words in movies
Chandler: (entering) Hey, anybody got a length of rope about six feet long with a little nouse at the end?
Chandler: I just saw Janice.
Chandler: Yeah, she was at Rockefeller Center skating with her husband, she looked so happy. I almost feel bad for whipping that kids pretzel at them.
Chandler: Yes, but you ended up having sex with both of them that afternoon.
Ross: Hey Chandler, theres a party tomorrow, youll feel better then.
Chandler: Oh, y'know what, Im gonna be okay, you dont have to throw a party for me.
Chandler: Oh, well then, if anybody should have a party it should be him.
Chandler: Okay, well he totally screwed up the punch line. Y'know, its supposed to be arrghh-eh og-errigh.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, its Joeys party.]
Joey: I dont know, Chandler is supposed to be passin em around...
(Camera cuts to show Chandler giving a Jello shot to the ceramic dog and holding an empty tray of Jello shots.)
Joey: Chandler!
Chandler: Hello-dillillio!!
Monica: (to Chandler) Stick out your tongue.
Chandler: (to Monica) Take off your shirt!
(Chandler sticks out is tongue and its a horrible shade of green.)
Chandler: Yeah, Jell-o just like Mom used to make.
Chandler: (to Monica) Okay, how many of that girl are you seeing?
Chandler: Hi Joeys sisters!
(Cut to Chandler)
Sister 1: (to Chandler) What cha doing?
Chandler: Oh, Im taking my ex-girlfriend of my speed dialer.
Chandler: No-no-no-no, no, its a good thing. Why must we dial so speedily anyway? Why must we rush through life? Why cant we savor the precious moments? (to one of Joeys sisters) Those are some huge breasts you have.
(Chandler enters hungover and groaning)
Chandler: Well, my apartment isnt there anymore, because I drank it.
Chandler: Yeah, I ended up in the storage room, and not alone.
Chandler: Ow, no woo-hooing, no woo-hooing.
Chandler: Ah, I fooled around with Joeys sister. (Phoebe gasps) Well, thats not the worst part.
Chandler: I cant remember which sister.
Ross: (to Rachel) You see what men do! Dont tell me men are not nice! (points to Chandler) This is men!!
Chandler: Okay! You dont think I thought of that?
Chandler: (to Monica) You see you cant tell which one is which either, dwha!!
Chandler: Veronica. Look, its got to be Veronica, the girl in the red skirt. I definitely stuck my tongue down her throat.
Chandler: Look, when Ive been drinking, sometimes I tend to get overly friendly, and Im sorry.
Joey: (angrily entering, to Chandler) Can I talk to you for a second?!
Rachel: Hey. (they all walk away from Chandler)
Joey: Come on!! (motions for Chandler to come with him)
Chandler: Why cant we talk in here? With, with, witnesses.
Joey: Why dont you ask Chandler, cause hes the one that fooled around with her. She told me you said you could really fall for her. Now is that true? Or are you just gettin over Janice by groping my sister.
Chandler: Its gotta be the first one.
Chandler: Yep, Im in a tree.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross is reading a letter that Chandler wrote.]
Ross: Dear Mary-Angela. Hi. Hows it going. This is the hardest letter Ive ever had to write. (to Chandler) What the hells a matter with you? How do you think Joeys going to react when he finds out that you blew off his sister with a letter?
Chandler: Well, thats the part where you tell him that I moved to France. When actually Ill be in Cuba.
Chandler: What if Mary-Angela comes to the door and I ask for Mary-Angela?
[Scene: Joeys sisters house, Chandler hits himself on the head three times and knocks on the door three times. Joey answers it.]
Chandler: (shocked) Joey, what-wh-wh-wha-wh-wha-wh-wha-wh-wha-what are you doing here?
Chandler: Im here to see Mary-Angela.
Chandler: Wheres Mary-Angela?
(Chandler walks into the living room, and sees all of Joeys sisters, all wearing red.)
Joeys Sisters: Hey, Chandler!
Chandler: This teramisu is, is excellent. Did you make it Mary-Angela?
Chandler: Well, its, its yummy. So Mary-Angela do you like it?
Chandler: So um, Mary-Angela, whats your second favorite?
Chandler: Would you just please....give me the receipt cause this is great. Its top notch.
Chandler: So will I.
Chandler: Oh no-no-no I was just squinting. That doesnt mean anything.
Chandler: Will you excuse me I have to um..... (walks to the hall)
[Cut to the hall, Joeys sister runs up and grabs Chandlers butt.]
Chandler: (startled) Hey!
Chandler: Look, I may have jumped the gun here. (she tries to kiss him, but he ducks it and moves away) Um, I just got out of a relationship and Im not really in a, in a commitment kind of place.
Chandler: Ahhhh, youre not Mary-Angela.
Chandler: This is so bad. If-if youre not Mary-Angela, then-then who is?
Mary-Angela: (standing behind Chandler) I am!
Chandler: Oh, this is soo bad. (doesnt see Mary-Angela)
Chandler: No Joey! No Joey! Dont Joey! Joey!
Chandler: (pats him on the shoulder) Youre it! Now run and hide!
Mary-Theresa: Its no big deal. Chandler was just kissin me because he thought I was Mary-Angela.
Chandler: I wasnt sure which one Mary-Angela was. (all of Joeys sisters gasp) Look, Im sorry okay, I was really drunk, and you all look really similar.
Chandler: Y'know what, we should all calm down because your brothers not going to punch me. (to Joey) Are ya?
Chandler: Joey if you wanna punch me, go ahead, I deserve it. But I just want you to know that I would never soberly hurt you or your family, youre my best friend. I would never do anything like this ever again.
Joey: No! No! No! No, Im not going to punch Chandler.
Joey: No you wont. Look he knows he did a terrible thing and I believe him, hes sorry. But, (to Chandler) youve got one more apology to make, all right, youve got to apologize to Mary-Angela.
Chandler: Okay, absolutely!
Chandler: Youve got it. (he starts to look at his sisters, but he still doesnt know which one is Mary-Angela.)
Chandler: What?! (Cookie punches him)
Ross: Ah, well all go. (motions to Chandler) Come on. (the guys leave)
Chandler: Dont worry.
[Chandler and Joey's party]
Chandler: It is going to be perfect. I am taking her to her favorite restaurant. Im going to get her a bottle of the champagne that she really loves; therefore knows how expensive it is. Then when the glasses are full, instead of proposing a toast Im just gonna propose.
[Chandler and Joey's party]
Chandler: Okay. And its not just chicks y'know? Its all kinds of other animals!
CHANDLER: I, I know. [Hugs her. Ross walks out and Chandler puts her in his arms.]
CHANDLER: Well, uh, Dr. Greene, where are you going?
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel, Monica, Joey, and Chandler are there.]
CHANDLER: No.
Chandler: Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent can be about the flatness of a child's pillow.
CHANDLER: Alright, hang on a second there Custer.
[Chandler is visibly upset]
CHANDLER: Yeah, but I'm, I'm so much faster...
CHANDLER: That was there when I got here. [Takes a bite of his muffin.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joeys, Joey is drilling a hole in the wall and the drill comes out the other side really close to Chandlers head. Chandler then rushes out to talk to Joey.]
Chandler: Why not, just because his great-grandmother was obese, our kids are gonna get that from you anyway!
CHANDLER: Had it.
Chandler: Y'know what, I think we can go out there. I mean they have more important things to worry about.
Monica: I might've said that. (Chandler laughs.) Why is that funny?
[Scene: The Banquet Room, Ross and Chandler are in their tuxes and have started to fake the pictures.]
CHANDLER: Hey, look Joey, I'm just saying if you need something to hold you over, I can get you a job right here as an entry level processor.
Chandler: Was it formerly owned by a blonde woman and some bears?
Ross: Oh, we were helping Chandler write his vows, but he kicked us out because Joey kept making inappropriate suggestions.
Chandler: Well y'know a lot of those Muppets don't have thumbs.
CHANDLER: Weird world. Your kids?
CHANDLER: Well there you go.
CHANDLER: Really? Wow. That's some pretty powerful imaginary sperm you must have there.
Chandler: (handing Monica the wax) Wax the door shut, were never leaving, ever.
Ross: Look Rachel, I wanted to tell you, I thought I should, I-I did, and then Chandler and Joey convinced me not to.
CHANDLER: Joey, Joey. Hey, some girl just walked up to me and said, 'I want you Dennis,' and stuck her tounge down my throat. I love this party.
Joey: Ah. (Joey walks to Chandlers bag by getting as far away from Chandlers bed as possible.)
CHANDLER: Well, invisible kids can be that way sometimes.
CHANDLER: Hey thanks. Scott Alexander, Joey Tribbianni. Joey is a uh, fellow processor.
CHANDLER: Kick save and... denied.
CHANDLER: Well the people in my group wanna spend the holiday weekend with their families.
CHANDLER: Well, I'm sure you'll teach her a lesson when she steps off the dock onto nothing. Hey Mr. Douglas.
RACHEL: This is it, isn't it? I mean, this is what my life is gonna be like. My mom there, my dad there. Thanksgiving, Christmas. She gets the house, he's in some condo my sister's gonna decorate with wicker. Oh, Chandler how did you get through this?
CHANDLER: Look Eddie, aren't you forgetting anything?
CHANDLER: Uh, if you say so sir.
CHANDLER: Well, I'm going to kill you.
CHANDLER: Why?
CHANDLER: Hey, how's the first day goin'?
CHANDLER: That's what I did when I lost my Clydesdales.
CHANDLER: Wha- wh- why, why, why does he suspect that?
Chandler: No, there are great pictures of you standing next to a guy whos going like this (Makes what can only be described as a toothy frown. Henceforth, this shall be known as The Face.)
CHANDLER: Thank you.
Chandler: Somebody wanna help me, tryin' to rip out my heart. (they pull her hand off of him) Uh, that's great. (looking around) Anybody seen a nipple?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler, Joey, Monica, and Phoebe are setting up for the party.]
(Chandler starts to leave ashamed of himself, but Rachel stops him in the hallway.)
Chandler: Oh, uh, I... don't... care. (Joey's date shows up) Ok, now, remember, no trading. You get the pretty one, I get the mess.
CHANDLER: Well you know, we got to talking and uh, he said he needed a place and I had a spare room.
Chandler: Oh yeah, Dana Keystone. She was in my Movement class.
CHANDLER: What kind of scary-ass clowns came to your birthday?
Chandler: Thats not true! I wanted to wear my bathrobe and eat peanut clusters all day. I wanted to start drinking in the morning. Dont say that I dont have goals!
Chandler: I walk into a room and he wont even talk to me, he just mumbles something in Italian. And I know he only knows the bad words.
CHANDLER: 'Cause he was just so darn cute.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler, Ross, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are planning Rache's birthday party.]
CHANDLER: I may have.
CHANDLER: Why? Wh- wh- why is Mr. Douglas looking for me?
ROSS: Oh, mine too. Isn't that neat, scotch neat. Would you excuse me? [walks out in the hallway, Mr. Greene is walking out of Chandler and Joey's apartment] Hey, hey, where you uh, sneakin off to mister?
(Chandler enters, sees Rachel in the dress and starts laughing)
CHANDLER: It's like this, me, no jokes.
CHANDLER: Well, we haven't exactly met, we just stayed up all night talking on the internet.
CHANDLER: Hey, what did your agent say?
Chandler: No! We're not borrowing money.
CHANDLER: Alright I'll tell you what, I'll play you for it.
CHANDLER: Joey, no means no!
JOEY: Come on, Chandler, I want this part soo much. (Chandler ignores him) Just one kiss, I won't tell anyone.
CHANDLER: (shyly) It means we're holding hands.
CHANDLER: How do you not fall down more?
CHANDLER: Okay, it's not a guy, all right, I know her.
CHANDLER: Yeah, jus' second. Good-bye Mr. Heckles. We'll try to keep it down.
CHANDLER: I'm sorry we, we don't have your sheep.
CHANDLER: I can't believe she's married.
Chandler: Oh well, not as lovely as you. I mean, I cant believe that you would have a thirty-year-old daughter! (To Mr. Geller) And you! I cant believe that you would have a tux thats thirty years old! (Puts his hand on Mr. Gellers shoulder.)
CHANDLER: What's wrong? What's wrong? You're married that's what's wrong.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey are there, Joey is on the phone.]
CHANDLER: What?
CHANDLER: Hey, look, Phoebe I wanted to meet her in person too, okay, but she's married, she has a husband.
CHANDLER: Question. If I don't care about my watch, can I use it as a weapon?
CHANDLER: And you left the toilet seat up, you bastard. [throws water in his face]
CHANDLER: Oh yeah, you got the big TV. We'll be over there all the time. . . [Chandler gives him a look] except when we are here.
Chandler: Please God don't let it be Kung Pow Chicken.
Chandler: Here! (Hands him one. Joey adds it up and discovers that he was right.)
CHANDLER: Ya know, my cousin went to hell on a football scholarship.
Chandler: Oh great, food with hair on it.
Monica: (pointing at Rachel) De-caff. (to All) Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. (to Rachel) This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross?
RACHEL: Chandler, relax, Chandler, she'll be here.
CHANDLER: Oh my God! (it's Janice)
CHANDLER: Alright, ok, alright. So I can't fire Joseph but uh, I can sleep with his wife.
JANICE: OH.....MY.....GAWD!! (Chandler rushes over and kisses her)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is reading a script as Ross enters]
Chandler: Huh. (They all leave, dejected)
Chandler: Morning.
Ross: Ohh! Okay! Okay. (Resumes reading word for word from the card) "There are three (pauses and looks at Joey) primary theories concerning sediment flow rate. (Pauses and darts his eyes between Chandler and Rachel.) (Rachel starts laughing) Each of these theories (glances at Phoebe) can be further subcategorized (glances at Chandler) into "
Chandler: Yeah, like there's any way I could ever do that.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is coming in from the bedroom]
Chandler: Nope, not this time.
Chandler: Yeah, I know. She makes me happy.
CHANDLER: Hey, you feelin' better?
Chandler: Oh, because his penis was too big. (he notices that David is not amused) Oh, I'm sorry, that's the kind of thing I do. (pause) They broke up because Mike didn't want to get married. Hey, what if you just let Phoebe know you'd be open to marriage?