words in movies
[Scene: A Theatre, Chandler and Ross are there to watch the premiere of Kathys play.]
Chandler: Okay, she is the star of the play. And she is my girlfriend! I get to have sex with the star of the play!
Chandler: I know!!
Chandler: Wow! She looks great. Doesnt she?
Chandler: Is it just me, or can you actually see his abs through his overcoat?!
(Ross and Chandler have stunned looks on their faces as Kathy and her co-star start making out.)
(Kathys co-star rips her blouse off and buttons go flying into the audience, and one hits Ross. Chandlers mouth is on the floor.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, Monica is still unpacking after the move, and Phoebe is their also.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Chandler are entering after the play. Phoebe and Joey are already there.]
Chandler: Yeah, its like someone literally wrote down my worst nightmare and then charged me $32 to see it!
Chandler: Im totally screwed. Okay, they are gonna be hot and heavy on stage every night, and then theyre gonna go to their cast parties and hes gonna try to undermine me. Y'know itll be like, "So wheres your boyfriend, whats-his-name, Chester?" And shell go, "No-no-no, its Chandler." And hell go, "Whatever. Ha-ha-ha-ha!"
Chandler: All right, look, look, what am I gonna do?
Joey: Chandler, look theyre actors. Theyre there to do a job, just cause they work together, doesnt mean theyre gonna get together. I mean just cause it happened with Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, it doesnt mean its gonna happen with them.
Chandler: Really?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, the gang minus Monica and Rachel are eating breakfast. Ross and Chandler are sitting at the foosball table and eating.]
Chandler: So uh, man, are you gonna go to the play with me tonight?
Chandler: Yeah, I know but
Chandler: Okay, okay, but dont worry, because we also have cereals, muffins, waffles, and, jams, jellies, and marmalades. Which Im fairly certain are the same thing.
[Scene: Kathys play, Ross and Chandler are waiting for her in the lobby after the play.]
Chandler: Im right! Right? There was like no chemistry between them. Before they had heat, and now theres no heat! Now you know what this means, Joey told us what this means!
Chandler: Come on, it was like cousins having sex up there!
Kathy: Hi! (Kisses Chandler) Thank you so much for coming again. Did you like it tonight?
Ross: Oh, absolutely! (Chandler mumbles something.)
(Chandler laughs without opening his mouth.)
(Chandler mumbles something, and Ross tells him to "Come on.")
Chandler: Oh, I loved the play. You were great, and Nick ditto. Clearly youre having sex with him.
Chandler: Oh come on, it was so obvious! There was no chemistry between you two!
Chandler: Yknow, I-I could see how this could happen, y'know youre up there every night, youre naked, touching, kissing.
Kathy: Acting! Chandler, this is my job! Im-Im playing a part in a play! How can you not trust me?!
Chandler: Well, you can understand, given how we started.
Chandler: Well, that is what happened, and I dont even see you denying this!
Kathy: Ill tell you what, Chandler, why dont you call me when you grow up!
Chandler: Yeah, well, dont expect that to happen anytime soon!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Phoebe, and Ross are there eating pizza as Rachel enters.]
(Chandler comes back, obviously drunk, and trips over the steps.)
Chandler: Steps! (He opens the door to his apartment to Ross and Joey looking at the new Playboy) Slut! (Ross and Joey quickly hide the Playboy behind their backs. Chandler wonders into the girls apartment.) You will all be very happy to hear that Kathy is sleeping with that guy!
Chandler: I confronted her, and she didnt deny it! (Pause) I dont live here! (Goes back into his apartment and they all follow him.)
Ross: Chandler!
Rachel: Chandler, what did she say?
Chandler: Well, I may be drunk, but I know what she said! Then I went over to Beefsteak Julies
Chandler: Yes! See you and I have always been like(motions that they think the same.)
Rachel: Whoops. (Starts to go into Chandler and Joeys.) Oh, hey, do you need help with that?
Rachel: Ooh, I just feel bad, I never vacuum. (She goes into Chandler and Joeys.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Ross, Joey, and Phoebe are watching a movie as Chandler comes in from his bedroom.]
Chandler: Did she call?
Chandler: All right, maybe I should call her.
Chandler: Well, yeah, but y'know, what-what if I was wrong?
Chandler: Well y'know, what if she didnt actually sleep with the guy?
Chandler: She did not have to tell me, I saw the play, and there was no heat. Back me up here, Ross!
Chandler: Thats not backing me up! Look, you said with the off-stage and the heat, and the onstage and the oy heat.
Chandler: Oh my God!!
[Scene: Kathys apartment, Chandler is knocking on the door.]
Chandler: Hey. I just, I just wanted to come over to-to say that Im sorry. Yknow? I know I acted like the biggest idiot in the world, and I can completely understand why you were so upset.
Chandler: Yeah, I know, I-I wish I had too, but yknow I-I think this is a good thing. Y'know? Cause weve had our first fight, and now we can move on. Yknow, I know for me(Notices a pair of mens pants on the chair.) Nicks pants?
Chandler: Yeah. Well, I think our second fight is going to be a big one!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey is debriefing Rachel on her rejection earlier that day and telling her what she shouldve done. Ross and Phoebe are watching.]
(Chandler returns.)
Chandler: Well, she wasnt sleeping with him.
Chandler: She is now.
Chandler: Im saying that she is a devil woman! Yknow I mean you think you know someone and then they turn around and they sleep with Nick! Nick, with his rock hard pecs, and his giant man-nipples! I hate him, I hate her! Well, I dont hate her, I love her. This is all my fault really.
Chandler: Because, I-I shouldve called! Yknow if I had just called her after our big, stupid fight, she never wouldve gone out with Nick, and they wouldve ended up in bed together. I threw her at his man nipples!
Chandler: No, I mean it, this feels really good. Is it a hundred percent cotton?
Chandler: (to Ross) You be cool. (He opens the door and lets her in as they all turn there backs on her.)
Chandler: No-no-no, yknow what? I really shouldnt have said that you were embarrassing me, I mean that really wasnt cool. And if it makes you feel any better, Ive had a really lousy day.
Chandler: Hey. (He nods at the hat.)
(He brought home Chandler for Thanksgiving. Chandler is sporting the very popular Flock of Seagulls haircut. Yeah, it's another you have to see it to believe it kinda thing.)
Chandler: Yeah?
Chandler: Hey uh, Rach, funny story. I ah, bumped into Joanna on the street yesterday.
[Scene: Chandler and Joeys hotel room. Chandler is watching TV as Joey returns, still wearing his hat.]
Joey: (on tape) Oh, Chandler.
Chandler: Thats Thats was
Chandler: How did you? How? How?
Fergie: Hi Chandler! (Waves)
Chandler: Im gonna go to the bathroom.
Chandler: That was pretty intense huh?
Ross: Come on. (They leave and Chandler sticks his head out.)
Chandler: Y'know what, we should all calm down because your brothers not going to punch me. (to Joey) Are ya?
Chandler: (glares at him) I hope he did!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are reading a book about things to do whilst in London.]
Ross: Uh, everyone, this is Chandler! My roommate and lead singer of our band!
Chandler: Yeah, actually. So, you read a file that you liked and you gave the agency the serial number and they contacted us?
Chandler: (seeing her) Okay.
Chandler: You're not supposed to take that. Besides, it's a New Testament, what are you gonna do with it?
Monica: (to Chandler) Shh!! (On phone) Wait, what?
Mrs. Geller: I'm so glad you could come Chandler, we've got plenty of food so I hope you're hungry.
Chandler: (following Monica) We were two miles from the house. Scared and alone. We didnt think we could make it. (He goes to put his hands on Monicas shoulders but for some reason can quite complete the action and pulls back.)
Chandler: Yes, yes I did, but what I didn't say was what I was about to say, what I wanted to say was, uh... would you like to go out with me sometime, thankyou, goodnight. (He walks back to the others but she calls him back.)
Joey: (Looking up at the waiter)Thats not food...No, I dont, no...(Taps Chandler on the shoulder.) Everything's different here...I want to go home. I...I miss my family. I miss the coffee house. I cant even remember what Phoebe looks like.
Chandler: Two. This photographer, who seemed really dull. And this actor guy, who Im not sure about, because when he called and I answered the phone Chandler Bing, he said Whoa-whoa, short message.
[Scene: Joeys sisters house, Chandler hits himself on the head three times and knocks on the door three times. Joey answers it.]
Fat Monica: Umm, Chandler, if you want I can make you some macaroni and cheese for dinner.
[Scene: Street in front of the London Marriott, Joey and Chandler exit. Joey is carrying a video camera and is shooting Chandler.]
Monica: (to Chandler) Hey, you think, you can keep it another night? (She has a really teasing look on her face and keeps twirling Chandler's beard.)
Chandler: Well, as long as the pilgrims didn't eat it, I'm in.
Chandler: All right, look, youre not really gonna buy that are you? Dont you think youve embarrassed me enough for one day?
Chandler: So how are you doing?
Chandler: Out loud?
Chandler: I wouldn't brag too much about that thing, big guy.
Chandler: Dehydrated Japanese noodles under fluorescent lights... does it get better than this?
Rachel: Man in the black dress (Monica walks away and Rachel looks around to find a woman in a black dress.) (To her) Hi! Im Rachel! Im a friend of Monica and Chandlers!
(Chandlers trying to console Monica.)
Chandler: The guy was hammered, okay? Theres no way, you look like Rosss mother.
Chandler: Ahh, you know what? That is....Who wouldnt want you?
Chandler: Okay uh, for now, temporarily, you can call me, Clint.
Chandler: Yeah you are!!
Chandler: Well Ive-Ive never done that with you before.
Chandler: I dont want to look.
Chandler: Okay, look, Joey! Come on, think about it, first of all, hell never be President. Theres never gonna be a President Joey.
Chandler: So, ahh, how are ya? How ya...How ya... You okay?
Chandler: Yes...Yes..Uh-huh, You?(Looking over at her. She looks back.) We did you.
Phoebe: Well, if I'm going down, I'm taking you (Points at all of them) with me. (They all look at her.) Harboring a fugitive? That's one to three years minimum. Good luck Chandler. (She opens the door to the cop from before.) Okay, you can arrest me. Fine. But you'll never make it stick and you know it!
Chandler: Oh yea yea, absolutely.
(Ross points out Rachel to Chandler and goes over to talk to her. Rachel is checking out her nose in her compact mirror.)
Chandler: Sure, and Joey; do not let Ross look at any of the maps or the globe in your apartment.
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Oh my god!
Chandler: Oh yea, your right. Its the second one.
Chandler: I just wan't to...
Chandler: But you did like us. And you should. My wife's an incredible woman. She's loving and devoted and caring. And don't tell her I said this but the woman's always right... I love my wife more than anything in this world. And I... It kills me that I can't give her a baby... I really want a kid. And when that day finally comes, I'll learn how to be a good dad. But my wife... she's already there. She's a mother... without a baby... Please?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the guys are now trying to figure out what next to do, since their plan with the stripper backfired on them.]
(He turns and looks at her. The woman whispers something to Gunther; who comes back and takes the mug away from Chandler.)
Chandler: If I was a superhero who could fly and be invisible, that would be the best.
Chandler: Im coming over tonight though, right?
Chandler: What we did last night was....
Chandler: Totally crazy stupid. (He nods his head at the people seated.)
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Monica's carrying the laundry hamper to their coffee table.]
Chandler: It couldve been worse, he couldve shot her.
Monica: (Awkwardly.) Why would I care where Chandler is? You know uhh...You know sometimes I dont even like Chandler.
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: Seven times!
Chandler: Well, I dont see that we have a choice. But, when were back home, we dont do it.
CHANDLER: Hey! How come I'm stuck dicing, when he gets to ball the melon.
(Cut to Chandler and Monica at the buffet table.)
Chandler: Okay!
Chandler: All right look, am I serious, okay? Tomorrow at 3:30 I am going down to the courthouse.
Chandler: In a foreign, romantic country
Chandler: Forget it, thats off.
(Cut to Monica and Chandler, Monica is running up to him.)
Chandler: Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack! (throws himself over the back of the chair he was sitting in)
Chandler: The mans got a point.
Chandler: Oh, hello Rachel.
Chandler: (entering) Okay. Okay. All right. Help! Am I a Mark, or a John?
[Scene: London Marriott, Monica and Chandler are walking to her room.]
Chandler: Yes, we do. But, we have to change first.
Chandler: Yeah, well be down in like five minutes.
Chandler: (To Monica) Hey, listen, why dont we go change in my room?
Chandler: Oh, yay
Chandler: Well, Ive got a girl in here.
Chandler: Wow, you look
Chandler: Well, were-were hanging out in here!
Chandler: Well, you couldnt have looked everywhere or else you wouldve found her!
Chandler: Okay!
Chandler: Nope, not under here!
Chandler: Well, Ross and Emily arent gonna use it.
Chandler: Yeah, were gonna go.
(Chandler slowly takes his hand away.)
Chandler: But, well stay here with you.
Chandler: Yeah, for about 30 minutes.
Chandler: Yeah, its a very large plane.
Chandler: We have to leave for New York in an hour.