words in movies
Chandler: (To Monica) Oh, well thank you in advance. (Kisses her.)
(Phoebe winks and licks her lips while eyeing Chandler.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is at the counter drinking coffee as Elizabeth enters with her dad, Paul. Elizabeth goes to kiss Ross, but he just kisses her on the forehead. By the way Paul is played by Bruce Willis. Yes, that Bruce Willis from Moonlighting, Die Hard, and Armageddon.]
Phoebe: Youre Elizabeths father, huh? I can see now where she gets her rugged handsomeness.
Paul: No, unfortunately Lizzies mom passed away shortly after she was born. I raised her by myself.
Ross: Okay umm, why dont we all take a seat, yknow? And uh, and Ill get us all some uh some coffees(He goes to pull out Elizabeths chair, but Paul steps in)Yeah, why dont you. (Paul pulls out her chair) Uh and you guys can talk about whatever, whatever you want. Yknow? Whatever pops into your head. (He turns his back to Paul and Elizabeth and points to himself for Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe. Then he goes to order the coffee.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Phoebe is working on her book at the kitchen table, Monica is on the couch, and Chandler is entering from the bathroom carrying a package of toilet paper.]
Paul: Well, we were very young when we had her.
Rachel: (sympathetic) Ohh. So you raised her all on your own?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Phoebe is still writing in her book, Chandler and Monica are in the kitchen as Joey enters.]
Paul: Sure you did! You came in, you got all awkward, and you ran into the bedroom. You were shouting, "Joey! Joey!" Bye Rach. (Kisses her.)
Phoebe: (writing in her book) "You wish."
Joey: Okay! (He yanks his hand away.) All right. Umm, all right Wayne, level with me. Okay? I-I keep hearing all these rumors that I might get fired. Okay, they even have actors coming in to read for my part! Come on man, you-you got to give me a second chance! I mean, I love-I love this little guy! (He grabs C.H.E.E.S.E.s arm and pulls it off at the elbow.) Ah-ah!! (Wayne is shocked.) Okay, thats why you didnt want me to touch him right? Here you go! Okay? (Hands Wayne the arm and he goes to fix it. Meanwhile Joey starts to berate himself.) Stupid! I cant believe it! God! (A very beautiful woman walks by.) (To her) Hey, how you doin? (He and her go over to talk and Wayne looks on with envy.)
Paul: So Ross was in college and decided to jump at the chance to take a young girl to her high school prom.
Ross: No! No! NotI dont mean I-I see her as a twelve-year-old girl! I mean I-I have a son, whos umm six and I still think of him as a baby.
Phoebe: Quite an interesting turn of events, suddenly its my book to the rescue, huh? (Reading her book) Ooh, very interesting. Yeah, well this certainly clears things up.
Phoebe: (reading from her book) Mon (Pause as she restarts) Marcia and Chester are planning on seeing a movie on Sunday night. Marcia thinks theyre supposed to meet at six, Chester thinks its at seven.
Phoebe: (writing in her book) Marcia and Chester are mad at Phyllis.
Wayne: I wish I could talk to her.
Joey: What are you in love with her or something?
Wayne: Yeah. Her. All of them. Anyone.
Rachel: Now wait a minute thats not fair. He was married to me a hell of a lot longer than he was married to Emily, he just didnt tell me. (Everyone looks at her, Ross not happily.) Maybe I have to pee again. (Gets up to try to use the bathroom.)
Ross: Yknow what? I-I-I I-I have had enough of this! Yknow, I-I-I care a great deal about your daughter and I have treated her with nothing but respect! So if-if youve got a problem with me, frankly
Ross: Well if it doesnt matter to her, it doesnt matter to me! (to Paul) Still not yelling!
(The camera cuts to Wayne whos busy making out with Sarah and rubbing C.H.E.E.S.E.s controller on her back causing C.H.E.E.S.E. to go crazy. Joey starts throwing books at C.H.E.E.S.E. to get him to stop.)
PHOEBE: Aren't you gonna answer her, that's like the tenth bing-bong message she sent. She wants to know what's wrong?
Ross: Hey, hello! mmwa! (kisses Carol) I brought all the books, and Monica sends her love, along with this lasagna.
Rachel: (looking at her truffle) Look at it, isnt it beautiful?
Monica: Yeah, you have to go fight for her!
Joey: Okay, look, I think we have to tell Rachel she messed up her dessert.
Ross: (cutting her off) Youre alone.
Joey: Hey! Who was up from 2 oclock this morning until 5 oclock this morning trying to get her back to sleep?
Joey: Well, you lied again! (Rachel comes out of her room and is observing the conversation)
Ross: Look, if I can just do what Emily wants and get her to New York, I'm sure everything will be fine.
Rachel: Okay great, hold on a sec! (She runs to her room and returns carrying a huge bag of laundry.) Oh, here you go! You don't mind do ya? That would really help me out a lot! Thanks!
Monica: (out loud, to her parents) Mom! Dad! Ross smoked pot in college!
Mr. Zelner: (Sees that she has some ink on her lip from her pen.) Oh Rachel, uhh (He points to his lip to get her to notice the ink on hers.)
(Her side of the tree looks a complete mess)
Joey: I like her so much!
Chandler: Ah, youre still just a little fat girl inside arent you? (He kisses her on the cheek)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe is telling Chandler and Monica how she fought crime in her own way with the badge she found.]
Chandler: No, I have a great idea for a present for her.
Joey: Look, when everyone eats that...that...Banana-Meat thing, theyre all gonna make fun of her, do you want that?
Phoebe: (Hugging her again.) Youve lasted a whole year. Good for you.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey is debriefing Rachel on her rejection earlier that day and telling her what she shouldve done. Ross and Phoebe are watching.]
Woman: I was her accountant four years ago.
[Ross goes to look in the magazine Rachel got her recipe from.]
Chandler: Oh right, your allergies. (Monica leaves and to the chick and duck) All her, she hates you. (Chandler leaves without finishing the message for Joey.)
[Joey gives her an understanding look.]
Rachel: (interrupting her) Oh Phoebe, thats a great story. Can you tell it to me when youre getting me some iced tea? (Phoebe gets up and Rachel groans.) (To the baby) Oh God, get out! Get out!! Get out!! Get out!!
Ross: You kissed her.
Rachel: Monica look! Look-look-look! Here is that table that I ordered. (Shows her the picture.)
(She turns the tree around so that her side, which is perfectly decorated, is showing)
Joey: Hey! I made that for her!
Monica: Hey, Rach! I made a pile of your stuff over on this side of the room. If you could just (Rachel grunts and throws her purse at it) throw your purses at it.
Danny: You are! (Hits her back.)
Monica: You know, they're not actually supposed to have... (Ross looks at her sheepishly) I'll work on the lumps. Joey, you're going home, right?
Joey: And then, then he could use his teeth, his teeth to undo her dress, and, and, and bite her!
Rachel: Ross, shes not weird, she just wants her stuff to be one of a kind.
(She does so and it makes her look pregnant.)
Rachel: Thats funny. (Phoebe puts her feet up on Rosss table.)
RACH: Oh yeah, c'mon, I'm movin' on. He can press her up against that window as much as he wants. For all I care, he can throw her through the damn thing.
Monica: Its gotta be one of a kind. Yknow like umm, yknow uh, whats that God awful ceramic fruit bowl she has on her counter?
Monica: No, the one who looked at you once because you got in her way.
Rachel: (goes over and hits her head on the post) Look at that! (repeats) Look at that! (repeats) We all do it. (repeats) Okay, Im stopping now.
Monica: (entering from her room, excitedly) Im getting married today!!! (She trips and falls.) (Getting up) I think I just cracked a rib. But I dont care because todays my wedding day! My day is finally here!! (Runs back into her room.)
Ross: Wow, Monicas letting other people help decorate her tree! Did someone get her drunk again or?
(He goes to the bathroom and Phoebe puts some pepper and salt on her food. With the salt she takes a bit and throws it over her left shoulder as she faces us.)
Monica: Yeah, well you call her and tell her that yknow when we were kids her precious little Frannie tried to undress me several times, okay? And if I hadnt have stopped her, there probably wouldnt even be a wedding to go too.
CHANDLER: Well, I'm sure you'll teach her a lesson when she steps off the dock onto nothing. Hey Mr. Douglas.
Chandler: (To Monica) Yknow I think you can take her.
Monica: (steps up and points at her) All right! You and me! Lets go! Right now!
Phoebe: Ohh! Okay, Im going to have to kick her ass too.
(He takes the scissors, cuts the ribbon, shakes her hand, posses for the picture, and leaves.)
Joey: Ooh, sorry! No-no-no, so close though, butbye-bye! (He ushers her out the door.)
Chandler: I think you smell great! (He sniffs her shoulder.)
Monica: What?! Ross y'know this isnt even about you! I mean this is about Rachel and something wonderful happening for her. I mean you know even if youre right, what if he wants to sleep with her, does it mean he gets too?
Rachel: Well maybe she and her friends are just having a contest to see who can bring home the biggest geek.
Monica: Oh God Phoebe!! (Phoebe covers one ear.) Oh thats it! Thats it! Right there! Oh! (Tries to cover the other ear.) Ooooh-oooh-ooooh (Covers both ears and continues the massage with her elbows.)
Rachel: I cannot believe her.
Phoebe: Ya, you know, Rachel shell do whatever you want. Yknow, you can just walk all over her.
Phoebe: Ok well, before you do, I know we weren't supposed to get you going away presents, (she takes something out from her pocket) but I do have something for you.
Joey: Look weve got to find her. Phoebe just called!! Rachels coming to tell Ross she loves him!!
(Chandler motions to Monica that hell give her two babies.)
MONICA: Rach, get the heat. [Rachel holds up her hand with wet fingernail polish] Ross, could you turn the heat down please?
(Both Chandler and Ross are eager to hear her decision.)
Monica: (wiping her nose) I have not been sick in over three years! (Sneezes.)
Woman: Hi, is Rachel here? Im her sister.
Ross: Whats her last name?
Jill: So who made her queen of the world?
Jill: (covers her eyes and starts crying) Im sorry Rachel, Im sorry
(They both look at her.)
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's, Rachel is putting away her new clothes as Phoebe enters.]
Rachel: She is so cute! You could fit her right in your little pocket!
Joey: Oh, Oh, you're right! I don't want that. I can't date her!
Rachel: Honey, come on, I have to be at work in like ten minutes (Ross starts kissing her neck) Oh, all right, well it's not like I'm employee of the year or anything. (they fall onto the couch)
Woman: (to her friend) He has the most amazing Porsche under there!
(Rachel opens the trash chute, winces at the smell, and throws the garbage bag in. She then tries to throw the pizza box in, but since its so big she jams it into the opening and it prevents the door from closing. She then turns around too see Mr. Treeger watching her.)
Joey: What? No-no its her birthday!
Chandler: (excited) Guys, guys, I've got great news! Guess what Joey: Uh, ah, Monica's pregnant?! Monica: (shocked) Really? (She looks around, suddenly embarrassed) Let's get past the moment. Phoebe: What's your news? Chandler: Thank you. I got a job in advertising. (Everybody cheers) Monica: (hugging Chandler) Oh, honey, that's incredible! Phoebe: (inquisitive) Gosh, what's the pay like? (Everybody stares at her indignantly) Oh, come on people (defending) come on, now, if I don't know who makes the most, how do I know who I like the most! (She looks at Joey) Hey Joey! (Joey winks at her) Chandler: Actually, it pays nothing. It's an internship. Joey: Oh, that's cool. We have interns at 'Days Of Our Lives'. Chandler: Right. So, it'll be the same except less sex with you. (Joey nods) Ross: So, uh, what kinda stuff do you think they'll have you do there? Chandler: Well, it's a training program, but at the end, they hire the people they like. Phoebe: (enthusiastic) That's great. Chandler: Yeah, I mean, there's probably gonna be some ground work which will probably stink, you know, grown man getting people coffee is a little humiliating (At the same time, Gunther puts down a cup of coffee in front of Chandler) Chandler: (grinning awkwardly) Humiliating and noble! (Gunther shoots a nasty look at him while leaving) Ross: You know, if I didn't already have a job, I think, I would have been really good in advertising. Monica: Ross, you did not come up with "got milk?" Ross: Yes, I did, I did! (He turns to Joey, disappointed) I should have written it down!
Rachel: Ok, Monica. I just have to know one thing. Did you go with her to Bloomingdale's? (Monica looks away.) Oh! Ok, ok, ok, I just really, uh, I just really need to not be with you right now. (Exits.)
Rachel: Well, I used to date him, but youre still going out with her!
Ross: Okay. So well Ill umm, (To Rachel) Ill have her home by midnight.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is there as Jill enters to start her date with Ross.]
Ross: You want me to call her right now?
Phoebe: Oh my God!! (She runs after him, but sets of the security system, which locks the stores door and brings down a set of bars behind her, caging her in.) No! What?! Help me! Let me out! Now! (Points the musket at them.)
Phoebe: Eh, better her than me! Hey, lets bake cookies!
Phoebe: Yeah, think so. Oh! (She notices the tranquiliser dart has hit her in the butt and removes it) Huh. (Sways back) Whoah.
The Fan: Oh yeah! Ive seen all her movies.
Monica: Yeah, me too! (Runs and grabs her 3-ring binder of ideas.)
Chandler: Her ankle is what youre watching?
Monica: Hold on a second! What is that on her ankle?
Chandler: Shes just doing her job!
Joey: Ugh, I cannot wait to ask her out!
Ross: Of course, what happened? (Lets her in.)
Monica: Oh, Phoebe, she couldn't stop crying! With those thick glasses, her tears looked giant.
Ross: I hate Chandler, the bastard ruined my life. (Rachel starts looking around and down, with a 'What the hell is going on?' look on her face.)
Rachel: Well, is Ross home? Maybe Ill just call him to see if hes actually seen her.
(Someone calls out from her apartment.)
Phoebe: (walking back in with her hand over her eyes.) Umm, wheres my purse?
Phoebe: Look, Im talking right now! Youreyou mean her.
Monica: (to Phoebe) Here you go. You can wear this. (hands her a sweater)
Ross: Look, I uh, I tried not to kiss her, okay?
Ross: Youre welcome. (Gently kicks her back.)
Joey: No-no, stay right there. (Monica stops and Joey flips her a pancake, which flies over her head and lands in the living room.) Gettin closer.