garbage and starts crossing the street by running over the hoods of a couple of cabs.) Kathy! (He jumps in front of her and out of breath he says) Kathy.
[Scene: Chandlers office, he is just finishing a meeting with his boss.]
Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Come on, come on, what. You took his underwear?
Monica: How do I tell Chandler that its too soon. Its gonna break his heart, hes not gonna think that I dont love him anymore.
CHANDLER: Chandler. [waves his arm around, exposing the bracelet]
MR. GELLER: [enters with his bat] Found it.
Joey: (with food in his mouth) You talked to him. Are you crazy?
Ross: Oh! Hello uh, Mona from her restaurant. (He uses his card to mouth those words.) (Pause) Mona, wow what a, what a beautiful name.
Chandler: No. How are ya Paul? (Starts to look for his credit card.)
Monica: I wish we at least knew his name... Look at that face. I mean, even sleeping, he looks smart. I bet he's a lawyer.
Monica: I know the code to his answering machine.
Chandler: (entering with his ringing phone) Joe. Joe! Answer the phone.
RYAN: [Comes out of the bathroom, also with oven mits on his hands.] Well that wasn't easy.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is in the kitchen as Joey enters from his bedroom.]
Ross: Paolo, I-I just want to tell you and I think I speak for everyone when I say... (shuts door in his face and walks away)
Joey: Hey Ross, check this out! (he tries to spin a basketball on his fingertip but he throws it against a table) yeah, I can't do that!
[Scene: Central Perk, Malcom is giving Phoebe all of his spy stuff]
(They follow him and meet him in the hall coming out of his apartment carrying a sweater.)
[She closes the door in his face. Ross walks sullenly back to the couch and sits down. A moment of silence ensues.]
David: Daryl Hannah was the most beautiful woman that he'd ever seen in his life and I said yeah, I liked her in Splash, a lot, but not so much in- in Wall Street, I thought she had kind of a
(It's only when the camera cuts to Ross's apartment that we see that the TV is turned off and Ross is indeed doing a bit. He then tries to hide his smirk.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Chandler are on the couch as Joey enters with his new bag.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is working on his list]
Chandler: Whoa-ho, back off, Missy! (He takes a step back, but she still keeps her grip on his tie.)
(Pause as Frankie resumes his work.)
Chandler: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you're right. (gets up right behind Joey and yells in his ear) Come on, do it, do it, go, come on!!!
Ross: Oh, yeah, well y'know Chandler printed it up on his computer.
Mrs. Waltham: (As she walks pass Ross, she pats his but.) Call me.
[Scene: at Barry and Mindy's reception, Monica and Richard are sitting at a table, and Monica is trying to throw a piece of candy into his mouth.]
Chandler: Yeah. (they both notice where his hands are)
Dr. Rosen: (Smiling even more and attempting to take over) And I'm his friend, Dr.Rosen.
Rachel: Hi! So Im out having lunch at Monicas and this guy starts talking to me, and it turns out he works for a buyer at Bloomingdales and there happens to be an opening in his department. So I gave him my phone number and hes gonna call me this weekend to see if he can get me an interview!
[Scene: Rachels outer office, Tag has finished searching his desk and Rachel comes out to try to plant the folder on the desk.]
Rachel: Well I just came...(She touches him near his heart. Shes almost in tears.) I just needed to tell you...(Looking into his eyes. She takes a deep breath.) Congratulations. (He hugs her. She can barely hold back the tears.)
Phoebe: Then Im gonna have to ask you to keep it down. (slams the door in his face.)
Joey: Hey little buddy, how are you feeling? (The duck does not get sick and Joey recoils in horror and heads for the couch.) What the hell is in that face cream? (Hes about to try out the couch but notices the bed in Rachels room. He walks into her room and feels the bed.) Thats so soft. (He pulls back the comforter.) Pillowcases! (He climbs in and groans in delight. Suddenly, he feels something under him and pulls out a little beat up paperback book. He opens it and starts to read from it.) (In his head.) Zelda looked at the chimney sweep. Her father, the vicar (Stops reading and thinks.) The vicar? (Continues reading) wouldnt be home for hours. Her loins were burning. She threw caution to the wind and reached out and grabbed his (Out loud.) Whoa! (Reads on in silence.) Whoa-ho-ho-ho! This is a dirty book! (Continues to read.)
Annabelle: Nobody knows his name. Me and the girls just call him the Hombre man.
ROSS: Ok, then you're gonna have to understand that you're with a guy who's not gonna stop planning his future with you because he knows that we're gonna end up together and if that scares you, tough, 'cause you're gonna have to deal with that.
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Joey is snoozing with Hugsy, his bedtime penguin pal and Chandler and Monica come storming in.]
Chandler: Maybe it was his sister's. You know, maybe it was his daughter's.
(Joey is singing in his head.)
[Eddie tries his key and it won't work. He knocks and Chandler answers the door. He's got the door chained.]
Joey: Wow! That was good. That was...(points to his pocket) Tweezers?
Ross: Oh, please. Sweetie its hopeless, okay, Im just gonna go. (starts to leave rubbing his neck)
Rachel: Well thats his last name.
Ross: And his first name.
JOEY: Alright, just one. [she licks his hands rather emphatically] Wow, you're good at that.
(Joey gets the evil look on his face.)
Chandler: Well, then it looks like somebody is gonna have to give back somebody his cushions.
Monica: He didn't die. I saw his daughter last week. Said he was fine. Her on the other hand, botched Botox.
Joey: They were in his office.
Joey: (Checks to see if shes drooling on his shirt.) Okay. Okay, okay, hey. (Lays her down and covers her with a blanket.) There we go, lets get your feet up there. (Looks at her) Good night, Kate. Sweet dreams. (Picks up a garbage can) Im gonna put this can right here in case you have to hurl.
Chandler: No! In his office! How many kisses were there?
Joey: Well, there is one way. His windows open, I say, we poke him.
Rachel: Uh-huh. (Ross takes off his coat and sets in on a chair.) Yknow what I was, I was thinking about?
(Chandler and Monica enter from their room and Joey quickly hides the bag of potato chips behind his back.)
Frank Jr.: You just don't know how hard it is, Phoebe. There's just so many of them. You know, two I can handle. Two's great. You just hold one in each hand, but what do I do when the third one runs at me with his bike helmet on. I've got no more hands to protect my area! There's three of them, Phoebe, three!
Joey: All right. Let's get the contestants out of their isolation booths. (He removes the waste bucket that's over the duck and the laundry basket that's over the chicken.) And they're off! (He puts his foot in front of the chick, stopping it from moving.)
Rachel: I did!! I watched! I watched! I watched Monica bang his head against that thing!
[Scene: Chandlers office, Chandler is confronting his boss about the butt smacking thing. His boss is writing on a white board.]
Rachel: Hey-hey, now hes showing us his poking device.
Chandler: You got it! Here we go! Come on! This is great! (Rachel goes over and unlocks the handcuffs) Ahhh! (He starts rubbing his wrist)
MRS. GREENE: Oh, you kids [she caresses his face and chest] Well, this is the best party I've been to in years.
Celia: I can't stand this! He's got his claws in my...
Chandler: And for the last time, we do not want to be friends with you! And we don't want to buy your bat! (Joey lowers his bat)
[Scene: Hillarys apartmen,. Hillary and Ross are having dinner. He is avoiding opening his mouth.]
[The next one is from Episode 603: The One With Rosss Denial, Joey is amazing Phoebe and Monica by holding his breath.]
(Monica takes the bear, grabs his hat, and rips off his head.)
Chandler: Look out kids, hes coming! (Ross continues to leave with his head down in shame.)
[Scene: Later that evening at the rehearsal dinner. Chandler and Monica are sitting on a sofa. Chandler is covering his face in embarrassment because of the toast.]
Monica: (entering) Ross (who has his foot on the coffee table), foot on the floor or come over no more!
Woman: Im pressing, a policeman is on his way.
MONICA: Wow, for a guy who's recently lost his job, you're in an awfully good mood.
MNCA: Alright, here you go, sweetie. [hands Fun Bobby his coffee]
Rachel: Yeah! His name is um, Mark something.
Monica: So, you think you'll do it on his couch?
Joeys Sister: (whispering in his ear) Just do it.
Ross: I'll do it. Hey, whatever you need me to do, I'm your man. (He starts to sit down on the bed. There's one problem though, he's about two feet to the left of it. Needless to say, he misses and falls on his butt.) (Looking up at Joey.) Whoa-oh-whoa! Are you, are you okay?
Joey: No, come on Ross! (He grabs his bag so he cant leave) Look, Ross, we have to get past this.
Ross: (to Rachel, as she gets his number) What, he gave you his home number? As in like, to, to his home?
MONICA: So what, he's a little older, big deal, I mean he's important to me. Ya know if you ask him, he might take you on his Jag. [walks off]
[Cut to the elevator lobby, Phoebe walks up and sees a man in a wheelchair with his broken leg extended.]
(The lights come back on, and Rachel and Paolo are making out. Ross clutches his chest.)
Steve: Oh look, you don't have to give it too me right now! You can slip it under my door. (Points to his apartment across the hall.)
Joey: Oh! (In an announcer type voice) And so the miracle of life begins, and aaiiyyyeeee! (He grabs his side and doubles over in pain.)
Joey: What the?! (Joey pounds the table and starts yelling at Rachel, and which is drowned out by applause. Rachel is desperately trying to tell Joey that hes on TV right now. He finally notices and he does his gracious loser face.)