words in movies
Chandler: I can't believe you would actually say that. I would much rather be Mr.Peanut than Mr.Salty.
Chandler: I feel violated. And not in a good way.
Chandler: I am telling you, years from now, schoolchildren will study it as one of the greatest first dates of all time. It was unbelievable! We could totally be ourselves, we didn't have to play any games...
Chandler: Let her know I like her? What are you, insane? (The girls make disgusted noises.) It's the next day! How needy do I want to seem? (To the guys) I'm right, right?
Chandler: Which, by the way, is the real San Francisco treat. (Calls her, then hurriedly hangs up.) I got her machine.
Chandler: No, interestingly enough her leaf blower picked up.
Chandler: Oh, no-no-no-no. Last time I left a spontaneous message I ended up using the phrase "Yes indeedy-o."
Chandler: (bluffing) And basically, that's how a bill becomes a law.
Chandler: Hey Rach!
(Ross 'prompts' Chandler by hitting him on the arm.)
Chandler: Yes!
Chandler: I have my reasons.
Chandler: (on phone, reading from a script) Oh, Danielle! I wasn't expecting the machine... Give me a call when you get a chance. (Rattles some dishes) Bye-bye. (Hangs up.) Oh God!
Chandler: Hey, I've been honing!
Chandler: Oh, uh.. I want her to think I might be in a restaurant.. y'know? I might have some kind of life, like I haven't been sitting around here honing for the past few hours.
(A pause as they look at Chandler.)
Chandler: What are you looking at me for? I didn't know that.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler enters clutching his phone.]
Chandler: Can I use your phone?
(Chandler dials his own phone and it rings.)
Chandler: Yes, it's working! Why isn't she calling me back?
Chandler: Y'don't think that makes me seem a little...
Chandler: Ah, you obviously saw my personal ad.
Chandler: She answered.
Chandler: I'm not gonna talk to her, she obviously got my message and is choosing not to call me. Now I'm needy and snubbed. God, I miss just being needy.
Chandler: If it helps, I could slide over.
(Ross exits, a phone rings, and Chandler dives for his phone.)
Chandler: Hello? Hello?
Chandler: So how's Mindy?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning. Chandler is sitting and staring at his phone. Monica enters and creeps up next to Chandler.]
(Chandler clutches at his phone before realising.)
Chandler: Hell is filled with people like you.
Chandler: ...And boogie!
Chandler: Okay, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Will you watch my phone?
Chandler: Hey, we haven't been on a second date, she needs to hear me pee?
Chandler: I can't call her, I left a message! I have some pride.
Chandler: No! (Calls) Danielle, hi! It's, uh, it's Chandler! (Listens) I'm fine. Uh, listen, I don't know if you tried to call me, because, uh, idiot that I am, I accidentally shut off my phone. (Listens) Oh, uh, okay, that's fine, that's great. (Listens) Okay. (Puts down the phone.) (to Monica) She's on the other line, she's gonna call me back. (He starts doing a little jig.) She's on the other line, she's gonna call me back, she's on the other line, gonna call me back...
Chandler: 'S'why I'm dancing...
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Ross are doing a crossword, Monica is cooking, and Chandler is still staring at his phone.]
Chandler: Ring dammit, ring!
Chandler: What?!
Chandler: (investigating) I turned it off. Mother of God, I turned it off!
Monica: Just like you told her you did! (Chandler glares at her.) ... Just pointing out the irony.
Chandler: Nngghhh!!!!!!!
Danielle: (entering) Chandler?
Chandler: Danielle! Hi! Uh- everybody, this is Danielle, Danielle, everybody.
Chandler: What are you doing here?
Chandler: ...I'm, I'm okay.
Chandler: That sounds good. I'll call you- or you call me, whatever...
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: ...I dunno.
Chandler: Well, she seems very nice and everything, but that whole thing about her coming all the way down here, just to see if I was okay? I mean,... how needy is that?
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Nah, not so much. Alright, now we smoke. (Takes a puff.) Oh.. my.. God. (He continues to smoke.)
Chandler: Oh, uh, that would be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself, and then I realised I didn't need it, so I balled it up and... (sees that Monica is glaring at him) ...now I wish I was dead.
Chandler: They do?
Chandler: But I just wa...
Chandler: Well, I'm here to see my old buddy Ben. What are you doing here, weird...turtle-man?
[Scene: Central Perk. Everyone exept Phoebe and Chandler is there. Ross's beeper goes off and everyone exept him react.]
Chandler: (to Rachel) And you Ross, I believe, if you check Rachels bag you will find a half-eaten box of cookies in there.
[Scene: A hall on the floor where Chandler works. Chandler and Phoebe enters, and overhears some employees's conversation. One of them is doing Chandler.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Phoebe are sharing a bowl of popcorn, while Monica carefully reads the instruction manual for her television set.]
Chandler: You have to give 'em something, you know. Okay, now that was Gerston, Santos, and who's the guy with the moustache?
(They go away, trying very hard not to laugh at Chandler)
Chandler: Petrie, right, right. Okay, some people gonna be working this weekend.
(Chandler struts out from his apartment)
Chandler: Okay, hating this.
Chandler: Here we go, here we go.
Chandler: Yeah, like in a cab...
(Ross and Chandler look at each other and hug as well.)
Chandler: You have to pick your moments.
Rachel: What, it's ok when Chandler does it?
Ross: Well we haven't offically asked them yet, but we would want Monica and Chandler.
Chandler: (to Rachel) You see what I mean.
Chandler: She's not gonna make you wear one of those big plastic cones, is she?
[Scene: The Waiting Room, Chandler is falling asleep on Monica's shoulder.]
Chandler: That's alright, I'll take it. Bad things happen to me anyway. This way I can break 'em up with a movie.
Chandler: Oh, ok, 'cause we never do that.
Chandler: (stuttering incoherently) F-hah.... flennin....
Chandler: Mmmm. Not tonight, honey. I got an early day tomorrow.
Chandler: That's a relatively open weave and I can still see your... nipular areas.
(Chandler and Monica leave. Cut to Joey, watching the Knicks/Celtics game on television.)
Chandler: Its yelling bleeding dilating. Oh, the dilating
Chandler: (trapped) Uh, uh.
Chandler: Oh, no, no. I just meant hypothetically.
Chandler: No, no, no.
Chandler: You'll get one.
Chandler: Rachel, what is the deal with you and doctors, anyway? Was, like, your father a doctor?
Joey: (form the other side of the door) Hellooo? Anybody in there order a celebrity? (He starts to enter the apartment and Chandler runs to the door and shuts it back in his face) OW!
Chandler: Where have you been?
[Scene: The Waiting Room, Monica is on the phone with her mother, Chandler is standing behind her.]
Ross: (in a stupor) Hey Chandler. (Sees Monica.) Monica!
(Hearing her brother's voice, Monica gets up to stand behind Chandler, followed by Rachel.)
Chandler: (doing a little dance) Hey Ross, look what I've got going here.
Chandler: This is the New York Times.
Chandler: �Pudo aver sido General Tso! (It could've been General Sal!)
[Back at the table. Joey and Ross return. Shortly, Chandler comes out, holding the stall door in front of him, and leaves.]
Chandler: Yeah I gotta say thank you, I was really nervous. Yknow Ive been told I come on to strong, make to many jokes, and then it was really hard to sidestep that duty thing. (The interviewer doesnt understand) Duties. (Still doesnt.) Duties! (Still doesnt.) Poo. (Still doesnt.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. They are preparing to show Laura around. Laura is standing with her back to the window, Chandler and Monica are standing on either side of her, facing each other.
Chandler: Joey's not a friend. He's...a stupid man who left us his credit card. Another drink? Some dessert? A big screen TV?
Chandler: I know, I still am one of these.
Chandler: Okay, well Im gonna get Ross, get the cameras, and get them developed. (Joey laughs again.) 32 Joe. Youre 32! (Exits)
(Chandler and Joey laughs, until they look at each other then recoil in horror.)
(Chandler comes into the picture.)
Ross: Listen Adrienne, you can't tell Chandler about this.
ROSS: [holding cream pitcher] Oh, darnit, we're all out of milk. [holds pitcher in front of Chandler's chest and flips the lid] Hey Chandler, would you fill me up here?
[Scene: The hospital, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are in the waiting room, waiting for Carol and Susan to arrive.]
Chandler: (sigh)... And where's this money coming from? (gives money to Joey)
Chandler: Oh My God! You can do a duet of Ebony and Ivory all by yourself!
Chandler: (in a deep voice) Men are here.
Chandler: Then put out fire by peeing, no get invited back.
Chandler: Crazy bitch.
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Forget about her.
[Time lapse. Chandler and Joey are making the fire, Monica and Phoebe are inside. Ross enters, carrying luggage.]
Chandler: Course there, they just call it food.
Chandler: I'm still on my first. I just think you're nice.
Chandler: I can't belive it.
Chandler: You can always spot someone who's never seen one of his plays before. Notice, no fear, no sense of impending doom...
Ross: Yeah... I guess. I don'tI don't know. Alright, just... just give her this for me, OK? (gives Chandler a gift for Rachel)
[Time lapse. Melanie, Joey's girlfriend, is there with Joey, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel. Ross is gone.]
(Chandler looks dejected. Rachel picks up another gift.)
Monica: Sure. Oh, um, Chandler? Y'know, the-the old Monica would-would remind you to scrub that Teflon pan with a plastic brush...But I'm not gonna do that.
Chandler: (pointing out a gift) OK, this one right here is from me.
Chandler: Oh, that's Ross's.
Joey: (pats Chandler on the leg) That's good, just keep rubbing your head. That'll turn back time.
Chandler: Yes! (Rachel walks towards door) You're never gonna make it!
Chandler: Well then maybe you shouldn't go.
Chandler: What about the time difference?
Chandler: Rachel, I love you! Deal with me first! (she leaves)
Chandler: Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked.
Chandler: Nothing, just a little extra air in my mouth. Pffft. Pffffffft. (walks over to where Joey is seated)
Chandler: Uh, let's see... Alvin... Simon... Theodore.... no.
Chandler: Y'know, I was thinking about ah, asking her for her number.
Chandler: (sarcastically) Because its a relaxing and enjoyable time!
Chandler: Its incredible, I mean one minute shes inside you and then 47 hours later here she is.
Chandler: Hey, big...
Chandler: Oh, yeah, right, OK... inlcuding the waffles last week, you now owe me... 17 jillion dollars.
Chandler: The fact that you'd even ask that question shows how little you know me.
Chandler: So how'd it go?
Chandler: I didn't know you had another level.
Chandler: Joey if you wanna punch me, go ahead, I deserve it. But I just want you to know that I would never soberly hurt you or your family, youre my best friend. I would never do anything like this ever again.
CHANDLER: [runs in] Hey, big guy, game time.
CHANDLER: No.
(Chandler and Joey burst in, with Marcel)
Chandler: No way!
Chandler: Ok, I think she's trying to tell us something. Quick, get the verbs.
(She hits Chandler.)
Rachel: (to Chandler) You, you, you said he liked me. (Ross and Julie enter) You, you slowpokes!
CHANDLER: Yes, and this with the cigarette butt in it, is that decaf?
Chandler: Not yet.
Chandler: God?