words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are sitting at the bar, in their bathrobes, eating cereal]
CHANDLER: That's what's weird? Joey, the man's been captain of a cereal for the last 40 years.
CHANDLER: Waaa-aaah.
CHANDLER: The spoon. You licked and-and you put. You licked and you put.
CHANDLER: Well don't you see how gross that is? I mean that's like you using my toothbrush. [Joey gets a sheepish look] You used my toothbrush?
CHANDLER: Mine is the red one! Oh God. Can open, worms everywhere.
CHANDLER: Because soap is soap. It's self-cleaning.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Phoebe are sitting at the table, Joey and Chandler enter.]
CHANDLER: Hey.
CHANDLER: Excuse me, you guys are getting tattoos?
CHANDLER: Wow, that's lucky. What if her name was Big Ugly Splotch?
CHANDLER: Oooh, Rich is goin' to the party too, huh?
[Scene: Joey's co-star's apartment. Chandler and Joey are at the brunch.]
CHANDLER: I know, this is a great apartment.
CHANDLER: Wow, there's my fantasy come true. No, seriously.
CHANDLER: [being left behind] Oh that's all right fellas, I saw a kitchen this morning - on TV. Stop talking. OK.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are returning from their brunch.]
CHANDLER: Oh please, I saw the way you were checking out his mouldings. You want it.
CHANDLER: Well it wouldn't kill you to say it once in a while.
CHANDLER: What?
CHANDLER: Woah, woah, woah. I don't need a roommate either, OK? I can afford to live here by myself. Ya know, I may have to bring in somebody once a week to lick the silverware.
CHANDLER: Look, you know what? If this is the way you feel, then maybe you should take it.
CHANDLER: Well then maybe you should take it.
CHANDLER: Fine with me.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is at the bar and Joey enters.]
CHANDLER: Hey.
CHANDLER: Yeah me too.
CHANDLER: Yeah. So do we need to hug here or. . .
CHANDLER: So I got ya something. [tosses Joey a bag of plastic spoons]
CHANDLER: Lick away my man.
CHANDLER: What?
CHANDLER: No-no, I mean what, what's this about your new place?
CHANDLER: Well I didn't think that was serious. [grabs the spoons back] Ya know I thought that was just a fight.
CHANDLER: Well, there you go.
CHANDLER: Hey, no, I've never been lower or wetter. I'll be fine. I'll just turn your, uh, bedroom into a game room or somethin', you know, put the foosball table in there.
CHANDLER: I did pay for half of it.
CHANDLER: Alright I'll tell you what, I'll play you for it.
CHANDLER: Your little men are gonna get scored on more times than your sister.
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler and Joey are playing foosball for the table.]
CHANDLER: Stop talkin' to your men. [Joey scores]
CHANDLER: Congratulations. [Chandler leaves]
CHANDLER: Oh yeah, you got the big TV. We'll be over there all the time. . . [Chandler gives him a look] except when we are here.
CHANDLER: [quietly] Yeah, I remember.
[Everyone except Joey and Chandler leave.]
CHANDLER: So, uhh, em, you want me to uh, give you a hand with the foosball table?
CHANDLER: Thanks.
CHANDLER: Yeah, right, yeah, I guess so.
JOEY: Listen, uh, I don't know when I'm gonna see you again. CHANDLER: Well, I'm guessing uh, tonight at the coffee house. JOEY: Right, yeah. OK. Um, take care. CHANDLER: Yeah. [Joey walks out and after a few seconds comes back in and gives Chandler a big hug. He then leaves for good and Chandler is left alone in his apartment.] CLOSING CREDITS
Joey: Chandler?
Chandler: So, uh, how often can you do it?
Rachel: (to Julie) Thank you. (under her breath to Chandler) What a bitch.
Chandler: Hey, sweetums.
Joey: (Shouting after him) Chandler, I didn't kiss her, he did! (To Ross) See what happens when you break the code?
(Ross and Chandler turn at the voice...)
Chandler: I dunno, but.. I think it's about to attack the Enterprise.
Chandler: What did you just do?
Chandler: What did you just do?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Rachel, and Joey are eating, and Phoebe is preparing Ben's milk.]
Ross: That's all right, Rach, we got the bags. Hi, hello. Julie, this is my sister Monica. This is Chandler. Phoebe. Joey, what up?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are there. Chandler is preparing to dump Janice again.]
Chandler: Uh-oh.
Carol and Susan: Hey! (This wakes Chandler and Ross up)
Chandler: You're damn right I'm right. I say you show this guy what you're made of. I say you stand your ground. I say you show him that you are the baddest hombre west of the lingerie.
Chandler: Well, maybe it's because of the way you're dressed.
Chandler: Look, I just dont think Monica and I are ready to get married yet! Yknow? I mean, I love her and everything but seeing Ross and Rachel coming out of that chapel was like a, like a wake-up call that Monica and I are moving so fast. Yknow? And, how do I tell her without crushing her?
Chandler: Hey! (Trots over)
(He slowly measures it up his leg, and Chandler makes a rather surprised face.)
CHANDLER: Ok, this could be tough.
Chandler: We think he was trying to spell out 'MONKEY.'
CHANDLER: Ooh, you almost had it.
CHANDLER: Hey.
CHANDLER: I broke up with her.
CHANDLER: Maureen Rosilla.
CHANDLER: You or me?
JOEY: "Oh, Chandler, now, now, that's it. There, faster!"
CHANDLER: Ok, Phoebe.
PHOEBE: I miss Janice though. "Hello, Chandler Bing."
CHANDLER: Uh-Oh. It's Isaac Newton, and he's pissed.
Joey: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) What are you talking about? The auditions not til 5:00! (Chandler suddenly remembers and looks at the unfinished message then tries to sneak over and finish it as Joey listens.) Well, nobody told me! (Listens) Whod you talk to? (Listens and turns around to see Chandler trying to finish the message.) Nevermind! (Hangs up.)
Joey: Ok all right, no, no, no, no, I do, I do, I do, I need your help, but Chandler I don�t know if I can take anymoreplucking. It hurts so bad!
Chandler: (sarcastic) Ooooh. (looks dumbfounded at Joey's stupidity)
CHANDLER: Wow, he looks so normal.
CHANDLER: Whoa!
Chandler: Can you believe it? I mean, don't I seem like somebody who should be doing something really cool? You know, I just always pictured myself doing something...something.
CHANDLER: Wow, Heckles was voted class clown, and so was I. He was right. Would you listen to that?
CHANDLER: Funniest? Heckles?
CHANDLER: I just think it's weird, you know? Heckles and me, Heckles, and me, me and Heckles...Would you knock it off?
JOEY: Chandler, come on, you're gonna find somebody.
[Cut too later, the moving process is progressing steadily. Monica is trying to lift a heavy box, as Rachel comes in from Chandlers bedroom.]
CHANDLER: How do you know that? How?
JOEY: Chandler, Heckles was a nut case.
CHANDLER: (on phone) Hi, it's me.
Chandler: You look amazing. I'm the luckiest man in the world.
CHANDLER: You know what? I'm not gonna end up like this. I'll see you man.
CHANDLER: Yeah, I understand.
CHANDLER: Oh, my, god!
CHANDLER: Congratulations.
Chandler: And you're thinking of taking it? (Pause) So before you said being me with me was more important than any job, but I guess now it's old job, (Raises his hand) me, (Raises his hand) new job.
CHANDLER: You couldn't have told me about this on the phone?
Rachel: Wait a minute. Chandler has a jewelry box?
JANICE: Is it yours? Ha! You wish, Chandler Bing. You are looking at a married lady now.
CHANDLER: In a bad way?
CHANDLER: Neat. I'm gonna die alone.
MONICA: Chandler, you're not gonna die alone.
CHANDLER: Whoa! Don't know about that.
CHANDLER: I'll take that.
PHOEBE: Chandler, you called Janice! That's how much you wanted to be with someone!
CHANDLER: Takin' that with you, huh?
Chandler: Not a lot of closet space, but he can just hang his stuff out the window in a bag!
CHANDLER: Yeah, yeah. Some people said some nice things about him. I think somebody should have it.
Chandler: Joey! Joe! (Sees that hes not here and starts investigating. He picks up the bag of chips.) Full bag. (He picks up the beer.) Beers still cold. Something terrible mustve happened here! (He decides its not that important; sits down on Rosita, and the back falls off causing him to flip over.) Oh no-no-no-no-no-no! (Runs over to Stevie.) Stevie, I was never here! (Runs out.)
CHANDLER: You bitch.
ROSS: [to Chandler] So what's it shaped like?
CHANDLER: If I'm goin' down, I'm takin' everybody with me.
CHANDLER: Joey was in a porno movie.
CHANDLER: Oh I see, I see, because of the third nipple thing. Ha ha ha ha. . .
Chandler: Joey... Switzerland?
Chandler: (standing up too) M-Me-me-me!
(Ross exits, a phone rings, and Chandler dives for his phone.)
[Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Rachel enter. Ross and Julie don't notice.]
CHANDLER: Uh, Julie.
Chandler: Oh! Thanks, I'm crazy about our place. Hey! speaking of crazy... do you have a history of mental illness in the family?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ben is playing in his crib while Chandler and Ross are leaning against the rim and are completely asleep.]
CHANDLER: What's this in my pocket? Why it's Joey's porno movie.
[Scene: Ross's apartment. After dinner. Chandler enters.]
CHANDLER: Why yes Ross, pressing my third nipple opens the delivery entrance to the magical land of Narnia.
CHANDLER: OK, now wait a minute. That is the craziest typing test I've ever seen.
CHANDLER: Nice work my friend.
Chandler: Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack! (throws himself over the back of the chair he was sitting in)
CHANDLER: I got the time to get to know Julie.
chandler: Now we can finally watch Green Acres the way it was meant to be seen.
CHANDLER: I'm goin' home.
[Outside in the hallway, Chandler, Joey, and Monica exit]
Chandler: Y'know what? You should go to my guy, because when I went in there with my third nipple. He just lopped it right off. Y'know? So I guess I'm lucky. I mean not as lucky as people who were born with two nipples.
[Scene: The Atlantis Resort, Chandler and Monica are arriving to check in, but are behind the couple from before again.]
CHANDLER: Spanish midgets. Spanish midgets wrestling. Julie. Ok, yes, I see how you got there. (phone rings)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler enters clutching his phone.]
CHANDLER: What?
CHANDLER: I'm back.
CHANDLER: Bob here.
CHANDLER: (on phone) What've you been up to?
CHANDLER: Ok. Ok. Having a phone has finally paid off.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is trying to comfort Chandler. Joey is absent.]
CHANDLER: Look guys, I know it's a little steep.
CHANDLER: Ok, while Ross is on the phone, everybody owes me 62 bucks for his birthday.
CHANDLER: But it's Ross.
CHANDLER: You know, I think I might just.
CHANDLER: I'll see you guys later, I gotta go...do a thing.