words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is giving Rachel, Chandler, Phoebe, and Ross their bills.]
Joey: Okay Rach, that muffin and espresso, $4.50. Ross, double latte, $2.75. Chandler, coffee and a scone, $4.25. And Pheebs, herbal tea, $1.25. So, all together thats (pauses to figure the total) $12.75.
Chandler: This coming from the man who couldnt split our 80 dollar phone bill in half.
Chandler: Hey, what are you doing here? Shouldnt you be at work?
Chandler: Im so sorry youre sick.
Chandler: Im gonna grab you some tissue.
(Theres a knock on the door. The gang is stunned and Phoebe counts to make sure that everyone is there. Out of curiosity Chandler goes and answers the door.)
Chandler: Yes?
Chandler: Oh my God, introduce us!
Rachel: This is Chandler. (Points at him.)
Chandler: Boy did we make friends with the wrong sister! (Rachel glares at him.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is still very sick and is entering the living room from the bathroom wearing a robe. Chandler is reading a magazine.]
Chandler: I know, lets rest and drink lots of fluids. (Holds up a glass of orange juice.)
Chandler: That would be impossible to resist if you werent all drippy here. (Points to his nose.)
Chandler: Yeah, I dont you should say that even when youre healthy.
Chandler: Dont take this personally okay? Its just that I just cant have sex with a sick person.
Monica: Im with you Chandler! I mean I cant have sex with a sick person either, thats disgusting! But Im not sick! Let me prove it to you. We are two healthy people in the pribe of libe.
Chandler: Thats the thing, see I would like to stay in the pribe of mwha-ah-libe.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler has fallen asleep reading a book. Monica calls from the bedroom and wakes him up.]
Monica: (still sick) Chandler!
Chandler: Oh what is it honey, you need some tea? Some soup? (He gets up from the couch and goes into the bedroom to find Monica, still in the robe, lying seductively on the bed. Or at least shes trying too and as he enters the room, she takes the robe off on of her legs.) Oh-ohhhh!
Chandler: Oh Jeez honey, I thought, I thought you were asleep.
Chandler: I was asleep. (She takes off her robe and starts to shiver) Oh no! No-no honey! Yknow whats sexy? Layers. Layers are sexy. And blankets are sexy. And oh! Hot water bottles are sexy.
Chandler: Would you please get some rest!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is still sick and is hobbling out into the living room for some help from Chandler whos on the couch reading.]
Monica: (entering) Chandler, I think Im sick.
Chandler: Really? Struck down in the pribe of libe!
Chandler: No-no-no-no-no-no-no, you are not getting me this way.
Chandler: No-no-no-no-no!
Chandler: Okay.
(To start this task, she lowers the top of her robe to reveal that she is naked from the waist up, well at least her back is, and starts to rub on the gunk. Chandler notices this, and has something start happening. Ill let you fill in the blank here.)
Chandler: So youre just, kinda rubbing it on yourself?
Chandler: Its nice.
Chandler: Yes! (Hangs his head in shame.)
Chandler: Its all very, very good. (She covers up and sits down.) So you wanna go uh, mix it up?
Chandler: Oh come on you big faker!
Chandler: Well that was before all the vaporizing action.
Chandler: Okay! (Runs into the bedroom.)
Chandler: (calling from the bathroom) What are you doing here?
Chandler: We got some Vap-O-Rub in some places.
Monica: (entering with Chandler) Who? (She looks out the window at Rosss apartment) Is that your sister?
Chandler: Hes taking off her coat!
Chandler: Ho-oh, hes gonna get some! (Rachel looks at him.) Of the glare from the streetlight out of his apartment. Yknow so umm, hes closed the drapes there so he can have a nice, pleasant conversation with your little sister. (Pause) Well, Im off to bed! (Goes to bed.)
Joey: Chandler?
Chandler: So, uh, how often can you do it?
Rachel: (to Julie) Thank you. (under her breath to Chandler) What a bitch.
Chandler: Hey, sweetums.
Joey: (Shouting after him) Chandler, I didn't kiss her, he did! (To Ross) See what happens when you break the code?
(Ross and Chandler turn at the voice...)
Chandler: I dunno, but.. I think it's about to attack the Enterprise.
Chandler: What did you just do?
Chandler: What did you just do?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Rachel, and Joey are eating, and Phoebe is preparing Ben's milk.]
Ross: That's all right, Rach, we got the bags. Hi, hello. Julie, this is my sister Monica. This is Chandler. Phoebe. Joey, what up?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are there. Chandler is preparing to dump Janice again.]
Chandler: Uh-oh.
Carol and Susan: Hey! (This wakes Chandler and Ross up)
Chandler: You're damn right I'm right. I say you show this guy what you're made of. I say you stand your ground. I say you show him that you are the baddest hombre west of the lingerie.
Chandler: Well, maybe it's because of the way you're dressed.
Chandler: Look, I just dont think Monica and I are ready to get married yet! Yknow? I mean, I love her and everything but seeing Ross and Rachel coming out of that chapel was like a, like a wake-up call that Monica and I are moving so fast. Yknow? And, how do I tell her without crushing her?
Chandler: Hey! (Trots over)
(He slowly measures it up his leg, and Chandler makes a rather surprised face.)
CHANDLER: Ok, this could be tough.
Chandler: We think he was trying to spell out 'MONKEY.'
CHANDLER: Ooh, you almost had it.
CHANDLER: Hey.
CHANDLER: I broke up with her.
CHANDLER: Maureen Rosilla.
CHANDLER: You or me?
JOEY: "Oh, Chandler, now, now, that's it. There, faster!"
CHANDLER: Ok, Phoebe.
PHOEBE: I miss Janice though. "Hello, Chandler Bing."
CHANDLER: Uh-Oh. It's Isaac Newton, and he's pissed.
Joey: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) What are you talking about? The auditions not til 5:00! (Chandler suddenly remembers and looks at the unfinished message then tries to sneak over and finish it as Joey listens.) Well, nobody told me! (Listens) Whod you talk to? (Listens and turns around to see Chandler trying to finish the message.) Nevermind! (Hangs up.)
Joey: Ok all right, no, no, no, no, I do, I do, I do, I need your help, but Chandler I don�t know if I can take anymoreplucking. It hurts so bad!
Chandler: (sarcastic) Ooooh. (looks dumbfounded at Joey's stupidity)
CHANDLER: Wow, he looks so normal.
CHANDLER: Whoa!
Chandler: Can you believe it? I mean, don't I seem like somebody who should be doing something really cool? You know, I just always pictured myself doing something...something.
CHANDLER: Wow, Heckles was voted class clown, and so was I. He was right. Would you listen to that?
CHANDLER: Funniest? Heckles?
CHANDLER: I just think it's weird, you know? Heckles and me, Heckles, and me, me and Heckles...Would you knock it off?
JOEY: Chandler, come on, you're gonna find somebody.
[Cut too later, the moving process is progressing steadily. Monica is trying to lift a heavy box, as Rachel comes in from Chandlers bedroom.]
CHANDLER: How do you know that? How?
JOEY: Chandler, Heckles was a nut case.
CHANDLER: (on phone) Hi, it's me.
Chandler: You look amazing. I'm the luckiest man in the world.
CHANDLER: You know what? I'm not gonna end up like this. I'll see you man.
CHANDLER: Yeah, I understand.
CHANDLER: Oh, my, god!
CHANDLER: Congratulations.
Chandler: And you're thinking of taking it? (Pause) So before you said being me with me was more important than any job, but I guess now it's old job, (Raises his hand) me, (Raises his hand) new job.
CHANDLER: You couldn't have told me about this on the phone?
Rachel: Wait a minute. Chandler has a jewelry box?
JANICE: Is it yours? Ha! You wish, Chandler Bing. You are looking at a married lady now.
CHANDLER: In a bad way?
CHANDLER: Neat. I'm gonna die alone.
MONICA: Chandler, you're not gonna die alone.
CHANDLER: Whoa! Don't know about that.
CHANDLER: I'll take that.
PHOEBE: Chandler, you called Janice! That's how much you wanted to be with someone!
CHANDLER: Takin' that with you, huh?
Chandler: Not a lot of closet space, but he can just hang his stuff out the window in a bag!
CHANDLER: Yeah, yeah. Some people said some nice things about him. I think somebody should have it.
Chandler: Joey! Joe! (Sees that hes not here and starts investigating. He picks up the bag of chips.) Full bag. (He picks up the beer.) Beers still cold. Something terrible mustve happened here! (He decides its not that important; sits down on Rosita, and the back falls off causing him to flip over.) Oh no-no-no-no-no-no! (Runs over to Stevie.) Stevie, I was never here! (Runs out.)
CHANDLER: You bitch.
ROSS: [to Chandler] So what's it shaped like?
CHANDLER: If I'm goin' down, I'm takin' everybody with me.
CHANDLER: Joey was in a porno movie.
CHANDLER: Oh I see, I see, because of the third nipple thing. Ha ha ha ha. . .
Chandler: Joey... Switzerland?
Chandler: (standing up too) M-Me-me-me!
(Ross exits, a phone rings, and Chandler dives for his phone.)
[Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Rachel enter. Ross and Julie don't notice.]
CHANDLER: Uh, Julie.
Chandler: Oh! Thanks, I'm crazy about our place. Hey! speaking of crazy... do you have a history of mental illness in the family?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ben is playing in his crib while Chandler and Ross are leaning against the rim and are completely asleep.]
CHANDLER: What's this in my pocket? Why it's Joey's porno movie.
[Scene: Ross's apartment. After dinner. Chandler enters.]
CHANDLER: Why yes Ross, pressing my third nipple opens the delivery entrance to the magical land of Narnia.
CHANDLER: OK, now wait a minute. That is the craziest typing test I've ever seen.
CHANDLER: Nice work my friend.
Chandler: Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack! (throws himself over the back of the chair he was sitting in)
CHANDLER: I got the time to get to know Julie.
chandler: Now we can finally watch Green Acres the way it was meant to be seen.
CHANDLER: I'm goin' home.
[Outside in the hallway, Chandler, Joey, and Monica exit]
Chandler: Y'know what? You should go to my guy, because when I went in there with my third nipple. He just lopped it right off. Y'know? So I guess I'm lucky. I mean not as lucky as people who were born with two nipples.
[Scene: The Atlantis Resort, Chandler and Monica are arriving to check in, but are behind the couple from before again.]
CHANDLER: Spanish midgets. Spanish midgets wrestling. Julie. Ok, yes, I see how you got there. (phone rings)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler enters clutching his phone.]
CHANDLER: What?
CHANDLER: I'm back.
CHANDLER: Bob here.
CHANDLER: (on phone) What've you been up to?
CHANDLER: Ok. Ok. Having a phone has finally paid off.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is trying to comfort Chandler. Joey is absent.]
CHANDLER: Look guys, I know it's a little steep.
CHANDLER: Ok, while Ross is on the phone, everybody owes me 62 bucks for his birthday.
CHANDLER: But it's Ross.
CHANDLER: You know, I think I might just.
CHANDLER: I'll see you guys later, I gotta go...do a thing.