words in movies
[Scene: Chandlers Office, his boss Doug is entering, Monica is there as well.]
Chandler: Honey, you remember my boss Doug right?
Chandler: I didnt know you and Carol were getting divorced, Im sorry.
Monica: Okay, Ill see you tomorrow! (Doug exits.) Just so you know, were not seeing him tomorrow. (Chandler wonders why.) I-I cannot spend another evening with that man. Do you remember how he behaved at our wedding?
Chandler: No.
Chandler: Oh yeah. Boy, urine cuts right through an ice sculpture doesnt it?
[Scene: Chandlers Office, Doug is entering.]
Chandler: Oh uh, as it turns out, we cant do it. Monica has to work.
Chandler: Oh uh well tomorrows no good for her either.
Chandler: Its the semi-finals of her botchy ball tournament.
Chandler: Well now-now youre just talking crazy.
Chandler: Because uh we-we we split up. Monica and I split up. Hold me.
Chandler: Yknow what would really help me through this tough time is choking something. Can I choke ya?
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, Monica would freak. (Doug looks at him.) But to hell with that bitch.
[Scene: A Strip Club, Doug and Chandler are there.]
Chandler: Oh thats all right sir, and thats just one girl.
Chandler: Its a hand. Its a thing you use as a Jack and Coke holder.
Chandler: Oh no-no-no!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is eating dinner as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Hi honey Im home.
Chandler: It was awful. To get out of going to dinner with Doug I told him that you and I split up. So then he took me to all these strip clubs and sleazy bars, and then when I wouldnt give him my wedding ring, he threw a soda can at a bird!
Chandler: Yknow what the worse part was? I got to see what my life would be like without you. It was like Its a Wonderful Life with lap dances. Please promise that you will never leave me, that we will grow old together, and be with each other for the rest of our lives.
Chandler: Ooh, I dont know if were there yet.
Chandler: Wow, you'd think we should get that over 20 years or go for the big payout.
Chandler: Me too.
Chandler: You mean like this? (he starts touching his thigh in a funny and awkard way)
(Chandler enters)
Chandler: So, what do you say? Can you get out of work?
Chandler: What? No, I'm taking Monica to a romantic inn in Vermont (shows them a brochure)!
Chandler: (To Monica) Have I got a surprise for you? Pack your bags!
Chandler: (on the phone) "Look, this is ridiculous! I'm not paying for that room! Ok?" (pause) "Oh, thank you very much!" (hangs up) Yeah, I'm going to Vermont...
Chandler: I don't have travel insurance.
Chandler: Are you really that busy?
Rachel: (interrupting him) Oh Chandler, stop talking!
(Ross enters and he's really angry. He goes towards Chandler who's sitting at the counter)
Chandler: New York.
Chandler: This is probably the wrong thing to be worrying about, but... you're getting ham on my only tie.
Chandler: Hi, Chandler Bing, I have a reservation.
Chandler: And, a lemon lime.
Chandler: That's insane!
Chandler: Just give us the cheapest room you have.
Chandler: Well, that's impossible, can you check again, please?
Chandler: Dude, you're shaking!
Chandler: Does that room have a closet I can lock him in? (pause) We'll take it.
Chandler: (aside, to Ross) What!? They are totally ripping us off!
Chandler: It�s like a baby caterpillar chasing its mama!
(Chandler enters the room)
Chandler: USA Today
Chandler: And I also got... two more apples.
Chandler: No!
Chandler: Thank you, thank you very much!
Chandler: Whoa-ho, back off, Missy! (He takes a step back, but she still keeps her grip on his tie.)
[Scene: A Boardroom, Chandler keeps drifting off to sleep at his meeting.]
Chandler: Ok, how about this (picks up the remote control)?
Chandler: What about the ones you have on the nightstand?
(Chandler drifts off and his arm slips off the table and he wakes back up.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are sitting on the couch. Ross is sitting on the armchair.]
[Scene: A random apartment building, Chandler and Monica are knocking on the door of the woman from the beginning.]
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Oh, I didn't factor in the room tax.
Chandler: Look, we have enough, just walk away.
Chandler: Ok, go quick!
Chandler: Oh we did, and you still have all your lamps.
[Cut to Monica's room, Chandler tackles Joey onto her bed and tries to cover his mouth.]
Chandler: There's a forest right outside.
Phoebe: Oh my God! Youre right! Go! (Monica starts to leave.) Go tell Chandler! Hurry before its too late! Wait no! (Monica stops.) Does this also mean putting out doesnt get you love? (Monica is shocked.)
[Scene: Tulsa, a conference room. Chandler is chairing a group of eight people.]
Chandler: Really? Oh What A Beautiful Morning! Surrey With A Fringe On Top.
Joey: Oh my God! Congratulations Ross, because Chandler, youve been Bamboozled!
Chandler: Oh come on! Hello! Hi! My name is Chandler, here's my friend Ross right here, and we were wondering you know if you're up for it. We only need six more people for a human pyramid...Swoop!! Swoop!!
Chandler: I got you something from Vermont! (Sits down at the table)
Chandler: I could fall asleep at a play.
Chandler: I also got this great salt and pepper shaker from the restaurant.
Chandler: (browsing through a diary) Well, let me see... I-I believe I'm... yes, falling asleep in front of the TV.
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Yes, but, Ross you chose a career of talking about dinosaurs.
Chandler: (to Monica) No, I think we're just blurry shapes to him now.
Monica: (to chandler) Twenty bucks says they're married within the month.
Chandler: A tall guy with hair similar to mine, oh unknowable universe!
Monica: (Shocked) Oh my God! Chandler!
Chandler: Where the hell is everybody?
[Scene: The theater. Chandler is sitting in the otherwise empty front row, looking around nervously]
(She heads for the kitchen and Chandler watches her leave and admires the view.)
Phoebe: Monica, you might want to remember that you are married. Where is Chandler anyway? (Looks around)
Rachel: Yeah, well, I guess I have forgotten about Joey and clearly you've forgotten about Chandler!
Chandler: Oh, no-no-no-no. Last time I left a spontaneous message I ended up using the phrase "Yes indeedy-o."
[Scene: Chandler in the theater]
Chandler: I... I don't know... you seem lovely.
Chandler: (To himself) oh yes, God yes!!
Chandler: (to Monica) So, how did you enjoy the play?
(Chandler walks in)
Chandler: Well you should be. You missed the most powerful three hours in the history of the theater.
Chandler: Did somebody sign your bra?
Rachel: Please, what about you and Chandler?
Phoebe: Hey, thank you so much for these tickets, Chandler.
Chandler: I missed most of the party (pause) Charlie's a girl, right?
Chandler: (to Joey) So, a professor, uh?
Chandler: We really need to take those tests?
Chandler: Oh, yeah?
Chandler: But I don't wanna do it in a cup!
Chandler: It's weird! In a doctor's office?
Chandler: Oh, yeah! RACHEL TALKS TOO!
Joey: It's like my favorite fairy tale come true! (Chandler looks at him) The princess, the stable boy and the lesbian!
Chandler: Deposit my specimen? You know, usually I have to call a 900 number for that kind of talk. Thanks, got it.
Chandler: I have a weird feeling about this place. (pause) How do I know that they are not gonna secretly videotape me and put it all over the internet.
Chandler: Yeah, I guess!
Chandler: Oh, Come on!
Chandler: (to Heaven) No no no... I mean, why? why is she here??
Chandler: Why are you here?
Chandler: What!?
Chandler: I'd love to stay, but I have eh... (points at the cup) got a hot date... (starts to leave)
Chandler: (disgusted) I think it just fell off. (Leaves)
Chandler: Ok, you know how most kids get their allowance from mowing the lawn or taking out the garbage, well I earned mineby plucking the eyebrows of my father and his �business� partners.
Chandler: Well no, Charlie's gonna get that.
[Scene: The Fertility Clinic; Chandler walks out one of the rooms]
Chandler: Yeah! yeah... The hard part is over!
Janice: Oh, Chandler, look. You and Monica are meant to have children. I am sure it's gonna be just fine.
Chandler: Okay, so, I'm in Las Vegas... I'm Liza Minelli-
[Cut to the city street. Monica and Chandler are jogging. Chandler is lagging behind so he hops in a cab and takes off, leaving Monica behind]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Chandler is sitting on the sofa, reading the newspaper.]
Chandler: Doctor Connelly just called.
Chandler: I'm sorry.
Monica: Chandler?