words in movies
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
Phoebe: (to Joey) Ooh, do you want to talk to Chandler?
Chandler: (To Phoebe) Is that Joey?! (She nods yes) Let me talk to him!
Joey: No! (She nods no to Chandler) Because he didn't believe in my movie! Which is a big mistake because it is real! Real!
Chandler: (To Phoebe) Y'know what? I have been trying to apologize to him all week! If he's not gonna let me do it on the phone, I'm gonna go down there and do it in person.
Phoebe: Yeah! (She hands the phone to Chandler.)
Chandler: (To Joey) Hey!
[Cut to Chandler]
Chandler: No-no-no-no, I've supported you one hundred percent and I want to prove that to you in person!
[Cut to Chandler]
Chandler: Forgive me? You haven't been taking my calls in a week!
Joey: Well, I'm totally over it Chandler. Friends forever! Don't come out here!
[Cut to Chandler]
Chandler: Uh, what was that?
Joey: Uh, Entertainment Tonight. [Cut to Chandler] Yeah, okay so, good talking to ya and don't come out here. All right. (Hangs up the phone and poses for that picture.)
Monica: Okay, you can not tell Chandler. Okay? That I ran into Richard.
Phoebe: Ooh! So now why can't we tell Chandler?
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: I know. Can you believe it? One year ago today I was just your annoying friend Chandler.
Phoebe: Awww! Now you're just my annoying friend Chandler.
Chandler: Huh.
Chandler: Oh, but it's not 'til tomorrow!
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: Wow!
Chandler: Do we have to?
Chandler: Okay this is great, but Joey said he didn't want any of us out there.
Chandler: Yeah, I think we should see other people.
Chandler: Yes.
Chandler: It's a great idea. (They kiss)
Chandler: Y'know Pheebs, it's kinda our (His and Monica's) anniversary.
Chandler: (coughing) Art lover!
Chandler: I said art lover.
Chandler: I don't know, I'm very tired.
[Scene: An airplane cabin, Phoebe has the aisle seat, Chandler the window, and Monica's stuck in that horrible middle seat.]
Chandler: So it's pretty much the same Pheebs.
Chandler: Yeah, I guess it's a little better now.
Chandler: (To Monica) Happy plane-aversary.
Chandler: Can I give you a present now?
Chandler: Okay! (He grabs his carryon and starts rummaging through it.) Oh man! Dont tell me I did this!
Chandler: How do you feel about the, "I really did forgot the present, please forgive me" not fake out?
Chandler: Ohh that's the worse thing that can happen on an anniversary ever!
Chandler: What-what Richard thing?
Chandler: What Richard thing?
Chandler: (talking out of the side of his mouth) I'm not mad.
Chandler: Oh yeah! Yeah, so you-you bumped into Richard! You grabbed a bite! It's no big deal. (He still ain't happy.)
[Scene: Las Vegas, we have the typical glamour shots of Vegas, the Strip, slot machines, a couple other gaming tables all set to the tune of you guessed it, Money. Anyhoo, we finally get through that and watch Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe enter Caesar's Palace carrying their luggage.]
Chandler: Oh my God.
Chandler: Love your condoms my man.
Chandler: Why?! What happened?!
Joey: Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell ya. (To Chandler) I'm sorry man.
Chandler: No-no, that's okay, apparently there's a new policy where we don't have to share everything with everybody.
Chandler: No! Her boyfriend Richard!
Chandler: When you go lunching with hunky moustache men and don't tell me about it!
Chandler: Thanks. (They hug.)
Chandler: (pushing her away from another hug) Next time?
Chandler: There's not gonna be a next time! You can not ever see him again!
Chandler: That's so funny, because I think I just did!
Chandler: Fine with me!
Chandler: What are you talking
Chandler: Really?
Chandler: (interrupting in the nick of time) Joey, I uh! I can't believe this is how I'm spending my anniversary.
Chandler: Whoa!
Chandler: Y'know, if I won $5,000 I'd join a gym, y'know build up my upper body and hit Richard from behind with a stick! (Mimics it.)
Chandler: Good luck!
Joey: Chandler! I don't need luck. I have thought this through!
Chandler: I see.
(Joey exits as Chandler shakes his head.)
Phoebe: Y'know Monica you had a minor setback in your relationship with Chandler. Big deal! It's only Chandler. (Monica turns and stares at her.) I am so sorry.
Phoebe: So go fix it! Go find Chandler! He's probably up in your room! Tell him that you're sorry and that you love him.
Monica: Y'know what? You're right Phoebe. You're right. Thank you! (Gets up to find Chandler.)
[Cut to Chandler's room, Joey is relaying to Chandler his amazing discovery.]
Joey: Chandler! You are not gonna believe this! I have found my identical hand twin!
Chandler: (totally confused) What?
Chandler: What's an identical hand twin?
Joey: What's it sound like? It's a guy with my identical hands! It was incredible! Chandler, the dealer's hands were exactly like me! It-it was like looking at my hands in a mirror!
Chandler: Are you sure you weren't (pause) looking at your hands in a mirror?
Chandler: (totally confused) How?
Chandler: Again I must go back to, how?
Chandler: (Pause) Y'know, I-I can't really put a price on that Joe.
Chandler: No! No! I support you 100%! I just didn't, I didn't get it right away. Y'know now I'm caught up! Identical hand twins! It's a million-dollar idea!
Phoebe: Ohh, you are so lucky! (To Chandler) Hey! So, where's Monica? Did you guys make up?
Chandler: No!
Chandler: That was Joey!
Chandler: Yeah, well, she's probably talking to Richard.
Chandler: Really?
Chandler: Okay. (He gets up and goes to find her.)
[Scene: Caesar's Palace Casino, Chandler is looking for Monica while Tom Jones's signature song is playing in the background (Getting the theme yet? Tom Jones, Wayne Newton, casinos They're in Vegas people! Catch up!) It's Not Unusual, y'know, "It's not unusual to be loved by anyone! It's not unusual to have fun with anyone! But when I see you hanging about with anyone, it's not unusual to see me cry! I wanna die." Well, while that's playing he spots Monica playing craps and in victory hug the guy next to her. Chandler turns and walks out.]
Ross: Hey listen I uh, talked to Chandler, sorry about the movie.
Chandler: (walking by with his luggage) See you later Mon.
Monica: Wait Chandler, what are you doing?!
Chandler: What does it look like? I'm going home.
Monica: What? Wait! Why? (He turns and heads for the door and she chases after him.) Chandler! Chandler! Wait! Im sorry, I was just playing for one second! I was trying to find you to tell you that, look if you don't want me to see Richard again, I won't! He means nothing to me!
Chandler: Come on! I was there! (He's propped up with his hand on a statute of a naked guy. He winces and pulls his hand away.) I know he's the love of your life.
Chandler: Really?!
Chandler: Yeah, I wanted to make a dramatic scene, but I hate packing.
Chandler: (arm-in-arm with Monica) Hey Pheebs!
Chandler: Yeah, she couldn't live without the Chan Love. (They start kissing.)
Chandler: Yes! I've-I've never seen a roll like this in my life!
Chandler: Okay, ah umm, ah, a 8. Ah, a 6?
Chandler: 8. 8!
Chandler: If you get this one, we buy everybody here a steak dinner!
Monica: (To Chandler) We're not really gonna buy these people steak dinners are we?
Chandler: Noo!
Chandler: Ahh, ooh, try a hard 8.
Chandler: Two fours.
A Drunken Gambler: (To Chandler) Don't you let her go! You're a lucky guy!
Chandler: Thank you, Mister Drunken Gambler! Okay, you get this and uh, we get the biggest suite in the place! (Everyone cheers) Wait-wait-wait-wait! We (motions to Monica and him.) get the biggest suite in the place.
Chandler: (sees the roll) Yes!! I love you! I can't even remember what we were fighting about!
Chandler: Another hard 8.
Chandler: Okay, okay, I tell you what. You roll another hard eight; (pause) and we get married here tonight.
Chandler: You roll another hard eight and we get married here tonight.
Chandler: Yes! I love you! I've never loved anybody as much as I love you.
Chandler: Okay, so if an eight comes up, we take it as a sign and we do it! {Whoa! Where have I heard that before? Matthew Perry talking about signs in Las Vegas. I guess it must've been some movie I saw.} What do you say?
Chandler: Okay! Come on! Let's go! All right!
Chandler: (spots one) Okay! That's a four! And where-where's the other one?
Monica: Nobody move! (To Chandler) Okay, you look that way; I'll look this way!
Chandler: All right!
Chandler: Here it is! Here it is!
Chandler: It's a four.
(They've made their way to the statue of the naked man that Chandler was leaning against earlier.)
[Scene: The Gift Shop, Monica and Chandler are entering.]
Chandler: Okay, all right, all right, all right! Okay! (Picks up a blue sweater.) Okay, here's something, here's something blue and new.
Chandler: Let's go! (Starts to leave.)
Chandler: Ohh, great, I have condom in my wallet I've had since I was twelve.
Chandler: I don't think so.
Chandler: (looks around) Here just take this. (Hands her the sweater.)
Chandler: No, we'll-we'll bring it back! Just put it under your dress.
Chandler: Okay, one thing at a time. (They run out to get married.)
[Scene: A Little White Chapel, Chandler and Monica are entering.]
Chandler: Hello! One marriage please!
Chandler and Monica: All right.
Chandler: (singing) Dum! Dum-dum-dum! Dum! Dum! Dum! Dum-dum-dum!
Chandler: Oh, that's The Wedding March. Does, does that freak you out?
Chandler: Okay! (Stands up) This is it! (Claps his hands) We're gonna get married!
(She goes one way; he goes the other. The camera pans back to Chandler and Monica, and needless to say, they're standing there dumbstruck as The King's (Elvis Presley to the yougin's) Viva, Las Vegas begins to play. Sing along with me now, "Viva! Las Vegas! Vivaaaaaa! Vivaaaaa! Las Vegassssss!!" Fade to Black.)
Chandler: Yeah, ok. I'm sure that doctor's office can't be worst than on a class trip to the Hershey's factory!
Chandler: I know it sounds really weird, but we're just so bad at relationships.
Chandler: Y'know, I don't know if you've ever looked up the term goofing around in the dictionary... Well, I have, and the technical definition is, two friends who care a lot about each other and have amazing sex and just wanna spend more time together. But if you have this new fangled dictionary that gets you made at me, then we have to, y'know, get you my original dictionary. I am *so* bad at this.
(We see Joey who has puffed up his cheeks and Chandler nonchalantly reaches down and pinches Joeys nose shut. In a few seconds, Joey has to move because hes now forced to actually hold his breath.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is complaining about going to the clinic.]
[Scene: The Lobby of Chandler and Rachels building, Chandler and Rachel are returning from lunch.]
Chandler: Yes! Well that-yes.
CHANDLER: Joey just called.� He's got courtside Knicks tickets for him and me tomorrow night.
Chandler: (To a woman who he has clearly just met) And then the peacock bit me. (Laughs) Please kiss me at midnight. (She leaves)
Chandler: I dont know R.G., I was thinking something girlie for your office.
Ross: Oh my God! Those werent albino kids, that was computer camp! Rach! (He hurries inside and Chandler is taking out the garbage.)
Bitter lady: (now yelling) Well, you're not gonna get one! Because in life there are no intermissions, people. Chapter 7: Divorce is a 4 letter word. (Now standing right in front of Chandler and bending down almost to his level as if speaking to him, yelling even louder) How could he leave me?!?!
Chandler: I dont know, my mother spent most of her money on her fourth wedding. Shes saving the rest for her divorce. And any extra cash my father has he saves for his yearly trips to (Pause) Dollywood.
Monica: All right, let me see. (She grabs the 8 ball.) Will Chandler have sex tonight? (Reads the answer.) Don't count on it. Seems like it works to me.
Rachel: Well yknow what they say, the 23rd times the charm. (Chandler enters.) Aww, look at you all handsome!
Ross: I said 'share' not 'scare'. Go sit over there! (Chandler goes over and sits at a table and puts his head down).
Chandler: Well, I can't say "hump" or "screw" in front of the B-A-B-Y.
Chandler: There just don't happen to be any women in our games.
CHANDLER: Wow, that's lucky. What if her name was Big Ugly Splotch?
Chandler: Look, I want those basketball seats as much as you do! Okay, but we cant leave in the small apartment after weve lived here! Didnt you ever read Flowers for Algernon?
Chandler: (resigning himself to his fate) Chandler. (He quickly sits down.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is giving Rachel, Chandler, Phoebe, and Ross their bills.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Joey, Chandler, Monica and the twins are there. Everything has been put into boxes.]
Chandler: Arent you just a tinsy bit curious?
Chandler: The Velveteen Rabbit was brown and white!
Monica: (Comes up for below the covers and looks concerned.) Do you think he knew I was here? (Chandler quickly looks at Monica not knowing what to say.)
Chandler: Ooh, Lambchop. How old is that sock? If I had a sock on my hand for thirty years it'd be talking too.
Chandler: Yeah, Im gonna stick with the ring. (Goes to another display counter.) Oh, this ones nice! (Pointing to another ring.) I like this one! Sir? Uh, kind sir? Can I see this one?
[Scene: Gary's cop car, Ross is in the front seat with Gary of course. Chandler is in the back seat.]
Chandler: so then the farmer says, "Thats not a cow and youre not milking it." (Everyone laughs.)
Chandler: Oh-oh, yeah, and did he also say that ah, some of the dialogue was corny and that he actually found it was funny and not sexy?
Chandler: Oh, just hanging out, talkin about uh, websites. (Joey laughs.) Yeah, we saw this really interesting website about marriage and how totally unnecessary it is and how its just a way for the government to keep tabs on you.
[Scene: Central Perk, all but Chandler are there, Joey laughs for no apparent reason.]
Chandler: (sliding up behind her) No. No, I wont. Do you know why I took all those lessons? See, for the first time I didnt want you to be embarrassed to be seen on the dance floor with some clumsy idiot.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Ross are both pouting and sitting on the couch.]
Chandler: Fun Bobby? Your ex-boyfriend Fun Bobby?
Joey: Thats right I stepped up! Shes my friend and she needed help! And if I had too, Id pee on anyone of you! Only, uhh, I couldnt. I got the stage fright. I wanted to help, but there was too much pressure. So-so I uh, I turned to Chandler.
Chandler: Wow! Pregnancy does give you some weird cravings.
Chandler: All right Joey, be nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?
Monica: You guys are always hanging out in my apartment! Come on, I'll only use my left hand, huh? Come on, wussies! (Joey and Chandler pick her up) All right, ok, I gotta go. I'm going, (they throw her out) and I'm gone.
Chandler: See ya. (Ross exits, and Chandler moves over next to Joey, laughing.) Have fun planning your mellow bachelor party.
[Scene: Joey's co-star's apartment. Chandler and Joey are at the brunch.]
Chandler: Yeah, I can be a hero, I could do that. I could, I could do... I, w-w-what if, what if it attacks me?
Joey: Wait-wait-wait-wait! (To Chandler) Come on! Come on, lets trade! The timings perfect, I just clogged the toilet!
Chandler: Hi. (Joey blows on a noisemaker.)
Joey: I dont get it! It was in my room all night! And if she didnt take it, and I didnt take it; and you (Chandler) didnt take it, then who did? (The duck quacks.) Shh! Were trying to think! (Ross and Chandler realise it at the same moment and stare at Joey, who doesnt get it. After a short pause, with the duck still quacking, Joey figures it out and starts pointing at the duck.)
Chandler: But other than that... wholesome, wholesome building.
Chandler: Well, maybe it was the kind of food that tasted good at first but then made everybody vomit and have diarrhea.
Chandler: Why would Monica be keeping Richard in here?
Chandler: So--You got in voluntarily?!
Chandler: Look, she's not backing down! She went like this! (He does a little mimic of her dance.)
Chandler: Why? Okay? Why? Wh-wh-why did that have to happen?
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Phoebe is watching a Spanish version of The Waltons. At a nearby table sit Monica knitting, Rachel winding a ball of wool, and Chandler supplying them both from a skein which is spread between his hands.]
[Rachel and Chandler re-emerge from the balcony.]
Chandler: Yeah! (Takes it.) If-if-if we did do this there would be a lot of pressure on me, yknow? Because youve been waiting a very long time and I wouldnt want to disappoint you.
Chandler: (to his children) Look around, you guys. This was your first home. And it was a happy place, filled with love and laughter. But more important, because of rent control, it was a friggin' steal!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Joey are discussing what to do about the now naked hooker in the guestroom.]
Chandler: (embarrassed) I cannot believe Ross told you that! (pause) And in my defense, it was a Wendy's!
Chandler: Youre not, what do you, what do you got a bionic foot?
Chandler: Id like to go up the ladder of chance to the golden mud hut please.
Chandler: Score! Where are the disposable cameras?
Phoebe: Uh-huh, (To Chandler) and you?
Chandler: Of course the packaging does appeal to grown-ups and kids alike.
Monica: Oh sweetie, you can never embarrass me. (Chandler grunts.) Okay, you can easily embarrass me. But come on, it doesnt matter. All right? I married you! So I want to dance on my wedding night with my husband. Come on. (They go onto the floor.) Just try not to move your feet at all. (Chandler starts to get into the groove and bust a move.) There you go.
Chandler: Because hes crazy. Okay? He came up to me earlier and thanked me for my very moving performance in Titanic.
Chandler: What's with the word y'all? You know, just... two words just... pushed together... Are we all allowed to do that, because if so, I say why stop there? You know, your new poodle could be your noodle. And fried chicken? Could be fricken.Waiter, waiter excuse me, I'll have the fricken? (Monica laughs) See, that's... that's funny with the fricken, right?
Chandler: I'm sorry, it was a one-time-thing. I was very drunk and i was somebody else's subconscious.
Chandler: One of life's great, unanswerable questions. I mean, who knows? Maybe there's something even more painful than those things? Like this.
(Monica closes the door, Chandler knocks, and Monica opens it to reveal Chandler on his knees.)
CHANDLER: Oh yeah, your uh, name came up in a uh, conversation that terrified me to my very soul.
Chandler: We will take a moonlit walk on the Rue de la (mumbles something).
Chandler: Yes, and I get my ya-yas from Ikea. You have to put them together yourself, but they cost a little less.
Chandler: This-this Fonzie person you keep referring too, is that uh, is that another doctor?
CHANDLER: (hushed) No, no, no, no, no.� Joey can't know that I'm here.
Chandler: Definitely roses. (Monica and Rachel exchange a look.) Well, I just think theyre a little more weddingy. (Monica holds the Lily picture closer to him.) But Lilies are the clear choice.
Woman: Excuse me, I-I couldnt help overhearing, youre marrying Chandler Bing?
Chandler: How... exactly are you pursuing that? Y'know other than sending out resumes like what, two years ago?
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler is returning from Monica and Rachel's with his bedding. Eddie is standing at the bar with his dehydrator and loads of fruit.]
Chandler: Oh, did you get that from the 'I Love Rachel' pizzeria?
CHANDLER: You got a Cheeto on your face man.[Joey removes the Cheeto and eats it]
Chandler: (disgusted) What? What can't you do?
Chandler: Ah, Sliced Bread, a wonderful Lady MacBeth.
Chandler: Y'know I rued the day once didn't get a whole lot else done.
Chandler: Thats a mailman! Thats our mailman! (Waves to the mailman) (Sarcastic) Hi. How are ya?
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey is reading a 'Busty Ladies' magazine when Chandler enters.]
Rachel: Oh honey, I'm sorry we can't help you there, 'cause we're cuddlily sleepers. (Chandler makes an 'Ewww' face) Okay, I'm late for work.
Phoebe: Yuh-huh! I was the last one to know when Chandler got bitten by the peacock at the zoo. I was the last one to know when you had a crush on Joey when he was moving in. (Monica gestures at Phoebe to shut up; Joey looks surprised but pleased) Looks like I was second to last.
[Scene: The delivery room at the hospital. Monica, Chandler and Erica are there. Erica is in labor, and she is breathing heavily.]
Chandler: Im only going to pretend Im moving to Yemen, its the only way I can get rid off her.
Chandler: Right! I just think that this is happening too soon.
Chandler: Okay, we-we swallow our feelings. Even if it means were unhappy forever. Sound good?
Chandler: Uh then there was that dialect coach who helped you with that play where you needed a southern accent. Which after twenty hours of lessons still came out Jamaican.
Chandler: No! I just happened t�do a lot trivias about smoking in different states. For example, in Hawaii cigarettes are called Leyhallalookoos.
(Kathy leans in really close and Chandler mouths "Oh my God." She moves around in front of him and kneels at his feet.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is entering, dragging Chandler, to mediate the argument between Chandler and Monica.]
Chandler: Oh yeah! He has a caretaker. His older brother... Ernie.
Chandler: What happened to 'you can't live without me four days a week'?
Monica: (points at the baby she's holding) This is a boy, (points at the baby Chandler is holding) and that's a girl.
Joey: Sure, its hard to forget! But that doesnt mean you have to talk about it! A lot of things happened on that trip that we should never, (to Chandler) ever talk about.
Chandler: God! She is not stealing from us! Okay, will you let this go?