words in movies
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
Phoebe: (to Joey) Ooh, do you want to talk to Chandler?
Chandler: (To Phoebe) Is that Joey?! (She nods yes) Let me talk to him!
Joey: No! (She nods no to Chandler) Because he didn't believe in my movie! Which is a big mistake because it is real! Real!
Chandler: (To Phoebe) Y'know what? I have been trying to apologize to him all week! If he's not gonna let me do it on the phone, I'm gonna go down there and do it in person.
Phoebe: Yeah! (She hands the phone to Chandler.)
Chandler: (To Joey) Hey!
[Cut to Chandler]
Chandler: No-no-no-no, I've supported you one hundred percent and I want to prove that to you in person!
[Cut to Chandler]
Chandler: Forgive me? You haven't been taking my calls in a week!
Joey: Well, I'm totally over it Chandler. Friends forever! Don't come out here!
[Cut to Chandler]
Chandler: Uh, what was that?
Joey: Uh, Entertainment Tonight. [Cut to Chandler] Yeah, okay so, good talking to ya and don't come out here. All right. (Hangs up the phone and poses for that picture.)
Monica: Okay, you can not tell Chandler. Okay? That I ran into Richard.
Phoebe: Ooh! So now why can't we tell Chandler?
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: I know. Can you believe it? One year ago today I was just your annoying friend Chandler.
Phoebe: Awww! Now you're just my annoying friend Chandler.
Chandler: Huh.
Chandler: Oh, but it's not 'til tomorrow!
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: Wow!
Chandler: Do we have to?
Chandler: Okay this is great, but Joey said he didn't want any of us out there.
Chandler: Yeah, I think we should see other people.
Chandler: Yes.
Chandler: It's a great idea. (They kiss)
Chandler: Y'know Pheebs, it's kinda our (His and Monica's) anniversary.
Chandler: (coughing) Art lover!
Chandler: I said art lover.
Chandler: I don't know, I'm very tired.
[Scene: An airplane cabin, Phoebe has the aisle seat, Chandler the window, and Monica's stuck in that horrible middle seat.]
Chandler: So it's pretty much the same Pheebs.
Chandler: Yeah, I guess it's a little better now.
Chandler: (To Monica) Happy plane-aversary.
Chandler: Can I give you a present now?
Chandler: Okay! (He grabs his carryon and starts rummaging through it.) Oh man! Dont tell me I did this!
Chandler: How do you feel about the, "I really did forgot the present, please forgive me" not fake out?
Chandler: Ohh that's the worse thing that can happen on an anniversary ever!
Chandler: What-what Richard thing?
Chandler: What Richard thing?
Chandler: (talking out of the side of his mouth) I'm not mad.
Chandler: Oh yeah! Yeah, so you-you bumped into Richard! You grabbed a bite! It's no big deal. (He still ain't happy.)
[Scene: Las Vegas, we have the typical glamour shots of Vegas, the Strip, slot machines, a couple other gaming tables all set to the tune of you guessed it, Money. Anyhoo, we finally get through that and watch Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe enter Caesar's Palace carrying their luggage.]
Chandler: Oh my God.
Chandler: Love your condoms my man.
Chandler: Why?! What happened?!
Joey: Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell ya. (To Chandler) I'm sorry man.
Chandler: No-no, that's okay, apparently there's a new policy where we don't have to share everything with everybody.
Chandler: No! Her boyfriend Richard!
Chandler: When you go lunching with hunky moustache men and don't tell me about it!
Chandler: Thanks. (They hug.)
Chandler: (pushing her away from another hug) Next time?
Chandler: There's not gonna be a next time! You can not ever see him again!
Chandler: That's so funny, because I think I just did!
Chandler: Fine with me!
Chandler: What are you talking
Chandler: Really?
Chandler: (interrupting in the nick of time) Joey, I uh! I can't believe this is how I'm spending my anniversary.
Chandler: Whoa!
Chandler: Y'know, if I won $5,000 I'd join a gym, y'know build up my upper body and hit Richard from behind with a stick! (Mimics it.)
Chandler: Good luck!
Joey: Chandler! I don't need luck. I have thought this through!
Chandler: I see.
(Joey exits as Chandler shakes his head.)
Phoebe: Y'know Monica you had a minor setback in your relationship with Chandler. Big deal! It's only Chandler. (Monica turns and stares at her.) I am so sorry.
Phoebe: So go fix it! Go find Chandler! He's probably up in your room! Tell him that you're sorry and that you love him.
Monica: Y'know what? You're right Phoebe. You're right. Thank you! (Gets up to find Chandler.)
[Cut to Chandler's room, Joey is relaying to Chandler his amazing discovery.]
Joey: Chandler! You are not gonna believe this! I have found my identical hand twin!
Chandler: (totally confused) What?
Chandler: What's an identical hand twin?
Joey: What's it sound like? It's a guy with my identical hands! It was incredible! Chandler, the dealer's hands were exactly like me! It-it was like looking at my hands in a mirror!
Chandler: Are you sure you weren't (pause) looking at your hands in a mirror?
Chandler: (totally confused) How?
Chandler: Again I must go back to, how?
Chandler: (Pause) Y'know, I-I can't really put a price on that Joe.
Chandler: No! No! I support you 100%! I just didn't, I didn't get it right away. Y'know now I'm caught up! Identical hand twins! It's a million-dollar idea!
Phoebe: Ohh, you are so lucky! (To Chandler) Hey! So, where's Monica? Did you guys make up?
Chandler: No!
Chandler: That was Joey!
Chandler: Yeah, well, she's probably talking to Richard.
Chandler: Really?
Chandler: Okay. (He gets up and goes to find her.)
[Scene: Caesar's Palace Casino, Chandler is looking for Monica while Tom Jones's signature song is playing in the background (Getting the theme yet? Tom Jones, Wayne Newton, casinos They're in Vegas people! Catch up!) It's Not Unusual, y'know, "It's not unusual to be loved by anyone! It's not unusual to have fun with anyone! But when I see you hanging about with anyone, it's not unusual to see me cry! I wanna die." Well, while that's playing he spots Monica playing craps and in victory hug the guy next to her. Chandler turns and walks out.]
Ross: Hey listen I uh, talked to Chandler, sorry about the movie.
Chandler: (walking by with his luggage) See you later Mon.
Monica: Wait Chandler, what are you doing?!
Chandler: What does it look like? I'm going home.
Monica: What? Wait! Why? (He turns and heads for the door and she chases after him.) Chandler! Chandler! Wait! Im sorry, I was just playing for one second! I was trying to find you to tell you that, look if you don't want me to see Richard again, I won't! He means nothing to me!
Chandler: Come on! I was there! (He's propped up with his hand on a statute of a naked guy. He winces and pulls his hand away.) I know he's the love of your life.
Chandler: Really?!
Chandler: Yeah, I wanted to make a dramatic scene, but I hate packing.
Chandler: (arm-in-arm with Monica) Hey Pheebs!
Chandler: Yeah, she couldn't live without the Chan Love. (They start kissing.)
Chandler: Yes! I've-I've never seen a roll like this in my life!
Chandler: Okay, ah umm, ah, a 8. Ah, a 6?
Chandler: 8. 8!
Chandler: If you get this one, we buy everybody here a steak dinner!
Monica: (To Chandler) We're not really gonna buy these people steak dinners are we?
Chandler: Noo!
Chandler: Ahh, ooh, try a hard 8.
Chandler: Two fours.
A Drunken Gambler: (To Chandler) Don't you let her go! You're a lucky guy!
Chandler: Thank you, Mister Drunken Gambler! Okay, you get this and uh, we get the biggest suite in the place! (Everyone cheers) Wait-wait-wait-wait! We (motions to Monica and him.) get the biggest suite in the place.
Chandler: (sees the roll) Yes!! I love you! I can't even remember what we were fighting about!
Chandler: Another hard 8.
Chandler: Okay, okay, I tell you what. You roll another hard eight; (pause) and we get married here tonight.
Chandler: You roll another hard eight and we get married here tonight.
Chandler: Yes! I love you! I've never loved anybody as much as I love you.
Chandler: Okay, so if an eight comes up, we take it as a sign and we do it! {Whoa! Where have I heard that before? Matthew Perry talking about signs in Las Vegas. I guess it must've been some movie I saw.} What do you say?
Chandler: Okay! Come on! Let's go! All right!
Chandler: (spots one) Okay! That's a four! And where-where's the other one?
Monica: Nobody move! (To Chandler) Okay, you look that way; I'll look this way!
Chandler: All right!
Chandler: Here it is! Here it is!
Chandler: It's a four.
(They've made their way to the statue of the naked man that Chandler was leaning against earlier.)
[Scene: The Gift Shop, Monica and Chandler are entering.]
Chandler: Okay, all right, all right, all right! Okay! (Picks up a blue sweater.) Okay, here's something, here's something blue and new.
Chandler: Let's go! (Starts to leave.)
Chandler: Ohh, great, I have condom in my wallet I've had since I was twelve.
Chandler: I don't think so.
Chandler: (looks around) Here just take this. (Hands her the sweater.)
Chandler: No, we'll-we'll bring it back! Just put it under your dress.
Chandler: Okay, one thing at a time. (They run out to get married.)
[Scene: A Little White Chapel, Chandler and Monica are entering.]
Chandler: Hello! One marriage please!
Chandler and Monica: All right.
Chandler: (singing) Dum! Dum-dum-dum! Dum! Dum! Dum! Dum-dum-dum!
Chandler: Oh, that's The Wedding March. Does, does that freak you out?
Chandler: Okay! (Stands up) This is it! (Claps his hands) We're gonna get married!
(She goes one way; he goes the other. The camera pans back to Chandler and Monica, and needless to say, they're standing there dumbstruck as The King's (Elvis Presley to the yougin's) Viva, Las Vegas begins to play. Sing along with me now, "Viva! Las Vegas! Vivaaaaaa! Vivaaaaa! Las Vegassssss!!" Fade to Black.)
Monica: (Shocked) Oh my God! Chandler!
Chandler: Where the hell is everybody?
[Scene: The theater. Chandler is sitting in the otherwise empty front row, looking around nervously]
(She heads for the kitchen and Chandler watches her leave and admires the view.)
Phoebe: Monica, you might want to remember that you are married. Where is Chandler anyway? (Looks around)
Rachel: Yeah, well, I guess I have forgotten about Joey and clearly you've forgotten about Chandler!
Chandler: Oh, no-no-no-no. Last time I left a spontaneous message I ended up using the phrase "Yes indeedy-o."
[Scene: Chandler in the theater]
Chandler: I... I don't know... you seem lovely.
Chandler: (To himself) oh yes, God yes!!
Chandler: (to Monica) So, how did you enjoy the play?
(Chandler walks in)
Chandler: Well you should be. You missed the most powerful three hours in the history of the theater.
Chandler: Did somebody sign your bra?
Rachel: Please, what about you and Chandler?
Phoebe: Hey, thank you so much for these tickets, Chandler.
Chandler: I missed most of the party (pause) Charlie's a girl, right?
Chandler: (to Joey) So, a professor, uh?
Chandler: We really need to take those tests?
Chandler: Oh, yeah?
Chandler: But I don't wanna do it in a cup!
Chandler: It's weird! In a doctor's office?
Chandler: Oh, yeah! RACHEL TALKS TOO!
Joey: It's like my favorite fairy tale come true! (Chandler looks at him) The princess, the stable boy and the lesbian!
Chandler: Deposit my specimen? You know, usually I have to call a 900 number for that kind of talk. Thanks, got it.
Chandler: I have a weird feeling about this place. (pause) How do I know that they are not gonna secretly videotape me and put it all over the internet.
Chandler: Yeah, I guess!
Chandler: Oh, Come on!
Chandler: (to Heaven) No no no... I mean, why? why is she here??
Chandler: Why are you here?
Chandler: What!?
Chandler: I'd love to stay, but I have eh... (points at the cup) got a hot date... (starts to leave)
Chandler: (disgusted) I think it just fell off. (Leaves)
Chandler: Ok, you know how most kids get their allowance from mowing the lawn or taking out the garbage, well I earned mineby plucking the eyebrows of my father and his �business� partners.
Chandler: Well no, Charlie's gonna get that.
[Scene: The Fertility Clinic; Chandler walks out one of the rooms]
Chandler: Yeah! yeah... The hard part is over!
Janice: Oh, Chandler, look. You and Monica are meant to have children. I am sure it's gonna be just fine.
Chandler: Okay, so, I'm in Las Vegas... I'm Liza Minelli-
[Cut to the city street. Monica and Chandler are jogging. Chandler is lagging behind so he hops in a cab and takes off, leaving Monica behind]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Chandler is sitting on the sofa, reading the newspaper.]
Chandler: Doctor Connelly just called.
Chandler: I'm sorry.
Monica: Chandler?
Chandler: Hello? Oh hi, Doctor Connelly. (pause) No, she's not here but, you know, I can tell her. Should I be sitting down for this? (his smile fades as he hears the answer) Oh. (pause) Well, so what does that mean? (pause) Ok. Ok, thank you. Thanks. (hangs up)
Chandler: Actually it's both of us.
Chandler: (seriously) It means that we can keep trying, but there's a good chance this may never happen for us.
Chandler: It means that my guys won't get off their barcaloungers and you have a uterus that is prepared to kill the ones that do. (pause) It means...
Chandler: Well, we're gonna... we're gonna figure this out.
Chandler: Oh, I can't believe my sperm have low motility because, let me tell you, when I was growing up they sure seem to be in a hurry to get places!!
Chandler: (looking at the picture of the female reproductive system) Wow! Fortunately she has a very pretty face!
Chandler: Oh, DAMN IT!
Chandler: Hi.
(Dr. Connelly glares at Chandler)
Chandler: (sitting down on the couch) Ok.
Chandler: (entering) Hey guys!
Chandler: But you come first!
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: Aside from adoption the only other choice is insemination, so... we're talking about sperm donors.
Chandler: (stopping Joey) ah-ha!
Chandler: it was like the Algonquin kids table. (They all laugh, but Joey only laughs not to be left out.)
Chandler: I wish there was an easier way for us to have a child but I don't think there is one.
Chandler: Honestly? Me too.
Chandler: Hey! Look I brought a friend for dinner, this is Zack, from work!
[Scene: Monica's apartment, Chandler walks in with a friend of his while Monica is putting fruit in a bowl.]
Chandler: I'm telling you, he's great! I mean, even if my sperm worked fine, I'd think he'd be the way to go!
Monica: Chandler, this is crazy! What did you even say to him! "Come up, meet my wife! Give us your sperm"!
Chandler: So, how would you like to have a baby that's half yours and half his!
Monica: Chandler!
Chandler: Ok!
Chandler: So you might say, the ring is irreplaceable? (Gives Joey a little squeeze.)
Chandler: (bringing the beer to Zack) Zack!
CHANDLER: Achhh.� It's always better to lie than to have the complicated discussion.� (pause)� Except with you.
Chandler: You don't like him.
Zack: Oh! I'm gonna go wash up first. (Chandler points him the bathroom) Thanks!
Chandler: (very seriously) That's really not the kind of thing we are looking for Zack.
Chandler: Alright! Just follow my lead!
Chandler: You know what's not funny? Male Pattern Baldness (Monica stretches her neck to look behind Zack's head and then gives Chandler an "ok" sign)
Monica & Chandler: Sure! Alright...
Chandler: I noticed you were enjoying that Ravioli with a beautiful set of teeth. Did you have braces as a child?
Chandler: Oh good, 'cause I've already thought of 3... 4! I've just thought of a fourth (he goes towards the counter)
Chandler: I'm sorry, he's a little bit wound up, we had to stop at every maple candy stand on the way here.
Chandler: You sure you don't wanna stick around a little longer?
Chandler: Ok.
Chandler: I think we've found our sperm!
Chandler: Yeah, you think so, well? Should I ask him?
Chandler: (smiling) Yeah.
Chandler: So you know this leaves us with...
Chandler: (sighs with relief) Thank God, because I don't wanna do this either. You know, I was just doing because I thought that was what you wanted to do. You know, I'm the husband, I'm supposed to... bring the sperm.
Chandler: Really? Are you sure?
Chandler: Yeah, he's better!
Chandler: How do you feel about that?
Zack: (hardly enthusiastic) Hey Chandler.
Chandler: Hey, Zack!
Chandler: Look, I just wanted to apologize for last night. I got the feeling we made you a little uncomfortable.
Chandler: We are gonna be great parents.
Chandler: Really?
Chandler: Hang up, hang up. And that was a great movie! (Monica hangs up) I'm so gonna get back at Ross... oh yeah, this will show him, here we go (starts typing something).
Chandler: You wouldn't know if Jeanette's planning on keeping her baby, would ya?
Chandler: You guess I'm right? When we stayed at that bed and breakfast, you wouldn't have sex with me because you thought a deer was staring through the window.