words in movies
Monica: Why did they get divorced?
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Fat Monica, and her boyfriend are sitting on the couch. Monicas boyfriend is getting up to get something. For future reference, for the rest of this episode Monicas fat, I wont be calling her Fat Monica throughout.]
Monica's Boyfriend: Yknow what honey? I got to get back to the hospital.
Joey: Oh my God, Im sorry, Im being so rude. (Turns to Rachel.) Rachel, would like a soda or something? Because Chandler would run right out and get it.
Carol: Yeah! And maybe someday we could get a place with two bathrooms.
Ross: Hey there little fella! Hey, uh-hey, why dont we get some shoes on ya, huh? Hey, why dont you show dad how you can put your shoes on, in your room! Yay!!
Rachel: Oh, its so easy for you I mean, youre not married, you get to have sex with who ever you want!
Monica: Its not like, I havent any opportunities. I mean, yknow, Im just waiting for the perfect guy. Im seeing this guy Roger, all right? Hes not perfect, but umm, I think maybe I should just get it over with. Yknow, give him my flower.
Phoebe: Well, Ive got to get out of this bed, Im going crazy here. Crazy!
Rachel: Pat the dog. Oh! Oh! I get it!! (Laughs and finishes her drink.)
Joey: Pretty cool, huh? But if youre thinking you can put a fish in there and it wouldnt get sucked up into the mechanism, well youd be wrong.
Carol: (jumping up to get it) I got it!
(He takes her hands in his and kisses each one, then kisses her on the lips. When the break the kiss, Rachel starts to get nauseous and throw up. Joey backs away in horror.)
Chandler: Okay! (They both get up.)
Arthur: (To another coworker) Call security. (To Phoebe) Pheebs, didnt you get fired?
Phoebe: Oh, okay I didnt get that message. So this doesnt countAnyway, Ill be in my office.
(The others all get up and go to the window.)
Monica: But I thought if you left, you get fired.
Chandler: Yeah! It's a stupid job, and I could not stand leaving you. And why should I be the only one who doesn't get to do what he *really* wants to do?
Joey: Yeah, just a crush! Thats all this is! Its a crush! Im Joey; I dont get deep feelings.
Rachel: Thank you! (goes to get coffee)
Phoebe: OK, fine, if it means that much to you I'll get rid of Bob.
ROSS: We don't.� But I thought it would be nice to get to know him.� You know, maybe have a little dinner, drinks, conversation.
Monica: Yeah. Hey, that was nice of you guys to back off and let Joey get the girl for once.
Joey: So, what, you think I'm just gonna sleep with her and never call her again and things are gonna get uncomfortable? (thinks about it) Yeah, sounds about right.
Joey: (upset) Will the stable boy never get the princess??
Rachel: (interrupting her) Oh Phoebe, thats a great story. Can you tell it to me when youre getting me some iced tea? (Phoebe gets up and Rachel groans.) (To the baby) Oh God, get out! Get out!! Get out!! Get out!!
Joey: (entering) (He clears his throat to get their attention.) Hey, Rach? Sorry to interrupt but umm, Phoebe wanted me to talk to you about a trip or something.
Chandler: Why did I get married?!
Joey: Oh man! I have to get those done too?!
Monica: Only if I don't have to get up and sing.
Monica: I dont know! I dontmaybe youre feeling a little resentful. Maybe ah, maybe you thought youd get married first! Maybe you cant stand the fact that your formally fat friend is getting married before you!
Joey: Thanks. Do you get a lot of guys in here?
Sonia: We'll get to the wax in a minute. First I want to tweeze some of the strays, ok? This may sting just a little bit...
Chandler: Are you trying to get everybody divorced?
Rachel: Oh you're not. You're not gonna get in the middle of anything, don't worry about Ross really, really.(She hears the noise of the key in the lock) Oh! Hide! That's Ross! Hide! Hide!
Gavin: Right. Right. Ross. So what's the deal with you guys? I don't want to get in the middle of anything
Molly: Hello! I just go and get Emma.
Phoebe: OK so isn't there a little part of you that wants to get up there?
Chandler: I don't get it neither, I mean you're obviously desperate, you're asking women how they want to be killed
Rachel: Oh, that�s what this is all about? Did you bring her up here to get back at me?
Rachel: Why didn�t I get that message?
Rachel: Oh God. You know what? Who you think you are? Who are you to decide what messages I should or should not get?
Joey: Hey. I was just gonna get something to eat. You want something?
Ross: No, it's not a divorce, it is not a divorce! Anyway, I think Rachel and I need to, you know, get on with our lives, maybe, maybe start seeing other people.
Joey: The big deal is that it is the exact equal distance from the bathroom to the kitchen and its at the perfect angle so you dont get any glare coming of off Stevie.
Phoebe: I know. They should be a family. They should get married and have more children.
Waiter: Can I get you another glass of wine?
Matt: Yeah, shes trying to waft the smell across the hall to get us to come hang out in her new place, and were sitting there eating pizza and I think it was you (Points to Lisa) that said
Waiter: Just get out of here, okay?
Waiter #2: What are you doing? Are you trying to get him to stay? Because you can't do that.
Monica starts crying: Thank you. It was so beautiful. <gets up and walks towards the front door> I'm going to go to Joeys and get the pies.
Chandler: You may wanna get some more of those too.
Monica: I need more swordfish. (to one of the assistant chefs) Can you get me some more swordfish?
Phoebe: Right. (Pause) Or you might get everything youve wanted since you were fifteen.
(She goes into the freezer to get it herself, and leaves the door open. The waiter from earlier comes by and closes the door.)
Chandler: Maybe I should quit and get a job that pays.
Chandler: That's right! I do! And I'm your man. And I'm going to get us through this situation even if it means you working twice as hard.
Phoebe: Great! Ok...I'll go get the tube top.
Monica: Listen...I need to know that what I'm about to ask you, will never get back to Chandler.
Chandler: What would she get for herself for two thousand dollars that she wouldn't tell me about?
Mike: I get the joke. Sophisticated as it was. Now the thing I wanna say is... maybe we should have talked about this before. Us living together, you're not expecting a proposal, right?
Mike: Look. Phoebe, I-I love you. Very much. But I never want to get married again.
Phoebe: Yeah I get that.
Mike: Look Phoebe, It's not about you. I just never wanna get married again.
Rachel: Don't look at me I never get his jokes.
Monica: Oh my god. We're trying to get pregnant so he's probably starting to freak out about the fact that my body is going to change.
Rachel: Well, then I get to give him the cell phone.
Chandler: I mean, You wouldn't want any part of me to get any bigger would you? Don't answer that.
Phoebe: Mike doesn't ever wanna get married.
[Scene: Hallway, Joey get out of his appartment and Chandler jumps out of his]
Monica: I'm going to get bigger!
Mike: You wanna get married?
Phoebe: Right. Except that I do want to get married.
Mike: No but... You don't want to get married either right?
Mike: But if you wanna get married why didn't you say something before?
Phoebe: Well no, when I get to the point where... you know... I'm ready to hear cruel mocking jokes about Mike... I'm gonna come to you.
Ross: Okay, okay, well just get everyone to act like they like it. That-that way noone makes fun of her and we still get to go to Sweet Potatoe Pie! (Referring to the dancers.)
Joey: Well thats true. And I am only naked in one scene. Plus it sounds really great. My characters catholic and he falls in love with this Jewish girl. Who run away together and they get caught in this big rainstorm. So we go into this barn and undress each other and hold each other. Its really sweet and-and tender.
Chandler: You know what, okay, fine. Don't get up, you just sit right there. I just hope, you don't mind, you know, my hand right here. (holds his hand a couple of inches in front of Joey's face) Op, not touching, can't get mad! Not touching can't get mad! Not touching can't get mad! (Joey flings some dip onto Phoebe's dress)
Phoebe: Hey will you get me tickets too?
[Scene: The desert outside of Las Vegas, Joey is arriving and we hear the song, Name. Y'know, (singing) I've been through the desert on a horse with no name! It felt good to be out of the rain. In the desert, you can't remember your name, 'cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain. La la la-la-la, la, la, la, la-la-la. You get the idea. Anyhoo, he pulls up and stops. As he gets out of the car, he spills a huge pill of fast food containers out of the foot well.]
JOEY: Hey, look, since we're neighbors and all, what do you say we uh, get together for a drink?
Joey: (excited)Did you get it?
Chandler: Yeah...I mean I want this so much! I mean, I wanna get one, I want my friend Charlie to get one...Except I don't care about Charlie.
Rachel: Oh no, I'm good, I don't wanna get that turkey smell all over my hands.
Joey: I'll do it!! It'll get the casserole stink off of mine.
Phoebe: Get a room!
Rachel: (touched) You would do that? I never get picked!
Ross: Well look, I'm just trying to focus on the "I get to see my wife," part, all right? And not the part that makes me do this. (He takes a big swig of Pepto Bismol.)
Joey: I was with you the whole time we were in Connecticut, when did you even get those?
Monica: I don't want her to get a boob job! That's crazy!
Rachel: Oh, if she jumps, I get her tickets.
Chandler: Does that mean I get the good loving tonight?
Phoebe: It's not all mine. We all get 50 cents.
Chandler: (hysterical)Don't touch the phone! I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it!! (picks up the phone)
Joey: Yeah!Hey, you just have to promise not to get yourself thrown out again.
Phoebe: Oh no!You guys aren't supposed to get divorced for 7 years!
Chandler: So, what do you say? Can you get out of work?
Actress/Olivia: Get out!
Actress/Olivia: No, I told you...get out!
Ross: What did you get?
Rachel: What? What are you talking about?! You-you're the one who's been telling me to get over Ross and move on. I'm moving on, and you're moving on with me. Come on, give me one good reason why you don't wanna go.
Joey: No, no! (they all go towards the balcony but they get jammed in the window)
Chandler: Wow, you'd think we should get that over 20 years or go for the big payout.
Monica: Im fine. (She goes into one of those half sneezing, half-coughing fits that you get with a bad cold or flu.)
Monica: Rachel, things can get incredibly complicated.
Phoebe: All right, everyone calm down! Everyone calm down! I have something that I would like to say! Who here likes Ross? (Ross is the only one who raises his hand and Phoebe glares at him to put his hand back down.) Of course you don't like him! He-he didn't give you any money, he raised his own hand when I asked, "Who hear likes Ross," and he's wearing two nametags! (He takes one off.) I-I'll be honest with you guys, when I first met Ross I didn't like him at all! But then once I got to know him I saw that he's really sweet and caring and very generous. I mean, all I'm saying is don't judge Ross before you get to know him all right? I mean, I like all you guys now, but when I first meet you y'know Kurt, I thought, y'know abrasive drunk, umm Lola, mind numbingly stupid! And okay, you guys (She turns to an elderly gentleman and a 20 something woman, who're a couple.) (To the girl) Gold-digger, (To the old guy) cradle robbing perv! So, I think you all know what I mean.
Ross: (hitting Monica with his suitcase) (to Charlie) We should probably get going, you know, we got a lot of ground to cover.
Rachel: And you weren't going to tell us? How did you think you were gonna get away with that?
Rachel: Oh, that's why you got these tickets to that play, to get rid of us??
Rachel: They sent me home from work. They were like, "Start your maternity leave now! Just rest, get ready for the baby." Well yknow what? Screw em! If they dont want me there, Ill just hang out with you guys.
Phoebe: (while Monica drags her in the restaurant) Get your garlic-peelers off me!
Monica: Joey, put that down! (the phone rings) Oh my God! It's Pete. Okay, get out!! How the hell do you answer a video-phone! (steps in front of it, and automatically answers it)
Joey: Come on Ross be realistic, y'know? If I did write something, what are the chances I could get those guys to star in it?
Rachel: Oh, hi! I would check your hand but... I'm sure you don't want to get my chicken disease!