words in movies
Written by: Doty Abrams Transcribed by: Eric Aasen With Scenes Taken From Episodes Transcribed by: Mindy Mattingly Phillips, guineapig, Ruth Curran, Josh Hodge, and Me.
Phoebe: (she stops reading from the script) Oh my God.
Joey: Yeah, youre great! Okay, lets take it from
[And with that we go into the save the budget portion of the show, which features flashbacks from previous episodes. The first set of auditions feature high lights or low lights of Joeys acting career. The first flashback is from The One With The Lesbian Wedding.]
Joey: (there's a gunshot on TV) There's my scene, there's my scene. [Joey on tv] "Mrs. Wallace, I'm Dr. Drake Ramoray, your sister's neurosurgeon. I'm afraid the situation is much worse than we expected. Your sister is suffering from a..." (Does the smell-the-fart look.)
[The next flashback is from The One With The Butt. The gang is watching Joey in Freud!]
[The next flashback is also from The One With The Butt and it's also on the soundtrack. He's Joey telling everyone about his big break in Monica and Rachel's apartment.]
Joey: And I know both of them, theyre really good. One of them is the guy from those allergy commercials whos always getting chased by those big flowers
[Thus starts another series of flashbacks all dealing with the pressure the rest of the Friends have to deal with in their jobs. The first flashback is from The One With The Stoned Guy.]
[The next flashback is from The One With The Prom Video. Monica is at a job interview at a new restaurant.]
[The next flashback is from The One With Rachel's Crush.]
[The next flashback is from The One With The Dozen Lasagnas, Phoebe is telling everyone but Rachel about the pass Paulo made on her.]
[The next flashback is from The One With Ross's Sandwich, Ross his confronting his boss about him eating Ross's sandwich.]
Chandler: Oh come on guys, its not like I moved to Europe! I just moved across the hall! And we would have you over all the time if it werent for (struggles to get this out) Monicas allergies. (The duck quacks.) Youre right, I could never lie to you. She hates you. (The phone rings.) Should I get that? (Laughs, then answers the phone.) Hello? (Listens) Uh no, Joeys not here right now. Can I take a message? (Listens) Yeah, okay so the audition has been moved from 5:00 to 2:30? (Listens) Okay great. (Listens.) Bye. (Hangs up the phone and goes to write the message on the Magna-Doodle on the door but Monica walks in and forces him to jump out of the way.)
Chandler: You mean you didnt get it from this?
[Joey just laughs as a third set of flashbacks featuring Chandlers mistakes starts. The first flashback is from The One With The Prom Video. It's Chandler telling Phoebe how much he hates the bracelet Joey bought him. They're both at Central Perk.]
Chandler: You know he coulda gotten me a VCR, he coulda gotten me a set of golf clubs, but no, he has to get me the woman repeller! The eyesore from the Liberace house of crap!
Chandler: Oh, yeah, easy for you to say, you don't have to walk around sporting some reject from the Mr. T collection. [Joey walks in behind Chandler]
[The next flashback is from The One Where Chandler Crosses The Line. He's telling Joey that he kissed Cathy.]
[Chandler proceeds to point out Joeys errors in this forth set of flashbacks. The first flashback is from The One With The Cat. Chandler has just returned home to see that their apartment has been cleaned out and finds Joey trapped in the entertainment center.]
[The next flashback is from The One With The Candy Hearts. Joey and Chandler are waiting at a restaurant as Lorraine and her friend arrive.]
[The next flashback is from The One With Ross's New Girlfriend. Chandler is telling Ross and Joey that Joey's tailor took advantage of him.]
[We then go into another set of flashbacks of famous fights. The first is the second breakup of Ross and Rachel from The One With The Jellyfish.]
Rachel: Yeah! You and that girl from that copy place, which yesterday you took full responsibility for!!
Chandler: (coming out from behind the door) I KNEW IT!!!!
[The next flashback is from The One After The Superbowl, Part II. Monica and Rachel are fighting over who gets to see Jean-Claude Van Damme.]
[The next flashback is from The One Where No One's Ready. Joey is retaliating against Chandler hiding his underwear by wearing a whole bunch of clothes.]
[The next flashback is from The One Where Eddie Moves In. It's the sequence where Joey and Chandler are both saddened that they're not living together anymore. All By Myself is playing in the background.]
Chandler: Joey? Got you a Joey Special, two pizzas! Joe? (The phone rings and he answers it) (On phone) Hello? (Takes the phone away from his mouth when he realizes what he just did and yells.) Damnit! (Back on phone.) Hello? (Listens.) No, Joeys not here right now, but I can take a message I think. (Listens) Hes still got a chance for the part?! Oh, thats great news! (Listens) Well no obviously not for the actor who was mauled by his dog. (Listens) Oh well, thats great. I will give Joey the message. Thank you! (Hangs up and goes to write the message on the Magna-Doodle.) Yes! (Reading what hes writing) Okay, Mac audition at 2:00. Allergy actor attacked. (Pause) By dog not flowers.
[What follows is the final set of flashbacks that feature a whole lot of lovin between Chandler and Joey. Theres no words, just hugs and even the kiss from The One With The Monkey. All of this is set to the song, Youve Really Got a Hold on Me!]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Joey and Phoebe are reading a scene from Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.]
(Suddenly Ross jumps up from behind the counter armed with a plastic gun. By the way, hes overacting too.)
RACHEL: Terry is a jerk, ok? That's why we're always saying "Terry's a jerk!" That's where that came from.
[Scene: Joey and Janines, continued from earlier.]
Monica: (from the hallway) I do not like that woman!
Rachel: We are looking for our Christmas presents from Monica.
Joey: Uh, I dont know. Ya see, its just, see I was a regular on a soap opera yknow? And to go from that to this, I just Plus, Id have to wait on all my friends.
Phoebe: No! Look-look! Theres the coffee table they stole from us!
Monica: (entering from her room, excitedly) Im getting married today!!! (She trips and falls.) (Getting up) I think I just cracked a rib. But I dont care because todays my wedding day! My day is finally here!! (Runs back into her room.)
Ross: Hmm, a lot of this stuff is from Colonial times. Hey, what are some other time periods Rachel? (She glares at him.)
Rachel: Well then honey, buy the lamp! Hey, we have that 60 bucks from Ross.
Monica: Its coming from the living room.
Monica: Thats right. (A noise comes from the living room.) Did you hear something?
Ross: Well I have to. Okay? If I dont, theyll take the class away from me. And I already put it in my family newsletter.
Phoebe: (returning from the bathroom) Rach, youre in my seat.
Phoebe: (coming in from the bathroom) Oh, good, good, you guys are here! Listen, how would like to spend tomorrow taking care of three incredibly cute little puppies?!
Chandler: This coming from the man who couldnt split our 80 dollar phone bill in half.
Mrs. Geller: (lying) Ive gotta call my friend Mary and tell her how good this is, from Monicas room.
Phoebe: Did you ever feed him a poison capsule that made him bleed from the eyes?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is giving the bill to the same beautiful woman from before.]
Monica: (calling from the bathroom) Is someone there?
[Scene: Central Perk, They are returning from the rugby game, Joey and Emily are carrying Ross.]
Ben: (yelling from off camera) Crap!!
[Two guys walk over and interrupt her. Theyre both names youve already heard. Ones Billy Crystal. Yes, that Billy Crystal from City Slickers. The other one is Robin Williams. Yes, that Robin Williams from Mrs. Doubtfire.]
Monica: Thats because their nerves are probably deadened from being so stupid. But hey, y'know if you dont believe me, please, by my guest.
Phoebe: So, I just came from the company Ursula works for.
Ross: Sometimes, you should come over (Joey returns from the bathroom) sometime! Ill play you one of my other
Rachel: (interrupting him and seeing Joey) Oh my God! Joey Tribbiani from Days of Our Lives, just walked in here!
Phoebe: (yelling from Monicas room) No-no!! No!!
(They start to leave Central Perk. The band starts to play "Here, There and Everywhere" by the Beatles. The crowd rises from their seats. Phoebe and Chandler walk down the aisle. Phoebe really glows with happiness. So does Mike who watches her walk down the isle. When Phoebe and Chandler arrive, they kiss and Phoebe walks to her bridesmaids.)
Monica: Oh, Ive got it! I have got it! (Gets up and gets something from the dresser underneath the TV.) Pictures from your childhood. This will get you going good!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, scene continued from earlier.]
Rachel: Thats a line from the show too!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is still sick and is hobbling out into the living room for some help from Chandler whos on the couch reading.]
David: Are... are you kidding? You know, when you don't see someone for a long time, a-a-and you kind of build them up in your head and you start thinking about: Come on, don't be crazy. Nobody is that beautiful, but... well, you are. (Phoebe seems very charmed) Well, so, uhm... are you seeing... anyone? (Phoebe is still up on a cloud from what David just said)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is coming from across the hall.]
Chandler: Great, because my shoes are giving me a little problem on the dance floor, can I borrow the boots from your costume?
Phoebe: What make you think I can?! (Shields her eyes from it.)
Director: Next on the platforms are (He points to the right of Ross and Monica, so they dance over to where hes pointing to. He points away from them) you two! And (He points the other way, and Ross and Monica follow his arm. Again he points away.) You two!
Joey: Well, maybe thats because youre closer to you. So you look bigger to you from where you are.
[Scene: The street in front of Central Perk, Ross is walking up and sees two women that look like Phoebe and Rachel from behind.]
Rachel: (entering from the bathroom) Hey Mon? Im gonna check my messages.
Phoebe: No, I made myself take an oath. Yeah, no fooling around with clients and umm, always be prepared. Yeah, that ones actually from the Boy Scouts, but it just makes good sense.
Chandler: Oh. (Goes and gets Phoebes book as Rachel comes in from her room.)
(He goes and sits down next to Rachel and puts a cigarette in his mouth, which Rachel takes away from him. He puts another cigarette in his mouth, and Rachel takes it away again.)
Ross: Wh-haa-haa! Look what cha did! (Rachel has her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing.)
Chandler: Look I'm very glad that you saved Ross from the car backfire, but y'know, it could've been a bullet and you y'know, you didn't try to save me!
Monica: But you should eat them now because theyre hot from the oven.
[And with that we start off on a series of clips from the entire history of Ross and Rachel, from Rosss point of view. The first clip is from The Pilot.]
Phoebe: What the smell from Joeys? No, I can hardly smell it over here.
Jill: Yknow, thanks for trying to cheer me up, but Im not gonna date some random guy from your work.
(Rachel enters from her new room.)
Ross: I just wanted to tell you something before you heard it from someone else and I hope this isn't too weird, but uh, I had uh, a thing with Janice. (He laughs, his real laugh this time.) What you're-you're not mad?
Ross: What? No! No! I am not gonna hide it from PhoebeOoh, although I did get some great Pottery Barn sheets! (Gets them.)
Russell: Ross, I have been a divorce attorney for 23 years and never had I so much business from one client. Why dont you tell me what happened.
Monica: Dr. Miller? (She covers her right eye and reads from the chart) P E C F D.
(Ross comes back from bathroom.)
[Scene: Rachels Old Bedroom, Continued from earlier. Monica enters the room.]
Paul: Oh, here they are right here. (Picks them up from underneath the corner of the couch.)
(Chandler leaves dejectedly. When the door closes Rachel and Phoebe jump out from behind the curtains and scream )
Monica: I dont know. (Picks up a big plate from the coffee table.) Hey, Rachel, you want the big plate? I want you to have the big plate.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, scene is continued from earlier.]
[The next clip is from The One Where Ross Finds Out.]
Phoebe: (entering from her room) Hey, did she buy it?
Ross: Hey! There are some men who will do whatever it takes to make their marriage work! Okay? There are some men who will stand by and-and watch as their wives engage in-in what only can be described as a twosome with some-some woman she barely knows from the gym!
Monica: (on phone) Hello Greg? (Listens) Hi, this is Monica from the plane? Listen, the number that you gave me 853-5 (Listens) (To Chandler) That is their old number! Jennys been giving it out since they moved!
(Monica enters from the dressing room wearing her gown.)
(Rachel and Ross both stop kissing, and quickly step back from each other.)
The Museum Official: (on machine) Hi, this is Heldi from the Morgan Chase museum. Im calling for Monica Geller.
Rachel: Really? Okay. Okay, I-Ill go upstairs. (to Paul) If-if you get me something from the car.
Paul: What do you need from the car?
Rachel: I mean if you think about it, I mean Ross did learn something from each marriage.
Rachel: (from another room) Oh my God, what a great surprise! This is such a beautiful house.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Chandler is entering to find Joey bingeing on the food from the fridge. Joey isnt doing all that well.]
Rachel: (yelling from the living room) Oh wait-wait-wait!! No! Dont go in there! Dont go in there! I need another soda!
(Someone calls out from her apartment.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Paul and Rachel are getting ready to go out. Paul is entering from the bathroom.]
Phoebe: (entering from her room) Hey.
Phoebe: (coming over after returning the musket) Wait a minute, no, this is, this is the reason you brought me. Okay? I know how to haggle. So let me handle this from here on out.
Kristen: I I uh, actually just moved from four blocks over.
Paul: Let me just see if I got this straight. I tell you to stay away from my daughter or Ill have you fired. What you heard was, "Take my daughter, come up to my country house, and ruin my weekend with Rachel!"
Mike: (puts on a fake smile) Where else would lame Mr. No Balls hide it? (he takes the ring from the cake, and cleans it with a napkin)
DOCTOR: No, it's just a good bone bruise. And, right here is the puncture wound from your ring.
(Monica enters from the bedroom.)
Chandler: And protected them from a tornado?
(She takes it out of her mouth and hands it to him as Monica returns from her room and this time forcing Chandler to put the ring in his mouth.)
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, continued from earlier. Monica and Chandler are still discussing the previous question.]
Chandler: Yeah, right here in my pocket. (Pats his pocket. Phoebe smiles, goes over to hug him, and removes the ring from his pocket.) Pheebs?
Gary's Radio: Suspect has just emerged naked from the sewer.
[Scene: Central Perk, continued from earlier.]
[Cut to Earls office, who is played by Jason Alexander, George from Seinfeld. They cut back and forth between Phoebes and Earls offices with each of their lines.]
[Scene: Monicas Restaurant, continued from earlier.]
Joey: You got that from what I said?!
(Sarah picks up some fries from Joey’s plate and Joey looks very angry. Then we’re back to Central Perk and Joey does a you-see-what-I-mean look to Phoebe)
Mike: Okay, when I got divorced, I didn't think I'd feel this way about someone for a really long time... Then again, I didn't think I'd meet someone like you... and... this may be crazy soon, but... I want you to have this... (He tries to get something from his pocket, but it's not that easy... Phoebe looks in a "what's happening" face to him. He finally has found something) No, not... that's gum. (He digs in a little more.) Ooh, five bucks... I love it when that happens, you know... Think no note's there...
Rachel: Dont say that I have no sentiment! (Starts to show Ross whats in the box.) This is a movie stub from our first date! This is an eggshell from the first time you made me breakfast in bed! (Holds up a bone) This is from the museum from the first time we were together. Okay, maybe I exchange gifts sometimes, but I keep the things that matter!
Tour Guide: Maybe its crazy in a perfect world, a world without lab coats and blazers, but you not in a perfect world, you in a museum now. See that scientist in the classes, he and I used to play together all the time in grade school, but now (Turns around) Peter! Hey, Peter! Its me Rhonda! From PS-129! I shared my puddin which you man! I gave you my Snack Pack! (to Joey) See, he pretend he dont even here me!
[The next clip is from The One Where Ross Finds Out]
Rachel: I think he's stealing from me.
Chandler: (pushing her away from another hug) Next time?
Monica: (entering from her room) Oww!
Joey: (singing) You've got to pick a pocket or two. Boyyyyssss, (picks a handkerchief from the pianist's pocket) you've got to pick a pocket or two..........