words in movies
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Joey: So Monica, still going out with Dr. Boring huh?
Rachel: (stunned) You are friends with Dr. Drake Remoray?
[Scene: Rachel and Barrys bedroom, Rachel is watching Days of Our Lives. Of course its a Dr. Drake Remoray scene. Its set in a hospital room, and Dr. Wesley and a nurse are talking about a female patient with a bandage around her head.]
Nurse: Youve done all you can Dr. Wesley. You have got to let her go.
Dr. Wesley: Good-bye and God speed, Hope Brady.
(He goes to turn off a machine. Suddenly, Dr. Drake Remoray appears at the door with two cops!)
Dr. Drake Remoray: Not so fast Wesley! (Rachel does a silent clap.)
Dr. Wesley: (with evil dripping off his tongue) Remoray!
Dr. Drake Remoray: Thats right Wesley! I just stopped by to say that, youre not a real doctor! And that womans brain, is fine!
[Cut back to the TV, the cops are leading Dr. Wesley out, and as they pass Remoray and Wesley exchange evil glances.]
Dr. Drake Remoray: Hope! Hope!
Dr. Drake Remoray: Youre not dying Hope, youre gonna live a long, healthy life. With me.
[Scene: Joey's apartment, (The one he had when he was Dr. Drake Remoray, because he still is.) Rachel is there and admiring the big ceramic fake dog.]
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, Monica is pouring wine for her boyfriend, Dr. Roger.]
Dr. Roger: They have parasites?
Dr. Roger: What people?
Dr. Roger: So oysters, huh?
Dr. Roger: Yknow, its funny, but when we were studying communicable diseases
Dr. Roger: Ohh! Didnt know! Okay!
Dr. Roger: Im sorry sweetie, its the hospital. The food looks great, maybe save me some?
Rachel: Joey, youre such an amazing actor! (He smiles.) How do you know where Dr. Drake Remoray leaves off and Joey Tribbiani begins?
Joey: Well, with Dr. Drake they always tell me what to say. And with Joey, I pretty much have to make it up on my own.
Monica: Oh I cant. Dr. Roger is coming over again.
Monica: Great! Its so amazing! I mean, last time Dr. Roger came over, I was so nervous, but then after being with you Im all like, "Can the doctor see me now?"
Monica: Yeah, come on, eat, whatever you want. Dr. Roger got beeped again.
Dr. Franzblau: All right, Carol, I need you to keep pushing. I need(reaches for an instrument, Rachel's hand is on it) Excuse me, could I have this?
Phoebe: Oh, it's Dr. Seuss!
Rachel: No! Shoot, Dr. Schiff what kind of question is that?!
Rachel: And if you need anything else, I(notices the handsome Dr. Franzblau)do not believe we've met. Hi. I'm, uh, Rachel Green. I'm Carol's... ex-husband's... sister's roommate.
Dr. Harad: Just-just to clarify, I'm not Fonzie. (Phoebe nods in agreement as he leaves.)
Benjamin: The selection committee has chosen the three of you as our finalists today. The ultimate decision will be based upon the answers you give to the questions I ask here. I'm gonna start with Dr. Li. Dr. Li, you claim the field is too reliant on the Linnaean taxonomic system. How do you propose to correct this problem?
Dr. Miller: This is a glaucoma test.
Dr. Mitchell: (on the phone) Monica and Rachel's apartment. Err yeh, aayah, yeh, just one second... (handing it to Monica) ..ah, Rachel, it's your dad.
Dr. Franzblau: No, no, really. I suppose it's because I spend so much time, you know, where I do.
DOCTOR: Hello, there. I'm Dr. Carlin. I see someone's having an allergic reaction.
[Scene: Carol's room, Rachel and Dr. Franzblau are there with her.]
JOEY: There's my scene, there's my scene. [Joey on tv] "Mrs. Wallace, I'm Dr. Drake Ramoray, your sister's neurosurgeon.
Dr. Miller: Okay. You've got a small, minor infection in that left eye. I want you to take these drops three times a day and you'll be as good as new.
ERICA: Well, yes, yes, the best doctor in all of Salem, Dr. Drake Remore.
Dr. Green: What kind of person is allergic to lobster? I guess the kind of person that works at a library.
MONICA: Dr. Burke, it, it's me.
DR. BURKE: See.
DR. BURKE: Monica? My God you used to be so. . . I mean you, you, you, you must have lost like. . . You look great.
Dr. Franzblau: Ok, all right, well aren't there times when you come home at the end of the day, and you're just like, 'if I see one more cup of coffee'...
MONICA: Dr. Burke? I don't think so. I mean, like, he's a grown up.
DR. BURKE: You too.
DR. BURKE: I'm going to look into your eyes now.
DR. BURKE: So, it's great to see ya.
DR. BURKE: Oh, OK, yeah. I'll see ya later.
DR. BURKE: Drops!
DR. BURKE: Yeah, since the divorce, when anybody asks me how I am, it's always with a sympathetic head tilt. [demonstrating] 'How ya doin'? You OK?'
RACHEL: Ya know, Dr. Burke kissed me once.
DR. BURKE: Yeah. Are we nuts here?
DR. BURKE: Yep.
MRS. GELLER: Well, you kids thank Dr. Burke for the ride?
DR. BURKE: So.
DR. BURKE: Oh, well obviously you know Barbara and I split up, otherwise you wouldn't have done the head tilt.
DR. BURKE: Yeah, yeah, maybe.
Dr. Long: Rachel youre gonna have to push even harder, nothings happening!
ERICA: No, no no no, you don't have to tell me anything. You don't have to explain yourself to me. Ooh, who am I to question the great Dr. Drake Remore?
DR. HORTON: No, no, they only said you.
DR. REMORE: Yeah, whatever. Oh no.
DR. REMORE: Oh, ok. Alright.
DR. BURKE: Only because my parents wanted me to be, I wanted to be a sherrif.
DR. REMORE: Some guys are just lucky I guess.
DR. REMORE: Well then, uh, I uhh, guess that's me. Anyone else need to go on the elevator? Dr. Horton, Dr. Wong?
MONICA: So uh, Joey and Chanlder, I, I think it's time that you take Dr. Greene over to your place.
DR. BURKE: No, no, there's no rush or anything.
Dr. Baldhara: Well, if he's up against a jungle cat or an animal with horns, you've got to give the little guy something. Otherwise it's just cruel.
Dr. Mitchell: ..you add a pinch of saffron, it makes all the difference.
Mindy: Look, I know he's not perfect, but the truth is, at the end of the day, I still really wanna be Mrs. Dr. Barry Farber, D.D.S.
JOEY: Uh, hey, Dr. Greene, why don't you come with me, we'll put your jacket on Rachel's bed.
Rachel: Yeah, well, it's an important day. I wanna look nice. Um, has uh Dr. Franzblau been by?
CHANDLER: Well, uh, Dr. Greene, where are you going?
[Scene: Dr. Burke's apartment. Dr. Burke answers the door for Phoebe and Monica.]
DR. BURKE: I didn't need to know that. I guess 21 years is a lot. I mean, hell, I'm a whole person who can drink older than you.
Dr. Green: This where they put it? What, there no table available in the kitchen! Hello, baby.
MONICA: [answers the door] Dr. Greene. Oh my God it's Rachel's dad. What're you doing here?
Dr. Green: What happened to the library?
Dr. Green: Um-hmm.
Ross: Nice to see you again Dr. Green.
[Scene: Restaurant, Rachel and Ross and Dr. Green are having dinner.]
Dr Green: You kids ready?
Dr. Green: Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, I think I forgot my receipt.
Dr. Green: All right.
Ross: Thanks again, Dr. Green.
Dr. Green: Why not?
Dr. Green: Excuse me, you think Im cheap?
DR. BURKE: Drops. Here, they're free.
Ross: So, Dr. Green, hows the old boat.
Dr. Green: (gets his receipt and notices the twenty) What is this? Who put a twenty down here? Huh?
Dr. Green: Thanks for dinner last night.
Dr. Green: Baby. Ross.
Ross: Yeah, if youre really hungry. (Dr. Green stares at him) It was a joke, I made a joke.
Dr. Green: You know whats really good here, the lobster. What do you say shall I just order three.
INTERCOM: Dr. Remore, report to first floor emergency, stat.
Dr. Green: Ross? Whats with the neck?
Dr. Green: Id love some juice. Thanks.
Dr. Green: Oh.
Dr. Green: Hes Bobby Bobby?
Dr. Green: What do you need help for?
Dr. Green: Oh God!
(Carol's doctor, Dr. Franzblau arrives.)
DR. REMORE: I know you do but you and I can never be together that way.
DR. BURKE: Yeah, that's my job. Alright, look up. . . look down, now open your eyes, now look down. That's right, look into the light. Now look at me. . . OK. Your eyes look good. Those are good eyes.
Dr. Green: So, why do you let her go to a chiropractor for?
Dr. Green: Excuse me for a moment, will you please, I want to say good night to the Levines, before we go.
Dr. Green: So what's new with you, uh, knocked up any more of my daughters lately?
(Ross takes a twenty and slips it underneath the bill when Dr. Green isnt looking.)
JOEY: Soooooo... you are now looking at Dr. Drake Ramore, neurosurgeon, recurring in at least four episodes!
Dr. Baldhara: Well, it's technically not a zoo per se, it's more of an interactive wildlife experience. Let me ask you some questions about, is it, uh, Marcel?
Dr. Mitchell: Look at this, it's from the cellars of Ernest and Tova Borgnine, so how could we resist?
Monica: (to the lobster) Lucky bastard! (Throws the lobster in and turns around to face the planets most annoying woman, next to Dr. Laura and Kathy Lee Gifford of course. Shes the most annoying female TV character however.) Janice.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Dr. Burke are sitting on the couch. He's showing her the pictures in his wallet.]
Dr. Green: (he stares at Ross) Rust, is boat cancer, Ross.
Ross: Aw forget it, its from Pier One. (Theres an angry knock on the door.) Sorry. (Goes and opens the door to an irate Dr. Green.)
Dr. Green: Wait a minute, his name is Dr. Bobby?
Lauren: I used to umm, schedule my classes so I could watch Dr. Drake Remoray on Days of Our Lives.
Dr. Mitchell: Okay, errrr, Monica?
Dr. Rhodes: Well that's not a third nipple.
Dr. Zane: It looks like your uterus is ready for implantation.
Dr. Johnson: I'm with Hamilton!
Dr. Rhodes: First of all, it's on your ass.
Dr. Rhodes: Take your shirt off, and let's see what we're dealing with here. (Ross starts to take off his pants) What are you doing?
[Scene: Dr. Burke's office. Monica is there for her eye appointment.]