words in movies
(And with that, television history is made as, for the first time ever, an entire show moves its entire production to an entirely different country to make a single episode. We get shots of Buckingham Palace, London Bridge, Big Ben, and the London Marriott as Joey and Chandler exit.)
Ross: Chandler, what kind of an idiot do you take me for? (As he picks up the fake Ben.)
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Rachel is talking with Ben.]
Ben: No more pranks.
Ben: That you and daddy were not on a break.
Ben: (yelling from off camera) Crap!!
Ben: (entering) Dad!! (Runs and hugs him.)
Ben: Yay! (Runs off.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is in the kitchen as Ross and Ben are entering.]
Ross: Yeah? Well, I-I think Bens asleep.
Ross: Hey Im sorry to do this to you again but uh, is there any way you can look after Ben for a little bit? I-Ive got this meeting at school. And-and he-he asked for his uh, Fun Aunt Rachel, so
Rachel: Ohhh! Well of course I will watch him! We have fun, dont we Ben? (He nods yes.)
Ross: What? (She takes the sign off and hands it to him.) Thats great. That is great. (Crumples up the paper and throws it down in anger.) What did we just finish talking about Ben?!
Ben: What did we just finish talking about Ben?!
Ross: All right, thats it! (He runs over to Ben, but he runs past him and out the door.) Comeyouno! You are in big trouble young man!
Ross: Wait! No! Ben, come here! I am not kidding!
[Cut to the hallway, Ben runs upstairs with Ross in pursuit.]
(At this point a stream of obscenities burst forth from Phoebes mouth just in time for Ben and Ross to enter and hear most of it, and in slow motion Ross tries to shield his innocent son from Phoebes vulgarity.)
Monica: Matt Guire, Mark Lynn, Ben Wire
[Scene: Central Park, Ross is teaching Ben how to ride a bike. Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are they also.]
Ross: Yeah, well my-my ex-wife and I share custody of Ben and umm, uh, and just so you know, Carol and I are on excellent terms as Im sure you are with your wife! (Realizes) Oh, Im sorry! (To Elizabeth) Its unbelievable!
Ben: (on the bike) Im ready!
Ben: Uh-huh!
Ben: (To Chandler) Thanks daddy.
Ross: (Thinking it over) Sure! (Takes one) Hey, I just found out, I get Ben for the holidays this year.
Rachel: You may need to use this year to teach Ben about Phoebe.
Ben: No.
Ben: So Santa's coming?
Ben: Christmas eve.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is whirling Ben around.]
Ben: Santa has reindeers that can fly!
Ben: Santa's mad at me.
Ben: Christmas.
Ben: (singing) Jingle bells, jingle bells...
Ben: No Santa? Was I bad?
Ross: Well, I do, so let's... (Ben and Ross sit down on the couch) So, Ben, you uh, you know what holiday is coming up, don't ya?
Ross: I'm the Holiday Armadillo, your part-Jewish friend. You sent me here to give Ben some presents. Remember?
Ross: Yes, but also (Pauses to let Ben answer, but he doesnt.) Hanukkah! See, you're part Jewish, and-and Hanukkah is a Jewish holiday.
Ben: When is Santa coming?
Ben: Cool!
Monica: Come on Ben.
Ben: Wow! Thanks!
Ross: No! Oh, no-no-no. Hey, you weren't bad, you've been very good, Ben.
Ben: (singing) Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer...
Ben: Texas?
Ross: You're welcome, Ben. Merry Christmas, ooh, and Happy Hanukkah!
Ben: Santa! (Runs to Chandler and hugs him)
Chandler: Well, I'm here to see my old buddy Ben. What are you doing here, weird turtle-man?
[Monica and Ben sit down on the couch.]
Ben: Did you bring me any presents, Santa?
Chandler: Hey! (Grunts as Ben hits him at full speed.)
Ben: Okay, Santa!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica has just opened the door for Ross who is costumed as an Armadillo. Ben is standing next to her.]
Ben: No! Why can't the Armadillo leave? I want Santa!
[Ross turns around and walks back to Ben.]
Ross: That's right, Ben. I'm Santa's representative for all the southern states. And Mexico! But, Santa sent me here to give you these presents, Ben. (He tries to bend down to pick up the bag with the presents, but can't because of the costume) Maybe the Lady will help me with these presents.
Ross: Okay Ben, Santa has to go. Say good-bye!
Ben: No! Why does he have to go?
Ben: (answering him) Eight whole days.
Ben: Awesome!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Santa (Chandler), Superman (Joey), Ben, and Monica are listening to the Holiday Armadillo (Ross) finish telling the story of Hanukkah.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe is watching Bert and Ernie with Ben.]
Ben: Not really.
Ross: Thats right! Wait no, Ben.
(Ben starts to go, but Ross stops him.)
Ross: (to Ben) Okay! All clear!
Ben: Bye dad.
Ben: Okay.
Ross: (to Ben) Everything okay in there?
Rachel: Ben, its Rachel! (He closes the door.) But whatever.
Rachel: Hi! Hi Ben!
Ben: Dont talk to me now!
Ben: (running to the bathroom) Thanks Phoebe!
Ben: Hi.
Ross: Well, Ben would be there.
Ben: Really? Like how?
Ben: Ill be okay.
Ben: Whats a virgin?
Ben: Im not allowed to have soda.
Ben: Cause you guys were on a break.
Ben: But youre not anymore!
Rachel: Ben yknow when uh, when you were a baby, you and I used to hang out all the time. Cause I was, I was your daddys girlfriend.
Rachel: Yeah, I-I-I-Im funny Ben, but Im not stupid. Okay?
Ben: Yeah, youre funny.
Ben: (laughs) Thats a good one.
Ross: Yes! Ben learned a little trick.
Ben: Can I do it to you?
Ross: No, hey-hey, come on, (He grabs Ben and sits him on his lap) Ben, Santa is not mad at you, okay? Hey, you're-you're his favorite little guy!
Rachel: I found him! (To Ben) Very funny, come here! (She sits down on the coffee table and Ben walks up.) That is exactly why Ive come here to talk to you okay?
Ben: (mimicking her) Remember all that stuff I taught you yesterday?
Rachel: Well yknow I was just in the neighborhood and I passed by your building and I thought to myself, "Whats up with Carol and sweet, little Ben?"
Ben: Oh crap!
Ben: Dont do that.
Ben: Oh damnit!
Ben: Damnit!
Ben: Damnit!
Ben: (jumping up from behind her chair) Gotcha!! (Rachel jumps up startled.)
Carol: Hey Rachel! (The camera cuts to her face and we see that Ben pulled the quarter trick with her as well.)
Chandler: Well, I'll stay, but only because I wanna hear about Hanukkah. Ben, will you sit here with Santa and learn about Hanukkah?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Ben are sitting on the couch bored out of their minds.]
[Scene: The Midfield Day School, its after school and Ben is taking a drink of water as Phoebe enters.]