words in movies
Director: (on phone)...Dammit, hire the girl! (He hangs up the phone.) Okay, everybody ready?
Director: Lose the robe.
Director: That would work.
Director: Okay, everybody, we'd like to get this in one take, please. Let's roll it.. water's working (The shower starts).. and... action.
Director: And cut. Hey, Butt Guy, what the hell are you doing?
Director: No, that was clenching.
Director: I think his butt would like to get this shot before lunch. Once again, rolling... water working... and action....and cut. What was that?
The Casting Director: (entering) Okay uh, we have narrowed it down to Raymond, Ben, Kyle, and Joey. The rest of you, thank you very much.
The Director: Cut! Alex, remember youre supposed to cry. Can you cry for us this time?
Director: Alright were back! Ten seconds left here we go! Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven! (He continues to count as we hear Joey think)
[Scene: Joey's audition, the director has returned and wants to see the combination.]
Director: Next on the platforms are (He points to the right of Ross and Monica, so they dance over to where hes pointing to. He points away from them) you two! And (He points the other way, and Ross and Monica follow his arm. Again he points away.) You two!
JOEY: So, assistant to the director. That's a really exciting job, I mean, you must have a ton of cool responsibilities.
Director: Uh, yeah. Now you guys dance over there, you guys over there, and I want you two right around here, and everyone else spread out.
Casting Director #2: Thats where you pick up the bag.
The Casting Director: Umm, do you sell these bags?
Ross: Oh! (Does a laugh/groan.) Listen umm, I, I just stopped by to see if you wanted to see this play tonight. Umm, its supposed to be excellent. The director is the same
The Director: And cut!
Joey: "Take could care of your Momma son." (Alex just looks at him and the director motions for him to continue so he tries it again.) "Take could care of your Momma son." (Alex does nothing.) "Come on son! Your Mommas good people!"
The Director: Cut!
The Director: Cut! That was great everybody! Thank you!
The Casting Director: Okay.
The Casting Director: Well, the director thinks youre really right for the part and wants to meet you tomorrow.
(The casting director shakes her head.)
The Casting Director: Hi-hi Joey.
[Scene: A Casting Directors Office, Joey is entering for his callback.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Joey is telling Monica what the casting director was trying to get too.]
The Casting Director: Wait Joey! You didnt need to come down because the director saw your tape from yesterday and loved it.
The Director: Oh thats great! Okay, well Ive heard everything I need to hear. I just need to uh, Leslie
The Director: Yeah.
[Scene: The casting directors office, Joey is there to show off to the director, so to speak.]
The Casting Director: Joey, this is awkward part.
The Assistant Director: (approaching) Hey Joey! Were ready.
The Director: I dont think so. Lets take it back to Richards last line. (Walks off.) Action!
The Director: Hang on a minute! Joey, you keep touching your face. Is something wrong?
The Director: Action!
The Assistant Director: (To Joey) Heres your call sheet for tomorrow.
The Assistant Director: You are now.
The Director: Cut! Wonderful!
The Director: But youre not bald.
The Director: But youre supposed to work on Monday.
Joey: So I uh, I just talked to the director. Thats it, were done for the day.
The Director: What kind of surgery?!
The Director: Joey, you gotta stay until the end. We cant stop filming just for you. Its not like its your wedding. (Starts to walk away.)
The Director: What?!
The Director: Lets take it from there.
The Director: Lets reset.
Joey: They uh director. Uhh, her. (Points to an old woman standing behind him. Who glares at him and walks off.) All right, all right, it's not a gladiator movie. I work here.
The Director: Watch again that hand.
The Director: Action!
The Director: Okay.
The Director: And action!
The Director: Once again, and action!
The Director: Here we go.
The Director: Action!
The Director: Action.
The Casting Director: Actually, I tried to call to you. You didnt need to come down here today.
[Scene: The Movie Set, Joey is walking up to the director, pleading with him to let him go.]
The Director: Okay, all right. Lets do it. (He walks off.) And Action!
Director: Cut! Very nice people!
Director: CUT!
Joey: (to the director) Hiya!
Joey: Excuse me, Aaron? (The director turns around.) Hi! Umm, I have a little problem with the schedules. Originally, I wasnt supposed to work today, and I have this wedding that I really have to be at. Its my best friends, and Im officiating so I really cant work past four.
The Director: Stop!! Stop it! You must stop! You are bad actors! This is a terrible play! Ill see you in the morning. (exits)
The Director: Okay. (to Alex) All right uh, Alex now when Joey says his line, "Take good care of your Momma son," thats your cue to cry. Got it? (Alex nods yes.) All right, lets do this.
[Scene: Unitel Video, Studio 55, Joey's telethon, he is being shown around by the stage director.]
Director: Joey, Joey! We're ready for you!
Director: On a bell please! Quietly.. and ACTION!
The Director: Im sorry Joey, as long as hes here and hes conscious were still shooting.
The Director: Hey Joey, were ready for ya! (Joey stumbles over) Joey, this is Alex hes going to be playing your son.
Director: Joey, do you speak French?
The Director: (entering, drunk) I am hurt! (to Joey and Kate) A plague on both your houses! (walks away)
The Director: (approaching) Okay! Were about an hour away from getting the scene lit. So uh, if you guys dont mind, can we run it a couple of times?
Director: Whenever you're ready Joey.
Director: You know what. I think this audition is over. (Joey looks disappointed, but understands.)
(The director looks at Joey and he nods.)
Director: (to Joey) Good job, little buddy. That was some really good French. But I think we're gonna go with someone else for the part.
Director: It was great.
Director: You really think this man is speaking French?
Phoebe: (to the director) Merci. Au revoir. (Translation: Thanks, goodbye.)
The Director: Tasty! Im really starting to feel like you guys have a history, its-its nice.
Joey: Hey Chandler! Yknow that girl you went to college with who-who became a movie director?
Joey: Oh, you have no idea. And-and when were on stage I get to-to kiss her and-and touch her, but then she goes home with the director, and its like somebodys ripping out my heart!
The Casting Director: Terrific! Well uh, theres one more thing. Uhh, uh its really important to the director that everything in this movie is authentic. Yeah and so in your love scene with Sarah she talks about how shes never seen a naked man who wasnt Jewish. So (Laughs.)
The Director: Hey, lovely! Come, talk to me a minute! (she goes over to him)
The Casting Director: Y'know, that's-that's fine, but the line is, "Hmm, soup."
The Director: Look Joey, theres nothing I can do. Besides, youre probably gonna be out by four anyway. Weve just got one short scene. Its just you and Richard, and God knows hes a pro. Youll be fine. (Walks away and sees Richard entering.) Morning Richard.
Joey: Well, Estelle tried, you know. The casting director told her that I missed my chance.
Joey: Oh! Hey right! Not a problem. (He starts taking off his clothes.) I totally understand. You need to yknow make sure I dont have any horrible scars or tattoos. Dont you worry; I have nothing to hide. (He drops his pants and stands back up and looks down.) So there you go, thats me. (We cut to a camera angle looking at the casting director and movie director through Joeys legs.) One hundred percent natural! (Suddenly, theres a thud as something falls off.) (Everyone is shocked.) I tell ya, that has never happened before.
The Casting Director: Oh and your agent said you were okay with the nudity.
Joey: Oh, its this big budget period movie about these three Italian brothers who come to America around the turn of the century. Its really classy! Oh, and the director is supposed to be the next, next Martin Scorcese.
Joey: (reading the card) Whoa! This guy is like the biggest commercial casting director in town! (Ross gasps) Ben takes one lousy walk in the park and gets an audition!! (Ross and Carol stare at him, then Joey realizes what he just said.) I mean, way to go Ben! (Gives Ben the thumbs up, which Ben returns.) Man! I've been in that park a million times and no one offered me an audition.
Director: Aw come on Joey, it's easy. Y'know, it's hand, hand, head, head, (very quickly, Joey watches stunned) up, pas de bouree, pas de bouree, big turn here, grand sissone, sissone, sissone, slide back, step, step, step, and jazz hands!
The Director: (entering carrying a newspaper) Here we go people! (starts reading the review) Boxing Day! The Lucille Lortel Theatre, blah-la-la-la Ah-ha! Joey Tribianni, gives an uneven performance, but Mr. Tribianni is not the worst thing in this production.
Director: Let's try it again, and this time let's watch everybody watch Joey. (to Joey) Show 'em how it's done. (to the pianist) Count it off.
The Casting Director: Actually, that can't happen. Yeah because you all have such different looks, we're putting you with Raymond and Kyle with Ben. So it'll be either you two (Points to Joey and Raymond) or you two. (Points to Kyle and Ben.) (Exits.)
The Director: Still rolling, annnnd action!
The Casting Director: An Italian Catholic immigrant at this time would not be
The Director: (answering the phone) Hello. Oh! Its you. Just ah, just one-one sec. (to Joey and Kate) I am going to take this call. When I continue, I hope that there will appear on stage this magical thing that in the theatre we call, committing to the moment! (He goes to take the call.)
[Scene: Casting Director #2s office, Joey is on his second audition. This one is for Purina One Dog Chow, an actual item. Please note the gratuitous product placement.]
Director: Joey, all the roles got to dance a little. But believe me with your dance background it'll be a piece of cake.
The Director: Kate Millers awkward and mannered portrayal is laughable. (Kate walks away depressed.) Badda-badda-badda. Ah-ha! Here it is! The direction by Marshal Talmant is (stops, reads it again, and throws down the paper in disgust) Thank you, boys and girls, youve ruined my life. Please, stuff your talentless faces with my Mothers crab cakes! (starts to leave) Excuse me!!
The Casting Director: So uh well the director is insisting that whoever play that part be authentically, anatomically not Jewish. Do you know what Im saying?
[Scene: Casting Director #1s office, Joey is on his first audition. His partner is an 8-year-old boy.]
Casting Director No. 2: Name?
Director: I dont see it. (To Janine) You are dancing with the tall guy over there. Tall guy, raise your hand! (He does. Janine goes over to him.)
Casting Director No. 1: That's fine, thank you.