words in movies
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Joey: So Monica, still going out with Dr. Boring huh?
Rachel: (stunned) You are friends with Dr. Drake Remoray?
[Scene: Rachel and Barrys bedroom, Rachel is watching Days of Our Lives. Of course its a Dr. Drake Remoray scene. Its set in a hospital room, and Dr. Wesley and a nurse are talking about a female patient with a bandage around her head.]
Nurse: Youve done all you can Dr. Wesley. You have got to let her go.
Dr. Wesley: Good-bye and God speed, Hope Brady.
(He goes to turn off a machine. Suddenly, Dr. Drake Remoray appears at the door with two cops!)
Dr. Drake Remoray: Not so fast Wesley! (Rachel does a silent clap.)
Dr. Wesley: (with evil dripping off his tongue) Remoray!
Dr. Drake Remoray: Thats right Wesley! I just stopped by to say that, youre not a real doctor! And that womans brain, is fine!
[Cut back to the TV, the cops are leading Dr. Wesley out, and as they pass Remoray and Wesley exchange evil glances.]
Dr. Drake Remoray: Hope! Hope!
Dr. Drake Remoray: Youre not dying Hope, youre gonna live a long, healthy life. With me.
[Scene: Joey's apartment, (The one he had when he was Dr. Drake Remoray, because he still is.) Rachel is there and admiring the big ceramic fake dog.]
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, Monica is pouring wine for her boyfriend, Dr. Roger.]
Dr. Roger: They have parasites?
Dr. Roger: What people?
Dr. Roger: So oysters, huh?
Dr. Roger: Yknow, its funny, but when we were studying communicable diseases
Dr. Roger: Ohh! Didnt know! Okay!
Dr. Roger: Im sorry sweetie, its the hospital. The food looks great, maybe save me some?
Rachel: Joey, youre such an amazing actor! (He smiles.) How do you know where Dr. Drake Remoray leaves off and Joey Tribbiani begins?
Joey: Well, with Dr. Drake they always tell me what to say. And with Joey, I pretty much have to make it up on my own.
Monica: Oh I cant. Dr. Roger is coming over again.
Monica: Great! Its so amazing! I mean, last time Dr. Roger came over, I was so nervous, but then after being with you Im all like, "Can the doctor see me now?"
Monica: Yeah, come on, eat, whatever you want. Dr. Roger got beeped again.
MONICA: So uh, Joey and Chanlder, I, I think it's time that you take Dr. Greene over to your place.
CHANDLER: Well, uh, Dr. Greene, where are you going?
[Scene: Dr. Burke's apartment. Dr. Burke answers the door for Phoebe and Monica.]
DR. BURKE: I didn't need to know that. I guess 21 years is a lot. I mean, hell, I'm a whole person who can drink older than you.
Rachel: Yeah, well, it's an important day. I wanna look nice. Um, has uh Dr. Franzblau been by?
DR. BURKE: Drops. Here, they're free.
Ross: So, Dr. Green, hows the old boat.
Dr. Green: This where they put it? What, there no table available in the kitchen! Hello, baby.
Dr. Green: You know whats really good here, the lobster. What do you say shall I just order three.
INTERCOM: Dr. Remore, report to first floor emergency, stat.
Dr. Green: Excuse me, you think Im cheap?
MONICA: [answers the door] Dr. Greene. Oh my God it's Rachel's dad. What're you doing here?
Dr. Green: What happened to the library?
Dr. Green: Um-hmm.
Ross: Nice to see you again Dr. Green.
[Scene: Restaurant, Rachel and Ross and Dr. Green are having dinner.]
Dr Green: You kids ready?
Dr. Green: Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, I think I forgot my receipt.
Dr. Green: All right.
Ross: Thanks again, Dr. Green.
Dr. Green: Why not?
Dr. Green: Hes Bobby Bobby?
Dr. Green: Ross? Whats with the neck?
Dr. Green: Oh.
Dr. Green: (gets his receipt and notices the twenty) What is this? Who put a twenty down here? Huh?
Dr. Green: Thanks for dinner last night.
Dr. Green: Baby. Ross.
Ross: Yeah, if youre really hungry. (Dr. Green stares at him) It was a joke, I made a joke.
Dr. Green: Id love some juice. Thanks.
(Carol's doctor, Dr. Franzblau arrives.)
Dr. Green: What do you need help for?
Dr. Green: Oh God!
Dr. Baldhara: Well, it's technically not a zoo per se, it's more of an interactive wildlife experience. Let me ask you some questions about, is it, uh, Marcel?
Dr. Green: So, why do you let her go to a chiropractor for?
DR. BURKE: Yeah, that's my job. Alright, look up. . . look down, now open your eyes, now look down. That's right, look into the light. Now look at me. . . OK. Your eyes look good. Those are good eyes.
(Ross takes a twenty and slips it underneath the bill when Dr. Green isnt looking.)
Dr. Green: So what's new with you, uh, knocked up any more of my daughters lately?
DR. REMORE: I know you do but you and I can never be together that way.
Dr. Green: Excuse me for a moment, will you please, I want to say good night to the Levines, before we go.
Dr. Zane: Okay, itll take just a little while to prepare the embryos.
JOEY: Soooooo... you are now looking at Dr. Drake Ramore, neurosurgeon, recurring in at least four episodes!
Monica: (to the lobster) Lucky bastard! (Throws the lobster in and turns around to face the planets most annoying woman, next to Dr. Laura and Kathy Lee Gifford of course. Shes the most annoying female TV character however.) Janice.
Dr. Mitchell: Look at this, it's from the cellars of Ernest and Tova Borgnine, so how could we resist?
Dr. Rhodes: Well that's not a third nipple.
Dr. Johnson: I'm with Hamilton!
Dr. Zane: It looks like your uterus is ready for implantation.
Dr. Zane: Um-hmm, five actually.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Dr. Burke are sitting on the couch. He's showing her the pictures in his wallet.]
Dr. Green: (he stares at Ross) Rust, is boat cancer, Ross.
Dr. Green: Wait a minute, his name is Dr. Bobby?
Lauren: I used to umm, schedule my classes so I could watch Dr. Drake Remoray on Days of Our Lives.
Dr. Mitchell: Okay, errrr, Monica?
Ross: Aw forget it, its from Pier One. (Theres an angry knock on the door.) Sorry. (Goes and opens the door to an irate Dr. Green.)
Dr. Rhodes: First of all, it's on your ass.
Dr. Rhodes: Take your shirt off, and let's see what we're dealing with here. (Ross starts to take off his pants) What are you doing?
Dr. Timothy Burke: Ready?
Dr. Zane: No, Im sorry.
[Scene: The Doctors office, Dr. Zane is examining Phoebe as Frank and Alice watch.]
[Scene: The delivery room, later on, Rachel, Chandler, Monica, and Frank are there as Dr. Harad is checking out Phoebe.]
Dr. Green: They found rust. You know what rust does to a boat?
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is talking to Dr. Baldhara, a zookeeper.]
Bernice: (over intercom) Dr. Farber, Bobby Rush is here for his adjustment.
Dr. Green: Youre still going to that chiropractor, that man couldnt get into medical school in Extapa!
Nurse: Dr. Burke will see you know.
[Scene: Dr. Burke's office. Monica is there for her eye appointment.]
Dr. Zane: Ready?
Monica: You promised Dr. Weinburg, youd never use that phrase.
Dr. Rosen: (Smiling even more and attempting to take over) And I'm his friend, Dr.Rosen.
DR HORTON: Hard day huh? First the medical award, this.
[Scene: Dr. Burkes office, Tim is examining Monica.]
Tour Guide: You mean Dr. Geller?
Dr. Rosen: So, Monica, what do you do?
Phoebe: No, not Phoebe, Dr. Philange. Oh no! You have it too!
DR. BURKE: Ya know, she's having another baby.
Ross: Thank you, Dr. Phillips, but Im having my lunch at this table, here in the middle. Im having lunch right here, with my good friend Joey, if hell sit with me.
Joey: (standing up) I will sit with you Dr. Geller. (He goes over to his table and they shake hands.)
Monica: Oh no-no-no, not Dr. Burke. Dr. Burke is out of town. The-the on-call doctor will see me now.
Dr. Green: Come on! Youre just titling! (to Ross) Her legs are fine!
(The doctor, Dr. Harad, enters.)
Dr. Harad: Oh no-no-no. Fonzie is the nickname of Arthur Fonzerelli. The Fonz.
Dr. Harad: Let's see what we got here. Ohh, y'know, Fonzie dated triplets.
Dr. Oberman: Umm, I'm actually a first year resident, but I get that a lot, you see, I-I graduated early
[Scene: The delivery room, Dr. Harad is back and checking on Phoebe.]
Dr. Harad: All right, I need a clamp, sterile towel, and channel 31.
Dr. Harad: (entering) Okay!
(Dr. Harad exits.)
Dr. Oberman: Oh no, I'm fully qualified to
Dr. Harad: Okay, now push! That's it push! Just concentrate on pushing! Yeah, here we go!
Dr. Harad: (laughing) Oh Fonzie.
Dr. Harad: Yeah, that's right.
Dr. Harad: All right, he's coming. He's coming!
Dr. Franzblau: All right, he's crowning. Here he comes.
Dr. Harad: All right, you're getting there. Oh, and y'know, these babies are very, very lucky.
Dr. Long: (To Joey) Uh, if you have any questions, heres some information on Braxton-Hicks. (Hands Joey a pamphlet.) Oh and by the way, you did the right thing by bringing her in. Youre gonna make a wonderful father.
Dr. Green: But what?! You figured youd get what you wanted and then dump her like you dumped Rachel!
Ross: Okay, Phoebe, this Dr. Oberman. He has no strong feelings about Fonzie or any of the Happy Days gang.
Dr. Harad: Okay. You ready to push again?
Joey: You don't seem to understand. See, I was Dr. Drake Remoray.
Dr. Harad: All right. Keep pushing! Come on!
(Dr. Harad drops what he's doing and stares at her.)