words in movies
[Scene: At Chandler and Joey's. Ross and Chandler are there. Ross is watching wrestling.]
CHANDLER: Spanish midgets. Spanish midgets wrestling. Julie. Ok, yes, I see how you got there. (phone rings)
CHANDLER: No, see, I'm trying this new screening thing. You know, I figure if I'm always answering the phone, people'll think I don't have a life. My god, Rodrigo never gets pinned.
CHANDLER: What?
CHANDLER: Bob here.
CHANDLER: (on phone) What've you been up to?
CHANDLER: Can you hold on a moment? I have another call. (to Ross) I love her.
CHANDLER: I'm back.
CHANDLER: Um, absolutely. Uh, how 'bout tomorrow afternoon? Do you know uh, Central Perk in the Village, say, five-ish?
CHANDLER: Ok. Ok. Having a phone has finally paid off.
CHANDLER: I'm hoping that when Bob doesn't show up, she will seek comfort in the open arms of the wry stranger at the next table.
CHANDLER: Ok, pure evil, horny and alone. I've done this.
CHANDLER: Ok, while Ross is on the phone, everybody owes me 62 bucks for his birthday.
CHANDLER: Hey, come on, we got the gift, the concert, and the cake.
CHANDLER: Look guys, I know it's a little steep.
CHANDLER: But it's Ross.
CHANDLER: I'll see you guys later, I gotta go...do a thing.
CHANDLER: You know, I think I might just.
RACHEL: Do you guys ever get the feeling that um, Chandler and those guys just don't get that we don't make as much money as they do?
MONICA: Fortunately, it is me. And, they made me head of purchasing, thank you very much. Anyway, I just ran into Ross and Chandler downstairs, and they think we should go out and celebrate. You know, someplace nice.
CHANDLER: Oh, come on. I can never get a girl like that with conventional methods.
CHANDLER: We don't know Bob, ok? We know me. We like me. Please let me be happy.
CHANDLER: All right.
CHANDLER: Hi.
CHANDLER: Listen, I have to, uh, um, I have to, I have to confess something.
CHANDLER: Whoever stood you up is a jerk.
CHANDLER: I don't know. I just had this weird sense. You know, but that's me. I'm weird and sensitive. Tissue?
CHANDLER: No, you keep the pack. I'm all cried out today.
CHANDLER: Hey, sorry I'm late. Congratulations, Mon. (to Ross) I'm not sorry I'm late. How incredible was my afternoon with Jade?
ROSS: Well, pretty incredible according to the message she left you on my machine. Hey, Chandler, why is this woman leaving a message for you on my machine?
CHANDLER: Oh, see, I had to tell her that my number was your number, because I couldn't tell her that my number was my number because she thinks that my number is Bob's number.
CHANDLER: I will have the uh, Cajun catfish.
CHANDLER: Yes, how 'bout a verse of Killing Me Softly. You're gonna sneeze on my fish, aren't you?
CHANDLER: Whoa, whoa, prom night flashback.
CHANDLER: You can tell us.
CHANDLER: We can talk about that.
CHANDLER: So um, how come you guys haven't talked about this before?
CHANDLER: No, the thing was, we were gonna go see Hootie and the Blowfish.
CHANDLER: Together.
CHANDLER: So, the ebola virus. That's gotta suck, huh?
CHANDLER: Gee, Monica, what's in the bag?
MONICA: I don't know, Chandler. Let's take a look.
ROSS: But wait, there's more. Hey, Chandler, what is in the envelope?
CHANDLER: By the way, this didn't seem so dorky in the hall.
CHANDLER: Why, it's six tickets to Hootie and the Blowfish! The Blowfish!
CHANDLER: If you guys feel this big, maybe that's not our fault. Maybe that's just how you feel.
CHANDLER: Why did you look at me when you said that?
CHANDLER: Fine.
ROSS: Chandler!
CHANDLER: Yeah?
CHANDLER: Yeah. Just let me grab my jacket and tell you I had sex today.
CHANDLER: Wow, it sounds even cooler when somebody else says it. I was awesome, ok? She was biting her lip to stop from screaming.
CHANDLER: Now I know it's been awhile, but I took it as a good sign.
CHANDLER: I had sex today. I never have to answer that phone again.
CHANDLER: Bob here.
CHANDLER: So, uh, you met someone, huh?
CHANDLER: So, uh, how was he?
CHANDLER: Eh?
CHANDLER: Well, that makes me feel so good.
CHANDLER: Well, maybe he had some kind of uh, new, cool style, that you're not familiar with. And uh maybe you have to get used to it.
CHANDLER: So, let's go.
CHANDLER: Yeah, I mean, it would be rude to them for us to leave now.
CHANDLER: I can't believe the guys missed this.
CHANDLER: Chandler.
CHANDLER: Yeah, we really missed you guys.
CHANDLER: Yes, apparently Stevie and the band are like this.
CHANDLER: I don't know what to say. I'm sorry that we make more money than you. But we're not gonna feel guilty about it. We work really hard for it.
CHANDLER: I'm just saying that sometimes we like to do stuff that costs a little more.
CHANDLER: Yes.
CHANDLER: No.
JOEY: Let me get that. (to Chandler) You got five bucks?
Ross: Hiiii-Ya!! (Chandler lies back down.) Im serious! Youre not walking out on my sister!
Chandler: Thats funny, I saw no phlegm.
Chandler: Oh thats too bad.
Chandler: Then why-why is she going to a play?!
Chandler: Well, why does she not want to hang out with us?!
Chandler: So she was just pretending to have a good time last night? She was lying to our faces?!
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers apartment, everyone except Ross is decorating the tree.]
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: Eh, theyre both good. I generally just go with, Monicas drunk again. (Monica glares at him.)
Chandler: But are you sure you can do this?
Chandler: Hey.
Monica: Chandler, would you like some more orange juice?
Chandler: Okay, one more time.
Chandler: Well, I think it all started when you said, "Hey Joey, why dont you be my best man."
Chandler: The meaning of the box is three fold. One (holds a finger up through the air hole), it gives me the time to think about what I did. Two (holds up another finger), it proves how much I care about my friendship with Joey. And three (holds up a third finger), it hurts!
Monica: Chandler, please! Do you know how unbelievably glad I am that Joey was not there that night?!
Janine: (entering from her room) Monica! Chandler! Im really-really sorry about tonight. I dont know if Joey told you; I just couldnt get out of going to this play. Im sorry. Have a great time.
Chandler: Wh-wh-why, wh-why, why, why was there kissing!? There should be no kissing!!
Chandler: Oh yeah!
[Scene: The hallway, Joey, Janine, Monica, and Chandler are returning from their second date.]
Chandler: (To Monica) Yknow I think you can take her.
Joey: All right! All right! Enough! Enough! Enough!! Enough! (To Chandler and Monica) You two go home! I-I-I gotta talk to Janine! (They start to leave.)
Chandler: Thats totally understandable.
Chandler: Yeah, Im sorry man. (Pause) You wanna go watch?
Chandler: Did you hear that?
Chandler: You okay?
Chandler: Hey so, did uh, did she move out?
Chandler: (To Joey) Look there is no way youre doing this wedding now. Okay?
Chandler: I made that joke up.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Ross, Joey, Monica, and Rachel are there. Phoebe walks in ringing a bell.]
Chandler: That is funny. It was also funny when I made it up.
Chandler: Monica, you remember me telling you that joke, right?
Chandler: Yeah, I guess.
Chandler: Seriously?
Ross: Look, Chandler, its my joke. But, hey, if it makes you feel any better they dont print the name, so it doesnt really matter who gets credit, right?
Chandler: Nah, Monicas watching some cooking show. Come on, I dont want to miss when they were skinny.
Chandler: Its my joke.
[Scene: A beauty parlour, Rachel is getting a manicure while Chandler, yes Chandler, is getting a petticure (Does that scare you that I know those terms? Well, it scares me.).]
Chandler: Uh Kathy, with K or a C?
Chandler: If you need money, will you please-please just let me loan you some money?
Joey: Chandler, Chandler, yknow what we should do? You and I should go out and get some new sunglasses.
Chandler: Whoa ho.
Chandler: Joey, why is your cable out?
Monica: I am so glad you guys got together, Chandler and I are always looking for a couple to go out with and now we have one!
Chandler: Oh, what can happen? I mean, would you (He gestures and spills some of his coffee.)
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: Well, look its been a really emotional time yknow, and youve had a lot to drink. And youve just got to let that go okay? I mean you were the most beautiful in the room tonight!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, and Ross are sitting on the couch.]
Chandler: So, you stole my joke, and you stole my money.
Chandler: Yeah!
(He and Chandler crack up.)
Chandler: Okay (he goes to sit down).
Chandler: Well, she is going to know that you stole the joke.
Monica: See, this is why I told you never get involved with your assistant! And here is no such thing as keeping secrets when it comes to affairs. (To Chandler) Did you hear that Chandler? No such thing!
Chandler: Yeah!
Chandler: Picking Rachel.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is entering. As he closes the door, Joey pokes his head up from a box enclosure built using the 2 chairs.]
Monica: We didnt give you any money! (Chandler is motioning, "No!")
Joey: Oh really! Where? Somewhere funny I'd bet! (Chandler is straining to keep quiet as Phoebe enters.)
Chandler: (visibly upset) He took my joke, he took it.
Gunther: Yeah, that-that Chandler cracks me up.
CHANDLER: [to an attractive woman] I shouldn't even bother coming up with a line, right? [The woman walks away]
Chandler: A pharmacist. (Rachel mocks him.)
Chandler: (picks up the phone) All right, you want to see if the joke stealer will let us watch the show at his place?
Chandler: Lets have Monica decide.
Chandler: (to Ross) Dont try to sway her. (To Monica) (Softly) Im your only chance to have a baby. Okay, lets go.
Monica: Wait Chandler come on, letsits not a big deal!
Ross and Chandler: Its my joke.
Chandler: I dont believe it. The most romantic night of my life and Im runner up.
Chandler: Yeah!
Chandler: Mon, get out here!
Chandler: Okay, okay. You have to help us decide whose joke this is.
Chandler: Because youre the only one that can be fair.
Monica: Okay, Chandler, you go first.
Chandler: Can I finish my story?!
Chandler: Im not arguing with that.
(Chandler motions to Monica that hell give her two babies.)
Chandler: So, a lot of malfunctioning wee-wees and hoo-hoos in this room, huh?
Chandler: Is not.
Monica: Hi, Chandler. There you are.
Chandler: Hi, oh hi.
Chandler: No, no. It-its not about the swearing, its more about ah, the way, that you ah, occasionally, concentrate, your enthusiasm on my buttock.
Monica: Look, I am not high maintenance. I am not. Chandler!
Chandler: (happily) Im off the list. (Sits on the couch.)
Chandler: Okay, its not a check. Theyre saying your health insurance expired because, you didnt work enough last year.
Monica: Wait, wait, he came up with that himself. Tell them, Chandler.
Chandler: (To Chandler) Im out of words. Should I just say the whole thing again?
Chandler: Great, because my shoes are giving me a little problem on the dance floor, can I borrow the boots from your costume?
Chandler: Its my joke.
[Monica gives Phoebe a surprised expression and goes over to Ross and Chandler.]
Chandler: (pauses as he struggles with what he has to say) Youre a little high maintenance.
Chandler: Hey.
(Joey, Chandler and Ross enter.)
Chandler: This coming from the man who couldnt split our 80 dollar phone bill in half.
Chandler: Joey! (Pause as they all stare at him.) No way. Im not answering that.
Chandler: (stops laughing, to Ross) You are not allowed to laugh at my joke.
Chandler: Hey, what are you doing here? Shouldnt you be at work?
Chandler: Im gonna grab you some tissue.
Chandler: Im so sorry youre sick.
Chandler: I dont think this town is big enough for both of us to relax in. (He blows on his hand) Draw!! (He quickly pulls the lever to raise the foot rest, like a gunfighter in a Western.)