words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers new apartment, Ross and Chandler are there.]
Chandler: (not amused) And I just realized I can sleep with my eyes open.
Ross and Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: I didn't nail the boxes to the floor.
Chandler: Yes, and while I'm doing that, Ross has a great computer story for you.
Chandler: So, uh, wh-where ya from?
Chandler: Unbelievable
Monica: Oh, so you like her too Chandler?
Chandler: Hey, look at all the boxes!
Chandler: All right, think about it. Now remember when you were going out with that girl Donna and you guys broke up. Remember how horrible it was when you guys bumped into each other at the supermarket?
Chandler: Now imagine you live at the supermarket.
Chandler: No-no
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers new apartment, Chandler is putting something away under the sink.]
Chandler: OK, I'm officially unpacked. Thanks for helping me man. (Turns around and sees that Joey isn't there.) Joe? (Hears giggling coming from a box) Well, I guess Joey went home. Oh and look, there's still one box that I have to unpack. (Hears the giggling again)
Chandler: (pretending) Oh my God! You-almost-gave-me-a-heart-attack.
Chandler: Yeah, not bad right? You know what, Monicas gonna be working late, so I'm gonna make this place spotless. You know what else I'm gonna do, know what else I'm gonna do? I'm gonna go downstairs, I'm gonna get her some flowers. Now who wouldn't wanna live with me?
Chandler: Yeah, now how's that going though? Are you okay with the not-flirting thing?
Joey: Yeah. Well, so far yeah. But it's tough you know? I got all this built up flirting energy and I don't know how to get rid of it. (Gives Chandler the "Joey-love," look.) How you doin?
[Scene, Monica and Chandlers, Chandler is there. Everything is out of its place and Chandler's cleaning.]
Chandler: What does it look like I'm doing? I am cleaning!
Chandler: Authorization? I don't need that. I'm gonna put everything back.
Chandler: Yes I'm gonna put it back (Mocking Ross) exactly where I found it.
Chandler: She's not gonna care if I put her stuff back in the same stupid place.
Chandler: She is gonna recognize that I did a nice thing and-and, appreciate it.
Chandler: I see, I see, y-y-you're trying to freak me out.
Ross: Look Chandler, Monica is really weird about this kind stuff all right. Believe me, I lived with her for 16 years. She is going to freak out. Oh my God, she's going to sit on you.
Chandler: No, she's not okay? And I'll prove it to you. I'm gonna call her right now. (Picks up the phone and wipes it off) Phone's done ehh.
Chandler: Hey Mon, how's it going?
Chandler: Oh come on, come on, it can't be that bad.
Chandler: No! No-no-no-no-no-no. It sounds like they really need you down there.
Chandler: It's, all good! Okay bye-bye Mon! (To Ross) She's-she's gonna kill me.
Ross: Yeah, the phone was facing the other way. (Chandler fixes it and a picture frame off the table.) And that goes back up there.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, continued from earlier.]
Chandler: We should start with the big stuff. Yknow? That'll be the easiest. Uh, let's start with the couch. (He picks up one end and Ross doesn't help) I got it. (He moves it back to where he thinks it goes.)
Chandler: What are you talking about? The couch is perfectly in line with the carpet. And then I can just walk over here and casually just put my feet right up on the...(Tries to rest his feet on the coffee table but they won't reach) OK, OK, here's what we do, we just uh, move the couch closer to the coffee table.
Chandler: OK well here, we'll just move the coffee table closer to the couch.
Chandler: Yes, but the coffee table doesn't match the...blahebdmsdlkhdyslkd;btyds...Rooosss!!!!
Joey: (entering) Look, what am I gonna do? I'm not flirting but still, I'm drawing her to me like - like a moth to a flame! (Tries to put his feet on the coffee table...they won't reach and looks around.) What the hell's going on over here?!?!? (Points to Chandler) Monica's gonna kill you! Look I need your help, I have to do something to-to repel this woman! Wait a minute, wait a minute, you guys repel women all the time.
(Chandler gives him a round of mock applause.)
Chandler: Oh no, yes we do my man. Remember when we were back in college and we went to that spring dance and you walked right up to that girl you liked and you could not stop talking about the Irish potato famine?
Chandler: Yeah, Monica doesn't like that either, Maybe I should stop doing that.
Chandler: That's not specific to girls.
Chandler: And they don't like it when you explain why your jokes are funny.
Chandler: Man, I'm so lucky I have Monica.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Chandler has the tape measure out and is busy lining up the lamp on the kitchen counter, Ross is supervising the whole operation.]
Chandler: Okay, is this lamp in the same place?
Chandler: (blocks the door) No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no!!! You can't come in here! R-r-r-r-Ross is naked.
Chandler: (to Ross) I couldn't say that I was naked because she's allowed too see me naked.
Ross: I-I had to show Chandler something?
Monica: Is it the same thing that Chandler had?
Chandler: Look, uh, just come later, we'll get everything squared away and you can come back later.
Chandler: Bye! Thank God
Chandler: Look, we have no time okay? We must focus. We gotta get everything back into its original place.
Chandler: That's perfect! That's brilliant! (Starts going through the photo album)
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Chandler and Ross are there. Monica enters]
Chandler: Uh-huh
Chandler: No, I don't see anything different other than the fact that the room got so much brighter when you came into it. (Forced laughter)
Chandler: Okay look, don't...don't be mad okay? But after I unpacked the boxes I wanted to do something nice for you, so, I-I-I cleaned the apartment. So I moved everything around and then I forgot where it, where it went back and I'm sorry, I'm very sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Monica: It's okay. Chandler, are you afraid of me or something?
Chandler: Do you want me to be afraid of you?
Monica: Of course not. I mean gosh, Chandler what you did, it's, it's a wonderful thing and I really appreciate it. I know I have this weird thing where I want everything to be in the perfect place, but I'd never expect you to worry about that.
Chandler: Really?
Chandler: Oh well you're the best. You come here to me.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Janine and Chandler are there]
Chandler: Ba dum bumb cheshhh!
Joey: Chandler, I can't be playing games, Ross is gonna be home soon. And I have to write five whole pages if I'm gonna stick to his schedule.
Chandler: Im sorry man, theres never a good time to (pauses) stop catching on fire.
Chandler: I'm free! I'm free!
Rachel: Where's Chandler?
Chandler: ...He's in.
(Chandler runs by the window outside, joyous.)
Chandler: (arm-in-arm with Monica) Hey Pheebs!
Chandler: No, ten o'clock.
Monica: Wouldnt you love to do it just once?! (Raises her hand towards Chandler.)
(As he walks past both Chandler and Ross notice the bag and stare at each other in shock.)
Monica: What are you guys doing? (Monica hears the moaning coming from the TV and looks at it) Oh my God, is that Richard? (It only takes a split second for Joey to realise, he pulls Monica down by her jacket, and she falls, face down next to Chandler. Chandler gets up a bit, and Joey quickly covers Chandler's eyes with his hand.)
Chandler: (staring at a woman across the room) Ross, ten o'clock.
Chandler: Oh please, could she be more out of my league? Ross, back me up here.
Chandler: No you are not! You are sweet and wonderful and this is gonna happen for you.
Chandler: Thank you, buddy.
Chandler: Here goes. (He walks over to her but just stands there.)
Aurora: Chandler?
Chandler: They got a breakfast buffet.
Chandler: Hey, kids.
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone else is there as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: We talked 'til like two. It was this perfect evening... more or less.
Chandler: Oh, so you're divorced?
Chandler: Who's Rick?
Chandler: Oh, I'm sorry, so 'we' is?
Monica: Please... Chandler is the love of my life... (At which point a man in leather pants walks by)... oooh leather pants! Have Mercy! (Follows the man in the leather)
Chandler: ...Hm.
Chandler: Ethan? There's, there's an Ethan?
Phoebe: Chandler, easy, easy. Go to your happy place. La la la la la la la.
Chandler: Y'think?
Chandler: Are we greeting each other this way now? 'Cause I like that.
Chandler: Oh, I'm sorry, then you're widowed?...Hopefully?
Chandler: Hi, Im Chandler. Your live-in boy
(Chandler enters with the phone.)
Chandler: Where's Joey? His mom's on the phone.
Chandler: C'mon, we're roommates! (He goes into the bathroom, screams, and runs back out.) My eyes!! My eyes!!
Chandler: God, I love these fingers...
Chandler: Don't go.
Chandler: What, Ethan? He got to spend the whole day with you!
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Monica, Chandler, and Joey are there as Ross enters with Phoebe.]
Chandler: (to himself) Too bad, she's leaving.
Chandler: Well, y'know, most women would kill for three guys like us.
Chandler: You.
Chandler: Lose the other guys.
Chandler: Well, I thought- I thought you talked to Rick.
Chandler: C'mon, we're great together, why not?
Chandler: Well, why don't you send her a musical bug, op, no you already did that. All right look, you're going to have to go there yourself now, okay, make a few surprise visits.
Chandler: ...The second guy.
Chandler: Sorry, the first guy runs the lips.
Chandler: I don't know, I-I have to listen to both of them, they don't exactly let each other finish...
Chandler: (to Ross) "Big guy?"
(She leaves, Chandler sighs, and falls back on his bed.)
[Scene: Joey's new apartment. Everyone but Chandler is there. Joey has decorated the place with tons of tacky stuff.]
Chandler: Yeah, well, I only have twenty minutes until Ethan, so, y'know.. (He starts to raid the fridge.)
Chandler: Something so sweet and...disturbing about that.
Chandler: Oh, great. This is just...
Chandler: (still helium voice) Right behind you, big guy! (they both head for the door)
Chandler: Oh my God, it's that Victoria's Secret model. Something... something Goodacre.
Chandler: Jill says vestibule... I'm going with vestibule.
[Scene: Cental Perk, Joey and Ross are persecuting Chandler about his smoking.]
Chandler: There you go!
Chandler: Hey, it's me.
Monica: (to everyone) It's Chandler! (on phone) Are you OK?
Chandler: Yeah, about 300 guys I went to high school with. Yeah, thanks. (takes phone)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, The phone rings; it's Chandler.]
Chandler: Yeah, like that thought never entered my mind.
Chandler: It was unbelievable. I-I've never met anyone like her. She's had the most amazing life! She was in the Israeli army...
Chandler: (angry) Put Joey on the phone.
Gunther: Oh dark mother, once again I suckle at your smokey tit. (hands Chandler back the cigarette.)
Chandler: Alright, alright, alright. It's been fourteen and a half minutes and you still have not said one word. Oh God, do something. Just make contact, smile!
Chandler: They are needy, they are jumpy, and you can't tell what they are thinking, and that scares me a little bit.
Chandler: You're definitely scaring here.
Chandler: Um, is it sugarless?
(Chandler starts to choke.)
Chandler: (gasping) Yes... thank you. That was... that was....
(Chandler tries to save face and makes the 'OK' sign with his hands, while obviously unable to breathe.)
Chandler: OK.
Jill: Chandler, we've been here for an hour doing this! Now watch, it's easy.
(Chandler tries to do the same thing but the pen hits him in the head.)
Chandler: Yes. Yes, thanks for letting me use your phone... and for saving my life.
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is on a coffee break. Shelley enters.) Shelley: Hey gorgeous, how's it going?
Jill: Well, goodbye Chandler. I had a great blackout. (she kisses him on the cheek) See ya.
Chandler: He's a he?
CHANDLER: Ah that's a cantelope.
Chandler: Yes please.
Chandler: You did?
Chandler: Huh. Did, uh... any of the rest of you guys think that when you first met me?
Chandler: Ross is smart and funny, d'you ever think that about him?
Chandler: You're kidding! Did you tell her I wasn't?
Chandler: Well, this is fascinating. So, uh, what is it about me?
Chandler: WHAT IS IT?!
Chandler: Yeah! (Monica falls asleep) No! No! No! Dont fall asleep! Okay, I am going to make you some coffee. (Monica doesnt move as he gets out of bed and as hes heading for the door.) And I probably wont spill coffee grounds all over the kitchen floor.
Chandler: I just have to know, okay. Is it my hair?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Phoebe, Joey, and Rachel are there.]
Rachel: (exasperated) Yes, Chandler, that's exactly what it is. It's your hair.
(The drinks arrive, and Chandler downs his espresso in one gulp.)
Chandler: Eleven days before Halloween.. all the good costumes are gone?
(Chandler smiles at her, she smiles back sweetly.)
Chandler: ...Quality, right, great.
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Shelley is drinking coffee; Chandler enters.]
CHANDLER: I'm hoping that when Bob doesn't show up, she will seek comfort in the open arms of the wry stranger at the next table.