words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is sitting reading a book and hears the bed in Joey's room creaking, and does a 'Oh no, not again' look on his face.]
Chandler: (going to the bedroom) See Joe, that's why your parents told you not to jump on the bed.
[Joey and Chandler enter]
Chandler: Hey.
Joey: Nooo. I had a story all worked out but then Chandler sold me out.
Chandler: Well, I'm sorry Joe. I didn't think the doctor was gonna buy that it just *fell* out of the socket.
Joey: Whoa, jam! I love jam! (to Chandler) Hey, how come we never have jam at our place?
Chandler: Because the kids need new shoes.
(Chandler enters and they both jump up and pretend that Ross is showing her something in the couch.)
Rachel: Oh, oh, that's what you're talking about. (to Chandler) Hey.
Chandler: Do I look fat?
Chandler: Okay, I accept that. When Janice asked me and I said no, she took that to mean that I was calling her a cow.
Chandler: Okay, well. Janice said 'Hi, do I look fat today?' And I, I looked at her....
Chandler: Okay, so you both just know this stuff?
Chandler: That's easy, baggage claim.
Chandler: Okay, this is good, this is good. All right listen, I have one. Janice likes to cuddle, at night, which, you know I'm all for. But, uh, you know when you want to go to sleep, you want some space. So, uh, how do I tell her that without, you know, accidentally calling her fat or something.
Rachel: Oh honey, I'm sorry we can't help you there, 'cause we're cuddlily sleepers. (Chandler makes an 'Ewww' face) Okay, I'm late for work.
Rachel: Good luck Chandler.
Chandler: Thank you Rachel.
Chandler: Well, I thought you guys were cuddlily sleepers.
Chandler: Yeah. (they both notice where his hands are)
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: Okay, the old hug and roll.
Chandler: Okay, one question.
Chandler: You're pretending the pillow's a girl right?
Chandler: Umm, not feeling better 'bout Malcom.
Chandler: Hey, Joe, I gotta ask. The girl from the Xerox place buck naked (holds up one hand), or, or a big tub of jam. (holds up the other hand)
Chandler: Well, your gonna need much bigger jars.
Chandler: That, that's what's stupid.
Chandler: Night-night.....Janice. (he starts thinking to him self) 'Look at all that room on her side, you good fit a giant penguin over there. That would be weird though. Okay, hug and roll time. I'm huggin', I'm huggin', your rollin', and....yes! Freedom! (his one arm is still under her) Except for this arm! I'm stuck. Stuck arm! Okay, time for the old table cloth trick, one fluid motion. Quick like a cat, quick like a cat! And 1...2...3!' (Pulls his arm out from under her and she is spun off of the bed.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is eating jam straight out of the jar, and Chandler is staring at him in amazement. Joey offers him some.]
Chandler: No, that's all right. I just had a jar of mustard.
Chandler: You mean there's more than one of us.
Joey: Well, right after I did that sex study down at NYU. (to Chandler) Hey, Remember that sweater I gave you for your birthday?
Chandler: And that's how you bought it?
Chandler: Pheebs, wake up and smell the restraining order.
Janice: Oh. God, crazy Chandler. He spun me...off...the...bed!
Chandler: Sure. What's up?
Ross: Just one uh, one additional relationship thought. Probably something your already familiar with, uh, women talk! (smacks Chandler over the head with a magazine)
Ross: Hiiii-Ya!! (Chandler lies back down.) Im serious! Youre not walking out on my sister!
Chandler: Thats funny, I saw no phlegm.
Chandler: Oh thats too bad.
Chandler: Then why-why is she going to a play?!
Chandler: Well, why does she not want to hang out with us?!
Chandler: So she was just pretending to have a good time last night? She was lying to our faces?!
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers apartment, everyone except Ross is decorating the tree.]
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: Eh, theyre both good. I generally just go with, Monicas drunk again. (Monica glares at him.)
Chandler: But are you sure you can do this?
Chandler: Hey.
Monica: Chandler, would you like some more orange juice?
Chandler: Okay, one more time.
Chandler: Well, I think it all started when you said, "Hey Joey, why dont you be my best man."
Chandler: The meaning of the box is three fold. One (holds a finger up through the air hole), it gives me the time to think about what I did. Two (holds up another finger), it proves how much I care about my friendship with Joey. And three (holds up a third finger), it hurts!
Monica: Chandler, please! Do you know how unbelievably glad I am that Joey was not there that night?!
Janine: (entering from her room) Monica! Chandler! Im really-really sorry about tonight. I dont know if Joey told you; I just couldnt get out of going to this play. Im sorry. Have a great time.
Chandler: Wh-wh-why, wh-why, why, why was there kissing!? There should be no kissing!!
Chandler: Oh yeah!
[Scene: The hallway, Joey, Janine, Monica, and Chandler are returning from their second date.]
Chandler: (To Monica) Yknow I think you can take her.
Joey: All right! All right! Enough! Enough! Enough!! Enough! (To Chandler and Monica) You two go home! I-I-I gotta talk to Janine! (They start to leave.)
Chandler: Thats totally understandable.
Chandler: Yeah, Im sorry man. (Pause) You wanna go watch?
Chandler: Did you hear that?
Chandler: You okay?
Chandler: Hey so, did uh, did she move out?
Chandler: (To Joey) Look there is no way youre doing this wedding now. Okay?
Chandler: I made that joke up.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Ross, Joey, Monica, and Rachel are there. Phoebe walks in ringing a bell.]
Chandler: That is funny. It was also funny when I made it up.
Chandler: Monica, you remember me telling you that joke, right?
Chandler: Yeah, I guess.
Chandler: Seriously?
Ross: Look, Chandler, its my joke. But, hey, if it makes you feel any better they dont print the name, so it doesnt really matter who gets credit, right?
Chandler: Nah, Monicas watching some cooking show. Come on, I dont want to miss when they were skinny.
Chandler: Its my joke.
[Scene: A beauty parlour, Rachel is getting a manicure while Chandler, yes Chandler, is getting a petticure (Does that scare you that I know those terms? Well, it scares me.).]
Chandler: Uh Kathy, with K or a C?
Chandler: If you need money, will you please-please just let me loan you some money?
Joey: Chandler, Chandler, yknow what we should do? You and I should go out and get some new sunglasses.
Chandler: Whoa ho.
Chandler: Joey, why is your cable out?
Monica: I am so glad you guys got together, Chandler and I are always looking for a couple to go out with and now we have one!
Chandler: Oh, what can happen? I mean, would you (He gestures and spills some of his coffee.)
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: Well, look its been a really emotional time yknow, and youve had a lot to drink. And youve just got to let that go okay? I mean you were the most beautiful in the room tonight!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, and Ross are sitting on the couch.]
Chandler: So, you stole my joke, and you stole my money.
Chandler: Yeah!
(He and Chandler crack up.)
Chandler: Okay (he goes to sit down).
Chandler: Well, she is going to know that you stole the joke.
Monica: See, this is why I told you never get involved with your assistant! And here is no such thing as keeping secrets when it comes to affairs. (To Chandler) Did you hear that Chandler? No such thing!
Chandler: Yeah!
Chandler: Picking Rachel.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is entering. As he closes the door, Joey pokes his head up from a box enclosure built using the 2 chairs.]
Monica: We didnt give you any money! (Chandler is motioning, "No!")
Joey: Oh really! Where? Somewhere funny I'd bet! (Chandler is straining to keep quiet as Phoebe enters.)
Chandler: (visibly upset) He took my joke, he took it.
Gunther: Yeah, that-that Chandler cracks me up.
CHANDLER: [to an attractive woman] I shouldn't even bother coming up with a line, right? [The woman walks away]
Chandler: A pharmacist. (Rachel mocks him.)
Chandler: (picks up the phone) All right, you want to see if the joke stealer will let us watch the show at his place?
Chandler: Lets have Monica decide.
Chandler: (to Ross) Dont try to sway her. (To Monica) (Softly) Im your only chance to have a baby. Okay, lets go.
Monica: Wait Chandler come on, letsits not a big deal!
Ross and Chandler: Its my joke.
Chandler: I dont believe it. The most romantic night of my life and Im runner up.
Chandler: Yeah!
Chandler: Mon, get out here!
Chandler: Okay, okay. You have to help us decide whose joke this is.
Chandler: Because youre the only one that can be fair.
Monica: Okay, Chandler, you go first.
Chandler: Can I finish my story?!
Chandler: Im not arguing with that.
(Chandler motions to Monica that hell give her two babies.)
Chandler: So, a lot of malfunctioning wee-wees and hoo-hoos in this room, huh?
Chandler: Is not.
Monica: Hi, Chandler. There you are.
Chandler: Hi, oh hi.
Chandler: No, no. It-its not about the swearing, its more about ah, the way, that you ah, occasionally, concentrate, your enthusiasm on my buttock.
Monica: Look, I am not high maintenance. I am not. Chandler!
Chandler: (happily) Im off the list. (Sits on the couch.)
Chandler: Okay, its not a check. Theyre saying your health insurance expired because, you didnt work enough last year.
Monica: Wait, wait, he came up with that himself. Tell them, Chandler.
Chandler: (To Chandler) Im out of words. Should I just say the whole thing again?
Chandler: Great, because my shoes are giving me a little problem on the dance floor, can I borrow the boots from your costume?
Chandler: Its my joke.
[Monica gives Phoebe a surprised expression and goes over to Ross and Chandler.]
Chandler: (pauses as he struggles with what he has to say) Youre a little high maintenance.
Chandler: Hey.
(Joey, Chandler and Ross enter.)
Chandler: This coming from the man who couldnt split our 80 dollar phone bill in half.
Chandler: Joey! (Pause as they all stare at him.) No way. Im not answering that.
Chandler: (stops laughing, to Ross) You are not allowed to laugh at my joke.
Chandler: Hey, what are you doing here? Shouldnt you be at work?
Chandler: Im gonna grab you some tissue.
Chandler: Im so sorry youre sick.
Chandler: I dont think this town is big enough for both of us to relax in. (He blows on his hand) Draw!! (He quickly pulls the lever to raise the foot rest, like a gunfighter in a Western.)