words in movies
Chandler: Yep! From now on its gonna be the four of you guys and me and the misses. The little woman. The wife. The old ball and chain.
Chandler: The young hot ball and chain.
Ross: (To Chandler) Yknow what? Actually Im kinda glad theyre leaving cause uh, I need to talk to you about something.
Chandler: Whats up?
Chandler: Listen, if you want to borrow money, its kind of a bad time. Im buying dinner for 128 people tomorrow night.
Chandler: But youre still my friend?
Chandler: During this time are you, are you still my best man?
Chandler: Do I still call you Ross?
Ross: Okay! You guys are getting married tomorrow and-and I couldnt be more thrilled for both of you, but as Monicas older brother I-I have to tell you this. If you ever hurt my little sister, if you ever cause her any unhappiness of any kind, I will hunt you down, and kick your ass! (Chandler laughs.) What? Im-Im-Im serious! (Chandler laughs harder.) ComeHey! Dude! Stop it! Okay? Im-Im not kidding here!
Chandler: (smiling) Hey, I hear what your saying, okay? And, thanks for the warning.
Chandler: So are we friends again?
Chandler: Okay. (Pause) You wont believe what Monicas older brother just said to me!
Chandler: (entering from the bedroom) Okay. Heres a question you never have to ask. My dad just called and wanted to know if he could borrow one of your pearl necklaces.
Chandler: Yes, include more people in this.
Chandler: Wait a minute! I have a date tomorrow night.
Chandler: Well you dont have to sound so surprised.
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Honestly? Me too.
Chandler: Yeah. Yknow I keep thinking that something stupid is gonna come up and Ill go all Chandler. But nothing has.
Monica: Ohh, Im so glad. Thank you so much for staying so calm during this. I mean its really, its made me stay calm. (Chandler just looks at her.) I coulda been worse!
Chandler: Okay. Ill be right there.
(She exits and as Chandler picks up his coat, the phone rings and the answering machine gets it.)
Monica: (voice on answering machine) Hi! If youre calling before Saturday, youve reached Monica and Chandler. But if youre calling after Saturday, youve reached Mr. and Mrs. Bing! Please leave a message for the Bings!
(Chandler freaks out and loosens his tie.)
[Scene: The Rehearsal Dinner, Chandler and Monica are greeting guests as they arrive. A woman enters.]
Monica: Hey Maureen! (They hug.) Gosh! Hey uh, Chandler? This is my cousin Maureen.
Chandler: Were the Bings.
Chandler: Mr. and Mrs. Bing! (Walks away.)
Ross: (walks up) Wow Monica! Hey, just so you know I had my uh, older brother chat with Chandler.
(Chandlers Mom enters and Chandler meets her by the door.)
Chandler: Hi.
Mrs. Bing: Chandler!
Chandler: Mom. Thanks for wearing something. (They hug.) (Shes wearing a tight dress with a lot of cleavage showing.)
Chandler: Hi dad.
Chandler: Oh my God! (He and Monica walk away.)
Monica: Oh, Rach! Rach! Umm hey, could you do me a favor and would talk to Chandlers dad and try to keep him away from Chandlers mom?
Rachel: Man in the black dress (Monica walks away and Rachel looks around to find a woman in a black dress.) (To her) Hi! Im Rachel! Im a friend of Monica and Chandlers!
(Everyone clinks glasses and Chandler freaks out again.)
Ross: Hey, wheres Chandler?
Ross: (going up to Rachels closed door) Chandler? (He opens the door and looks inside and doesnt see him.) Chandler? (He checks the bathroom and still doesnt find him. He then finds a note on the counter. He picks it up and reads it.)
Ross: I think Chandlers gone. (He hands her the note.)
Phoebe: Oh my God! Chandler just left though!
[Scene: Central Perk, Gunther is behind the counter as Ross enters looking for Chandler.]
Ross: Gunther have you uh, have you seen Chandler?
Ross: Yes! No-no! I know, I know what the list is! Mom! Look if you see Chandler, could you just let him know Im looking for him?
Rachel: (closing the door) Ross said theres still no word from Chandler.
Rachel: Oh God I just can not imagine what is gonna happen if Chandler doesnt show up!
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers bathroom, the scene is continued from earlier.]
Phoebe: Hey, do you think this is why Chandler took off?
Ross: No! I talked to Joey on the set, he hasnt heard from him. I-I-I talked to Chandlers parents again!
(Phoebe and Ross go to look for Chandler and Rachel enters Monica and Chandlers.)
Ross: Aw, yknow Yknow, maybe were-were just approaching this all wrong. If youre Chandler and-and you wanna hide, where is the last place on Earth people would think youd go?
Chandler: How did you guys find me? I knew I shouldve hid at the gym!
Chandler: Panicking! And using the Internet to try to prove that Im related to Monica. How is she?
Chandler: No! No! No! I cant do that!
Chandler: Because if I go home, were gonna become the Bings! I cant be the Bings!
Chandler: The Bings have horrible marriages! They yell. They fight. And they use the pool boy as a pawn in their sexual games!
Ross: Chandler, have you ever put on a black cocktail dress and asked me up to your hotel room?
Chandler: No.
Chandler: Its not just their marriage! I mean, look at yours. Look at everybodys! The only person that can make marriage work is Paul Newman! And Ive met me; I am not Paul Newman. I dont race cars! I dont make popcorn! None of my proceeds go to charity.
Phoebe: But look Chandler, right now, no one has a lower opinion of you than I do. But I totally believe you can do this.
Chandler: I want to. I love her so much, but Im afr Its too huge.
Chandler: Well yeah, but then
Chandler: Depends on what you mean by we.
Rachel: We cant find Chandler (Phoebe sticks her head and motions that they found Chandler)s vest. We cant find Chandlers vest.
Joey: (on phone) Hey! Did Chandler show up yet?
[Scene: Chandlers Hotel Room, Ross is getting Chandler ready.]
Chandler: No.
Chandler: Yeah okay. Well, whats the next little bit?
Ross: Getting married. (Chandler panics.) Okay. Okay. You can, you can do that too! Just like youve done everything else!
Chandler: Yeah. Youre right. Hey I-I can do that.
Chandler: Okay, excuse me for a minute. (Starts to leave)
Chandler: Ross, I am not gonna run away again! I just want to get a little fresh air.
Chandler: Okay.
(Chandler goes out into the hall and lights up a cigarette.)
Chandler: Oh fresh air!
(They head in separate directions and Chandler emerges and hes so shocked that his cigarette is hanging from his lip.)
Rachel: Yeah! Yeah. Theyre theyre-theyre my friends, uh, Monica Stephanopolus and uh, and Chandler Acidofolus.
[Scene: Monicas Hotel Room, Chandler and Monicas parents and Phoebe are there as Ross enters.]
Ross: Hi! (To Mrs. Bing) Hi! (Mr. Bing starts rubbing his arm.) Hi. Has umm, anyone seen Chandler?
Monica: I know! Hey, hows Chandler doin?
Ross: Great. Hes doing great. Dont you worry about Chandler.
Ross: Chandlers gone again!
[Scene: The Hotel, Phoebe and Ross are looking for Chandler.]
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Ross! (He starts to get up.)
Ross: Hiiii-Ya!! (Chandler lies back down.) Im serious! Youre not walking out on my sister!
Chandler: (standing up) Thats right! Im not!
Chandler: I know about Monica.
Chandler: Yeah, I heard you and Rachel talking.
Chandler: You dont know?
Chandler: Monicas pregnant.
Chandler: Well I was! Then I went down to the gift shop because I was out of cigarettes
Chandler: Big picture please! So I was in the gift shop, and thats when I uh, saw this. (He holds up a little, tiny baby jumper that reads I (heart) New York.) Yeah, yknow what? I thought anything that can fit into this, cant be scary.
Chandler: But come on, look at how cute and small this is! So I got it to give Monica so shed know I was okay.
[Scene: The moment we waited for has finally arrived. Its time for Monica and Chandlers wedding. Weve got violins playing Every Breath You Take, weve got guests seated, and Chandler starts walking down the aisle with his parents on either arm.]
Chandler: You look beautiful mom. (His dad clears his throat.) You look beautiful too dad. I love you both. (He kisses his dad on the cheek) Im so glad you here. (He kisses his mom.)
The Rabbi: Are you Chandler?
Chandler: Are you Joey?
(Chandler steps off the altar to greet his bride-to-be.)
Chandler: You look beautiful. Is this new? (Her dress.)
Chandler: Okay.
Monica: (To Chandler) Who is this?
Chandler: (in Monicas ear) Hes Greek Orthodox.
Joey: (entering) Thats my line! (He walks up the aisle and to the rabbi) I can take it from here, thanks. (To all) Dearly beloved, Im sorry Im a little late. You may be confused by this now, (Hes still in costume) but you wont be Memorial Day weekend 2002. Well, lets get started before the groom takes off again. Huh? (Monica is shocked and looks around.) We are gathered here today, to join this man and this woman in the bonds of holy matrimony. Ive known Monica and Chandler for a long time, and I can not imagine two people more perfect for each other. And now, as Ive left my notes in my dressing room. We shall proceed to the vows. Monica?
Rachel: Go on! Go on. (She turns back to Chandler.)
Monica: Chandler, for so long I I wondered if I would ever find my prince, my soul mate. Then three years ago, at another wedding I turned to a friend for comfort. And in stead, I found everything that Id ever been looking for my whole life. And now here we are with our future before us and I only want to spend it with you, my prince, my soul mate, my friend. Unless you dont want to. You go!
Joey: Chandler?
(Ross leans in to give Chandler his vows.)
Chandler: (To Ross) No, thats okay. (Ross nods and retreats.) Monica I thought this was going to be the most difficult thing I ever gonna had to do. But when I saw you walking down that aisle I realized how simple it was. I love you. Any surprises that come our way its okay, because I will always love you. You are the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. You wanna know if Im sure? (He leans in and kisses her.)
Chandler: I do.
(Chandler and Monica both turn, take the rings from Ross and Rachel respectively, and place them on each others fingers.)
Joey: We good? Yeah? Good? Once again, I pronounce you husband and wife. (To Chandler) Now kiss her again.
Chandler: (To Monica) I love you. And I know about the baby.
Chandler: Our baby.
Chandler: Phoebe found your pregnancy test in the trash.
Chandler: Then who did?
Monica: (Shocked) Oh my God! Chandler!
Chandler: Where the hell is everybody?
[Scene: The theater. Chandler is sitting in the otherwise empty front row, looking around nervously]
(She heads for the kitchen and Chandler watches her leave and admires the view.)
Phoebe: Monica, you might want to remember that you are married. Where is Chandler anyway? (Looks around)
Rachel: Yeah, well, I guess I have forgotten about Joey and clearly you've forgotten about Chandler!
Chandler: Oh, no-no-no-no. Last time I left a spontaneous message I ended up using the phrase "Yes indeedy-o."
[Scene: Chandler in the theater]
Chandler: I... I don't know... you seem lovely.
Chandler: (To himself) oh yes, God yes!!
Chandler: (to Monica) So, how did you enjoy the play?
(Chandler walks in)
Chandler: Well you should be. You missed the most powerful three hours in the history of the theater.
Chandler: Did somebody sign your bra?
Rachel: Please, what about you and Chandler?
Phoebe: Hey, thank you so much for these tickets, Chandler.
Chandler: I missed most of the party (pause) Charlie's a girl, right?
Chandler: (to Joey) So, a professor, uh?
Chandler: We really need to take those tests?
Chandler: Oh, yeah?
Chandler: But I don't wanna do it in a cup!
Chandler: It's weird! In a doctor's office?
Chandler: Oh, yeah! RACHEL TALKS TOO!
Joey: It's like my favorite fairy tale come true! (Chandler looks at him) The princess, the stable boy and the lesbian!
Chandler: Deposit my specimen? You know, usually I have to call a 900 number for that kind of talk. Thanks, got it.
Chandler: I have a weird feeling about this place. (pause) How do I know that they are not gonna secretly videotape me and put it all over the internet.
Chandler: Yeah, I guess!
Chandler: Oh, Come on!
Chandler: (to Heaven) No no no... I mean, why? why is she here??
Chandler: Why are you here?
Chandler: What!?
Chandler: I'd love to stay, but I have eh... (points at the cup) got a hot date... (starts to leave)
Chandler: (disgusted) I think it just fell off. (Leaves)
Chandler: Ok, you know how most kids get their allowance from mowing the lawn or taking out the garbage, well I earned mineby plucking the eyebrows of my father and his �business� partners.
Chandler: Well no, Charlie's gonna get that.
[Scene: The Fertility Clinic; Chandler walks out one of the rooms]
Chandler: Yeah! yeah... The hard part is over!
Janice: Oh, Chandler, look. You and Monica are meant to have children. I am sure it's gonna be just fine.
Chandler: Okay, so, I'm in Las Vegas... I'm Liza Minelli-
[Cut to the city street. Monica and Chandler are jogging. Chandler is lagging behind so he hops in a cab and takes off, leaving Monica behind]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Chandler is sitting on the sofa, reading the newspaper.]
Chandler: Doctor Connelly just called.
Chandler: I'm sorry.
Monica: Chandler?
Chandler: Hello? Oh hi, Doctor Connelly. (pause) No, she's not here but, you know, I can tell her. Should I be sitting down for this? (his smile fades as he hears the answer) Oh. (pause) Well, so what does that mean? (pause) Ok. Ok, thank you. Thanks. (hangs up)
Chandler: Actually it's both of us.
Chandler: (seriously) It means that we can keep trying, but there's a good chance this may never happen for us.
Chandler: It means that my guys won't get off their barcaloungers and you have a uterus that is prepared to kill the ones that do. (pause) It means...
Chandler: Well, we're gonna... we're gonna figure this out.
Chandler: Oh, I can't believe my sperm have low motility because, let me tell you, when I was growing up they sure seem to be in a hurry to get places!!
Chandler: (looking at the picture of the female reproductive system) Wow! Fortunately she has a very pretty face!
Chandler: Oh, DAMN IT!
Chandler: Hi.
(Dr. Connelly glares at Chandler)
Chandler: (sitting down on the couch) Ok.
Chandler: (entering) Hey guys!
Chandler: But you come first!
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: Aside from adoption the only other choice is insemination, so... we're talking about sperm donors.
Chandler: (stopping Joey) ah-ha!
Chandler: it was like the Algonquin kids table. (They all laugh, but Joey only laughs not to be left out.)
Chandler: I wish there was an easier way for us to have a child but I don't think there is one.
Chandler: Hey! Look I brought a friend for dinner, this is Zack, from work!
[Scene: Monica's apartment, Chandler walks in with a friend of his while Monica is putting fruit in a bowl.]
Chandler: I'm telling you, he's great! I mean, even if my sperm worked fine, I'd think he'd be the way to go!
Monica: Chandler, this is crazy! What did you even say to him! "Come up, meet my wife! Give us your sperm"!
Chandler: So, how would you like to have a baby that's half yours and half his!
Monica: Chandler!
Chandler: Ok!
Chandler: So you might say, the ring is irreplaceable? (Gives Joey a little squeeze.)
Chandler: (bringing the beer to Zack) Zack!
CHANDLER: Achhh.� It's always better to lie than to have the complicated discussion.� (pause)� Except with you.
Chandler: You don't like him.
Zack: Oh! I'm gonna go wash up first. (Chandler points him the bathroom) Thanks!
Chandler: (very seriously) That's really not the kind of thing we are looking for Zack.
Chandler: Alright! Just follow my lead!
Chandler: You know what's not funny? Male Pattern Baldness (Monica stretches her neck to look behind Zack's head and then gives Chandler an "ok" sign)
Monica & Chandler: Sure! Alright...
Chandler: I noticed you were enjoying that Ravioli with a beautiful set of teeth. Did you have braces as a child?
Chandler: Oh good, 'cause I've already thought of 3... 4! I've just thought of a fourth (he goes towards the counter)
Chandler: I'm sorry, he's a little bit wound up, we had to stop at every maple candy stand on the way here.
Chandler: You sure you don't wanna stick around a little longer?
Chandler: Ok.
Chandler: I think we've found our sperm!
Chandler: Yeah, you think so, well? Should I ask him?
Chandler: (smiling) Yeah.
Chandler: So you know this leaves us with...
Chandler: (sighs with relief) Thank God, because I don't wanna do this either. You know, I was just doing because I thought that was what you wanted to do. You know, I'm the husband, I'm supposed to... bring the sperm.
Chandler: Really? Are you sure?
Chandler: Yeah, he's better!
Chandler: How do you feel about that?
Zack: (hardly enthusiastic) Hey Chandler.
Chandler: Hey, Zack!
Chandler: Look, I just wanted to apologize for last night. I got the feeling we made you a little uncomfortable.
Chandler: We are gonna be great parents.
Chandler: Really?
Chandler: Hang up, hang up. And that was a great movie! (Monica hangs up) I'm so gonna get back at Ross... oh yeah, this will show him, here we go (starts typing something).
Chandler: You wouldn't know if Jeanette's planning on keeping her baby, would ya?
Chandler: You guess I'm right? When we stayed at that bed and breakfast, you wouldn't have sex with me because you thought a deer was staring through the window.
Chandler: (sings in a helium voice) First I was afraid, I was petrified (very happy)