words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is trying to pry more information about Chandler and Monica from Joey who's sitting on the couch and busy downing a pizza.]
Joey: Rach, I told you everything I knew last night! Look, it's not that big of a deal, so Monica and Chandler are doing it.
Joey: Sorry. Monica and Chandler are making love.
Chandler: Sorry man.
Chandler: Did they teach you that in your anger management class?
Chandler: Oh, we had a lot of liquor left over from the Christmas party.
Chandler: I know, I can do this. (He takes her hand.)
Chandler: I asked myself that very question, sir. Uh, (Points to Monica) this is Monica. (Points to his boss.) This is my boss, Doug. Doug this is Monica.
Kara: Nice to meet you Monica. Bing! (Slaps Chandler on his butt.)
Chandler: No, sir.
(Chandler does a fake laugh.)
Doug: Come on honey, let's go drink our body weight. (They walk off leaving Chandler and Monica alone.)
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Oh, that was my work laugh.
Chandler: Oh, believe me, to survive this party, you're gonna have to come up with one too.
Chandler: Okay.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica is buying a muffin as Chandler runs in.]
Chandler: Hey! Everybody at work loved you last night!
Chandler: And! They like me more just because I was with ya! I think you repaired a lot of the damage from when they met Joey. And Doug wants us to play tennis with them. He's never even talked to me outside of work. Except for that time when we bumped into each other at that strip club. (She glares at him.) Strip church. Anyway, I'm gonna go try and find a racquet.
Chandler: Oh I used too, but then Joey thought it would be fun to go to Central Park and hit rocks at bigger rocks. (He starts to leave and stops an entering Rachel.) Hey Rach, do you have a tennis racquet?
Chandler: Okay, good luck with that. (Exits.)
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Phoebe is settling a dispute between the chick and the duck.]
[Scene: A tennis court somewhere in the city of New York, it's the doubles match-up of a century Chandler and Monica versus Doug and Kara.]
(Hits the ball towards Chandler who returns it back to him. He then hits the ball at Monica who slams it and it bounces off Kara's leg.)
Chandler: Okay, easy Martina. I think we should let them win the next game.
Chandler: Let them win one.
Chandler: You're not even giving them a chance!
Chandler: Oh yes, sir! Put me out of my misery. Are you sure you never played pro? (Does his work laugh.) (To Monica) Please let them win!
(She serves to Doug who returns it to Chandler. As it bounces over his head Chandler swings and misses.)
Chandler: Oopsey, missed it!
(Chandler glares at her and she shrugs her shoulders. Monica serves again; and Kara returns it.)
(Chandler cuts in front of her and hits the ball high and long.)
Chandler: Long! (Gives Monica the Work Laugh.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Chandler are returning from the game.]
Chandler: Yeah, at least you hid your feelings well about it. (Removes a smashed racquet from his bag.)
Chandler: It was my racquet.
Chandler: If we hadn't lost the game they never would've invented us to dinner tomorrow night.
Monica: Y'know what really bothers me? Isit's how-how different you act around them! I mean y'know the throwing the tennis games, the fake laugh, the "I'll see you around, Bing!" "Not if I see you first, Doug!" (Mocks the fake laugh.) I gotta tell you, I don't like Work Chandler. Okay? The guy's a suck-up.
Chandler: Okay y'know what, because you said that, I'm not putting out tonight.
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, the next morning the girls are there with Joey.]
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, continued from earlier.]
Janice: Uh-oh-okay. Uh-oh-okay. I know what you all are thinking. But Chandler is in Yemen! I'm a young woman! I have needs! I can't wait forever!
Rachel: Ugh, Monica, I know about you and Chandler.
Rachel: All right. So you're telling me that there is nothing going on between you and Chandler.
Monica: Me and Chandler?! (Does her fake laugh.)
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Phoebe and Joey are there.]
[Scene: Doug's house, Chandler, Monica, and them are just finishing dinner.]
Doug: But seriously, I believe that we should all support President Clinton. And her husband Bill. (Chandler does the laugh.)
Chandler: Just a little bit of sugar.
Monica: (To Chandler) How does that laugh not give you a headache?
Chandler: Oh, you get used to it.
Chandler: So I laugh at my boss's jokes, what's the big deal?
Chandler: Oh. (Does a double take when he realizes what she just said.)
Doug: (entering) Uh, I gotta apologize for Kara's coffee. Y'know, I feel sorry for it if it ever got in a fight, it's not strong enough to defend itself. (Chandler does not laugh.) Did you hear what I said Bing?
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Well, I-I just didn't think it was funny sir.
Chandler: Well, I just
Chandler: Really?
Chandler: I think I do! (They all laugh.) Thank you, Monica.
Chandler: Coffee in a fight! (Does the laugh again.)
Joey: Oh well, Chandler and Monica are over there and it's kinda hard to concentrate.
[Cut to Chandler, Joey, and Ross's apartment, Rachel enters and sneaks up to Chandler's bedroom where she overhears Chandler and Monica talking.]
Chandler: (from his bedroom) All right, so you're telling me that I have to tell racist jokes now?!
Chandler: But we're not ready to tell yet!
(After she exits, Chandler enters.)
Chandler: Man, she is really gullible.
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Chandler is reading a magazine as Ross hands him a beer.]
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: Why would I be mad?
Chandler: (realizes what Ross just said and the implications to him) I am mad! But you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna forgive you! Because that's what friends do! They forgive their friends when they do everything you just said, all on the list there. Well, but I want you to remember that I forgave you.
Chandler: I also want you to remember that I let you live here rent free!
Chandler: And, I want you to remember that I gave you twenty (counts his money) seven dollars. No strings attached. Now, if you can't remember that, I think we should write it downlet's write it down!
Chandler: What problem did you tell him you had?
Chandler: I married Fred Sanford!
Chandler: No. You decided to go into the out-of-work actor business. Now that wasn't easy, but you did it! And I'd like to believe that when the right woman comes along, you will have the courage and the guts to say "No thanks, I'm married."
Chandler and Monica: What?!
Monica: Chandler has two copies of Annie!
Chandler: Wow, Ralph Lauren is really going out of there way to show theyre not in the baby buying business.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is watching Joey pace nervously as Rachel enters.]
Rachel: Chandler, can you give us a minute?
Chandler: Ill be in there. (Goes into the bedroom.)
Chandler: Oh Im sorry, youre kicking me out of my own living room?
Chandler: Well, no, although I did have an imaginary friend, who... my parents actually preferred.
Chandler: And you wonder why Ross is their favorite?
[Scene: Chandler and Monicas, theyre getting ready to leave for the party.]
Chandler: What are you doing?
Chandler: Its a dog.
Chandler: Ha!
Chandler: Yeah.
Monica: Okay, I got my note cards. (To Chandler) Do you got the presents?
Chandler: I dont think the flash went off.
(Cut to Monica and Chandler)
Chandler: OK, I'm officially unpacked. Thanks for helping me man. (Turns around and sees that Joey isn't there.) Joe? (Hears giggling coming from a box) Well, I guess Joey went home. Oh and look, there's still one box that I have to unpack. (Hears the giggling again)
Chandler: What are you doin?
Chandler: Ya know if you want to, I can just hold them down and you could (Punches the air).
Monica: I bet this will work! (She starts dancing and Chandler cracks up.)
Chandler: (entering) Aww, turkey! Aww, giving thanks! Aww!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are sorting their CDs.]
Mr. Geller: Have a seat son. (You can see Mr. Geller sitting closer to the door as Chandler walks over and sits in his lap.) Hey!! (Chandler quickly jumps off and sits next to him with a shocked expression on his face.)
Ross: Im, Im sorry you didnt get to go to Spacecamp, and Im hoping that maybe somehow, this may make up for it. Presenting Sarah Tuttles Private Very Special Spacecamp!! (opens the door and Chandler and Joey jump up, their apartment is decorated like outer space, one of the leather chairs is covered in tinfoil.)
Chandler: Ross! Its got your wavy black lines!
Chandler: Ah, no-no-no just Ross. Ross and Joey is embarrassing enough.
Monica: (To Chandler) You think were being obvious?
Chandler: No, were just four people with neck problems. You talk like this. (Out of the sides of their mouths.)
Chandler: Nice work my friend.
Chandler: Oh, sweet Lord. New realms of pleasure!
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: And a bagel with only
Joey: (To Chandler) Dude! What are yoyou trying to kill me?!
(Chandler does so.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's and Ross's, Chandler is entering and when he closes the door Joey pops his head out of the fort like before, but this time he's wearing a cowboy hat.]
[The next one is from Episode 417: The One With The Free Porn, Chandler and Joey are lamenting the fact that every beautiful woman they see doesnt want to have sex right then and there like in porn.]
Chandler: Yknow what, we have to turn off the porn.
Chandler: All right, ready?
Chandler: Two.
Chandler: Yeah, thats kinda a relief.
Chandler: FREE PORN!!!
(Chandler turns off the porn and sets the remote down.)
Chandler: We have free porn here!!!
Chandler: You wanna see if we still have it?
(Chandler turns on the TV and )
Chandler: Whats wrong with you?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler enters to find Joey lying in the fetus position on the floor.]
Chandler: This sounds like a hernia. You have toyou-youGo to the doctor!
Chandler: Thats still in there?!
Chandler: Stick to your side!
Joey: No way! Kay look, if I have to go to the doctor for anything its gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach! (Rolls over and shows Chandler.) Why did I have to start working out again? (Looks at the weights he was using.) Damn you 15s!
Chandler: Well, I see you've had a very productive day. Don't you think the cowboy hat is a little much?
Chandler: Thanks.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is reading a script as Ross enters]
[The next one is from Episode 401: The One With The Jellyfish, where Monica, Joey, and Chandler are relating that tragic day they spent on the beach.]
[The next one is from Episode 512: The One With Chandlers Work Laugh, Joey and Phoebe are betting on who will reach the treat the fastest, the chick or the duck.]
Chandler: It hurts me. It physically hurts me.
[The next one is from Episode 722: The One With Chandlers Dad.]
Chandler: Now Ive upset you? What did I say?
Chandler: Man, I gotta get a kid. (looks at the pen and starts laughing)
Chandler: Youre turning into a woman.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Chandler is entering to find Joey bingeing on the food from the fridge. Joey isnt doing all that well.]
Chandler: Big picture please! So I was in the gift shop, and thats when I uh, saw this. (He holds up a little, tiny baby jumper that reads I (heart) New York.) Yeah, yknow what? I thought anything that can fit into this, cant be scary.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Joey are standing and talking, Ross is tying a tie.]
[The next one is from Episode 613: The One With Rachels Sister, Chandler has just opened the door to reveal a woman standing there.]
Rachel: This is Chandler. (Points at him.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are watching one of those Kung Fu movies and imitating the moves.]
(Chandler tries to jump over the couch but everyone stops him.)
Chandler: Look, I appreciate it, but uh, its a little creepy. Yknow? Im not a bachelor anymore.
Chandler: Hey Joe! You wanna shoot some hoops?
Chandler: Thats great.
Chandler: (simultaneously with Ross) No!
Ross: (simultaneously with Chandler) Yeah!
Chandler: Okay, I guess we can lose to junior high girls some other time.
Chandler: Bamboozled?
Chandler: Youll be perfect for this! Thats already your name!
Joey: I said a little bit Ross. Now, how about you Chandler?
Chandler: Higher or lower than what?
Chandler: What does a Wicked Wango card do?
Joey: Excellent! Lets play Bamboozled! Chandler, youll go first. What is the capital of Columbia?
Chandler: Bogota.
(As soon as Monica leaves the room, Chandler takes off his jacket and runs to the bathroom. Monica enters the bathroom to find Chandler in the bathtub.)
Chandler: This game makes no sense!
Joey: All right Chandler, youre up.
Chandler: Let me see that.
Chandler: This game is kinda fun.
Chandler: Either, it makes no difference.
Ross: (To Chandler) You dont think its a little crazy that you get all my points just cause you
Chandler: Oh come on Ross, I think were all losers here.
Chandler: Let me think. Let me thinkOh! I dont care.
Chandler: Ill take a card.
Chandler: I dont think the contestants are supposed to speak to each other.
Phoebe: I have new respect for Chandler. All right everybody! Its time to open the presents!
[Flashback to when Chandler was introduced to Monica in The One With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks.]
Chandler: Triscadecaphobia.
Chandler: Treasure of the Sierra Madre!