words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Joey are there.]
Chandler: Wait a minute, wait. Youre telling me this actress person is the only woman you ever wanted who didnt want you back?!
Joey: Yeah! Oh my God! (to Chandler) Is this what its like to be you?
Chandler: My Grandmother used to say that exact same thing to me.
[Scene: Rachels office, Chandler and her are coming back from lunch.]
Chandler: Hey.
Rachel: Thanks for lunch, Chandler. Y'know, you didnt have to walk me all the way back up here.
Chandler: Oh, thats-thats okay, no problem. (He starts to look around her office.)
Chandler: Yes, I realise that.
Chandler: Thats the stuff! (quickly grabs it)
Joanna: Rachel, I need the Versachi invoice. (to Chandler) Hello! You dont work for me.
Rachel: (introduces them) Joanna, this is my friend Chandler Bing (to Chandler) Joanna.
Chandler: Thanks, its ah, Gaelic, for Thy turkeys done. So ah, Im gonna go, nice, nice meeting you.
Rachel: Bye, Chandler.
Chandler: Hello.
Chandler: (holding a tissue) And is this in case the house sneezes?
Rachel: Oh, sorry. I meant Chandler.
Chandler: Oh, I'm glad you guys are past that little awkward phase.
Chandler: Oh-ho, liked what she saw, huh? Dug my action, did she? Checkin out the Chan-Chan man!
Chandler: Yeah, she seemed cool, attractive. Ill do it.
Rachel: Oh thank you, Chandler, this is so great, shes gonna love me.
Chandler: (entering) Hey, my Fathers house does that!
Rachel: (to Chandler) O-o-o-okay, how did it go? Tell me everything.
Chandler: Well, the movie was great, dinner was great, and theres nothing like a cool, crisp New York evening.
Chandler: Of course, I didnt get to enjoy any of that, because Joannas such a big, dull dud!
Joanna: Chandler is fantastic!!
Chandler: (entering with Rachel) Im telling ya, Joannas got it all wrong. Okay? All I said was, This was fun. Lets do it again sometime. Ill give you a call.
Chandler: Thats what you say at the end of a date.
Chandler: To her face? Look its the end of the date, Im standing there, I know all shes waiting for is for me to say Ill call her and its just y'know, comes out. I cant help it, its a compulsion.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is reading a magazine as Rachel approaches.]
Chandler: Multiple, so many paper cuts.
Rachel: Why hasnt he called Rachel? Why? Why? I dont understand. Why? He said hell call. Why? Why? Chandler Im telling you she has flipped out, shes gone crazy!
Chandler: (sarcastic) Oh, well give me the phone then.
Chandler: Look, you cant call somebody after this long just to say, In case you didnt notice, I dont like you!
Chandler: Nooo!! Shes really dull! And she gets this gross mascara goop thing in the corner of her eye!
Chandler: All right! Fine! But its just a lunch date, no more than an hour! And from now on I get my own dates, I dont want you setting me up with anybody ever again!
Chandler: Thats just a lot of big talk, y'know.
[Scene: Rachels office, Chandler and Joanna are returning from their lunch date. He is telling her about her mascara problem. Rachel is already there.]
Chandler: Its not a big deal. Its, just its right here, (points to his eye) and its all the time.
Chandler: (He looks over at Rachel, who nods her head) Yes, this, this was pleasant.
Chandler: The food there was, was great.
Chandler: So take care.
Chandler: Well, this was great. Ill give you a call. We should do it again sometime. (Rachel is disappointed)
(Chandler starts to leave ashamed of himself, but Rachel stops him in the hallway.)
Rachel: (whispering) Chandler!! Are you gonna call her!
Chandler: Noo!
Rachel: Chandler!!
Chandler: Look, Im sorry. Okay? Im weak, and pathetic, and sorry.
Chandler: AhhhhIm not going to call you.
Chandler: Im sorry. Im-Im-Im sorry that I said I was going to when Im not. Look, this has nothing to do with you, y'know? And this isnt Rachels fault. Its me. I have serious, serious problems when it comes to women. I have issues with commitment, intimacy, (pause) mascara goop. And Im really sorry, its just that this is not, this isnt going to work out.
Chandler: Yeah, o-okay.
Chandler: Well this is great! Ill give you a call! We should do it again sometime!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is talking on the phone.]
Chandler: No, because youre not a grandmother!
Chandler: For my last birthday you gave me a hug! (To Rachel) Okay, read the card! Read the card!
Monica: Really! That long?! (Chandler slowly turns and looks at her.) (To Chandler) Look all you want, its happening!
Chandler: Pheebs!!
Rachel: (To Chandler) Im telling you its like watching Bambi learn how to walk.
Chandler: (To Monica) How are you feeling?
Chandler: (to a waiter) Oh thats great! Right there! Can we get some of that over here please? (The waiter comes over) There we go.
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang is there, minus Ross. Chandler is trying to cheer Joey up about missing Phase Two.]
Chandler: What?
Joey: See? Thats a great smile! Easy. Natural. Now, pretend I have a camera. (Chandler immediately does The Face.) Youre changing it!
Chandler: Okay, here we go.
Chandler: Hey! Howd it go?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica, Chandler, Ross, and Rachel are sitting around the table.]
Chandler: Too?
Chandler: (To Ross) Monica said wedding.
Chandler: Thats great!
(She serves to Doug who returns it to Chandler. As it bounces over his head Chandler swings and misses.)
Chandler: Dont do it.
Chandler: I think its necessary. (Backs away anyhow.)
Chandler: (correcting her) Phil.
Chandler: (to Ross) See buddy, that's all you need, a bunch of toothless guys hitting each other with sticks.
Chandler: Yes!!
Chandler: (turning around and looking) Oh my God!
Chandler: Why is your family Ross?!
Chandler: Oh no thanks. I dont like any thing from my Scottish heritage.
Chandler: Because we hate them.
Chandler: We heard you play all the way from your apartment!
Chandler: (to the Maitre d') Hi, could we get two burritos to go, please? (Laughs.)
Chandler: We have heard you play.
Ross: Maybe I should get another pair! Ooh, y'know, they-they had some with fringe all down the sides. (Chandler starts rubbing his temple again.) I'm gonna go kiss Ben goodnight. (He starts to head for Monica's bedroom.) I can't believe he thinks I'm a cowboy. (Pause.) I would make a good cowboy. (He struts into Monica's room.)
Monica: Oh, and by the way, hes lost a bunch of weight. I mean he looks goo-ood! Okay, I mean really, really gorgeous! (Joey clears his throat.) I still love Chandler.
Chandler: All right! (He joins them in the fort and comes up putting on a bonnet.) Isn't this a woman's hat?
Monica and Chandler: No!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is entering.]
Chandler: Yknow that thing that Ross was gonna do at our wedding?! He was hanging out with me yesterday and he turned to me and said, "Youre half Scottish right?"
Chandler: Hi, honey! Im home!
Chandler: You mean the spitter?
Chandler: Sorry, I just dont like the idea of when I say, "I do," hes thinking, "Yeah, Id do her too!"
Chandler: You mean the guy who kept staring at your chest?
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are talking. Joey and Phoebe are getting coffee.]
Chandler: Yeah!
Chandler: Why? Do you another boyfriend in there or something?
Chandler: Easy for you to say; youll be wearing a veil.
Chandler: Guys thank you very much but neither of you is marrying us.
Chandler: Joe
Chandler: Yknow its funny I started it but, now its scary me. So could you come out here please?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are eating lunch as Joey enters.]
(Hearing the screaming Chandler and Joey rush in. Joey has a pan, Chandler has a tea kettle.)
Chandler: No, but Horny for Monica Minister called, wanting to know if we were still together.
Chandler: (To Monica) Yknow, we havent found anybody else.
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: Yeah you can do it.
Joey: (turning all the way around, and still not facing Chandler) Yeah, you are! (Starts dancing.) I scared you!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica are there.]
Chandler: See, now, why would you assume that? Just because we're married? I will have you know that we are very hip, happening people. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to reading the obituaries.
Chandler: Oh you got a wedding dress? Thats great!
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Our minister
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: Well then why cant I see it?
Chandler: Okay I promise. Ill-Ill hate it. (She enters.) Wow! You-you look hideous.
Chandler: Well, here we are, just a bunch of thirty year olds.
[Scene: A Portrait Studio, Chandler and Monica are trying to take their engagement picture. Monica has a beautiful smile, while Chandler isnt.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler, and Monica are returning from Central Perk.]
Chandler: Okay!
Chandler: Oh thats great! Great! Thanks! But that dress I mean its like yuck! Its terrible! It makes me wanna just rip it right off of you!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are watching a basketball game on the couch.]
Chandler: (without turning around) I thought you were gonna be gone all day.
Chandler: If you listen very carefully, I think its Celebration by Cool and the Gang.
Chandler: Right here! (Clucks like a chicken for some reason.)
Kathy: (on phone) Hey. (listens) Oh no its fine, dont worry about it. (listens) Yeah-no, stop apologizing, its okay. (listens) Yeah! Ill talk to you tomorrow. (hangs up) (to Chandler) I should uh, probably go.
Monica: Oh, I havent had that feeling since I first started going out with Chandler. Wow, Im never gonna have that feeling again am I?
Joanna: You tell your friend Chandler that were definately broken up this time.
Chandler: Oh totally! (Holds up his finger.) Pull my finger.
Phoebe: Well, it was just, it was all so crazy, you know. I mean, Chandler was in the closet, counting to 10, and he was up to 7 and I hadn't found a place to hide yet. I-I-I meant to tell you, and I wrote it all down on my hand. See, all of it. (shows him her hand)
Monica: Have you seen Chandler?
Chandler: What?
CHANDLER: Hey, no, I've never been lower or wetter. I'll be fine. I'll just turn your, uh, bedroom into a game room or somethin', you know, put the foosball table in there.
Chandler: Oh, well... Maybe I'll join them some time. I just hope the club doesn't slip out of my hand and beat the moustache off his face.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is talking to Chandler.]
Chandler: Kinda. Theyre really big.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Phoebe, Rachel and Monica are there. Ross walks in with a magazine in his hand.]
Chandler: Yknow Im-Im really glad we decided not to sleep together before the wedding.
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: (with his mouthful) Oh-oi-ho, yeah!
Chandler: Thats me! Come on!
Chandler: (transfixed) Hi! Nice to meet you!
Chandler: Yknow I was thinking if we had a a big fight and uh we broke up for a few hours
Chandler: Well get rid of her, obsessive and shrill.
Chandler: Ill be right with you.
Monica: (catching him) Chandler!
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is there as Chandler and Monica enters.]
Ross: What?! Chandler shes our cousin!
Chandler: I think its the dying cat parade.
Chandler: Yeah! (Takes it off his hand and throws it behind the night-stand.)
Chandler: Yeah, we have all this paperwork that needs to be filed by the end of the year. If I don't get it done, I'll be fired.
Chandler: Yknow, itll be okay. Itll be okay. Because when they come over, I will be all charming, I will make them fall in love with me, and then well tell em.
(As Phoebe stands there in shock and disbelief, Chandler comes out of the bathroom and walks to his bedroom. Hes just got out of the shower and has the towel wrapped around himself high across his chest, and another towel wrapped around his head, like women wear towels. Joey watches Chandler wondering what the hell hes doing.)
(Monica stands up and wobbles slightly and Chandler runs over to catch her.)