words in movies
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler, Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe are standing around the table drinking champagne as Ross enters.]
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: Monica and I are engaged.
Ross: Oh my God. (Hugs Chandler.) Congratulations.
Chandler: Thanks.
Monica: Im getting married!!!! Im gonna be a bride!!!! (Someone else yells at her.) No, I will not shut up because Im engaged! (He yells again.) Ohh, big talk! Huh, why dont you come over here and say that to me?! Huh, buddy?! Yeah, my fiancee will kick your ass! (Chandler starts to look worried.) Come on, apartment 20! Apartment 20!
Chandler: (To Ross) Okay, you get her in here. (To Joey) You bolt the door. Ill be in the closet.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, continued from earlier, everyone is now in the living room drinking champagne.]
Monica: Okay! Wait-wait-wait! Shhh! (Bangs on her class with a spoon to make a toast.) Okay, umm, I just wanna say that I love you guys so-so much and-and thank you for being here on my special night. (Chandler clears his throat.) Our special night. I mean it just wouldnt be myour-our night, if you all werent here to celebrate with meusDamnit!
Chandler: Its okay, I want this to be your night too. (Raises his class.) To Monica.
Chandler: To Monica!
Chandler: So when you said, "Get up early," did you mean 1986?
Chandler: Okay.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers bedroom, theyre getting ready.]
Monica: (looking at her hand) Yknow what shoes would look great with this ring? Diamond shoes! (Sees Chandler sitting on the bed.) Youre not getting dressed. (Chandler quietly folds over the comforter on the bed making a spot for her.)
Chandler: Know what I mean?
Chandler: Theres gonna be a wedding. Youre gonna be the bride. Two hundred people are going to be looking at you in a clean white dress.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, time lapse, Chandler is fully dressed and slowly walking out of the bedroom with a distressed look on his face.]
Monica: (chasing after him) Chandler! It happens to lots of guys! You-you-you were probably tired, you had a lot of champagne, dont worry about it!
Chandler: (motioning with his hands) Im not worried, Im uh, Im fascinated. Yknow its like uh, Biology! Which is funny because in high school I uh, I-I failed Biology and tonight Biology failed me. (Exits as Phoebe enters from her room with her guitar.)
"First time I met Chandler, I thought he was gay. But here I am singing on his wedding day!"
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Chandler is looking at the foosball table.]
Chandler: Sure, you guys dont have this problem, youre made of wood. (Rachel comes out of the bathroom) Hey!
Chandler: You look great!
Chandler: You okay over there?
Chandler: Oh, dont worry about it I mean you probably were tired, you had a lot of champagne, it happens to everybody.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Chandler is playing Playstation, Crash Team Racing to be exact (hes in last on Hot Air Skyway to be more exact) as Joey enters from his room desperately trying to look like a 19-year-old. Hes got the wool cap, hes got the cut-off Knicks jersey over the faded T-shirt, and hes got the whole pants-around-the-knees-showing-off-the-boxers thing that rich, white, suburban kids have adopted in a desperate and extremely futile attempt to try to look like theyre from the inner-city.]
Chandler: (putting his hands up) Take whatever you want, just please dont hurt me.
Chandler: Yes, on a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being the dumbest a person can look, you are definitely 19.
Chandler: Young! Youre a man-child okay?! Now go get changed because everybodys ready and please, oh please, keep my underwear!
Chandler: Joe?
Chandler: Uhh, youve had a lot of sex right?
Chandler: Well, its just the reason that Im asking is because I kind of eh, uh, I was unable toI mean I really wanted too, but I couldnt . There huhhmm, there-there was an incident.
Chandler: Its happened to you?
Chandler: Well, whatd you do?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is in the living room and Phoebe is in her room.]
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, continued from before the commercial break. Monica is walking into the apartment followed by Ross and Rachel.]
(Chandler and Joey enter and overhear that.)
Joey: Oh my God! I cannot believe you guys are talking about this! The problems in the bedroom are between the man and the woman!!! All right?!! Now Chandler is doing the best he can!!
Chandler: (angrily) I dont think thats what they were talking about Joe!!
Phoebe: What a great night, Chandler cant do it, these guys kissed (Points to Ross and Rachel.)
Chandler: What?!
Phoebe: Well yeah, that and Chandlers problem.
Chandler: Yes, you can pass for 19.
Chandler: Yes!
Chandler: Seriously? Seriously, no! You can play your own age which is 31!
Phoebe: Okay, so The Plaza! Okay, well get us some Mai Thais, (To Chandler) maybe no more for you though.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers bedroom, they are both getting undressed.]
Chandler: Now Monica, I know youre upset, but dont forget. There is going to be a wedding, you are going to throw the bouquet, and then theres going to be a honeymoon, maybe in Paris.
Chandler: We will take a moonlit walk on the Rue de la (mumbles something).
Chandler: Then we will sprinkle rose pedals on the bed and make love. Not just because its romantic, but because I can!
Chandler: Okay, dont say anything, you might scare it away.
Chandler: Its Paris, who knows were here!
Chandler: Pheebs, were not giving you a deposit for our wedding!
[Cut back to Monica and Chandlers room, they are making out again as theres another knock on the door.]
Chandler: Oh, give her the deposit! Give her the ring! I dont care!
Chandler: What a great apology! (To Monica) And you accept! Okay, bye-bye!
Chandler: (entering) Ahh, third base.
Chandler: (To Ross) Why to save your dignity my man.
Chandler: Well, somebody should. (Monica glares at him.)
Rachel: Yeah, you like that baby? (Monica bursts in followed by Chandler.) May we help you?
Chandler: How is that ever going to happen?!
Rachel: Look, I am so so happy for you guys, but you getting married just reminds me of the fact that Im not. Im not even close. And I dont know, maybe I just wanted to make myself feel better. And I know that thats dumb, but oh my God you were so depressed when Ross got married that you slept with Chandler!
(Ross looks at Chandler.)
Chandler: (To Ross) I dont care, she slept with me.
Ross: (deadpan) Well, Im going to take off. (To Chandler) Congratulations man.
Chandler: Thanks.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Phoebe is singing outside Monica and Chandlers door.]
"We thought Phoebe would leave, but she just stayed and stayed. Thats right, Im here all night, and Chandler will never get l "
Chandler: (interrupting her just in time) Hey! Heres a dollar, consider it a deposit. Please sing at our wedding.
Chandler: Okay. (Goes back to bed.)
Phoebe: Now (Starts singing again) "Who will perform the ceremony! Who will perform the cer(Chandler enters and grabs her guitar and closes the door behind him)Ohoh! All right, Ill pound on him in the morning.
Chandler: Whats up?
Chandler: Yep! From now on its gonna be the four of you guys and me and the misses. The little woman. The wife. The old ball and chain.
Chandler: Yes, if the foxhole was lined with sandwiches.
Chandler: The young hot ball and chain.
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler is sitting on the bar, bouncing a ball against the door. Joey walks in right as he throws the ball and catches it.]
Chandler: (smiling) Hey, I hear what your saying, okay? And, thanks for the warning.
Chandler: But youre still my friend?
Chandler: Do I still call you Ross?
Chandler: During this time are you, are you still my best man?
Chandler: So are we friends again?
Chandler: Okay. (Pause) You wont believe what Monicas older brother just said to me!
Chandler: mmm That's enough about you!
Chandler: I was making a coconut phone with the professor.
Chandler: Yes, include more people in this.
Chandler: Well you dont have to sound so surprised.
Chandler: Wait a minute! I have a date tomorrow night.
Chandler: (entering from the bedroom) Okay. Heres a question you never have to ask. My dad just called and wanted to know if he could borrow one of your pearl necklaces.
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Okay. Ill be right there.
Chandler: Yeah. Yknow I keep thinking that something stupid is gonna come up and Ill go all Chandler. But nothing has.
Chandler: Oh no, yes we do my man. Remember when we were back in college and we went to that spring dance and you walked right up to that girl you liked and you could not stop talking about the Irish potato famine?
Monica: Hey Maureen! (They hug.) Gosh! Hey uh, Chandler? This is my cousin Maureen.
(Chandler freaks out and loosens his tie.)
Chandler: Were the Bings.
(She exits and as Chandler picks up his coat, the phone rings and the answering machine gets it.)
Chandler: Mr. and Mrs. Bing! (Walks away.)
Ross: (walks up) Wow Monica! Hey, just so you know I had my uh, older brother chat with Chandler.
Chandler: Hi.
Mrs. Bing: Chandler!
(Chandlers Mom enters and Chandler meets her by the door.)
Chandler: Hi dad.
Chandler: Oh my God! (He and Monica walk away.)
[Scene: The moment we waited for has finally arrived. Its time for Monica and Chandlers wedding. Weve got violins playing Every Breath You Take, weve got guests seated, and Chandler starts walking down the aisle with his parents on either arm.]
Ross: Hey, wheres Chandler?
Monica: Do you guys know what happened to Chandlers barca lounger?
Ross: I think Chandlers gone. (He hands her the note.)
Phoebe: Oh my God! Chandler just left though!
(Phoebe jumps to the floor as Ross tackles Rachel off of the couch. Chandler helps push Rachel onto the floor by jumping over the back of the couch. Phoebe grabs Rachel's head to hold it still and opens Rachel's eye as Monica jumps onto Chandler's back to administer the torture--I mean medicine.)
Ross: Gunther have you uh, have you seen Chandler?
Chandler: Oh, why not. Was I doing anything particularly... saucy?
Ross: Yes! No-no! I know, I know what the list is! Mom! Look if you see Chandler, could you just let him know Im looking for him?
Rachel: (closing the door) Ross said theres still no word from Chandler.
Monica: Ohh, Im so glad. Thank you so much for staying so calm during this. I mean its really, its made me stay calm. (Chandler just looks at her.) I coulda been worse!
Rachel: Oh God I just can not imagine what is gonna happen if Chandler doesnt show up!
Phoebe: Hey, do you think this is why Chandler took off?
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers bathroom, the scene is continued from earlier.]
Ross: No! I talked to Joey on the set, he hasnt heard from him. I-I-I talked to Chandlers parents again!
(Phoebe and Ross go to look for Chandler and Rachel enters Monica and Chandlers.)
Joey: No you wont. Look he knows he did a terrible thing and I believe him, hes sorry. But, (to Chandler) youve got one more apology to make, all right, youve got to apologize to Mary-Angela.
Chandler: How did you guys find me? I knew I shouldve hid at the gym!
Ross: Chandler, have you ever put on a black cocktail dress and asked me up to your hotel room?
Chandler: Panicking! And using the Internet to try to prove that Im related to Monica. How is she?
Chandler: No! No! No! I cant do that!
Chandler: No.
Phoebe: But look Chandler, right now, no one has a lower opinion of you than I do. But I totally believe you can do this.
Chandler: (Chandler looks around the place and his eye gets caught by Richard's video collection) Look at these videos. You know, I mean, who does he think he is? Magnum Force, Dirty Harry, Cool Hand Luke... Oh my God!
Chandler: Well yeah, but then
Chandler: If you wanna give Joey a Christmas present that disrupts the entire building, why not get him something a little bit more subtle, like a wrecking ball, or a vile of small pox to release in the hallway?
Mr. Geller: All right, enough! I dont want to hear about it anymore! (Under his breath) Good luck, Chandler. (Chandler takes another drink.)
Chandler: Depends on what you mean by we.
Chandler: My favorite part was when Superman flew all the Jews out of Egypt. (Glaring at Joey whos nodding.)
[Chandler can't find his money in the pocket. In the meantime, another couple shows up, and Chandler turns away to look for his money]
Joey: (on phone) Hey! Did Chandler show up yet?
[Scene: Chandlers Hotel Room, Ross is getting Chandler ready.]
Chandler: No.
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: Yeah okay. Well, whats the next little bit?
Chandler: Yeah. Youre right. Hey I-I can do that.
Chandler: Oh fresh air!
Ross: Getting married. (Chandler panics.) Okay. Okay. You can, you can do that too! Just like youve done everything else!
(Chandler goes out into the hall and lights up a cigarette.)
Chandler: Okay, excuse me for a minute. (Starts to leave)
Chandler: Mom. Thanks for wearing something. (They hug.) (Shes wearing a tight dress with a lot of cleavage showing.)
Chandler: There's a tape here with Monica's name on it.
Chandler: Ross, I am not gonna run away again! I just want to get a little fresh air.
(They head in separate directions and Chandler emerges and hes so shocked that his cigarette is hanging from his lip.)
[Scene: Monicas Hotel Room, Chandler and Monicas parents and Phoebe are there as Ross enters.]
Ross: Hi! (To Mrs. Bing) Hi! (Mr. Bing starts rubbing his arm.) Hi. Has umm, anyone seen Chandler?
Monica: I know! Hey, hows Chandler doin?
Ross: Great. Hes doing great. Dont you worry about Chandler.
Chandler: What?
Chandler: Monicas pregnant.
Chandler: (standing up) Thats right! Im not!
Chandler: Varrrrrroom! Hey! Watch it lady! Varrrrrrrrrrom! (makes a screeching sound as he pretends to stomp on the brakes.) Hey-hey good lookin! (honks the beds little horn on the steering wheel.) Varrrrrrrrroom. (notices Rachel and stops) All right, Ill leave. My beds so boring.
Chandler: Ross! (He starts to get up.)
[Scene: The Hotel, Phoebe and Ross are looking for Chandler.]
Chandler: I know about Monica.
Chandler: You dont know?
Chandler: Yeah, I heard you and Rachel talking.
Chandler: Well I was! Then I went down to the gift shop because I was out of cigarettes
Chandler: Get there faster! (Joey gasps and finally understands...)
Chandler: But come on, look at how cute and small this is! So I got it to give Monica so shed know I was okay.
Chandler: Are you Joey?
The Rabbi: Are you Chandler?
Chandler: You look beautiful mom. (His dad clears his throat.) You look beautiful too dad. I love you both. (He kisses his dad on the cheek) Im so glad you here. (He kisses his mom.)
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: You look beautiful. Is this new? (Her dress.)
Monica: (To Chandler) Who is this?
Rachel: Go on! Go on. (She turns back to Chandler.)
(Ross leans in to give Chandler his vows.)