words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is there except for Rachel and Ross, who both come storming in. Rachel is still going off about Rosss secret marriage.]
Chandler: Ross, just for my own piece of mind, youre not married to anymore of us are ya?
Gunther: Yeah, thats what I drive. I make four bucks an hour, I saved up for 350 years!
Chandler: Oh good, when he comes back for his keys, Ill be sure to give him your shoe.
Monica: Come on Chandler, come on! Itll give us great practice for when(realizes what shes about to say and changes)people with babies come to visit.
Phoebe: What about me? I just found out that Denise is leaving town for a while, I dont have a roommate.
Rachel: That would be great! Wait, how long is Denise gone for?
Ross: Okay, I got us a court date for tomorrow at 2:00 and I picked up all the forms. Ill take care of everything.
Phoebe: Na-uh, no, we are all responsible for our own babies.
Chandler: See thats where I think that youre wrong. Weve been playing these babies man for man; we should really be playing a zone defense.
[Time lapse, they have set up a little assembly line for diaper changes. Phoebe wipes, Chandler adds the powder, begrudgingly, and Monica puts the diaper on.]
Judge: Okay you two are asking the court for an annulment?
Judge: Well, based on what I heard, you two certainly dont qualify for an annulment. If you two dont want to be together youll have to file for divorce.
Ross: And what(notices the stenographer is still typing)What are you typing that for? Did you hear what she said? We dont get the annulment. Dont type that! What?! Stop typing! (He goes over to where the stenographer is typing and in the process pushes Rachel out of his way.) Hey! Stop typing! (Hes still typing.) Stop typing! Stop typing!!
Rachel: All right look lady here is the deal, I came here for an annulment and I am not leaving here until I get one!
Rachel: And thank you for your time. (They both beat a hasty retreat.)
Monica: The babies are asleep, Im sure youll be okay on your own for a while!
Phoebe: Me taking care of you is no problem, huh? You guys feel safe. Right? Okay, Im gonna take that spit bubble as, "Yeah, I do!" Okay, after I get rid of this dirty diaper Leslie, Ill set you up with a clean one. (She throws it at the garbage without looking, misses, and knocks over a vase and flowers, which fall to the floor and break.) Okay, Im sorry. I didnt mean to scare you. I just have to clean that up. Okay? Cause lets face it, were at Monicas. (She crawls over, disposes of the diaper, picks up the flowers, and the vase.) I broke it. All right. Well, thats just the way that goes. (She throws out both the flowers and the vase.) Okay, good. (She turns around and only counts two babies.) Why are there only two of you? Where is Leslie? Well, you cant answer. (She starts looking for her) Leslie? Where are you Leslie? Leslie, now would be a good time for your first words! (She turns around and finds that Leslie has managed to crawl into the bottom drawer of the TV cabinet.) Well, look at you! Hey! You are a little bit mischievous! My gosh! (She picks her up and notices a surprise is waiting in the drawer.) Oh, youre a lot mischievous! Well, itll dry. (Closes the drawer with her foot.) (To Leslie) Okay, you sit with your brother and sister nowwho arent there! (They both have disappeared as well.)
[Time Lapse, the babies are finally asleep. Good for Phoebe! The only problem is, Monicas apartment looks like a tornado, a hurricane, a swarm of locusts, fire, brimstone, hail, and giant man-eating, radioactive ants have torn the place apart. Needless to say, its messy enough to cause Monica to die of shock right away. Parents with small children know what Im talking about.]
Rachel: Oh, little Xs! Great! That makes up for everything!
Rachel: And uh, yeah, I didnt really, I didnt want to say anything, but it kinda it just, it kinda kept coming back to me, and umm, remember we were in the casino and for some reason thought it would be funny to eat a lot of grapes. And uh, and I thought it would be funnier if we got married. So as a, as a compromise we decided first to get married, and then (Ross joins in) to eat a lot of grapes. So umm, sorry I got us into this mess.
Rachel: Hey, thanks Ross, for taking care of all of this.
Joey: Id love to show ya, but I just tucked her in. Shes sleeping. (The women both laugh) Hey uh, would you two girls like to go for a drink? (Just then the same guy with the football dives to make a catch, lands on the car cover, and collapses it. It turns out that Joey set up a bunch of boxes to make it look like a Porsche.)
Ross: Susan wanted a Chunky. We're having a baby, ok, a baby, you don't stop for Chunkys.
(Trying not to wrinkle her nose, Phoebe smiles back realising it's down to her to make up for her negligent sister. Meanwhile, Ursula still hasn't received her side salad, but when she attempts to attract the waiter's attention, he ignores her.)
Monica: Joey! Why is Janine not coming over for dinner?!
Rachel: We are looking for our Christmas presents from Monica.
Rachel: Come on! They rushed into this thing so fast its ridiculous! I mean, theyre gonna be engaged for like what? A year? And somewhere along the way, one of them is gonna realise what theyve done and theyre call the whole thing off. Im telling ya, youre gonna be dancing at my wedding before youre dancing at theres.
Phoebe: Well, one of you has to take the first step! And it should be you, because shes the one whos leaving. Its harder for her!
Monica: I mean theyre trying to do everything they can to make me quit, and if there were any other job, I would. But this is something Ive been waiting for my whole life.
[Scene: Joey and Janines apartment, Joey paces the floor waiting for Janine. She walks in.]
Janine: Well yknow, hes blah, shes justshes very loud for such a small person.
Chandler: I dunno, aren't there tests for these things, right?
Rachel: I dont know, I mean I would give anything to work for a designer, y'know, or a buyer.... Oh, I just dont want to be 30 and still work here.
Rachel: I thought this might happen today. Ross, I know the holidays can be rough. Yknow? And its probably really hard for you to be alone right now.
Chandler: Hey ladies! What are you in here for? (Laughs at his joke.)
Monica: I am so glad you guys got together, Chandler and I are always looking for a couple to go out with and now we have one!
Announcer: From New York City, New York! Appearing in his Ultimate Fighting Championship debut! Hes known for his confrontational business style. Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing Pete Beck-errrr!!
Rachel: Um, ok, uh, oh god, um, when you and uh Ross first started going out, it was really hard for me, um, for many reasons, which I'm not gonna bore you with now, but um, I just, I see how happy he is, you know, and how good you guys are together, and um, Monica's always saying how nice you are, and god I hate it when she's right.
Rachel: Dont worry, were just gonna search here for an hour, them were gonna go over to Joeys and search, OK?
Rachel: Phoebe. We would like to talk to you for a second.
Phoebe: Thats great. Good for you guys.
Monica: Oh, what a great argument, exhaling! All right, y'know what, Ill prove it to you, okay. Ill trade you Joey for Rachel, and Ill still win the game.
Monica: All right Rach, for what its worth, I think that youre doing great. I mean yknow lets face it, no one handles this well.
Joey: Yeah, its for the kids. To keep the kids off drugs. Its a very important issue in this months Playboy. Im sure you all read about it.
Ross: Okay, Joey, you know what? You have to go for it. How often does this happen to you, huh? You owe it to yourself. (Walks towards the door until )
Ross: (to the receptionist) Thank you for a delightful stay.
The Director: Cut! Alex, remember youre supposed to cry. Can you cry for us this time?
Jill: Yeah but it wasnt for me, it was for a friend.
Chandler: It is to me. You wanted to sleep with Batman, and instead you had to settle for Robin. (Walks out and slams the door.)
Woman: What do you mean? Yesterday you said I was too pretty to pay for stuff!
Rachel: (reading) 'Gone for more jars. Back later. Monica Geller.'
Gunther: Youre paying for that.
Joey: (comes out holding the tape) Here's how I know you didn't watch the tape, ok? (puts it into the vcr) If you had seen what was on this tape, believe me, you would have some comments. Alright, now remember, I got paid a lot of money for this and it only aired in Japan. (presses play and he appears on the TV screen and a TV commercial begins)
[The hallway. Rachel and Ross go out and they just stand there for a few seconds.]
Joey: Hey! I did it. I called my producer. I told him I had a family emergency, he totally bought it. Thanks for teaching me how to lie Pheebs.
Chandler: Well, I umm, I mean this is just off the top of my head now, umm but I have this friend. This actor friend and he would kill me if he thought I was doing this umm, but umm would it be possible for him to get an audition for your movie say on Thursday?
Joey: I cant believe Ross went out with Rachels sister! When Chandler made out with my sister I was mad at him for 10 years.
Dr. Harad: Hi! Phoebe, I'm Dr. Harad, I'm going to be delivering your babies. I want you to know, you're gonna be in good hands. I've been doing this for a long time. I'll be back in a minute to do your internal, in the meantime, just relax because everything here looks great. And also, I love Fonzie. (Exits)
Ross: Of course not, it smells like wine, which you spilled! And thanks for wrecking my sheet by the way.
Joey: (smiling) I don't know. This little, old lady lives for my career. When they dumped me off of Days of Our Lives she almost died.
Jill: Yknow, thanks for trying to cheer me up, but Im not gonna date some random guy from your work.
Chandler: Hey. Do you want this scone? (Holds up his plate) It came for me but it would probably rather sleep with you!
Ross: Yeah! Good for you Joe!
Monica: Really? I'm really tired of being your relationship tutor. You're gonna have to figure this one for yourself. All right? Y'know what? If you're too afraid to be in a real relationship, then don't be in one. (She walks out.)
(Ross stands next to him for a second, then goes and watches the movie.)
Gunther: For all the free food you gave away.
Phoebe: So, I just came from the company Ursula works for.
Sleep Clinic Worker: Um-hmm, and did you stay up all night in preparation for your sleep study. (Joey doesnt answer) Uh, sir? (Joey starts snoring)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang, minus Rachel, are getting ready for dinner.]
Rachel: Oh, well thank you for taking your tongue out of my sisters mouth long enough to tell me that.
Chandler: Oh, its not important? Its not important?! If it wasnt for a brides maid youd be marrying him (Points to Joey) not me!
Chandler: What if I had had the guts to quit my job? Id probably be writing for the New Yorker, getting paid to be funny. But my jobs fun too! I mean tomorrow, I-I dont have to wear a tie.
David: Are... are you kidding? You know, when you don't see someone for a long time, a-a-and you kind of build them up in your head and you start thinking about: Come on, don't be crazy. Nobody is that beautiful, but... well, you are. (Phoebe seems very charmed) Well, so, uhm... are you seeing... anyone? (Phoebe is still up on a cloud from what David just said)
Ross: (putting the magazine back and holding the money for it) Okay.
Phoebe: Well at least I got these sheets for Ross.
Joey: But hey, thanks for teachin' us Cross-Eyed Mary. You guys, we gotta play that at our regular game.
Chandler: No not okay, you cant look for Monicas presents!
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is setting up for the slide show.]
Rachel: Joey no, this is wrong! You have to take it back, okay? You dont want to win an award this way. Youre very talented. And someday youre gonna win one of these for real and that one is gonna mean something.
Chandler: Okay, anything for you sir?
Chandler: Eight and a half hours of aptitude tests, intelligence tests, personality tests... and what do I learn? (he taps the results and reads them) "You are ideally suited for a career in data processing for a large multinational corporation."
Chandler: All right, I have to get that, but no-no. (answering phone) Hello? (listens) (happily) Hi! Yeah listen, I'm, I'm in need of a stripper and I was told that you do that. (listens) Let me ask you this, what, what do you do for the extra hundred? (listens) So would I, would I have to provide the grapes?
Rachel: Yeah. Oh I just wish we could not be married for a little bit! Yknow I just wish we could be like on a break!
Ross: Uh-huh. (Steps to a random kid nearby and hands him his money.) Hey, here you go buddy. Sorry, no porn for you. (To Rachel) Okay, lets go see Monica!
Rachel: Oh, its so easy for you I mean, youre not married, you get to have sex with who ever you want!
Phoebe: Yeah, I had a massage client who worked there and-and he said I had a knack for stocks.
Monica: Rachel! Im never gonna think its okay for you to cheat on your husband!
Ross: Hey, if there is ever, anything I can do for you...
Patron: For what?
Monica: And what if I was still fat? (To Chandler) Well, you wouldnt be dating me, thats for sure.
Ross: Yknow, if, if this is too weird for you, we can still back out at (A knock on the door interrupts him.)
Ross: Hey Im sorry to do this to you again but uh, is there any way you can look after Ben for a little bit? I-Ive got this meeting at school. And-and he-he asked for his uh, Fun Aunt Rachel, so
Susan: Oh, I wouldnt miss it for the world.
Carol: Thank you so much for coming.
Monica: I was just waiting for the perfect guy.
Chandler: Well good, good for you. You really think that Roger is the perfect guy?
Mona: Huh, could you imagine. I go away for a few days, and come back, and my boyfriend is living with some woman he got pregnant! (Mona laughs yes again!)
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, Monica is pouring wine for her boyfriend, Dr. Roger.]
Chandler: No you are not! You are sweet and wonderful and this is gonna happen for you.
Monica: Its harder for me! I have those four other women to compete with!
[Cut back to her room, Joey and Ross are sitting there waiting for her.]
Rachel: But I thought that ring stood for Caprices undying love for her brother.
Ross: Jill, how did you pay for all this? I thought your dad took away your credit card.
Rachel: Well, if you see him, will you please tell him that Im looking for him and that this I am not gonna throw up!
Rachel: Good day for married people huh?
Janine: I just got a call to be a dancer on a television special for New Years Eve. Its called some sort of Dickn Rockn Dickie Eve.
Rachel: Ohh! I would kill for a salmon skin roll right now!
The Museum Official: (on phone) Hi, this is Heldi from the Morgan Chase museum. Im calling for Monica Geller. I want to let her know that there was a cancellation and if shes still interested in having the Bing-Geller wedding at our facility, it is available (Chandler runs to answer the phone.)
Chandler: Okay, look I need your help, I dont know what to get her for Valentines Day.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is still sick and is hobbling out into the living room for some help from Chandler whos on the couch reading.]
Chandler: Ugh. Just a sec, give me a minute to wake up for thisAh-ha-ha!! You lost the ring! Youre the worst best man ever!
Monica: Okay! (She takes her present for him and they move over to sit on the couch.)
Monica: I wanna wake up early and go get it for you!
Monica: I will! But not tonight. For dinner music, I thought we could listen to that tape you made me.
Joey: Why? (In Drakes voice.) Why cant the world stop turning, just for a moment? Just for us?
Rachel: Fine! Im sorry for your loss! (Hands it back to her.)
Fireman #1: So uh, youre not gonna be able to live here for a while, you ladies have a place to stay?
Joey: No-no! I used to get paid for all kinds of medical stuff, remember? Lets see uh, well I dont want to donate sperm again. (To Ross) I really prefer doing that at the home office yknow? (Ross nods his head.) Ooh-ooh, maybe they want like some of my blood or-or spit or something, huh?
Monica: Oh my God! Thats great! Oh wow! (Hugs him.) Youre a published writer! I wish I had a present for you!
Ross: It'll be nice to get this off finally, won't it? Yes it will. (Marcel resists) Or we can leave it on for now, that's fine.
Chandler: �Jeremiah was a bullfrog. Was a good friend of mine, never understood a single word he said, but I helped himdrink his wine.� So you just touch yourself for anything?
Monica: I know! Now look, theres only one problem though. Theres only room for one, so I guess one of you will have to stay at Joeys.