words in movies
Phoebe: Yeah. Well, uhm... listen he was supposed to get a weekend furlough, so he'd come to the wedding tomorrow, but he just called and... uhm... well, apparently stabbing Iceman in the exercise yard just couldn't wait till Monday.
Joey: So he can't come?
Ross: Hi! (he kisses Phoebe)
Ross: Oh, (he goes towards Mike in order to shake hands but Mike hugs him) hey, oh... I... I was-I was going for a hand shake.
Ross: No, Mike, no, no. You wanna pick me, I mean... watch! (he mimics the groommens way of walking down the aisle with a bridesmaid) Huh?
Mike: You know, I really don't feel very comfortable making this decision. You know, Phoebe knows you better, I'm gonna let her choose. (he leaves)
Chandler: Oh, I will. But I will need a mirror... as he is me!
Joey: Oh, hey, my pleasure. (he suddenly becomes very serious) So what are your intentions with my Phoebe?
Phoebe: Ok. Hello everyone and thank you all for being here tonight. So tomorrow's the big event and some of you might not know, but Mike and I didn't get off to the best start. (she reads a note). My friend Joey and I decided to fix each other up with friends so I, I... (Monica is twirling her hands in order to make Phoebe speed up her speech) oh I... hum... I gave it a lot of thought and I fixed him up with my friend Mary Ellen who couldn't be here tonight because... (Monica is tapping her watch with her finger) it's not important... she is in rehab. Anyway, so, ok, Joey said that he was fixing me up with his friend Mike, only he didn't have a friend Mike so he just brought, uhm, my Mike and, and (Monica clears her throat) but despite, you know... it got... it got good. Ok, I wanna take a moment to mention my mother, who couldn't be here...
Phoebe: And... moment's over! (Rachel, Joey and Chandler all turn and look disapprovingly towards Monica but she just shrugs it off) So, ok, uh, I can forget that. I can forget that and uhm... (she's flipping cards skipping half of them) Oh this is funny! Oh, but you need to know that to... that, to... Oh, ok, well, uhm, I (Monica is miming CUT). Ok, ok, I, ok, I.... MONICA I CAN'T DO IT LIKE THIS! THIS IS MY WEDDING! OKAY, I DON'T WANT THIS (she mimes Monica's when she was twirling her hands) OR THIS (she taps her watch) OR THIS (she mimes CUT) OK? I JUST WANTED A SIMPLE WEDDING! WHERE MY FIANCEE CAN GO TO THE BATHROOM ANYTIME HE WANTS! (pause) You know what? You're done.
Phoebe: YOU'RE FIRED! (mimes the CUT again) (pause and she raises her glass) Cheers! (Chandler raises his, smiling and Monica stares at him and he puts down his glass.)
Ross: I have to talk to her about this groomsman situation, ok? I'm not gonna watch Chandler up there while I'm sitting in the seats like some chump! (he goes to Rachel's room, knocks the door and enters the room). (very fake gasp) Oh! My God! You're breathtaking!
Joey: Have a seat. (Mike sits on his bed, and Joey towers over him. He starts talking in an Italian godfather-type voice) Last night, I tried to welcome you into my family... and instead, you disrespect me... (shakes his head) I cannot allow this.
Ross: Rachel, only one of us can do it, you have to choose. You and me together again. (he winks at her and Rachel looks disgusted)
Monica: (walking around with her headset still on) OK LET'S GET THESE CHAIRS OUT HERE! Gunther, hit the Christmas lights. (He does so and the lights above the chairs light up. Monica looks satisfied) Okay, who left the ice sculpture (picks up a piece of ice from the ground) ON THE STEAM GRATE? (nobody answers)
Chandler: I'm not scared. (moves towards Mike and Chappy) I'll just take little Chappy and... (he backs out) HE CAN SENSE MY FEAR. MY THROAT IS EXPOSED.
Ross: (takes Chappy from Mike) Well, I guess I'm in the wedding then. Ha haaa... (smells Chappy) He stinks!
Monica: Level 1 alert. I repeat, level 1. This is not a drill. Okay we've got a situation. The minister just called. He's snowed in. He can't make it.
Chandler: (to Ross) Na ha ha... (to Chappy) Ne he he... (Ross moves Chappy to Chandler, who quickly backs away) Ah ah...
Monica: Okay, Mike and Joey, get in position. Chandler, come with me. (they walk off, Ross looks down to Chappy, who he's holding and he gets a whiff of the dog's smell. He is clearly disgusted by it.)
Mike: Phoebe you're so beautiful. You're so kind, you're so generous. You're so wonderfully weird. Every day with you is an adventure, and I can't believe how lucky I am, and I can't wait to share my life with you forever. (He puts the ring on Phoebe's finger.)
Chandler: I don't know. Maybe he hooked up with that hot girl he was talking to.
(cut to the street in front of Central Perk where Ross is walking Chappy. He has a plastic bag in his hand.)
Charlie: Stop it, stop it! He talks slow but he might pee fast! Ok, let's go!! (they run outside)
Ross: Oh, no, it's great. It's great. He is... He is an amazing guy.
Precious: Oh, why would he do this? I mean, what's wrong with me?
Precious: He proposed to you? This is the worst birthday ever. (she starts to cry again)
(she slaps him in the face, Mike looks like he doesn't believe what just happened. Precious leaves, and he turns to Phoebe.)
Mrs. Bing: Oh honey! This is so exciting! I thought we screwed you up so bad this day would never come. Oh and just think. Soon therell be lots of little Bings. (He freaks out and loosens the tie again.)
(Ross smiles slightly.� Then he gives a single nod that lifts him to his feet.� He exits the coffee shop.
Joey: Rach, he just saw us.
(Chandler looks like he did the time he swallowed the toy in 605 TOW Joey's Porsche. It's the hair in his coffee.)
MIKE: I'll get it.� (He lunges across Ross's lap on the sofa to reach the phone.� Ross stares at him with wide eyes.)� Hello?� Ross's place.� Mike speaking.� (pause.� Hands phone to Ross)� It's for you.
Ross: Umm, he said he thought I was funny. So (Rachel stares at him.) Okay, look-look umm, let's just go downstairs, we'll have some fun, and you will forget all about it.
(He runs off to the kitchen.)
Rachel: Look, Charlie, I just want you to know. Ross is just having a little trouble adjusting to the thought of Joey and me. You know, he normally doesn't drink like this.
Frank Jr.: Oh, you'd be getting a really good one. I mean, you know, he's really funny. Like, the other day he made up this joke.
Ross: Well then wed be in a lot of trouble, you dont know where any countries are. (Rachel glares at him.) Okay. (He goes over to the desk followed by Rachel.) Uh, say would you umm Would you mind checking again to see if any umm, private rooms may have (Handing her some money) opened up?
Owen: He told me! And he paid me 50 dollars not to tell.
Owen: He isn't?!
Phoebe: But he didn't really know, you know. He wasn't planning on coming to Barbados and proposing to me...
(He goes back to the kitchen.)
Phoebe: Still, he had to find out sometime.
(Ross continues to climb down. He puts his other foot further down on Joeys torso, but that doesnt work very well and hes forced to wrap his legs around Joey. Which then forces Joey to get a nice and close view of Rosss crotch.)
Joey: Oh! Hey right! Not a problem. (He starts taking off his clothes.) I totally understand. You need to yknow make sure I dont have any horrible scars or tattoos. Dont you worry; I have nothing to hide. (He drops his pants and stands back up and looks down.) So there you go, thats me. (We cut to a camera angle looking at the casting director and movie director through Joeys legs.) One hundred percent natural! (Suddenly, theres a thud as something falls off.) (Everyone is shocked.) I tell ya, that has never happened before.
Chandler: Hang on, she’s right here. (he enters the living room and hands the phone to Monica) Someone's on the phone, for ya.
Joey: Oh, let me get this. (He takes out his wallet, but the panties come with it. The woman and waitress are shocked.) (Realizing) (To the woman) These are for you.
Mike: Me too. (He leaves. A few moments later, he enters again.) You know what? I just realised something. I don't wanna go home.
[Scene: Mike's apartment. His phone rings and he picks up]
Monica: Absolutely! (He goes to kiss her, but she stops him and rubs his head and says...) Now get out of here you!! (Pete leaves) (to the gang) Okay, Im running out of places I can touch him! Look, is there something wrong with me? I mean why am I only attracted to guys where theres no future? Either theyre too old, or theyre too young, and then theres Pete whos-whos crazy about me, and whos absolutely perfect for me, and theres like zip going on! I mean, seriously, does it sound like somethings wrong with me?!
Ross: Id bet Id still be doing my kara-tay. (Thats karate, hes just saying it that way.) Towards the end of our marriage I was doing a lot of kara-tay as a way of releasing the tension from yknow, not doing anything else physical.
Joey: Okay. Rachel and Phoebe are already there, okay? So they probably started without us. We could just slip in and no-one needs to know where we were! (he raises his hands and on his right one there's a Rangers foam finger)
(He then stops turning, facing one of the nozzles, which starts spraying in this face and front again.)
(He turns around frantically from side to side.)
Ross: (he enters) Hey guys!
Richard: Hes gonna go up to the counter with Citizen Kane, Vertigo, and Clockwork Orgy. (they both laugh) This is nice.
Chandler: Dont worry, Im brave! I am brave! I I am brave! (They get to the door and Monica goes to open it.) No-no-no-no!! (He stops her.) (Through the door.) Can you tell me who is there please?
Monica: I think he deserves a Nobel Prize. (Joey starts to nod Yes.)
Ross: I'm the holiday armadillo! I'm a friend of Santa's and he sent me here to wish you (Points to Ben) a Merry Christmas!
Ross: Hey, maybe I can fix that, you know. Try to turn it into something else. (he opens the box)
Phoebe: Yeah, I dreamt that he saved me from a burning building and he was so brave and so strong! And its making me look at him totally differently. Yknow, I mean he used to be just, yknow Jack Geller Monica and Rosss dad and now hes hes Jack Geller, dream hunk."
Ross: (surprised) Oh... (he pauses) (sounds disappointed) Ohh... I'd love to but I really have to grade these papers.
Ross: (he opens the door) Hi Amy!
Rachel: No, what's he like?
Phoebe: Oh! Since tomorrow. I met this really cute guy in the park and he like y'know, jogs, and blades, and swims, and so y'know we made a deal thats hes going to teach me all sorts of jock stuff.
Amy: Myron. Hmm... I told you he was old!
Mike: (looks strangely shocked) Excuse me... (he leaves, then Phoebe realizes what she did).
Joey: Hey, finished my recommendation. (he hands it over to Chandler) Here. And I think you’ll be very, very happy. It’s the longest I ever spent on a computer without looking at porn.
Chandler: Okay, but you should know he eats five times a day and shoves pennies up his nose.
Joey: Ah, look who’s back! (he sees the bags) Why do you have bags? RACH, WHY DOES SHE HAVE BAGS?
Rachel: Yeah, one time, when we were dating, uh we got a late checkout, he got so excited it was the best sex we ever had. Until yknow, he screamed out Radisson at the end.
Monica: What? what? He obviously thinks that's a nice way to be proposed to, plus he'd never suspect it!
Rachel: Ok, ok, that's fine. Fine. Hey, I'm sorry about that spill before. (picks up the tip he leaves) Only $98.50 to go.
(Amy looks at Ross, angrily. Rachel clearly doesn't understand what he meant and looks at Ross who gestures "later".)
(Mike's face changes from happy to sad, and he looks at the cake, disappointed.)
Chandler: (he enters) Hey honey!
Joey: (Looking inside the fridge, and we only see his back. Then he closes the door, and we see it's Joey.) Hi sweetie!
Phoebe: WellButNow, if-if you can achieve positronic distillation of sub-atomic particles yknow before he does, then he can come back. (They hug again.)
Chandler: Well, we're talking about sperm donors and Zack may be the guy! I mean, look, he's intelligent, he's healthy, he's athletic, I mean, he is "spermtastic"!
Ross: Ok, now, is there anything I can do to... you know, butter him up? Anything he really likes?
Chandler: I didn't get to the bathroom. I bumped into Owen on the way, and he didn't know he was adopted. And there's a slight chance I may have told him.
Joey: Thank you. (he sits down)
Joey: Damn it! (he leaves)
Rachel: Honey, its going to be okay. Hes been incredibly supportive of me, and if he gets a little upset; thats what the meatball sub is for. (She gives Dina a sandwich wrapped in aluminum foil.)
Chandler: C'mon, we're roommates! (He goes into the bathroom, screams, and runs back out.) My eyes!! My eyes!!
Ross: (laughs) Muriel. Wh-why would he call you Muriel? (Ross realizes something.) Oh my God! Chandler M Bing? Its not just an M, your middle name is Muriel!!
(He knocks on the girls door and walks in. Surprise! The girls, obviously using Star Trek technology, have completely moved everything in both apartments back to their original positions, all in the time it took for the guys to go to a basketball game. Wow! Anyhoo, Chandler is stunned, and Joey doesnt even realise it.)
Monica: Hey, how did it go with Mike, is he gonna let you keep the painting?
Estelle: The thing is its kinda on the Q.T. The actor who has the part doesnt know he might be fired. Its the lead in a series, Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
Chandler: He really is a chameleon.
Rachel: God, isn't this exciting? I earned this. I wiped tables for it, I steamed milk for it, and it was totally(opens envelope)not worth it. Who's FICA? Why's he getting all my money? I mean, what- Chandler, look at that.
Chandler: That's good! I liked it, they didn't. (he sees Joey out of the window hitting on a girl) Joey, for God's sake, go to work! (Joey runs away).
Ross: Oh, I'm sorry, no. He did ask me one. Uhm... How do you spell Mboscodictiosaur?
Charlie: I'm sure he was just joking, Ross.
Ross: Yeah. He wouldn't give me the grant, because I wouldn't give you up.
(Suddenly Ross jumps up from behind the counter armed with a plastic gun. By the way, hes overacting too.)
Ross: (he enters) Hi!
Chandler: Owen didn't know he was adopted, and Monica told him.
Mike: I think it would make me wanna marry you even more. (he kisses her)
Rachel: (pause) He is, isnt he? I dont know, I dont know, I mean maybe its just being here at the beach together or, I dont know. But its like something... (shes interrupted by the sound of Bonnie entering)
Phoebe: I couldn't tell him no. He got so sad. Maybe it'll be all right. I do really like him a lot and probably do it eventually anyway and plus, think of all the money I'll save on stamps.
Laura: Is he alright out there by himself?
Rachel: Well, I havent discussed it with him yet, but I know hes gonna be relieved. Last week, he brought this girl over and I started talking to her about morning sickness and then I showed her pictures from my pregnancy book.
Ross: Here we go! (He starts pushing Emma)
Rachel: Well, I tried, but then he had a shampoo related emergency. So I guess now it's your turn again.
Phoebe: Be cool! (They both pretend to have a nice conversation as the guard walks by, but after he leaves they both start fighting again.) Okay lady, your lurking days are over!
Joey: Ok, ok! (He leaves)
Rachel: (laughing) Yeah, and-and you better make sure he tips you this time.
Phoebe: (A woman with large breasts walks in the door) Ohh knockers will help us figure it out. (She walks by and he checks her out.)
JOEY: Let me get this straight. He got you to beg to sleep with him, he got you to say he never has to call you again, and he got you thinking this was a great idea.
Chandler: Uh-huh, and I got all the top ten scores, I erased Phoebe off the board! High five! (Holds up his hand to give Monica a high five, only he cant straighten his fingers.)
Chandler: Oh yeah! Okay, lets play again. (He deals out two cards each again.) What do you got?
Joey: That's some gentle comedy, dude. (he and Ross leave)
Joey: Wow (He opens his apartment door and throws their stuff in.)
Chandler: Daddy. All right look, heres the story. (Flashback to Chandler about to enter the steam room as he does the voice-over.) Well, we had just finished playing racquetball and we were gonna take a steam. I walk into the steam room and it was really steamy. (The flashback shows his glasses fog up and him trying to find his way around the steam filled room. He takes off his glasses.) So I take off my glasses and thats when in happened.
Joey: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no... I think it's better if you tell him, you know. It's easier for a woman. That way, you know, if he gets mad, all you have to do is go... I didn't mean it. I'm so so--ooory. (he pushes his breasts together from the side)
Chandler: No! No! I dont want him to know were yet! Im not sure Im ready for that. And besides hes not gonna be too happy to see me either.
Ross: (Staring back, and then breaks off) (To Phoebe and Rachel) Yeah, he can do it!
(Chandler can't believe what he's hearing. He looks at Monica, then at the others, then back at Monica.)
Joey: I know why I don't remember her, huh? (he winks at Rachel)
Rachel: Well, believe it or not, it's true. When Joey and I were together, he was wonderful. He was thoughtful and mature. And for the one week that we went out, he didn't sleep with anybody else!
The Director: Im sorry Joey, as long as hes here and hes conscious were still shooting.
(When Joey tries to pull back his head, he notices he is stuck)