words in movies
Chandler: What if I had had the guts to quit my job? Id probably be writing for the New Yorker, getting paid to be funny. But my jobs fun too! I mean tomorrow, I-I dont have to wear a tie.
Phoebe: Because at that time you see, I thought everything that rhymed was true. So I thought yknow that if Id work with stocks, Id have to live in a box, and only eat lox, and have a pet fox.
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Rachel: Oh wait, dont you have to pay for your, (looks at his magazine) Busty Ladies?
Rachel: But! Dont you have to give him his money back?
Chandler: Hey, I may have no money, but I still have my pride.
Monica: Maybe Joey doesnt have to give you the money, TV stars have assistants right?
Phoebe: Oh, if I were, would-would I have shooting pains up and down my left arm?
Ross: Come on Pheebs, its not that bad! Yknow most people would be excited if they didnt have to work for a couple of weeks.
Phoebe: Most people dont like their jobs, I love my job! I have not been working for three hours and Im already going crazy. I miss Joan.
Joey: Uh, yeah but uh, (In Drakes voice) I may have said those things before but, I never truly meant them. Until now.
Joey: (To Chandler) Okay look, Chandler, if this (Motions back and forth indicating the arrangement.) you have got to listen! (Tugs on his ear.) (Chandler glares at him.) Youre gonna throw that juice at me, arent ya?
Ross: Well I dont know umm, (Pause) what if we were too tie each other up? (Carols shocked and obviously doesnt like that idea.) Umm, some people eat stuff off one another. (Carol doesnt like that idea either.) Nah! Umm, yknow we-we could try dirty talk? (Carol still says no.) Umm, we could, we could have a threesome.
Chandler: Well uh, Archie needs money to fix his jalopy (Joey laughs), uh but he doesnt want Reggie to just give him the money. So Reggie hires him as his assistas his butler. And then makes him do all these crazy things like bring him milkshakes that cant have lumps in them.
Rachel: Oh Mon, listen I have to ask! Okay, Joey Tribbiani invited me back to his apartment, now does he do this with a lot of girls?
Rachel: Oh, its so easy for you I mean, youre not married, you get to have sex with who ever you want!
Monica: (giggles) Of course I have! What do you think, Im some 30 year old virgin?
Rachel: Yes!! I mean sex does not have to be a big deal! There shouldnt be all this rules and restrictions! Yknow, people should be able to sleep with who ever they want, whenever
Nurse: Youve done all you can Dr. Wesley. You have got to let her go.
Chandler: Listen Phoebe, hes right. People are not supposed to have heart attacks at 31.
Joey: I know. (Joey is sitting in this tall chair that is made up of balls on polls. Youll have to see it to know what I mean.) Yeah, his name is Pat.
Dr. Roger: They have parasites?
Monica: And then were gonna have a little Middle Eastern cous-cous. Something we can eat, with our hands.
Joey: Well, with Dr. Drake they always tell me what to say. And with Joey, I pretty much have to make it up on my own.
Monica: Yeah but see I have nothing to compare it too. So even if youre horrible, how would I know?
Monica: Its harder for me! I have those four other women to compete with!
Monica: Umm, do you have any uhh, moves?
Chandler: I have some moves.
Monica: I have no moves. (He moves in to kiss her and she laughs and backs away.) Okay, whatcha doin there?! (Giggles.) Oh yknow what? Im sorry, this is just too weird.
Rachel: Because Im married. Thats right, I am a married woman! And I came to a TV stars apartment to have an affair! Uck!
Joey: Sure! As long as they dont find out you can keep whatever you want! And I want you to have it.
Ross: Hey Joe did Did you ever have a threesome?
Joey: Yeah? What did ya have?
Monica: Yknow, I dont have an appointment, but I sure could use a physical. (He laughs halfheartedly) Are you sure youre okay?
Jack: Uh, Phoebe you-you dont have an office.
Phoebe: Youre in my office! Look, I have made a lot of cash for this company! Okay? I am talking big bucks! Pesos! Yen! Rubles! You make one little mistake
Phoebe: Oh, so this is all about money! Yknow its bad enough thatOw! Oh, you have got to be kidding!
Joey: (sounds tired) Hey you guys, I'm turning in. Have fun.
Joey: So whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! What are you gonna do? Youre gonna have the baby and-and raise it by yourself without a husband?! You cant be a single mother alone! Youre gonna ruin your life!
Joey: Please, we're trying to have a conversation. (Pushes the wine glass closer to Mary Ellen.)
Monica: Please... Chandler is the love of my life... (At which point a man in leather pants walks by)... oooh leather pants! Have Mercy! (Follows the man in the leather)
Joey: You don't know how long we're gonna be in here! We may have to repopulate the Earth.
Joey: (To Rachel) What have you got there?
Phoebe: Wow, a year and a half ago I didnt even know I had a brother, and now I have a sister too. (They all hug, and Frank and Alice start kissing.) Okay. Okay. Stop it, dont. So, I gotta get you a gift now. Is there anything you need?
Ross: (to Rachel) Hey Rach, have you seen Charlie anywhere?
Ross: Marcel is an illegal exotic animal. I'm not allowed to have him in the city. If they find him, they'll take him away from me.
Ross: Oh my God! Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who hasn't won the Nobel Prize?
Rachel: Well, I would like to have the option!!
Joey: (voice strained) Couldn't have this conversation down at the truck huh?
Ross: No! Do you know what your odds are of winning the lottery? I...I mean you have a better chance of being struck by lightning 42 times.
Charlie: And first, I have to see the MET!
Receptionist: Have a seat through the glass doors.
Conan: For example, I dont have to memorize lines. You guys actually have to remember what to say and you probably forget from time to time. Yes?
Ross: What? Oh yeah. (He moves next to her head.) Im sorry. I mean I-I think I went a little crazy. I mean I was thinking about myself when I (Wanders towards Rachels feet) reallyI should have been thinking about you Rach
Rachel: Yes, I'm sorry. Do you have any extra pants? Umm, my friend seems to have had a little accident.
Ross: Now, do you have any idea what you just said?
Ross: Yeah, yeah that means... you know? We just... we don't have time for this.
Chandler: (Slightly panicky) Yeah, but what if it's not? What if there is a reason why we can't have a baby?
Janice: Oh, Chandler, look. You and Monica are meant to have children. I am sure it's gonna be just fine.
Phoebe: I don't have to tell you everything!
Rachel: Wow, Ikea... what a rich culture. Uhm, you know what? I have a friend who is a masseuse.
Rachel: We have to have a surprise Bon Voyage party for Emily. But its actually for Joshua. (Starts handing out party hats.) Look, he said hes not ready to date, so I had to invite him to a party if I wanted to see him outside of work, and now I have the perfect opportunity to seduce him! (Hands Ross a party hat.)
Charlie: Well... I'm just thinking that maybe he's not the right guy to be with right now, maybe I should be with someone... I have more in common with. You know what I mean?
Chandler: What do you want from me, Ive never met the guy. So anyway, Rachel, Im sorry you cant stay, (Rachel is upset about leaving the orgy with the cigarette guy.) but the rest of us have a lot of work to do. (The cigarette guy starts rubbing Chandlers back.) What are you doing? (The guy just nods) All right, listen, Ive got to wake up!
Charlie: If you have the time, I'd really appreciate the help.
Charlie: I'm sure you have better things to do.
Charlie: (to Joey) So, I have to go shopping today, which is my least favourite thing, I'm soo bad at picking out clothes!
Rachel: And you're gonna want him to eat his heart out so you're gonna have to look fabulous!
Phoebe: 'Dear Ms. Buffay. Thank you for calling attention to our error. We have credited your account with five hundred dollars. We're sorry for the inconvenience, and hope you'll accept this- (Searches in her purse) -football phone as our free gift.' Do you believe this?! Now I have a thousand dollars, and a football phone!
Joey: (to Charlie) Alright, have a good time. (they kiss)
Joey: So, I don't have to learn what that means?
Cliff: Id have to say the talking gorilla, because at least I can explain to him that youre making me eat him.
Rachel: It's just physical and I have it totally under control! Ok? It's just, when I see them together, sometimes I just get a little jealous!
Chandler: So, how would you like to have a baby that's half yours and half his!
Phoebe: Oh, it's so hard to get rid of stuff! Did you and Chandler have to make compromises when you first moved in together?
Phoebe: Ooh! We have a problem.
Phoebe: No it's just that I got this new pager and I have it on vibrate. See ya!
Joey: Fine, I'll rent a car and drive...! Ross, you have to get that job!
Phoebe: I mean I guess, I just have to... tell David that nothing can happen between us. Unless I don't... You know, complicated moral situation, no right, no wrong...
Zack: You guys have such a great place here.
Zack: You guys don't have people for dinner a lot, huh?
Earl: Well I only have one thing to do today. (He looks at his board in his office that reads, "Todays Tasks: KILL SELF.") I guess I could push it back.
Monica: Yeah! And if, and if we have a baby one-day, and the doctor hands it to you in the delivery room and you dont cry, so what! And-and-and, and if we take him to college and come home and see his empty room for the first time, and you got nothing, it wont matter to me.
David: Yeah, I know. Well... this is probably a stupid question, seeing that you look like that, but do you have some place that you need to be right now?
Rachel: Do you have anything that would... get us out of them?
Ross: No, four minutes ago you had a half hour, we have to be out the door at twenty to eight.
Chandler: All right, I will help you out but you have to promise me you will not tell anyone what I am about to tell you.
Joey: You really should have been more clear about that!
Charlie: But maybe we can have dinner later? On the balcony? Will be romantic.
Ross: Uh, Joe, have you looked outside?
PHOEBE: Oh, this is so nice. Alright I have to make a speech. I just wanna say that of all the guys that Monica has been with, and that is a lot, I like you the best.
Joey: Oh no-no, no-no I love living with you. It just seems that if youre gonna have a roommate, yknow it might as well be the father.
Amy: Yeah, well you know what I cannot believe. That my so-called sister, gets a 30% discount from Ralph Lauren and I still have to pay retail.
Charlie: Oh wait, Joey and I are supposed to have dinner (Looks at Joey).
Joey: Cut it out Ross! I hate to have to save your life and kick your ass in the same day!
Rachel: And... that's the most sex I'm gonna have this weekend.
David: Uh, Phoebe, uh, I have... something I wanna say.
Mike: I have a question I need to ask you.
Chandler: Yes but there's six of us so we'd only have to get struck by lightning 7 times.
David: I have a question I was kinda gonna ask her myself.
David: I have a ring.
Phoebe: Yeah, I might have said yes, but that would have been wrong.
Mike: We can have any future you want.
Rachel: Have you ever had any weird romantic dreams?
ROSS: They, uh, were infected. He wouldn't have made it.
Phoebe: What? What are you just gonna walk up to her at the gate? Have you never chased anyone through the airport before?
Rachel: Noooooo!! (Phoebe lifts up the sheet to discover the exact same apothecary table they have.)
Joey: Oh well, she said we have nothing in common.
Joey: No, it's not, we have nothing in common!
Joey/Drake: Yes, you do.Yes...you do. I'm the one who doesn't have a choice because I...because I can't stop loving you.
Joey: (stands up) I just have one question!
Rachel: Not working with me, Joe! Here's the thing: lately I have been having thoughts (pauses) musings, if you will!
Monica: Ooh! I'm sorry! I think, I THINK, that may have missed the table!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next day, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are baby-sitting the triplets. They each have one baby.]
Monica: No, I have just to have two more points to beat him!
Joey: Road trip! Yeah, we can rent a car! I just have to be there by Tuesday!
Monica: (to Chandler) Honey, you don't have to do this.
Chandler: (In a loving voice) Yes, I do. Now, I may not understand why you have to win so badly, but if it's important to you then it's important to me, because I love you.
[Cut to Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are sitting up by the window because two guys have their couch.]
Rachel: Joey, you cant let him get away with that. Ya know what, Im not going to let him get away with that. Im going to say something to himNo, I really shouldnt say anythingNo, I should say something to him. (Goes to the counter) Gunther, I want you to give Joey his job back. That is really not fair that you have to fire him
Rachel: How... wha... Hey! What are you... What is this? Have you guys been listening this entire time?
Rachel: Yeah... Yeah, we can wait, we don't have to do anything tonight.
Charlie: (to Joey) I just left you a message! Ross and I were gonna go grab a bite, but now that you're here, maybe we can go have that dinner.
Phoebe: Have fun. Oh wait, no, dont! I forgot I am totally against that now.
Phoebe: Hey, have you guys seen Monica?
Ross: You've never said that in your life, have you?
Mike: I have a date.
Mike: You don't have to go home tonight, do you?
Monica: Im glad youre here, we have a couple of things to ask you about the wedding ceremony.
Phoebe: You know what, we're gonna have sex. Let's just leave it there.
Phoebe: You have a... You have a date? With who?
Phoebe: No, you cant let this stop you from getting massages! No look, I have, I have lots of clients that make the same noises you do!
Joey: Yeah... Now I have something...
Isabella: ...because I have a list of five goofy coffee house guys and yesterday I bumped you for that guy over there. (points at a guy and leaves)
Chandler: (to Ross) Dont try to sway her. (To Monica) (Softly) Im your only chance to have a baby. Okay, lets go.
Phoebe: Well, Im not sure. I mean, I guess until she y'know, gets used to the fact that theres y'know, a new mom. Y'know, I think shes worried that y'know, shes gonna, shes gonna be replaced. (to the cat, in a funny voice) Well, thats not gonna happen is it? Noo. (gets up) Okay, I have to return a call in the other room.
Monica: (very serious) It's 2101 and I am not amused. (pause). Ok, the bride and groom have a few words they'd like to say. (Everyone sits and Phoebe gets up)