words in movies
Joey: Oh, its this big budget period movie about these three Italian brothers who come to America around the turn of the century. Its really classy! Oh, and the director is supposed to be the next, next Martin Scorcese.
[Scene: A Casting Directors Office, Joey is entering for his callback.]
The Casting Director: Hi-hi Joey.
The Casting Director: Actually, I tried to call to you. You didnt need to come down here today.
The Casting Director: Wait Joey! You didnt need to come down because the director saw your tape from yesterday and loved it.
The Casting Director: Well, the director thinks youre really right for the part and wants to meet you tomorrow.
The Casting Director: Oh and your agent said you were okay with the nudity.
The Casting Director: Terrific! Well uh, theres one more thing. Uhh, uh its really important to the director that everything in this movie is authentic. Yeah and so in your love scene with Sarah she talks about how shes never seen a naked man who wasnt Jewish. So (Laughs.)
The Casting Director: So uh well the director is insisting that whoever play that part be authentically, anatomically not Jewish. Do you know what Im saying?
The Casting Director: Okay.
The Casting Director: An Italian Catholic immigrant at this time would not be
(The casting director shakes her head.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Joey is telling Monica what the casting director was trying to get too.]
Joey: I kn-I know! I know! Okay? And apparently tomorrow when I go in to meet the director I have to take off my clothes so that they can see what my body looks like.
[Scene: The casting directors office, Joey is there to show off to the director, so to speak.]
The Director: Yeah.
The Director: Oh thats great! Okay, well Ive heard everything I need to hear. I just need to uh, Leslie
The Casting Director: Joey, this is awkward part.
Joey: Oh! Hey right! Not a problem. (He starts taking off his clothes.) I totally understand. You need to yknow make sure I dont have any horrible scars or tattoos. Dont you worry; I have nothing to hide. (He drops his pants and stands back up and looks down.) So there you go, thats me. (We cut to a camera angle looking at the casting director and movie director through Joeys legs.) One hundred percent natural! (Suddenly, theres a thud as something falls off.) (Everyone is shocked.) I tell ya, that has never happened before.
Stage Director: This will be your phone.
Stage Director: Well, here's your phone doctor. (She walks away.)
Stage Director: Back on in 30 seconds people!
Stage Director: We're on in 3, 2, (points to Gary Collins.)
The Assistant Director: (to another actor) Richard? Were ready for you. (Richard approaches.) Joey Tribbiani? This is Richard Crosby hes playing Vincent.
Stage Director: No, Gary Collins is the host. You'll be answering the phones.
Director: Okay, everybody, we'd like to get this in one take, please. Let's roll it.. water's working (The shower starts).. and... action.
The Casting Director: Any time you're ready, Joey.
The Casting Director: Sure. What?
The Casting Director: (stopping him) I'm sorry. Could you, could you try it without the purse?
The Casting Director: Okay, anytime.
The Casting Director: Hmm, noodle soup.
The Casting Director: Okay! Thank you! That was great!
The Casting Director: I think we've seen enough!
The Casting Director: All right, let's try one.
The Casting Director: Y'know what? We need to move on.
The Casting Director: Okay. Let's do it again.
The Casting Director: (entering) Okay, Raymond, Joey you're up.
The Casting Director: Is there a problem?
Chandler: Hey, you know what you can do? I remember reading about this director, I think it was Orson Wells, who at the beginning of the movie would hire somebody, just so he could fire them in front of everybody. Then they would all know, whos boss.
Casting Director #1: Whenever youre ready.
Rachel: Anyway, I'm going to be the coordinator of the woman's collection, I'll work right under the director, it's the perfect, perfect job for me!
Casting Director #1: Oh my God!!
Casting Director #2: No.
Casting Director #2: No, the line is pick a bag, so you need to pick up the bag.
[Scene: Casting Director #3s office, Joey is entering.]
The Director: All right, from the top.
Casting Director #3: You mean dying man?
The Director: And Action!
Stage Director: No you answer it and take pledges.
Casting Director #1: Hold it. Im sorry, the surprise is a new swing set, if you could play it a little less intense?
The Director: Uh sure.
The Director: Action!
The Director: Cut!!!!!!!!!! (Joey starts screaming again.)
The Director: All right! Lets try this again! You ready Joe?
The Casting Director: Okay, uh well, let's try one. Whenever you guys are ready. (Some dude puts down a couple bowls of soup in front of them.)
Joey: Hi Alex! (to the director) And uh, as you can see my hands are not in my pants. (Holds them both up.)
The Casting Director: Okayyyy! Anddd, go!
Director: (To Cameraman) Make sure you get this, theyre gonna want it for the bloopers show. (To everyone) Alright cut! Listen up everyone, when we start again its gonna be the countdown to new years, so I wanna see everybodys excitement.
Director: Really, ythink so? I dont..
Director: OK, everyone gather up.
Director: Heres whats gonna happen. The musics gonna start, youre gonna dance, were gonna tape, you dont look at the camera. Any questions?
(The director shakes his head.)
Director: (To Joey) Okay, youre dancing with that girl over there.
(When they finish, they walk over to the director)
Director: Okay, everybody hold!
Director: Whats going on over here?
Director: Oh no! You get up there and do that again exactly like that!
(The director pushes the Tall Guy away)
Director: Whats the matter with you? Get out of here!
[Scene: Joey's audition, the director has returned and wants to see the combination.]
Director: Okay, heres where we go to the live shot of Times Square, nice work everyone thats a wrap!
Director: Cut!
Director: Alright were back! Ten seconds left here we go! Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven! (He continues to count as we hear Joey think)
The Casting Director: (entering) Okay uh, we have narrowed it down to Raymond, Ben, Kyle, and Joey. The rest of you, thank you very much.
The Director: Cut! Alex, remember youre supposed to cry. Can you cry for us this time?
Director: Next on the platforms are (He points to the right of Ross and Monica, so they dance over to where hes pointing to. He points away from them) you two! And (He points the other way, and Ross and Monica follow his arm. Again he points away.) You two!
The Casting Director: Umm, do you sell these bags?
JOEY: So, assistant to the director. That's a really exciting job, I mean, you must have a ton of cool responsibilities.
Director: Uh, yeah. Now you guys dance over there, you guys over there, and I want you two right around here, and everyone else spread out.
Casting Director #2: Thats where you pick up the bag.
Ross: Oh! (Does a laugh/groan.) Listen umm, I, I just stopped by to see if you wanted to see this play tonight. Umm, its supposed to be excellent. The director is the same
The Director: And cut!
The Director: Cut! That was great everybody! Thank you!
Joey: "Take could care of your Momma son." (Alex just looks at him and the director motions for him to continue so he tries it again.) "Take could care of your Momma son." (Alex does nothing.) "Come on son! Your Mommas good people!"
The Director: Cut!
The Director: Hang on a minute! Joey, you keep touching your face. Is something wrong?
The Assistant Director: (approaching) Hey Joey! Were ready.
The Director: What kind of surgery?!
The Director: Action!
The Assistant Director: (To Joey) Heres your call sheet for tomorrow.
The Assistant Director: You are now.
The Director: Cut! Wonderful!
The Director: I dont think so. Lets take it back to Richards last line. (Walks off.) Action!
The Director: But youre not bald.
The Director: But youre supposed to work on Monday.
The Director: Joey, you gotta stay until the end. We cant stop filming just for you. Its not like its your wedding. (Starts to walk away.)
The Director: What?!
Joey: They uh director. Uhh, her. (Points to an old woman standing behind him. Who glares at him and walks off.) All right, all right, it's not a gladiator movie. I work here.
The Director: Lets take it from there.
The Director: Lets reset.
The Director: Watch again that hand.
Joey: So I uh, I just talked to the director. Thats it, were done for the day.
The Director: Action!
The Director: Okay.
The Director: Here we go.
The Director: Once again, and action!
The Director: And action!
The Director: Action!
The Director: Action.
The Director: Okay, all right. Lets do it. (He walks off.) And Action!
[Scene: The Movie Set, Joey is walking up to the director, pleading with him to let him go.]
The Director: Stop!! Stop it! You must stop! You are bad actors! This is a terrible play! Ill see you in the morning. (exits)
Director: Cut! Very nice people!
The Director: Okay. (to Alex) All right uh, Alex now when Joey says his line, "Take good care of your Momma son," thats your cue to cry. Got it? (Alex nods yes.) All right, lets do this.
Joey: (to the director) Hiya!
Joey: Excuse me, Aaron? (The director turns around.) Hi! Umm, I have a little problem with the schedules. Originally, I wasnt supposed to work today, and I have this wedding that I really have to be at. Its my best friends, and Im officiating so I really cant work past four.
The Director: Im sorry Joey, as long as hes here and hes conscious were still shooting.
[Scene: Unitel Video, Studio 55, Joey's telethon, he is being shown around by the stage director.]
Director: CUT!