words in movies
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Joey: So Monica, still going out with Dr. Boring huh?
Rachel: (stunned) You are friends with Dr. Drake Remoray?
[Scene: Rachel and Barrys bedroom, Rachel is watching Days of Our Lives. Of course its a Dr. Drake Remoray scene. Its set in a hospital room, and Dr. Wesley and a nurse are talking about a female patient with a bandage around her head.]
Nurse: Youve done all you can Dr. Wesley. You have got to let her go.
Dr. Wesley: Good-bye and God speed, Hope Brady.
(He goes to turn off a machine. Suddenly, Dr. Drake Remoray appears at the door with two cops!)
Dr. Drake Remoray: Not so fast Wesley! (Rachel does a silent clap.)
Dr. Wesley: (with evil dripping off his tongue) Remoray!
Dr. Drake Remoray: Thats right Wesley! I just stopped by to say that, youre not a real doctor! And that womans brain, is fine!
[Cut back to the TV, the cops are leading Dr. Wesley out, and as they pass Remoray and Wesley exchange evil glances.]
Dr. Drake Remoray: Hope! Hope!
Dr. Drake Remoray: Youre not dying Hope, youre gonna live a long, healthy life. With me.
[Scene: Joey's apartment, (The one he had when he was Dr. Drake Remoray, because he still is.) Rachel is there and admiring the big ceramic fake dog.]
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, Monica is pouring wine for her boyfriend, Dr. Roger.]
Dr. Roger: They have parasites?
Dr. Roger: What people?
Dr. Roger: So oysters, huh?
Dr. Roger: Yknow, its funny, but when we were studying communicable diseases
Dr. Roger: Ohh! Didnt know! Okay!
Dr. Roger: Im sorry sweetie, its the hospital. The food looks great, maybe save me some?
Rachel: Joey, youre such an amazing actor! (He smiles.) How do you know where Dr. Drake Remoray leaves off and Joey Tribbiani begins?
Joey: Well, with Dr. Drake they always tell me what to say. And with Joey, I pretty much have to make it up on my own.
Monica: Oh I cant. Dr. Roger is coming over again.
Monica: Great! Its so amazing! I mean, last time Dr. Roger came over, I was so nervous, but then after being with you Im all like, "Can the doctor see me now?"
Monica: Yeah, come on, eat, whatever you want. Dr. Roger got beeped again.
Dr. Green: Come on! Youre just titling! (to Ross) Her legs are fine!
Phoebe: No, not Phoebe, Dr. Philange. Oh no! You have it too!
(The doctor, Dr. Harad, enters.)
Dr. Harad: All right, I need a clamp, sterile towel, and channel 31.
Dr. Harad: (entering) Okay!
(Dr. Harad exits.)
Dr. Harad: Let's see what we got here. Ohh, y'know, Fonzie dated triplets.
Dr. Harad: Oh no-no-no. Fonzie is the nickname of Arthur Fonzerelli. The Fonz.
Dr. Oberman: Oh no, I'm fully qualified to
Dr. Oberman: Umm, I'm actually a first year resident, but I get that a lot, you see, I-I graduated early
[Scene: The delivery room, Dr. Harad is back and checking on Phoebe.]
Dr. Harad: (laughing) Oh Fonzie.
Dr. Harad: Yeah, that's right.
Dr. Harad: Okay, now push! That's it push! Just concentrate on pushing! Yeah, here we go!
Dr. Harad: All right, he's coming. He's coming!
Dr. Harad: All right, you're getting there. Oh, and y'know, these babies are very, very lucky.
Joey: You don't seem to understand. See, I was Dr. Drake Remoray.
Dr. Long: (To Joey) Uh, if you have any questions, heres some information on Braxton-Hicks. (Hands Joey a pamphlet.) Oh and by the way, you did the right thing by bringing her in. Youre gonna make a wonderful father.
Dr. Harad: All right. Keep pushing! Come on!
Dr. Green: But what?! You figured youd get what you wanted and then dump her like you dumped Rachel!
Ross: Okay, Phoebe, this Dr. Oberman. He has no strong feelings about Fonzie or any of the Happy Days gang.
Dr. Franzblau: All right, he's crowning. Here he comes.
Dr. Harad: Okay. You ready to push again?
Older Scientist: Dr. Geller, theres a seat over here. (Motions to an empty chair at the white table.)
Dr. Leedbetter: Umm, Ross. May I have a word with you?
Dr. Leedbetter: Threatening letters, refusal to meet deadlines, apparently people now call you mental.
Dr. Leedbetter: (laughs) Oh, you know what?
Dr. Leedbetter: (laughs) A sandwich?
Dr. Leedbetter: No.
Dr. Leedbetter: I-I'm sorry. I, I-I-I believe I ate that.
Dr. Leedbetter: We've been getting reports of some very angry behavior on your part.
Dr. Leedbetter: Well, it was quite large. I-I-I-I-I had to throw most of it away.
(Dr. Harad drops what he's doing and stares at her.)
Phoebe: (On the phone, in New York) Uh, hello, this is Ross Gellers personal physician, Dr. Philange.
Dr. Biely: Three for excavation and two for analysis.
Ross: Dr. Green. How are you? (offers his hand, and Dr. Green puts his scarf on it.)
Dr. Ledbetter: I must say it's nice to see you back on your feet.
Dr. Leedbetter: It was a simple mistake. It could happen to anyone.
Joey: I know, but Im a neurologist. And just to be on the safe side, Dr. Wells wanted a more comprehensive overview of you status so he sent me.
Rachel: Dr. Long, Ive been at this for seventeen hours! Three women have come and gone with their babies, you gotta give me some good news! How many centimeters am I dilated? Eight? Nine?
Chandler: So, has anyone talked to Dr. and Mrs. Geller yet?
Joey: (goes over to Ben) Hi Ben! So you wanna be an actor huh? I gotta tell ya, it's no picnic. There's tons of rejection. No stability. One day you're Dr. Drake Remoray, the next day you're eating ketchup right out of the bottle.
Dr. Harad: All right. Here's your first baby.
Dr. Miller: Ready?
Dr. Miller: Here we go.
Dr. Miller: That's okay.
Dr. Miller: Very good Monica! You know where they are.
Dr. Miller: And I'll fit you for a glass eye.
Dr. Miller: 1 2 3! (Rachel jerks back on 3.)
Dr. Miller: Sit down.
Monica: Dr. Miller? (She covers her right eye and reads from the chart) P E C F D.
Nurse: Dr. Richard Burke is out of town. Dr. Timothy Burke, his son, will see you now.
DR. REMORE: Amber, I want you to know that I'll always be there for you, as a friend and as your brother.
The Professor: Dr. Geller, Kurt Rathman, Im a professor in the paleontology department here.
CHANDLER: Oh no no no, she's a total wack job. Yeah, she thinks that Joey is actually Dr. Drake Remore.
Mr. Geller: What? Dr. Wilson's an artist! He removed my mole cluster. Wanna see? (He starts to show her as the doorbell rings.)
[Scene: The Museum of Prehistoric History (Ross's work); Ross is in the break room eating lunch as his boss, Dr. Leedbetter walks in.]
Ross: (He notices something through the window.) No! No! Wh What are you doing?!! (Dr. Ledbetter is slowly backing away.) GET OFF MY SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dr. Long: (looks at her beeping pager) Oh, Ill be right back. And, uh, I know its really not my place, but please dont name your child Phoebo.
Rachel: Now, now the one in the feather boa, that's Dr. Francis. Now, she used to be a man. Okay, now look, see, there's Raven. We hate her. We're glad she's dying. Okay- (Marcel pushes down a cushion to reveal a shoe) Wh- wh- Marcel, are you playing with Monica's shoes? You know you're not supposed to pl- whoah. Marcel, did you poo in the shoe? (Takes the shoe into the kitchen) Marcel, bad monkey! Oh! Oh! (She notices the newsletter and taps the contents of the shoes onto it, then folds it shut) Sorry, Barry. Little engagement gift. I'm sure you didn't register for that. (She leaves the apartment holding the newsletter at arm's length. However, she leaves the door open. Marcel runs out in the opposite direction. There is a shot from the TV and Rachel runs back in) Who died? Who died? Roll him over! Oh, c'mon, roll him over! Oh...! Well, we know it wasn't Dexter, right Marcel? Because- (Looks down and notices he is missing) Marcel? Marc- (Notices the open door)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there to watch Joey's first scene as Dr. Drake Remoray.]
Dr. Harad: Fonzie met Mork. Mork froze Fonzie.
Monica: (trying to be seductive) Calling Dr. Big, Dr. Big to the bed.
Dr. Harad: Hi! Phoebe, I'm Dr. Harad, I'm going to be delivering your babies. I want you to know, you're gonna be in good hands. I've been doing this for a long time. I'll be back in a minute to do your internal, in the meantime, just relax because everything here looks great. And also, I love Fonzie. (Exits)
Joey: (to the fan) So, you saw me on Days Of Our Lives huh? Want me to, want me to do a little Dr. Drake Remoray for ya?
Dr. Mitchell: Willya relax? Look around. No pagan altars, no piles of bones in the corners, they're fine. (Baring his teeth to clean them with his finger) Go like this. (Dr. Rosen obeys.)
[Scene: Dr. Burke's apartment. Monica and Dr. Burke are in the kitchen.]
DR. REMORE: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Dr. Miller: Almost! But first, we gotta start.
Joey: (there's a gunshot on TV) There's my scene, there's my scene. [Joey on tv] "Mrs. Wallace, I'm Dr. Drake Ramoray, your sister's neurosurgeon. I'm afraid the situation is much worse than we expected. Your sister is suffering from a..." (Does the smell-the-fart look.)
Dr. Leedbetter: It was a simple mistake. It could happen to anyone.
[Scene: Dr. Burkes office, Rachel and Monica are waiting as the doctor arrives.]
Dr. Leedbetter: Now-now calm down. Come look in my office, some of it my still be in the trash.
Ross: Hey! I just got uh, my teacher evaluations! Check out what this one student wrote, "I loved Dr. Gellers class. Mind blowing lectures! Dr. Geller, you are definitely the hottie of the paleontology department!"
Dr. Franzblau: I don't know, could be an hour, could be three, but relax, she's doing great. So, uh, tell me, are you currently involved with anyone?
Dr. Ledbetter: I wonder if its time for you to rejoin our team at the museum?
Dr. Rhodes: He's good with rear things, bring him in too.
Dr. Green: Wait a minute, you dont have renters insurance?!
Nurse #2: Its not hopeless! Dr. Stryker Remorays a miracle worker. Look, here he comes.
JOEY: I don't need to think about it. I was Dr. Drake Remoray. That was huge. Big things are gonna happen, you'll see. Ross, you still there?
Dr. Harad: Okay, you're at ten centimeters. Time to start having some babies. All right, I want only the father in here please.
Joey: Well, I was Dr. Drake Remoray, Strykers twin brother. I mean, who looks more me than me right?
Dr. Miller: Okay then, I guess we'll see you back here in three months.
Dr. Franzblau: All right, ten centimeters, here we go.
Little Girl: Dr. Geller?
Ross: Oh Donald that-that would be great. I am totally ready to come back to work. IWhat? (He notices something through the window.) No! Wh What are you doing?!! (Dr. Ledbetter is slowly backing away.) GET OFF MY SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Phoebe: No Dr. Skeptismo! Im sure. First of all, okay, theres the feeling. (Chandler shrugs) Okay, and for another, how about the fact that she went into my guitar case which is lined with orange felt. (Rachel nods her head in unsure agreement) My Mothers favourite fish is Orange Roughy... (Joey thinks he understands, but then nods that he has no clue.) Cats....like....fish! (Ross and Rachel are totally lost) (to the cat) Hi, Mommy. (Rachel covers her mouth, in an Oh my God. gesture) Oh, I havent seen this smile in 17 years!
Chandler: Is that a hint? Because we love you Doctor Connelly but we don't think we'd want you to be our child! (Dr. Connelly glares at him) Wow, talking about an inhospitable environment!
Dr. Leedbetter: Now-now calm down. Come look in my office, some of it my still be in the trash.
Little Girl: Dr. Geller, will you dance with me?
Dr. Long: Huh. Nice to meet you. Ill get started on this.
Dr. Stryker Remoray: Good morning. (He walks over to the bed, leans down, and whispers to him.) Drake, its your brother Stryker. Can you hear me?
Rachel: Oh no Dr. Long, please come in. This is Ross, he is the father.
Dr. Long: (entering) Am I interrupting?
Dr. Drake Ramoray: Is it serious?
Dr. Long: Congratulations. Ill give you two a minute.
(Dr. Long exits and Rachel starts to cry.)
Dr. Drake Ramoray: What is it?
Dr. Green: How about I order everyone the Moroccan chicken?
Dr. Long: Okay, everything looks good. Here it is on the screen. (We see Ross and Rachel looking at the screen.) Here is your uterus. And right here is your baby.