words in movies
Monica: But why?! Did he get in touch with Emily?
(Ross's phone rings and he answers it.)
Ross: Emily? Emily! Oh my God! Oh my God, it's Emily! (He picks up a lamp and hands it to Chandler, for no reason.) It's Emily everyone! Shush-shush-shhst! (to Emily) Hi!
All: (subdued) Yay! (He motions for them to keep quiet, including Chandler who is still holding the lamp Ross handed him, before he goes off to talk to Emily in private.)
Joey: That he doesn't exist.
[Scene: Unitel Video, Studio 55, Joey's telethon, he is being shown around by the stage director.]
Phoebe: I cannot believe I can't find a selfless good deed! Y'know that old guy that lives next to me? Well, I snuck over there and-and raked up all the leaves on his front stoop. But he caught me and force-fed me cider and cookies. Then I felt wonderful. That old jackass!
Rachel: Chandler! (Pause) Is he?
Chandler: Why?! I mean if this guy was me and it was me who had learned that it was me who was the best you'd ever had, I'd be going like this. (He jumps up onto the table and starts doing his happy dance.)
Monica: Yeah! But, he can't not exactly see Emily, I mean that's his wife.
Joey: Oh, uh, okay, how, how about now? (He waves his hand in front of the woman next to him and you can now see his arm on TV.)
Chandler: Hey, there he is! There he is!
[Scene: The Telethon, Joey's phone rings and he answers it.]
Joey: Now, y'know the bee probably died after he stung ya.
Gary Collins: Welcome back to our fall telethon. Now if you've been enjoying the performance of Cirque Du Soleil, (As he is speaking, Joey and the volunteer getting into a shoving match.) and you'd like to see more of the same kind of programming, it's very simple. All you have to do (Joey is knocked down.) is call in your pledge and at that time tell the operator, one of our volunteers, what kind of programming you'd like to (Just as the volunteer sits down, Joey pulls him to the ground.)
Ross: (entering) Okay, that's it. I cannot make this decision! It is too difficult, so I'm just gonna leave it entirely to the gods of fate. (He holds up and starts shaking a )
Ross: Well, I don't know what else to do. I mean, I either keep my wife and lose one of my-my-my best friends or I keep my friend and get divorced the second time before I'm 30! So-so if anyone has-has a better suggestion, let's hear it! 'Cause I-I got nothing! All right, don't be shy, any suggestion will do. (There are none.) Okay then. Here we go. Magic 8 Ball, should I never see Rachel again? (He turns it over and reads the answer) Ask again later. Later is not good enough. (He shakes it up again and reads the answer.) Ask again later. What the hell! This is broken! It-it is broken!
Gary Collins: (on TV.) It looks like we have surpassed last year's pledge total! Thank you viewers! The pledge that did it was taken by one of our volunteers (He walks over to where Joey is sitting.) Oh boy! And may I say one of our sharpest dressed volunteers, (Joey stands up.) Mr. Joseph Tribbiani!
(He carries her over to the door and opens it.)
(He starts to carry her into the hallway but hits her head on the door.)
(He carries her into the hall.)
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is prying at the Magic 8 Ball with a screwdriver as there's a knock on his door which he goes to answer.]
Ross: (answering the phone.) Hello. (Listens) Hi sweetie. (Listens.) Good. Look umm, yes I've been thinking about that thing that you wanted me to do and, I can do it. (Rachel gives him a thumbs up.) So will you come to New York? (Rachel wants to know what she said, and he gives her a thumbs up and she goes over and hugs him. All the time not knowing what's going on.)
Monica: Demi Moore is not a he.
Carol: As much as he needs.
Annabelle: I guess he doesn't know.
Joey: What's he doin' in my section?
[Scene: Joey's Bedroom, he and Melanie are in bed together.]
Chandler: Okay, but if he asks, I'm not going to lie.
Ross: (he takes a baby blue beret out of a shopping box and puts it on) How does this look?
Joey: Whoa, whoa. And the fact that you dumped him because he hit on Phoebe?
Joey: And again, and again, and again... (phone rings, he answers) Hello? (hands phone to Chandler) And again.
Ross: Oh, come on you guys; thats funny! Yknow? Because hes needhes got like a hearing aide yknow, cause-cause yknow, cause hes all old, and
MR. BOYLE: He didn't have any.
CHANDLER: Wow, he looks so normal.
Ross: Oh, is it? Is it? Look, when Monica and I were kids, we had a dog named Rover. And, uh, one day, my dad decides, he doesn't like dogs. So Monica and her friend Phyllis take away the dog. And that was the last time we ever saw him. Don't you see? This is just like that. Only with a few details changed.
CAROL: Uhh, we know, he already did it last week.
Ross: (picks up a cookie) Okay, okay, see... that... that is the problem. He is too sensitive. (takes a bite from the cookie)
Chandler: I am sorry, but some of us have to get up early and go to work! (Monica looks at him) (To Monica) He does not know that I am not some of us.
RACHEL: What did, what did he say?
Angela: Bob is great. He's smart, he's sophisticated, and he has a real job. You, you go on three auditions a month and you call yourself an actor, but Bob...
Joey: (crying) Why God?! Why are you doing this to us?! (He buries his head in Rosss shoulder.)
(She goes for his magazine and he grabs it away before she reaches it. But she was only using the magazine as a decoy because she grabs his cookie and coffee, takes a bite out of the cookie and drinks some of the coffee.)
Chandler: 99...100! Ready or not, here I come! (He opens his eyes and sees that the chick and the duck are still sitting in front of him) All right, let's go over the concept one more time.
Hums While He Pees: Hey uh, I dont mean to be presumptuous but I have these two tickets to the ballroom dancing finals tomorrow night if you want to go?
Joey: Okay well that may be true. But, in-in okay, Air Force One the Russians were terrorists! And evil! And plus he kills a bunch of them! That-that-thats offensive to Russians.
Monica: What are you guys doing? (Monica hears the moaning coming from the TV and looks at it) Oh my God, is that Richard? (It only takes a split second for Joey to realise, he pulls Monica down by her jacket, and she falls, face down next to Chandler. Chandler gets up a bit, and Joey quickly covers Chandler's eyes with his hand.)
Chandler: I don't know! He went crazy! Y'know, we were playing that game where you-you ask a question and you answer it really fast.
Joey: I knew he couldn't be with a woman for 45 minutes!!
ROSS: Oh look, did, did you just see that? Did you see? He just waved, he just waved, he's never waved before, you've never waved before. Yes he has. Very good.
Phoebe: Oh, I cursed it. So now bad things will happen to he who spends it.
Chandler: Im sorry! Hey-hey Joe, why dont you uh, lift up your shirt? (He does.) Take a look at this kiddo. (Alex finally starts crying.) We have a crying child! Roll the damn cameras!
Rachel: I overheard you guys on the phone the other day, and you said, "I'll just tell Rachel that I'm doing laundry for a couple of hours." And he said, "Laundry? Is that my new nickname?" And you said, "No! You know what your nickname is, Mr. Big."
Ross: I'll do it. Hey, whatever you need me to do, I'm your man. (He starts to sit down on the bed. There's one problem though, he's about two feet to the left of it. Needless to say, he misses and falls on his butt.) (Looking up at Joey.) Whoa-oh-whoa! Are you, are you okay?
CHANDLER: So, uh, how was he?
Joey: Hey, look who's here! It's Joey, and he brought home a friend.
MONICA: Hey. Where is he, where's Richard? Did you ditch him?
Rachel: Now wait a minute thats not fair. He was married to me a hell of a lot longer than he was married to Emily, he just didnt tell me. (Everyone looks at her, Ross not happily.) Maybe I have to pee again. (Gets up to try to use the bathroom.)
JOEY: Is he gonna be ok?
CHANDLER: Is he the one with the beautiful wife?
Ross: Wait, did you get to the part about his 'huge throbbing pens'? Tell ya, you don't wanna be around when he starts writing with those!
Joey: I couldn't. He was saying all these really nice things about me. I didn't want him to get mad and take 'em all back. I'm on a edge on Chandler.
Joey: Oh, c'mon, I mean, there's you, then there's Charlie, and it's like... (sighs) What the hell is my problem? OH! (He falls back on the bed)
(Joey takes out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He fumbles and drops the lighter. Then he lights a cigarett, takes a drag, and coughs.)
RACHEL: Wow, he must like you the best.
Ms. Geller: I understand, separation is hard. One time I was about to leave Ross to go to the beauty parlor and he got so upset, he took off all his clothes, tucked his ??? between his legs and cried out: �Mommy, I�m a girl, take me with you.�
CHANDLER: Ok, but can you tell him that, because he thinks he's too pink.
Chandler: We are. Hes meeting us here.
Phoebe: Pretty big? Its huge! God, this guy doesnt have a clue! Hes just walking down the street thinking, I had sex with Rachel Green. I rock! then bam! Hes a father and everythings different.
Monica: So anyway, I'm cooking dinner for him Monday night. You know, kind of like an audition. And Phoebe, he really wants you to be here, which will be great for me because then you can 'ooh' and 'ahh' and make yummy noises.
(The rest of the gang runs away, except for Ross whos tramped inside his car. To hide he puts the top up as Monica, Rachel, and Joey come running past.)
JOEY: Oh, yeah, he rode the bus today.
Chandler: We think he was trying to spell out 'MONKEY.'
MONICA: Oh, gosh, this is so weird. I mean, his whole life was in this apartment, and now it's gone. You know, I think it would be nice if we just took a few moments, for Mr. Heckles. I mean, he was kind of a pain, he was, but, he was a person. You're all going to hell.
MONICA: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Yes he is. You are totally different.
JOEY: Maybe he, uhh... drives his car on the other side of the road, if ya know what I mean.
Monica: So great! He showed me where the restaurant's going to be. It's this, it's this cute little place on 10th Street. Not too big, not too small. Just right.
JOEY: Ok. He kept my dollar.
Chandler: (goes towards Joey) You know that's not the reason Joe. (Joey hugs him and after, he takes something from the fridge and puts it in his mouth. He goes back to where he was standing before)
Chandler: Come on! I was there! (He's propped up with his hand on a statute of a naked guy. He winces and pulls his hand away.) I know he's the love of your life.
RACH: I mean he just started going out with her.
Chandler: (entering from the bedroom) Okay. Heres a question you never have to ask. My dad just called and wanted to know if he could borrow one of your pearl necklaces.
Ross: Maybe I should get another pair! Ooh, y'know, they-they had some with fringe all down the sides. (Chandler starts rubbing his temple again.) I'm gonna go kiss Ben goodnight. (He starts to head for Monica's bedroom.) I can't believe he thinks I'm a cowboy. (Pause.) I would make a good cowboy. (He struts into Monica's room.)
Rachel: Oh, I wish he was a doll, then I could get a Rachel doll and bump them together and make kissy noises. Oh! And he has the most beautiful name, I never realised it, Joshua! Josh-u-a! Joshua! Josh.
Phoebe: Umm, well hes very dashing, y'know, and umm, very, very sophisticated, and he doesnt speak any English, but according to his translator, he totally gets me.
ROSS: Chandler. When did he... when did he... when did he?
JOEY: And what did he say?
Rachel: No, I know, but Ihe just went on. He's right there, he's got the blue jacket on, I... can I j-just...
ROSS: Ok, we were sitting over there playing on the floor and he grabs the table and he pulls himself up. He pulled himself up. Standing man. I'm sorry you guys missed it but I did tape it so it you guys want to see it.
(Chandler hands him the cigarette, and he takes a long drag.)
PHOE: Ok, so, ok, was he holding you? Or was his hand like on your back?
[He pulls out a piece of Mockolate.]
Rachel: Phoebe, Im going to Rosss wedding because he is my ex-boyfriend and that would be really uncomfortable. Not because, Im still in love with him! I mean, hey, yknow, I like Ross as much as the next guy, yknow? Clearly I have feelings for him, but feelings dont mean love! I mean, I still have loving feelings for Ross. Yeah! But, I have, I have continuing feelings of love, but that doesnt mean that-that Im still in love with him. Yknow? I-I have sexual feelings for him, but I do love himOhh! Oh my God! Oh mywhy didnt you tell me?!!
Emily: I uh, Ive been to his apartment and he wasnt there, and uh. I need to talk to him, so do you have any idea where he is?
Monica: Oh, he is. And he is so dreamy. I mean, y'know what, when he left I actually used the phrase, Hummina-hummina-hummina. (walks away)
Joey: Just being friendly. (He gives Monica a whats wrong with you? look and proceeds to walk behind the counter.)
RACH: Ross, Chandler wrote something about me on his computer and he won't let me see.
[Ross and Chandler stare angrily at Joey, who thinks he has come up with a good idea.]
ROSS: Now that's a little spoiled. He was supposed to type "little", the idiot.
[He opens the window, Ross comes in, soaked.]
Joey: Hit me! (He does so.) Ohh man! (Joey busts and loses all the money, but when the dealer starts to collect the cards Joey notices something.) Wait! (He holds his hand next to the dealer's hand.)
Ross: Ok, ok, here we go. (he crouches down near her stomach) Ok, where am I talking to, here? I mean, uh, well, there is one way that seems to offer a certain acoustical advantage, but...
(Joey gestures to show that he wouldn't dare...)
MONICA: Are you sure he didn't break it because it really hurts.
JOEY: Oh we flipped for it. I got the cigar, he got the moustache. Figured if we both grew it, we'd look like dorks.
Joey: Okay, maybe hes not his best friend, but
Ross: Okay, Ill see you soon buddy. (He hugs and kisses him.) Be back in an hour.
GRANDMOTHER: Last I heard, he was a pharmacist somewhere upstate.
(He goes over and opens the door to reveal Monica holding a plate of cookies and a fan to blow the smell across the hall.)
CHANDLER: Yeah, didn't he tell ya?
MONICA: Well, he told me he was going out with the guys, I just didn't know that you were the guys.
ROSS: He won't? [remembers what it is] He won't! Because, isn't that, isn't that the, the short story you were writing?
Joey: (entering, dancing and singing) Oh mommie, oh daddie, I am a big old baddie! Oh mommie, oh daddie, I am a big old baddie! (He dances around the dinner table and exits)
Rachel: He didnt turn me down! Hes at the game isnt he? I got the date, Im just not on it!
Phoebe: Give me your hands. (He does and she smells his left hand.) Strings. Gimme it! (He gives her his right hand and she smells it as well.) Pick. Do you want to learn to play guitar?
JOEY: Monica, have you ever been with him when he wasn't drinking?
Rachel: (quietly) Yeah. Well. (Pause.) Hey uh Joe, would mind going over to Chandler's bedroom and get that book back that he borrowed from me?
MNCA: So what. So he drank a lot tonight.
RACH: Here he is. Hi. Guys, this is Russ.
Joey: (on a pay phone holding a box) Not as upset as he's gonna be when he finds out what I did with his sweater vests!
Joey: Good, and hey! My treat. (He turns to go into his bedroom then stops.) But that's only because you're not eating anything, right?
Ursula: Oh. No, no, he is so smart. He'll figure it out. (Offering to share her food) Do you want some chicken?
Joey: Oh! (In an announcer type voice) And so the miracle of life begins, and aaiiyyyeeee! (He grabs his side and doubles over in pain.)