words in movies
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is in the kitchen, Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe are sitting around the table writing one notepads while Chandler is looking over their shoulders.]
Chandler: No, no, no. No-no-no.
Chandler: No, we're playing this game I learned at work. You have to name all the states in six minutes.
Chandler: Now, that's a lot harder than it sounds. You always forget at least one, or in some cases... fourteen (looks over to Monica).
Chandler: Oh, okay, time's up!
Chandler: Oh that's not bad, Pheebs?
Chandler: Okay, so Rachel's got 48 and Phoebe has the lead in vegetables, Joey?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's. Ross is sitting in the couch doing Chandler's game. Chandler is sitting in his barca-lounger. The girls are in the kitchen.]
Chandler: Does South Oregon have a sports-team? (Joey strikes one from his list) There you go.
Chandler: Oooh that may be a New World's record (Looks at his watch and picks up Ross' pad)
Chandler: Uh, Magellan? You got 46 states. (Smiles and hands Ross back his pad)
Chandler: I am only one man! (Monica heads out) Okay Ross, time is up!
Chandler: Look Ross, if you don't know them by now, you will never know them, okay? That is the beauty of this game. It makes you want to kill yourself.
Chandler: Okay, but if you can't no dinner!
Monica: Chandler? Can you give me a hand? (Grabs her jacket)
Chandler: Sure, and Joey; do not let Ross look at any of the maps or the globe in your apartment.
Joey: Don't worry, Chandler, it's not a globe of the United States.
[Chandler and Monica head out with some stuff. Phoebe comes out of her room with a bag.]
[Scene: Ross' apartment, Monica and Chandler enter.]
Chandler: I don't know. Maybe it's because it smells a little weird. It's like old pumpkins or something.
Chandler: Which smells delicious!
Chandler: What?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Ross is still doing his list. Rachel and Joey are feeding the dog as the phone rings.]
Chandler: Tell her, I'm allergic, and I will sue!
[Time lapse, Chandler and Monica enter.]
Chandler: Huh! Where is the dog?!
Chandler: Phoebe, we can hear the dog barking!
Chandler: What is it doing here?
Monica: Oooh, I wish she could stay here, but Chandler is allergic!
Chandler: Extremely allergic, okay? If I'm anywhere near a dog for more than 5 minutes, my throat will just close up!
Chandler: (gasping) Really?
Monica: Chandler, if that dog's been here that long, and you haven't had a reaction, maybe you're not allergic to this dog?
Chandler: Well, it still has to go, right?
Chandler: Okay, it's um
Chandler: (to Joey) I have to! Okay? It's time! (Joey shrugs as if to say, "Do what you have to do") Okay, I hate dogs.
Chandler: They are needy, they are jumpy, and you can't tell what they are thinking, and that scares me a little bit.
Chandler: (scared) Is there a puppy here?
Chandler: (to Tag) Okay, you are new!
Joey: Look, Chandler, I told you, never tell anyone about this dog thing. It's like Ross not likin ice cream.
Chandler: Okay, it's just that dogs make me a little uncomfortable.
Chandler: And I don't wanna say this, I don't you guys to hate me, but uh, I don't think, I can be around that dog anymore. Okay, so either the dog goes, or I go. (An awkward silence ensues.) Oh my god!!
Phoebe: You know if you want, we can sneak the dog back in and Chandler wouldn't even know.
Phoebe: I've had that dog there for three days and Chandler had no idea. He's not so smart.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's. Ross lays a lot off small papers, shaped like the U.S. states onto the floor making a map with the states. Phoebe enters]
Phoebe: Where's Chandler?
Chandler: (comes out of the bathroom) Here I am.
Chandler: How did you know? (Heads back into the bathroom)
Phoebe: (interrupts him) No, no, we don't really have time for this right now. Okay, we have to keep Chandler away from my bedroom.
Chandler: (comes out of the bathroom) Where's Monica?
Chandler: Why not?
Chandler: Well, I, I should go in there.
Chandler: Why not?
Chandler: This is ridiculous. (He heads for Phoebe's bedroom)
Joey: (entering) Okay, I'm in my sweat pants. Bring on the food! (Sees that Chandler has a worried look on his face) What's the matter?
Chandler: Monica's all upset, because I sent Clunkers away.
Chandler: Yeah, I can be a hero, I could do that. I could, I could do... I, w-w-what if, what if it attacks me?
Joey: Chandler, it's like a big gerbil.
Chandler: And that doesn't scare you? (He walks out)
Phoebe: (opens her bedroom door and peeks out) Hey, is Chandler here?
Chandler: No, no he went for a walk.
[The door opens and Chandler comes in. Rachel covers the door with a blanket]
Chandler: Please, please, please, don't be mad at me.
Chandler: Okay, I went over to Ross' apartment to bring back Clunkers. Yknow, for you, and (Clears his throat) I left the door open and she must have gotten out and I looked everywhere, all over the apartment, including the roof, which FYI Ross, one of your neighbors, growing weed. I couldn't find him, and I am so, so, so, sorry. But I do know where we could all go ease the pain. (Points up and then over to the street)
Chandler: Clunkers?! Oh my god!
Chandler: (to Clunkers) It is so good to see you!
Phoebe: Yeah, she came all the way back from Ross' building. Oh, the things she must have seen! And then she climbed up the fire escape and she tapped on the window with her teeny little paw and then we ran to let her in (Realizes, that Chandler starts to not believing her) I went to far, didn't I? When should I have stopped?
Chandler: It's up to you.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, later that night, there is someone knocking on the door and Chandler stumbles out into the living room, turns on the light, looks through the peephole, and opens the door.]
Chandler: All right.
Ross: (hands Chandler his pad and walks in) I want my turkey now!
Chandler: You got it. (Starts looking at the pad, while Ross got the turkey out of the fridge and starts to unwrap and it) You got Nevada twice.
Chandler: Yeah. (Throws the pad on the table and heads for the bedroom)
[Chandler enters]
CHANDLER: Well then, how do you know when vegetables are done?
CHANDLER: Like, when you're cooking a steak.
CHANDLER: Hey, stick a fork in me, I am done.
CHANDLER: OK, then, eat me, I'm done.
CHANDLER: Oh no no no no, no no no no no no, you see, what I had planned shouldn't take more that 2, 3 minutes tops.
CHANDLER: You want me to wear your panties?
CHANDLER: We don't need to remedy that.
CHANDLER: Well, if I was wearing your underwear then, uh, what would you be wearing?. . . You're swell.
Chandler: Well Ive been playing it for like eight hours, itll loosen up. Come on, check out the scores. Oh, and also look at the initials, theyre dirty words.
CHANDLER: What?
CHANDLER: Oh.
CHANDLER: I'm going to the bathroom now. [leaves for the bathroom]
CHANDLER: OK.
Chandler: (Very defensive.) Im not seeing Monica.
CHANDLER: Hey, do you want this done quick, or do you want this done right?
CHANDLER: Alrighty. [we see Chandler's pants drop from under the stall door]
CHANDLER: OK, but uh, I hope you realize this means we're gonna miss hearing about the specials.
CHANDLER: What, what's what you mean?
CHANDLER: Huh? Where, whaddya mean?
Chandler: 'S'why I'm dancing...
CHANDLER: Joey!
CHANDLER: Joey?
CHANDLER: Oh, no no no, she took off with my clothes.
CHANDLER: No, no, this is the first time.
JOEY: Chandler? What're you still doin' here, I though you guys took off.
CHANDLER: I was not trying them out, Susie asked me to wear them.
Rachel: (grabs Chandler by the shirt) All right, listen, smirky. If it wasn't for you and your stupid balloon, I would be on a plane watching a woman do this (makes a gesture like a stewardess pointing out exits) right now. But I'm not.
CHANDLER: No, no, you don't have to see.
(Chandler sulkilty picks up a garbage can lid and uses it as an umbrella.)
CHANDLER: No. I'm not letting you or anybody else see, ever.
Joey: R-R-Richard said he wants to marry you?! (Monica nods yes.) And-and Chandlers tellin ya how much he hates marriage?!
[Scene: Library. Phoebe is getting ready to sing for the kids. Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Ross, Phoebe, and Chandler are sitting.]
CHANDLER: Hey Phoebs, can I have the milk after you?
CHANDLER: What's this?
JOEY: Nice, nice. Hey I got somethin' for you. [hands Chandler an envelope.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is playing foosball by himself, Joey enters]
CHANDLER: Well, thanks man. Now I can get my pony.
Joey: Rach, I told you everything I knew last night! Look, it's not that big of a deal, so Monica and Chandler are doing it.
Chandler: (rubbing his temples) Oh, no-no-no-no-no....
CHANDLER: I don't know. It's a bracelet.
CHANDLER: I so am.
CHANDLER: Alright, one of you give me your underpants.
CHANDLER: Oh, she's goin' somewhere.
Joey: Dude-dude, who would you rather have kiss your sister, me or Chandler?
CHANDLER: Oh, yeah, easy for you to say, you don't have to walk around sporting some reject from the Mr. T collection. [Joey walks in behind Chandler]
CHANDLER: No, I'm alright, thanks.
PHOEBE: Chandler, Chandler.
(He happily gestures at Chandler that there was nothing to worry about, then exits. Rachel and Monica are concerned for poor Phoebe, who slides back down next to Ross.)
[Chandler rips off the sheet of paper from the printer.]
JOEY: Hold it hold it. I gotta side with Chandler on this one. When I first moved to the city, I went out a couple of times with this girl, really hot, great kisser, but she had the biggest Adam's apple. It made me nuts.
[Scene: The Restaurant, Joey, Lorraine, Chandler, and Janice are at the table. Joey and Lorraine are seated very close, Chandler and Janice have backed their chairs away from one another.]
CHANDLER: That's great. All right, I gotta get to work, I got a big dinosaur bone to inspect.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is there. Joey enters.]
JOEY: You know what the. . . [sees Chandler on his knees, holding the couch cushions]
Chandler: What are you crazy? That's a baby!
CHANDLER: Oh no no no, she's a total wack job. Yeah, she thinks that Joey is actually Dr. Drake Remore.
Chandler: See, I'm finding out all this stuff about you today, like you like the Law & Order and that you flirted with every guy in the Tri-State area!
CHANDLER: I can't believe it.
CHANDLER: Well this one's for you.
CHANDLER: Hey.
PHOEBE: Hey now you have two. [Chandler looks annoyed] Oh, now you have two.
CHANDLER: What am I gonna do, huh? [Joey walks in behind him]
CHANDLER: That's what they'll call us.
CHANDLER: OK, I was wrong, that's what they used to cover Connecticut.
(He knocks on the girls door and walks in. Surprise! The girls, obviously using Star Trek technology, have completely moved everything in both apartments back to their original positions, all in the time it took for the guys to go to a basketball game. Wow! Anyhoo, Chandler is stunned, and Joey doesnt even realise it.)
CHANDLER: Ahh, so how many cameras are actually on you?
(Ross keeps staring at her, head on table. Chandler smacks him with a newspaper. Joey enters, Ross and Chandler laugh at him.)
CHANDLER: Well, of course, lambs are scarier. Otherwise the movie would've been called Silence of the Ducks.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Ross is up in arms about the Rachel/Julie situation.]
CHANDLER: Work on your music?
JOEY: Ten years I've been waiting for a break like this Chandler, ten years! I mean, Days of Our Lives. That's actually on television.
CHANDLER: [sits down] Ohh yes.
CHANDLER: Congratulations!
CHANDLER: So uh, which one is mine?
CHANDLER: [walks over to the woman] I know what you're thinking, Dave Thomas, founder of Wendy's.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are sitting in their recliners watching TV. Monica, Ross, and Phoebe are there.]
CHANDLER: I didn't know it was a big secret.
Chandler: You're right, I'm sorry. (Burst into song and dances out of the door.) "Once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy..."
CHANDLER and JOEY: Woah, hey, yo. [Rachel and Ross move]
(Chandler kicks the door closed, angrily. His clothes are askew, he looks beat.)
CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey, yo. [they move from out of in front of the TV]
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Phoebe enter.]
CHANDLER: Sweet mother of all that is good and pure.
CHANDLER: I'll cancel the sodas.
Chandler: Oh, Im taking my ex-girlfriend of my speed dialer.
CHANDLER: So how'd it go?
CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey.
CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey.
CHANDLER: It's the Miracle Wax.
CHANDLER: Listen can you guys uh, speak up, it's harder for us to hear you when you lower your voice.
Phoebe: You mean whenever Monica and Chandler where like y'know doing laundry or going grocery shopping orOh! All that time Monica spent on the phone with sad Linda from camp!
CHANDLER: Phoebs, let me ask you something, were, were these, uh, funny brownies?
CHANDLER: She's one of us now.
CHANDLER, JOEY, and PHOEBE: Hey.
CHANDLER, JOEY, and PHOEBE: Goodnight.
CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey, woah, hey, woah.
CHANDLER: Well maybe he was nervous.
CHANDLER: Hey. Hold on a second. [shoots a goal] Huh?