words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is sitting in the canoe as Joey runs through the door carrying an outdoor patio table.]
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, Im, Im paddling away!
Chandler: Wow! Really?! We get all this rusty crap for free?!
Chandler: Could we be more white trash?
Rachel: Oh! Good thing Chandlers not here, he always wins at this game.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is reading the paper and Chandler is getting ready for work.]
Chandler: Hey uh, Rach, funny story. I ah, bumped into Joanna on the street yesterday.
Chandler: Well, no, actually she uh, asked me if I wanted to get a drink.
Chandler: (laughs) No. No!
Joanna: (Coming out of the shower wearing nothing but a towel) Hello, Rachel. (She goes into Chandlers bedroom)
Chandler: Well, not at first.
Chandler: Well, I think I judged her too quickly, and this time we were able to take the relationship to the next level.
Chandler: Oh, come on! Its not like this is an everyday occurrence for me! I mean usually Im pretty much just in there by myself.
(Joey makes a sound imitating one person making a bed creak and Chandler turns and glares at him.)
Rachel: Chandler!! (He turns around quickly) Promise me, you will end it.
Chandler: Okay, I promise, Ill end it.
Chandler: I hope you know what Im giving up for ya, because shes not just the boss in your office, if you know what I mean.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is scrapping gum off the table as there is a knock on the door. He goes over and opens it.]
Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, and Rachel: Oh yeah, I totally agree.
Chandler: it was like the Algonquin kids table. (They all laugh, but Joey only laughs not to be left out.)
[Scene: Joannas office, Joanna and Chandler are making out on her chair. Chandler isnt wearing any pants.]
Chandler: It just doesnt feel like were breaking up.
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: Thanks.
Chandler: Okay. (Starts to button up his shirt)
Chandler: Im getting dressed.
Chandler: When I walk outside naked people throw garbage at me.
Chandler: What is it?
Chandler: Ah-ha, youre not the boss of me. (She kisses him) Yeah, you are! (She handcuffs him to the chair) Ooh, saucy.
Chandler: You are, youre gonna leave me like this?
Chandler: Okay. But if you dont come back soon, (She leaves and closes the door) theres pretty much nothing I can do about it!
(Rachel unlocks and opens the door to reveal a half-naked Chandler handcuffed to the chair. They both gasp and Chandler stares at them in shock and surprise.)
Chandler: Hi! (to Sophie) How are you?
[Scene: Joannas office, Chandler, still handcuffed to the chair, is looking through the lingerie catalogue by turning the pages with his teeth. The phone rings and Chandler answers it with his nose.]
Chandler: Hello, Joanna (Realises he doesnt know her last name) s office.
Chandler: How little?!
Chandler: Look, this isnt funny! You get back here right now!
Chandler: Why not?!
Chandler: What?!
(Chandler gets an idea)
Chandler: (in a serious, businesslike tone) Rachel, could I see you for a moment?
(Rachel goes into talk to Chandler.)
Chandler: Okay, heres the situation. The keys to the cuffs are on the back of the door. Could you be a doll and grab them and scoot on over and unlock me? And on a totally different subject, that is a lovely pantsuit.
Chandler: I did break up with her! She just took it really, really well!
Chandler: It did enter my mind! But then something happened that made it, shoot right out.
Rachel: Y'know what Chandler, you got yourself into those cuffs, you get yourself out of them.
Chandler: No-no-no-no-no-no-no!! I cant get myself right out of them! You must have me confused with the Amazing Chandler!! Come on, you have to unlock me, she could be gone for hours, and Im cold, and (Stops and looks up the skirt on a statue behind Joannas desk.)
Rachel: Oh, Chandler!! All right, this is it! (Grabs the key) You never see Joanna again!
Chandler: Never!
Chandler: Fine!
Chandler: Inever borrowed your Walkman.
Chandler: You got it! Here we go! Come on! This is great! (Rachel goes over and unlocks the handcuffs) Ahhh! (He starts rubbing his wrist)
Chandler: No, I just always see guys doing this when they get handcuffs taken off them. (He runs over to where his pants are hanging) Hello sweet pants!
Chandler: About what?
Chandler: Ill make something up! Im good at lying, I actually did borrow your Walkman!
Rachel: No, theres nothing to make up, shes gonna know that I have a key to her office, Ive got to get you locked up back the way you were! (She tries to drag him over to the chair, but Chandler stops her.)
Chandler: Oh-ho-ho, I dont think so!
(He starts to put his pants on, but Rachel manages to drag him to the chair. When they get to the chair, Chandler drops his pants and knocks the chair away. Rachel then backs him up and locks him to the top drawer of a filing cabinet.)
Chandler: Well, this is much better.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, The salesman is trying to sell Joey the encyclopedias.]
[Scene: Joannas office, Rachel and Chandler are having a little tug-of-war with his pants.]
Rachel: Chandler! Chandler, please, I have to get you locked up back the way you were, I am sooo gonna lose my job, shes very private about her office. Now I know why.
Chandler: Hey, look, youre in trouble either way! Okay? If she comes back and sees me locked to this instead of the chair, shes gonna know you were in here. So you might as well just let me go.
Chandler: It still wouldnt be clean. (Rachel makes an Eww, disgusting! face) All I want is my freedom.
Chandler: Freedom!
Chandler: Freedom! I want my freedom! Why wont you here me?! (Opens the door) Sophie, help me! Help me!! (Sophie stands up)
(Chandler screams a little bit, then realises that he can spit out his gag. He does so with a Pouff!)
Chandler: Im gonna say this for the last time. Would you please just (He moves his arm which opens the drawer and hits in the back of the head, which proves his point.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is now reading the V book, with the salesman watching.]
Joey: And a 50. (The salesman stops suddenly) Huh, these must be Chandlers pants.
[Scene: Joannas office, Rachel and Chandler are still negotiating.]
Chandler: No!
Chandler: With extra pulp?
Chandler: No!
Chandler: You dont have it.
Chandler: How do Monica and Phoebe know?
Chandler: (intrigued) Go on.
Chandler: And Milton Berle has a
Rachel: Ohh, not compared to you. (Chandler nods in agreement)
[Scene: Central Perk, all except Chandler, are there.]
Chandler: (hello) Hello.
Monica: (in a sexy voice) Hello, Chandler. (Phoebe has a huge smile on her face.)
Chandler: (to Rachel) I love you. (Kisses her on the forehead)
Chandler: (checks his watch) Two hours, that lasted!
Chandler: I think so.
Chandler: Could there be more Kims?
Joanna: You tell your friend Chandler that were definately broken up this time.
Ross: Hiiii-Ya!! (Chandler lies back down.) Im serious! Youre not walking out on my sister!
Chandler: Thats funny, I saw no phlegm.
Chandler: Oh thats too bad.
Chandler: Then why-why is she going to a play?!
Chandler: Well, why does she not want to hang out with us?!
Chandler: So she was just pretending to have a good time last night? She was lying to our faces?!
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers apartment, everyone except Ross is decorating the tree.]
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: Eh, theyre both good. I generally just go with, Monicas drunk again. (Monica glares at him.)
Chandler: But are you sure you can do this?
Chandler: Hey.
Monica: Chandler, would you like some more orange juice?
Chandler: Okay, one more time.
Chandler: Well, I think it all started when you said, "Hey Joey, why dont you be my best man."
Chandler: The meaning of the box is three fold. One (holds a finger up through the air hole), it gives me the time to think about what I did. Two (holds up another finger), it proves how much I care about my friendship with Joey. And three (holds up a third finger), it hurts!
Monica: Chandler, please! Do you know how unbelievably glad I am that Joey was not there that night?!
Janine: (entering from her room) Monica! Chandler! Im really-really sorry about tonight. I dont know if Joey told you; I just couldnt get out of going to this play. Im sorry. Have a great time.
Chandler: Wh-wh-why, wh-why, why, why was there kissing!? There should be no kissing!!
Chandler: Oh yeah!
[Scene: The hallway, Joey, Janine, Monica, and Chandler are returning from their second date.]
Chandler: (To Monica) Yknow I think you can take her.
Joey: All right! All right! Enough! Enough! Enough!! Enough! (To Chandler and Monica) You two go home! I-I-I gotta talk to Janine! (They start to leave.)
Chandler: Thats totally understandable.
Chandler: Yeah, Im sorry man. (Pause) You wanna go watch?
Chandler: Did you hear that?
Chandler: You okay?
Chandler: Hey so, did uh, did she move out?
Chandler: (To Joey) Look there is no way youre doing this wedding now. Okay?
Chandler: I made that joke up.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Ross, Joey, Monica, and Rachel are there. Phoebe walks in ringing a bell.]
Chandler: That is funny. It was also funny when I made it up.
Chandler: Monica, you remember me telling you that joke, right?
Chandler: Yeah, I guess.
Chandler: Seriously?
Ross: Look, Chandler, its my joke. But, hey, if it makes you feel any better they dont print the name, so it doesnt really matter who gets credit, right?
Chandler: Nah, Monicas watching some cooking show. Come on, I dont want to miss when they were skinny.
Chandler: Its my joke.
[Scene: A beauty parlour, Rachel is getting a manicure while Chandler, yes Chandler, is getting a petticure (Does that scare you that I know those terms? Well, it scares me.).]
Chandler: Uh Kathy, with K or a C?
Chandler: If you need money, will you please-please just let me loan you some money?
Joey: Chandler, Chandler, yknow what we should do? You and I should go out and get some new sunglasses.
Chandler: Whoa ho.
Chandler: Joey, why is your cable out?
Monica: I am so glad you guys got together, Chandler and I are always looking for a couple to go out with and now we have one!
Chandler: Oh, what can happen? I mean, would you (He gestures and spills some of his coffee.)
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: Well, look its been a really emotional time yknow, and youve had a lot to drink. And youve just got to let that go okay? I mean you were the most beautiful in the room tonight!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, and Ross are sitting on the couch.]
Chandler: So, you stole my joke, and you stole my money.
Chandler: Yeah!
(He and Chandler crack up.)
Chandler: Okay (he goes to sit down).
Chandler: Well, she is going to know that you stole the joke.
Monica: See, this is why I told you never get involved with your assistant! And here is no such thing as keeping secrets when it comes to affairs. (To Chandler) Did you hear that Chandler? No such thing!
Chandler: Yeah!
Chandler: Picking Rachel.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is entering. As he closes the door, Joey pokes his head up from a box enclosure built using the 2 chairs.]
Monica: We didnt give you any money! (Chandler is motioning, "No!")
Joey: Oh really! Where? Somewhere funny I'd bet! (Chandler is straining to keep quiet as Phoebe enters.)
Chandler: (visibly upset) He took my joke, he took it.
Gunther: Yeah, that-that Chandler cracks me up.
CHANDLER: [to an attractive woman] I shouldn't even bother coming up with a line, right? [The woman walks away]
Chandler: A pharmacist. (Rachel mocks him.)
Chandler: (picks up the phone) All right, you want to see if the joke stealer will let us watch the show at his place?
Chandler: Lets have Monica decide.
Chandler: (to Ross) Dont try to sway her. (To Monica) (Softly) Im your only chance to have a baby. Okay, lets go.
Monica: Wait Chandler come on, letsits not a big deal!
Ross and Chandler: Its my joke.
Chandler: I dont believe it. The most romantic night of my life and Im runner up.
Chandler: Yeah!
Chandler: Mon, get out here!
Chandler: Okay, okay. You have to help us decide whose joke this is.
Chandler: Because youre the only one that can be fair.
Monica: Okay, Chandler, you go first.
Chandler: Can I finish my story?!
Chandler: Im not arguing with that.
(Chandler motions to Monica that hell give her two babies.)
Chandler: So, a lot of malfunctioning wee-wees and hoo-hoos in this room, huh?
Chandler: Is not.
Monica: Hi, Chandler. There you are.
Chandler: Hi, oh hi.
Chandler: No, no. It-its not about the swearing, its more about ah, the way, that you ah, occasionally, concentrate, your enthusiasm on my buttock.
Monica: Look, I am not high maintenance. I am not. Chandler!
Chandler: (happily) Im off the list. (Sits on the couch.)
Chandler: Okay, its not a check. Theyre saying your health insurance expired because, you didnt work enough last year.
Monica: Wait, wait, he came up with that himself. Tell them, Chandler.
Chandler: (To Chandler) Im out of words. Should I just say the whole thing again?
Chandler: Great, because my shoes are giving me a little problem on the dance floor, can I borrow the boots from your costume?
Chandler: Its my joke.
[Monica gives Phoebe a surprised expression and goes over to Ross and Chandler.]
Chandler: (pauses as he struggles with what he has to say) Youre a little high maintenance.
Chandler: Hey.
(Joey, Chandler and Ross enter.)
Chandler: This coming from the man who couldnt split our 80 dollar phone bill in half.
Chandler: Joey! (Pause as they all stare at him.) No way. Im not answering that.
Chandler: (stops laughing, to Ross) You are not allowed to laugh at my joke.
Chandler: Hey, what are you doing here? Shouldnt you be at work?
Chandler: Im gonna grab you some tissue.
Chandler: Im so sorry youre sick.
Chandler: I dont think this town is big enough for both of us to relax in. (He blows on his hand) Draw!! (He quickly pulls the lever to raise the foot rest, like a gunfighter in a Western.)