words in movies
CHANDLER: You know, I once dated a Miss Crankypants. Lovely girl, kinda moody.
CHANDLER: Can I uh see something? (Takes Ben. When he puts him close to Monica, Ben cries. When he moves Ben away, he stops crying.)
CHANDLER: Monica, will you stop? This is nuts. Do you know how long it's gonna be before you actually have to deal with this problem? I mean, you don't even have a boyfriend yet. Joey, she does not look fat.
(Chandler has a basketball which he is moving closer to, then away from, Monica)
CHANDLER: We'll watch him.
CHANDLER: I was looking forward to playing basketball, but I guess that's out the window.
CHANDLER: You understood that?
CHANDLER: Is he the one with the beautiful wife?
(Chandler and Joey are loaded down with baby stuff, and Ben)
CHANDLER: You know, I don't think we brought enough stuff. Did you forget to pack the baby's anvil?
CHANDLER: No, I got him.
CHANDLER: Oh, seriously you want him?
CHANDLER: Well, don't, don't think me immodest, but, me?
JOEY: (to Chandler) What'd I tell you? What'd I tell you?
CHANDLER: Well, we are great guys.
CHANDLER: That's a good plan, Joe. Next time we wanna pick up women, we should just go to the park and make out. Taxi, taxi!
CHANDLER: (to taxi driver) Just practicing. You're good. Carry on.
CHANDLER: Ok, but can you tell him that, because he thinks he's too pink.
CHANDLER: You done?
CHANDLER: You know it?
CHANDLER: Oh, sure, they love us over there.
CHANDLER AND JOEY: (running after bus) Ben! Ben! Ben!
CHANDLER: Oh, that's good. Maybe he'll hear you and pull the cord.
CHANDLER: (on pay phone) Come on, pick up, pick up! Hello? Transit Authority? Yes, hello. I'm doing research for a book, and I was wondering what someone might do if they left a baby on a city bus. Yes I do realize that would be a very stupid charact er.
CHANDLER AND JOEY: Hi. We're the guys who called about the baby. We left the baby on ths bus. Is he here? Is he here?
TRANSIT AUTHORITY GUY: He's here. (Chandler and Joey hug each other in relief) I'm assuming one of you is the father.
CHANDLER: That's me.
CHANDLER: Actually, uh, we're both the father. (Puts his arm around Joey)
CHANDLER: Please tell me you know which one is our baby.
CHANDLER: Ok.
CHANDLER: Yeah?
CHANDLER: Hey, Ben, remember us? Ok, the mole came off.
CHANDLER: What're we gonna do? What're we gonna do?
CHANDLER: Oh, we're gonna flip for the baby?
CHANDLER: All right, call it in the air.
CHANDLER: Heads it is.
CHANDLER: We have to assign heads to something.
CHANDLER: What kind of scary-ass clowns came to your birthday?
CHANDLER: (looking fearfully at Joey) Hey, he's not crying.
ROSS: I'm here. How's my little boy? Want Daddy to change your diaper? So, did you have fun with Uncle Joey and Uncle Chandler today?
CHANDLER: You, you are gonna love this.
CHANDLER: Stay back, I've got kiwi. Run, Joey, Run!
Chandler: Whats up?
Chandler: Yep! From now on its gonna be the four of you guys and me and the misses. The little woman. The wife. The old ball and chain.
Chandler: Yes, if the foxhole was lined with sandwiches.
Chandler: The young hot ball and chain.
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler is sitting on the bar, bouncing a ball against the door. Joey walks in right as he throws the ball and catches it.]
Chandler: (smiling) Hey, I hear what your saying, okay? And, thanks for the warning.
Chandler: But youre still my friend?
Chandler: Do I still call you Ross?
Chandler: During this time are you, are you still my best man?
Chandler: So are we friends again?
Chandler: Okay. (Pause) You wont believe what Monicas older brother just said to me!
Chandler: mmm That's enough about you!
Chandler: I was making a coconut phone with the professor.
Chandler: Yes, include more people in this.
Chandler: Well you dont have to sound so surprised.
Chandler: Wait a minute! I have a date tomorrow night.
Chandler: (entering from the bedroom) Okay. Heres a question you never have to ask. My dad just called and wanted to know if he could borrow one of your pearl necklaces.
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Okay. Ill be right there.
Chandler: Yeah. Yknow I keep thinking that something stupid is gonna come up and Ill go all Chandler. But nothing has.
Chandler: Oh no, yes we do my man. Remember when we were back in college and we went to that spring dance and you walked right up to that girl you liked and you could not stop talking about the Irish potato famine?
Monica: Hey Maureen! (They hug.) Gosh! Hey uh, Chandler? This is my cousin Maureen.
(Chandler freaks out and loosens his tie.)
Chandler: Were the Bings.
(She exits and as Chandler picks up his coat, the phone rings and the answering machine gets it.)
Chandler: Mr. and Mrs. Bing! (Walks away.)
Ross: (walks up) Wow Monica! Hey, just so you know I had my uh, older brother chat with Chandler.
Chandler: Hi.
Mrs. Bing: Chandler!
(Chandlers Mom enters and Chandler meets her by the door.)
Chandler: Hi dad.
Chandler: Oh my God! (He and Monica walk away.)
[Scene: The moment we waited for has finally arrived. Its time for Monica and Chandlers wedding. Weve got violins playing Every Breath You Take, weve got guests seated, and Chandler starts walking down the aisle with his parents on either arm.]
Ross: Hey, wheres Chandler?
Monica: Do you guys know what happened to Chandlers barca lounger?
Ross: I think Chandlers gone. (He hands her the note.)
Phoebe: Oh my God! Chandler just left though!
(Phoebe jumps to the floor as Ross tackles Rachel off of the couch. Chandler helps push Rachel onto the floor by jumping over the back of the couch. Phoebe grabs Rachel's head to hold it still and opens Rachel's eye as Monica jumps onto Chandler's back to administer the torture--I mean medicine.)
Ross: Gunther have you uh, have you seen Chandler?
Chandler: Oh, why not. Was I doing anything particularly... saucy?
Ross: Yes! No-no! I know, I know what the list is! Mom! Look if you see Chandler, could you just let him know Im looking for him?
Rachel: (closing the door) Ross said theres still no word from Chandler.
Monica: Ohh, Im so glad. Thank you so much for staying so calm during this. I mean its really, its made me stay calm. (Chandler just looks at her.) I coulda been worse!
Rachel: Oh God I just can not imagine what is gonna happen if Chandler doesnt show up!
Phoebe: Hey, do you think this is why Chandler took off?
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers bathroom, the scene is continued from earlier.]
Ross: No! I talked to Joey on the set, he hasnt heard from him. I-I-I talked to Chandlers parents again!
(Phoebe and Ross go to look for Chandler and Rachel enters Monica and Chandlers.)
Joey: No you wont. Look he knows he did a terrible thing and I believe him, hes sorry. But, (to Chandler) youve got one more apology to make, all right, youve got to apologize to Mary-Angela.
Chandler: How did you guys find me? I knew I shouldve hid at the gym!
Ross: Chandler, have you ever put on a black cocktail dress and asked me up to your hotel room?
Chandler: Panicking! And using the Internet to try to prove that Im related to Monica. How is she?
Chandler: No! No! No! I cant do that!
Chandler: No.
Phoebe: But look Chandler, right now, no one has a lower opinion of you than I do. But I totally believe you can do this.
Chandler: (Chandler looks around the place and his eye gets caught by Richard's video collection) Look at these videos. You know, I mean, who does he think he is? Magnum Force, Dirty Harry, Cool Hand Luke... Oh my God!
Chandler: Well yeah, but then
Chandler: If you wanna give Joey a Christmas present that disrupts the entire building, why not get him something a little bit more subtle, like a wrecking ball, or a vile of small pox to release in the hallway?
Mr. Geller: All right, enough! I dont want to hear about it anymore! (Under his breath) Good luck, Chandler. (Chandler takes another drink.)
Chandler: Depends on what you mean by we.
Chandler: My favorite part was when Superman flew all the Jews out of Egypt. (Glaring at Joey whos nodding.)
[Chandler can't find his money in the pocket. In the meantime, another couple shows up, and Chandler turns away to look for his money]
Joey: (on phone) Hey! Did Chandler show up yet?
[Scene: Chandlers Hotel Room, Ross is getting Chandler ready.]
Chandler: No.
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: Yeah okay. Well, whats the next little bit?
Chandler: Yeah. Youre right. Hey I-I can do that.
Chandler: Oh fresh air!
Ross: Getting married. (Chandler panics.) Okay. Okay. You can, you can do that too! Just like youve done everything else!
(Chandler goes out into the hall and lights up a cigarette.)
Chandler: Okay, excuse me for a minute. (Starts to leave)
Chandler: Mom. Thanks for wearing something. (They hug.) (Shes wearing a tight dress with a lot of cleavage showing.)
Chandler: There's a tape here with Monica's name on it.
Chandler: Ross, I am not gonna run away again! I just want to get a little fresh air.
(They head in separate directions and Chandler emerges and hes so shocked that his cigarette is hanging from his lip.)
[Scene: Monicas Hotel Room, Chandler and Monicas parents and Phoebe are there as Ross enters.]
Ross: Hi! (To Mrs. Bing) Hi! (Mr. Bing starts rubbing his arm.) Hi. Has umm, anyone seen Chandler?
Monica: I know! Hey, hows Chandler doin?
Ross: Great. Hes doing great. Dont you worry about Chandler.
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Monicas pregnant.
Chandler: (standing up) Thats right! Im not!
Chandler: Varrrrrroom! Hey! Watch it lady! Varrrrrrrrrrom! (makes a screeching sound as he pretends to stomp on the brakes.) Hey-hey good lookin! (honks the beds little horn on the steering wheel.) Varrrrrrrrroom. (notices Rachel and stops) All right, Ill leave. My beds so boring.
Chandler: Ross! (He starts to get up.)
[Scene: The Hotel, Phoebe and Ross are looking for Chandler.]
Chandler: I know about Monica.
Chandler: You dont know?
Chandler: Yeah, I heard you and Rachel talking.
Chandler: Well I was! Then I went down to the gift shop because I was out of cigarettes
Chandler: Get there faster! (Joey gasps and finally understands...)
Chandler: But come on, look at how cute and small this is! So I got it to give Monica so shed know I was okay.
Chandler: Are you Joey?
The Rabbi: Are you Chandler?
Chandler: You look beautiful mom. (His dad clears his throat.) You look beautiful too dad. I love you both. (He kisses his dad on the cheek) Im so glad you here. (He kisses his mom.)
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: You look beautiful. Is this new? (Her dress.)
Monica: (To Chandler) Who is this?
Rachel: Go on! Go on. (She turns back to Chandler.)
(Ross leans in to give Chandler his vows.)