words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey is getting ready for a fishing trip and Phoebe is asking him about the fishing lures. Ross is playing with the rod, and Monica is pretty much just watching the on goings.]
(Chandler enters from his bedroom, all depressed and wearing sweat pants, with the chick and duck in tow.)
Chandler: You dont have to stop having fun just because Im here. Kathy didnt cheat on all of you. (To Joey) Well, except you. (They hug and Chandler goes into the bathroom with the chick and duck following him.)
Monica: Hey, Joey, I dont think that you should leave Chandler alone. I mean its only been two days since he broke up with Kathy. Maybe you can go fishing next week?
Chandler: (opening the bathroom door and kicking out the chick and duck) Would you give me one minute!! Please.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is in his sweats flinging playing cards into a pot.]
Chandler: Yknow, I cant believe Kathy did this too me. I really, thought that she was the one. I tell you what, from now on Im never getting out of this chair, ever! Okay? From now on, this chair is the one! You wanna what else is the one? My sweat pants!
Joey: (goes over to Chandler) Hey buddy! Hows it going?
(Chandler imitates retching and gets out of the chair.)
Rachel: Ohh, gosh. You guys, come on, this isI have to meet Joshua! This is my one chance for him to see the fun Rachel. Yknow the "Wouldnt it be great if she was my wife" Rachel. Ohh, all right! Are Joey and Chandler back?
Monica: No, Chandlers still in Phase One, and Joeys that thing you smell.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, the next morning, Monica and Phoebe are eating breakfast.]
(Chandler enters from his bedroom.)
Chandler: Thats right! Where are the guys? Im ready to get drunk and see some strippers.
Chandler: They got a breakfast buffet.
Chandler: Ooh, let me talk to him!
Chandler: Well, can I just
Monica: (to Chandler) Shh!! (On phone) Wait, what?
Chandler: Shes shhing me! Its my phone and shes shhing me!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, scene continued from earlier.]
Rachel: Theyre in Vermont!! How could this happen?! (She waves her arms franticly and hits Chandler.)
Chandler: Ow!
Rachel: Howhow did end up in Vermont with that awful witch?! (She hits Chandler again.)
Chandler: Maybe, she doesnt hit him all the time.
[cut back to Chandler and Joeys.]
Rachel: I dont get this! She was horrible! (She hits Chandler, yet again.)
Chandler: Okay, Im going to go stand over there. (Points and moves into the living room.)
Chandler: So yknow, uh, whens he getting back?
Chandler: Yknow, I knew something like this was going to happen. (He starts to take off his pants, revealing that he is still wearing his sweat pants.)
Monica: What are you doing?! Chandler! You cant just go back a phase!
Chandler: Yes you can. Youre thinking about time, you cant go back in time.
Chandler: (laughs) No you cant.
Chandler: You dont want to be guys, youd be all hairy and wouldnt live as long. (Starts to go to his bedroom)
Chandler: Okay. (Starts to cry)
[Scene: A strip club, the girls are there with Chandler, who isnt enjoying himself.]
Monica: (coming back to the stage and sitting next to Chandler) Okay, Ive got some Ones, you wanna put them in her panties?
Chandler: No thanks, Mom!
Chandler: Ahh, come on! Yknow whatyknow what, I think Im just gonna go home and call Kathy.
Chandler: No! That was a test! In a couple of hours Im gonna get really drunk and wanna call Kathy and you guys are gonna have to stop me! And then after that, Im gonna get so drunk, Im gonna wanna call Janice
Chandler: Ohhh!!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are returning from the strip club.]
Chandler: Oh yeah, that was great. Thanks to you, the hottest cocktail waitress there is quitting to teach the third grade!
Chandler: All right, well Im gonna put my sweats back on.
Chandler: Yeah?
Chandler: Stripping!
Chandler: Okay, look, Im gonna have to ask you all to leave.
Monica: Come on! Chandler!
Chandler: Look, forget it. We tried, but Phase Three is a lost cause, Okay? Those strippers were insanely hot, and I couldnt picture myself with any of them. (Sits back in disgust.)
Monica: Yknow, I think if I were going to be with a woman. (Chandler is intrigued.) Itd, itd be with someone like Michelle, she was so oh, she was so petite.
Chandler: (jumping up) Phase Three! I just achieved Phase Three!
Chandler: I am totally picturing you with all those women!
Chandler: Well, Im there too!
Chandler: Stop it! Youre killing me! I think I just moved on to Phase Four!
Chandler: Where I dont want to have a relationship ever! I just want to have sex with strippers and my friends!!
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang is there, minus Ross. Chandler is trying to cheer Joey up about missing Phase Two.]
Chandler: Come on, let me see that smile.
Chandler: Please?
Chandler: I know, I know, but youre gonna have plenty of chances. There are literally thousands of women out there just waiting to screw me over.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is there and is getting ready to direct a bunch of strippers, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe on what to do in the upcoming orgy of lesbian lust. Yes, its a dream sequence, this isnt cable.]
Chandler: All right ladies, heres what were gonna do. (Points to a stripper.) You are gonna take off my clothes. (To another two strippers) You two, go get the oils. (To another stripper) And you just constantly scream at the top of your voice, "Chandlers the king! Chandlers the king!"
Chandler: Oh, thats fine! Go with your instincts, go with your instincts.
Chandler: Come on! Would you please pay attention, I could wake up at any moment!
Chandler: What do you want from me, Ive never met the guy. So anyway, Rachel, Im sorry you cant stay, (Rachel is upset about leaving the orgy with the cigarette guy.) but the rest of us have a lot of work to do. (The cigarette guy starts rubbing Chandlers back.) What are you doing? (The guy just nods) All right, listen, Ive got to wake up!
Chandler: I'm still on my first. I just think you're nice.
Chandler: I can't belive it.
Chandler: You can always spot someone who's never seen one of his plays before. Notice, no fear, no sense of impending doom...
Ross: Yeah... I guess. I don'tI don't know. Alright, just... just give her this for me, OK? (gives Chandler a gift for Rachel)
[Time lapse. Melanie, Joey's girlfriend, is there with Joey, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel. Ross is gone.]
(Chandler looks dejected. Rachel picks up another gift.)
Monica: Sure. Oh, um, Chandler? Y'know, the-the old Monica would-would remind you to scrub that Teflon pan with a plastic brush...But I'm not gonna do that.
Chandler: (pointing out a gift) OK, this one right here is from me.
Chandler: Oh, that's Ross's.
Joey: (pats Chandler on the leg) That's good, just keep rubbing your head. That'll turn back time.
Chandler: Yes! (Rachel walks towards door) You're never gonna make it!
Chandler: Well then maybe you shouldn't go.
Chandler: What about the time difference?
Chandler: Rachel, I love you! Deal with me first! (she leaves)
Chandler: Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked.
Chandler: Nothing, just a little extra air in my mouth. Pffft. Pffffffft. (walks over to where Joey is seated)
Chandler: Uh, let's see... Alvin... Simon... Theodore.... no.
Chandler: Y'know, I was thinking about ah, asking her for her number.
Chandler: (on phone, reading from a script) Oh, Danielle! I wasn't expecting the machine... Give me a call when you get a chance. (Rattles some dishes) Bye-bye. (Hangs up.) Oh God!
Chandler: (sarcastically) Because its a relaxing and enjoyable time!
Chandler: Its incredible, I mean one minute shes inside you and then 47 hours later here she is.
Chandler: Hey, big...
Chandler: Oh, yeah, right, OK... inlcuding the waffles last week, you now owe me... 17 jillion dollars.
Chandler: The fact that you'd even ask that question shows how little you know me.
Chandler: So how'd it go?
Chandler: I didn't know you had another level.
Chandler: Joey if you wanna punch me, go ahead, I deserve it. But I just want you to know that I would never soberly hurt you or your family, youre my best friend. I would never do anything like this ever again.
CHANDLER: [runs in] Hey, big guy, game time.
CHANDLER: No.
(Chandler and Joey burst in, with Marcel)
Chandler: No way!
Chandler: Ok, I think she's trying to tell us something. Quick, get the verbs.
(She hits Chandler.)
Rachel: (to Chandler) You, you, you said he liked me. (Ross and Julie enter) You, you slowpokes!
CHANDLER: Yes, and this with the cigarette butt in it, is that decaf?
Chandler: Not yet.
Chandler: God?
Chandler: So what the hell happened to you in China? I mean, when last we left you, you were totally in love with, you know.
Chandler: Hey, Rach, can I get...
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Ross are there, Phoebe is entering with her date Robert.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Chandler enter.]
Chandler: Well, maybe it was God, doing me.
Chandler: Well, you owe me one, big guy.
Chandler: You have to really wanna see it.
Chandler: (entering) Hi. Anybody know a good tailor?
Chandler: No, no, I'm just looking for a man to draw on me with chalk.
Joey: (to Chandler) You know, I think I was sixteen.
Chandler: (to Monica) Actually hes the smallest person in the world.
Chandler: What stupid thing did you do?
(..then turn back to the desk when the surprise hits them, and Ross and Chandler whip around once more. Monica and Rachel recoil slightly.)
Chandler: People do stupid things when they're upset.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross is talking to Chandler. Joey is making a snack at the bar.]
Joey: Hey, Chandler, when you see Frankie, tell him Joey Tribbiani says hello. He'll know what it means.
Chandler: At least as long as I have the pants.
CHANDLER: Ok, that's Eric.
Chandler: Joey's tailor...took advantage of me.
Chandler: Oh come on! He said he was going to do my inseam, and he ran his hand up my leg, and then, there was definite...
Ross: I like it. I do, I think it's a Ten. (Chandler laughs.)
Phoebe: (to Chandler and Ross) Thank you.
Chandler: That's ok.
Chandler: Oh, tons, I'm quite the woodsman.
Chandler: Carol? I was just wondering if Joey could ask you a question about breast-feeding?
Joey: Chandler?
Chandler: So, uh, how often can you do it?
Rachel: (to Julie) Thank you. (under her breath to Chandler) What a bitch.
Chandler: Hey, sweetums.
Joey: (Shouting after him) Chandler, I didn't kiss her, he did! (To Ross) See what happens when you break the code?
(Ross and Chandler turn at the voice...)
Chandler: I dunno, but.. I think it's about to attack the Enterprise.
Chandler: What did you just do?
Chandler: What did you just do?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Rachel, and Joey are eating, and Phoebe is preparing Ben's milk.]
Ross: That's all right, Rach, we got the bags. Hi, hello. Julie, this is my sister Monica. This is Chandler. Phoebe. Joey, what up?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are there. Chandler is preparing to dump Janice again.]
Chandler: Uh-oh.
Carol and Susan: Hey! (This wakes Chandler and Ross up)
Chandler: You're damn right I'm right. I say you show this guy what you're made of. I say you stand your ground. I say you show him that you are the baddest hombre west of the lingerie.
Chandler: Well, maybe it's because of the way you're dressed.
Chandler: Look, I just dont think Monica and I are ready to get married yet! Yknow? I mean, I love her and everything but seeing Ross and Rachel coming out of that chapel was like a, like a wake-up call that Monica and I are moving so fast. Yknow? And, how do I tell her without crushing her?
Chandler: Hey! (Trots over)
(He slowly measures it up his leg, and Chandler makes a rather surprised face.)
CHANDLER: Ok, this could be tough.
Chandler: We think he was trying to spell out 'MONKEY.'
CHANDLER: Ooh, you almost had it.
CHANDLER: Hey.
CHANDLER: I broke up with her.
CHANDLER: Maureen Rosilla.
CHANDLER: You or me?
JOEY: "Oh, Chandler, now, now, that's it. There, faster!"
CHANDLER: Ok, Phoebe.
PHOEBE: I miss Janice though. "Hello, Chandler Bing."
CHANDLER: Uh-Oh. It's Isaac Newton, and he's pissed.
Joey: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) What are you talking about? The auditions not til 5:00! (Chandler suddenly remembers and looks at the unfinished message then tries to sneak over and finish it as Joey listens.) Well, nobody told me! (Listens) Whod you talk to? (Listens and turns around to see Chandler trying to finish the message.) Nevermind! (Hangs up.)
Joey: Ok all right, no, no, no, no, I do, I do, I do, I need your help, but Chandler I don�t know if I can take anymoreplucking. It hurts so bad!
Chandler: (sarcastic) Ooooh. (looks dumbfounded at Joey's stupidity)
CHANDLER: Wow, he looks so normal.
CHANDLER: Whoa!
Chandler: Can you believe it? I mean, don't I seem like somebody who should be doing something really cool? You know, I just always pictured myself doing something...something.
CHANDLER: Wow, Heckles was voted class clown, and so was I. He was right. Would you listen to that?
CHANDLER: Funniest? Heckles?